Speed

Here at work I sit next to the guy who does all the marketing for our Running category. So I hear A LOT about his star athlete Usain Bolt.

This weekend that guy did this.


Pretty spectacular don't you think?

The Reeling

My brain is sort of a jumble tonight. It was a good weekend but overly emotional. I'm not going to dwell on this too much but they made a big change in the congregations here in my little corner of the Mormon world. All the single people over 31 are being shipped off to a shiny new ward by ourselves starting next week. And in case you were afraid I was going to have a good attitude about it, I still feel the same way I did 2 years ago when we had a midsingles conference in Huntington Beach. I'm sure I'll get over it and get on board but tonight I feel like I'm in a "failure to marry" penalty box.

And yet. I want to slap myself when I hear my brain using marriage as any sort of barometer of success or personal worth. For a variety of reasons I've spent the last couple of weeks thinking quite a bit about the past and trying to figure out what I want the next four or five years to look like. And I'm 32, so it's hard not to let stuff like, "well if I do that thing will it affect my ability to meet someone?" creep in when I weigh options. I have such mixed feelings about that thought because I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be optimistic or realistic at this point of my life. Too many -ics, it's exhausting sometimes.

What isn't exhausting though? Today I used my new cookbook and made dinner for six. And it was pretty great. So maybe I'm totally OLD and I should just get some cats or whatever but at least the animals and I will eat well.

Here's a song from the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack that has been making me happy for weeks.

just stay there
cause i'll be comin over
and while our bloods still young
it's so young
it runs
and we won't stop til it's over
won't stop to surrender

Oreos

So I got a pretty great letter yesterday for the Dear Me project...

Dear me yesterday,

Buy more milk. Oreos wouldn't be a bad idea either.

love,
Amy

I'm always wishing yesterday me would have bought some Oreos.

Speaking of food, after reading "Julie and Julia" and deciding it was high time I learned my learned my way around a kitchen, I bought the first cookbook I have purchased as an adult. I also got around to reading "Friday Night Lights" on a plane this weekend (so, read the book, saw the movie, worship the TV show) and decided it was also high time I knew more about football. So since I was already at the store, I picked up a book that bills itself as a woman's guide to understanding the NFL.

Cooking and football-part of my goal to build my personal brand during a down market.

Promise to Me

This song got overplayed about 10 years ago but I ran across it tonight and gosh, so pretty.



I saw 500 Days of Summer again today and I'm telling you what-if you think love is a pretty good thing then you will like it.

Modern Love

The New York Times has a weekly feature called "Modern Love" that deals with all sorts of topics relating to Love and Marriage. Although I don't love just copying someone else's article as a blog post, I haven't been able to get this one out of my head and thought it was worth passing along. I wish wish wish that I had the kind of calm and foresight the author did when dealing with a crises. It's a good read whether you are married or not.

Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

Published: July 31, 2009
LET’S say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s — gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros when you were single and skinny — have for the most part come true.

Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.

Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”

But wait. This isn’t the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a begging-him-to-stay story. It’s a story about hearing your husband say “I don’t love you anymore” and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result.

Here’s a visual: Child throws a temper tantrum. Tries to hit his mother. But the mother doesn’t hit back, lecture or punish. Instead, she ducks. Then she tries to go about her business as if the tantrum isn’t happening. She doesn’t “reward” the tantrum. She simply doesn’t take the tantrum personally because, after all, it’s not about her.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying my husband was throwing a child’s tantrum. No. He was in the grip of something else — a profound and far more troubling meltdown that comes not in childhood but in midlife, when we perceive that our personal trajectory is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did. But I decided to respond the same way I’d responded to my children’s tantrums. And I kept responding to it that way. For four months.

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind.

So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”

Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That’s when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.

Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”

You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.

My husband hadn’t yet come to this understanding with himself. He had enjoyed many years of hard work, and its rewards had supported our family of four all along. But his new endeavor hadn’t been going so well, and his ability to be the breadwinner was in rapid decline. He’d been miserable about this, felt useless, was losing himself emotionally and letting himself go physically. And now he wanted out of our marriage; to be done with our family.

But I wasn’t buying it.

I said: “It’s not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents’ happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who’ll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?” he said.

Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. Anything but hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you’re talking about.”

Then I repeated my line, “What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?”

“How can we have a responsible distance?”

“I don’t want distance,” he said. “I want to move out.”

My mind raced. Was it another woman? Drugs? Unconscionable secrets? But I stopped myself. I would not suffer.

Instead, I went to my desk, Googled “responsible separation” and came up with a list. It included things like: Who’s allowed to use what credit cards? Who are the children allowed to see you with in town? Who’s allowed keys to what?

I looked through the list and passed it on to him.

His response: “Keys? We don’t even have keys to our house.”

I remained stoic. I could see pain in his eyes. Pain I recognized.

“Oh, I see what you’re doing,” he said. “You’re going to make me go into therapy. You’re not going to let me move out. You’re going to use the kids against me.”

“I never said that. I just asked: What can we do to give you the distance you need ... ”

“Stop saying that!”

Well, he didn’t move out.

Instead, he spent the summer being unreliable. He stopped coming home at his usual six o’clock. He would stay out late and not call. He blew off our entire Fourth of July — the parade, the barbecue, the fireworks — to go to someone else’s party. When he was at home, he was distant. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. He didn’t even wish me “Happy Birthday.”

But I didn’t play into it. I walked my line. I told the kids: “Daddy’s having a hard time as adults often do. But we’re a family, no matter what.” I was not going to suffer. And neither were they.

MY trusted friends were irate on my behalf. “How can you just stand by and accept this behavior? Kick him out! Get a lawyer!”

I walked my line with them, too. This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it.

I know what you’re thinking: I’m a pushover. I’m weak and scared and would put up with anything to keep the family together. I’m probably one of those women who would endure physical abuse. But I can assure you, I’m not. I load 1,500-pound horses into trailers and gallop through the high country of Montana all summer. I went through Pitocin-induced natural childbirth. And a Caesarean section without follow-up drugs. I am handy with a chain saw.

I simply had come to understand that I was not at the root of my husband’s problem. He was. If he could turn his problem into a marital fight, he could make it about us. I needed to get out of the way so that wouldn’t happen.

Privately, I decided to give him time. Six months.

I had good days, and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road. I ignored his lashing out, his merciless jabs. On bad days, I would fester in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers, raging at him in my mind. But I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say “Don’t take it personally” when your husband tells you he no longer loves you, sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do.

Instead of issuing ultimatums, yelling, crying or begging, I presented him with options. I created a summer of fun for our family and welcomed him to share in it, or not — it was up to him. If he chose not to come along, we would miss him, but we would be just fine, thank you very much. And we were.

And, yeah, you can bet I wanted to sit him down and persuade him to stay. To love me. To fight for what we’ve created. You can bet I wanted to.

But I didn’t.

I barbecued. Made lemonade. Set the table for four. Loved him from afar.

And one day, there he was, home from work early, mowing the lawn. A man doesn’t mow his lawn if he’s going to leave it. Not this man. Then he fixed a door that had been broken for eight years. He made a comment about our front porch needing paint. Our front porch. He mentioned needing wood for next winter. The future. Little by little, he started talking about the future.

It was Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly and said, “I’m thankful for my family.”

He was back.

And I saw what had been missing: pride. He’d lost pride in himself. Maybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore.

When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: it’s not a spouse or land or a job or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal.

My husband had become lost in the myth. But he found his way out. We’ve since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about our ordeal. To help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life. People who feel scared and stuck. Who believe their temporary feelings are permanent. Who see an easy out, and think they can escape.

My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me.

But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.

Crush

For a few minutes when I was in high school country dancing got REALLY popular. There is a working farm in Salt Lake with a big barn and they did line dancing every Wednesday night. It wasn't really that cool to like country music but somehow, you got a pass if you were going to Wheeler Farm.

My friend Andrea knew some cute boys from a different high school who we went with a few times. Boys from another school always felt so much cooler then the ratty ones you'd known since six grade AND we were out on a school night. Doesn't get much better than that at 16. We've been joking around that our summer theme has been Teenage Summer what will all the roller coasters and late nights and ice cream eating (not this week!) but I was thinking last night that the thing it's missing is a little country line dancing with the Granger boys...this song was one of my favorites back in the day-I have to see if there is a country bar here in Irish pub central.

Humph

I wish grownups got summer vacation too.

Don't Call it a Comeback

About this time last year I was copycatting my sister and doing a cleanse from the book Quantum Wellness.

You can go back and read the post yourself so I won't rehash how great I felt afterwards or how committed I was to staying that healthy.

And then whatever. Life. Winter. Mild depression. Things just went nuts and so did my self-control.

So when a close friend said she was looking for a way to jumpstart her eating habits, we decided to do the cleanse again together. It makes me crazy that I am so lazy about the way I eat. I know I'm happier when I'm eating fresh stuff and more fruits and veggies then anything else and then I realize it's Friday and I've been eating out twice a day all week.

So see you later l-a-z-y kate.

Journey

I had an insane marriage dream last night. I think I have mentioned before that I have fairly regular recurring dreams about getting married.

As usual, it was my wedding day and I had absolutely NO clue how I had gotten there. I'm always totally surprised that I'm getting married that day and I never like the decorations or the dress and it always feels like the whole thing was rushed. Last night the groom was a guy I've been friends with for many years but we've certainly never dated-I'll wager neither of us have even thought about it. So I was fairly surprised that we were getting married.

I pulled my mother aside to ask her if she really thought this was a good idea and she told me he was a good guy and really cute so it probably couldn't hurt. I texted a bunch of my friends with the same question and got pretty much the same response from all of them. So I went right to Mr. Fiance to see if maybe he was having any of the same misgivings about you know, GETTING MARRIED WHEN IT DIDN'T SEEM LIKE WE HAD EVEN DATED and he was super nonchalant about it. Just shrugged and said, "I think it could be cool, we might as well give it a shot." Truly what every girl wants to hear from the man she's just about to pledge her life to right?

All through the dream I kept thinking, "how did I let this happen? It's just like in all of my stupid dreams, how did it happen in real life??" and hoping that I would wake up.

I finally did wake up and I'm still feeling so relieved. I spent some time googling "marriage dreams" to see if there were any explanations of such a dream and this was pretty much my favorite:

For a young woman to dream that she is a bride, and unhappy or indifferent, foretells disappointments in love, and probably her own sickness. She should be careful of her conduct, as enemies are near her.

So there you go guys, my enemies are near. Awesome.

1000 words

My mom posted this photo from her mission on her Facebook page today (The parents are so in the treehouse you guys.) and I thought it was so cute. I still don't know why none of us could get that great red hair...

Junkie

OMG! This weekend was an exclamation point! We rode roller coasters! Then I taught Relief Society which I love but also gets me almost as worked up! Then a near diseaster at work surfaced as I was walking out of church that took four frantic hours to fix! It was CRAZY!

The day ended on Spencer's 19th floor roof deck with a looooong delightful chat as the sun went down over Boston...and now I am going to sleep so hard that rocks will be jealous.

This is what I've been listening to on repeat since Thursday. You'll like it I promise.

Lazy Days

I went to see a screening of the movie "500 Days of Summer" tonight. They say in the previews that it's a story about love but not a love story and I can agree with that. But I will say this, it just helped cement how much of a complete and over the top romantic I am. As much as I have tried in the last few years to downplay it and be practical about ever finding it-I am wildly, passionately, whole-soulishly devoted to the concept of true love.

I was talking to someone this week about gratuitous PDA and she said, "you know at our age, we are just not going to be in love with the same intensity as we would have ten years ago." I had to disagree. I believe in crazy romance and finding a soul mate and that falling in love changes everything. And I know it sounds kind of naive, and maybe even a little bit unrealistic, but over the years I've had enough glimpses at what it CAN feel like to keep my little dream alive.

That's not to say I'm expecting perfection, or that I don't understand that love is not always fun or easy. In lots of ways I'm just as excited about getting through the crappy stuff as I am the good stuff. I was trying to explain this one night to a couple of my married friends who thought I was diminishing my own life by saying that I think people are better off in pairs. But after 32 years on my own, I believe it more then ever. It's good to be on a team. It's even better to be on a team with someone you can fight with just as comfortably as you can sleep with. I also happen to believe that people should do their own thing for as long as their own life schedule requires. I'm a person who just never would have been happy getting married young. I've had lots of things I wanted to do and gone through lots of things I think I have absolutely needed to do alone. Being single is really great and I feel lucky to have had the time to figure myself out in ways I personally probably wouldn't have had I been married.

But.

I only have to see the way my grandfather still looks at my grandma after like a million years together and how much they just genuinely like to be together and well, that's what I'm holding out for. And I'll totally wait.

Anyway, see the movie. It's sweet.

Hello You

One year ago today, Mr. Morgan William came along and turned me from a plain old spinster into an auntie.

If we were a good mormon family, we would have had a whole bunch of kidlets running around ages and ages ago but I started an alarming non-reproductive trend that carried through the siblings and well, my mother ended up being the oldest recorded member of the Relief Society who wasn't yet a grandmother. Sorry Jayne.

I, for one, would not trade our timeline for anything. It's funny how the addition of babies has managed to change everything and yet nothing. When I was home in June, we sat in the kitchen all together, talking too loud and too late and teasing each other to death like we have since we were kids ourselves. The only big difference is that now we get to do it with three amazing sisters-in-law and two little monsters that we can spoil rotten with things like tiny PUMA shoes that they will only wear once. Watching my brothers become dads has been one of the sweetest experiences of my oldest sisterhood and just can't wait to see it roll out with the other three (who will all be doing it before me I guarantee!!!).

We managed to get a three generations photo of the boys while I was home and it's crazy to see the difference in almost one year old Morgan and not quite two month old Garrett. I hope someday they are as tight with their own siblings as I've gotten to be with mine.



Happy birthday Morgan! I miss you the MOST!

True Companion

If anyone is wondering what kind of boy I would like to marry, it is this one.



And if you want to know what kind of songs I wish I could write, this is one.



And if you want to know a song I could listen to every day for the rest of my life, here it is.



And if you want to hear a song that I put on repeat for two full hours, this is it



And if you want to know why I keep John Mayer on my guilty pleasures list, it's this



And lastly, here is a song I have posted before, but still just makes me so happy I have to do it again.

Happy Monday.

Just Dance

My friend Natalie and I have recently returned to one of my favorite weekend activities-dancing. Maybe it's because I watch four hours of So You Think You Can Dance a week, or that I've been listening to Michael Jackson non-stop for two weeks, but even my natural tendency to get moving anytime there is a beat has been on overdrive lately.

Friday night as we were walking into our favorite spot we had one of those "our teenage selves would be so stoked" moments. It was a perfect warm night, we'd just been out with a couple of cute boys for dinner and ice cream and now here we were in the heart of the major city where by the way we also live and have cool jobs, going to dance until the wee hours because we could totally sleep until noon the next day (and did). Gosh I love summer so much. I also love a good mashup...here is one that I can't get enough of right now.

My my my

Sometimes you are just goofing around on YouTube looking for something to love and you find a song that makes you really wish you had someONE to love. If you want a girl to fall in love with you, maybe you learn this on the ukulele. I think it might work on me.




well you might be a bit confused
and you might be a little bit bruised
but baby how we spoon like no one else
so I will help you read those books
if you will soothe my worried looks
and we will put the lonesome on the shelf

Shakes

My friend Dave, who is both funny and talented, played in an event my company put on a few weeks ago and made this little video for us. It has had me chuckling for days.



Funny boys are one of my favorite things on earth.

Remember the Time

Well the skies appear to have heard the collective pleas of Bostonians anxious for a break in the rain and we woke up Friday morning to glorious sun that has yet to leave us.

Thursday night however, I drove home from work in such heavy fog my brain was having trouble processing the fact that it was indeed the July 4th weekend. We had planned to hit the drive-in that night for a Ryan Reynold's abs-athon but the rain forced us inside. My friend Natalie promised she would come up with epic plans and I'll just tell you what-this girl knows how to keep a promise. We ended up having a rice krispie treat sculpture making contest that morphed into a Michael Jackson memorial dance festival in which we danced straight through 15 of MJ's greatest hits.

Friday we did a little shopping and then spent the afternoon and evening at the Hatch Shell watching the dress rehearsal of the big fireworks show that some of you might have watched on television the next night. And about that I will just say-Neil Diamond + a crowd of Red Sox fans + Sweet Caroline live=ability to die with life mostly complete.

Saturday was lunch that lasted four hours and fireworks until the wee hours. I had my friends Linda and Chloe in town from San Francisco and New York so there was plenty of late night giggling and good eating and memory lane walking wedged into the last few days. All in all it was a pretty A+ weekend.

Another I did this weekend was remember how crappy I've been lately at finding new music to get excited about. I've been spending a lot of time on old favorites lately and haven't really been on the lookout like I used to be. But here is a band that formed right here in Boston and I'm pretty well in love with them. They make the kind of music that just makes me want to never stop dancing. They are called Passion Pit and this is their song The Reeling. I think you'll like it.



And just for good measure, here's a song I was obsessed with last summer and has jumped back into heavy rotation

On the Radio

I could not be more sad about the weather situation in Boston. It's been raining since May. Since May. Now please understand that we get about 12 weeks of really great warm weather in this town and now four of them have been swallowed up by Noah's Ark-like conditions. So today I quit my "just fine for running on the treadmill, no frills, at least they have towels in the locker room" gym and splurged on the "whirlpool and sauna and a million classes plus yoga studio and smoothie bar" gym because if I'm going to be forced to have Season Affective Disorder in the summer, at least there will be coconut scented soap in the showers after spin class.

A bunch of girls from the office joined too so tonight we all worked out together. I was walking out tonight and this Radiohead song came on my iPod as I walked to my car. It was a grey night and I'm tired of those but we had a good work out and it's almost a three day weekend...so it felt plenty appropriate.

Whirlwind

I heard on the radio today that we are now officially mid-way through 2009. I know the old "time flies" cliche gets overused but OH MY GOSH WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING???? The last three weeks disappeared in a haze of early US Open mornings, agents meetings, Wasatch Backing, family eventing, nephew snuggling, beach house napping and so. much. food.

So today I tried to pretend I forgot it was a four day week and buried myself in work, did a super hard workout that ended with a bonus spin class and will work really hard to fall into bed before 12.

I am working on a couple of posts but in the summer I feel so compelled to enjoy what little good weather we have so I tend to neglect my writing. Boo to that. If you haven't take a look at my little Letter Project, please do. Collective wisdom is powerful. And please feel free to submit a letter if you haven't yet or if AHEM, you totally OWE me one (and you all know who you are). The submissions thus far have been amazing-every single letter is a gem.

Here is a little taste of what the last few weeks have been like-and really no sign of a slow down. Hooray for summer. Hooray.

Pop

When I was about seven or eight years old, my dad found a box full of music tapes in the bushes in front of our house. We asked around to see if they belonged to anyone but when no one claimed them, he let me take possession. There were about ten tapes in there and I know I listened to all of them but the copy of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" is the one that I nearly wore out. I knew every single word to every single song, including all of Vincent Price's voiceover.

As the news flew through our office of mostly mid-twenty to mid-thirtysomethings that Mr. Jackson had died I was surprised to remember how MUCH I had loved him as a kid. He got kind of creepy and strange as he got older but I don't know that anything ever got me quite as excited when I was 8 as when the Thriller video would FINALLY come on MTV after waiting and waiting and waiting.

There are just way, way too many good Michael Jackson songs for me to really pick a favorite but this is one that pretty well lives in my iPod. Because it's awesome and also because one time, many years ago, I was roller skating with exactly the right boy at the exactly the right moment when the rink filled up with this song. It never fails to make me happy.



I truly hope he finds some of the peace on the other side he clearly never got here.

Wanderlust

Well I am finally home after 10 day of work and play travel. I had a great time at the US Open and an even better time at the Wasatch Back Relay. I had grand intentions of trying to see people while I was in Utah but I guess I had just worn myself right out and I ended up pretty much just playing with my nephews and hanging out with my family.

My mom came by on Monday and after we watched Morgan scoot all around the house in his walker, she got a mischivous look in her eye and let him out the back door. We were pretty convinced he would get outside and freeze up but the kid took off down the driveway like a shot. We were all laughing so hard watching him head for who knows what kind of freedom that we almost forgot to get a camera. But Grandma Jayne did manage to capture a little clip. One I can't seem to stop watching. Nephews. They are so awesome.

Open and Close

I have SO MUCH TO SAY. But I'm in New York for the US Open today and time feels like it on fast forward. I leave tomorrow afternoon to go to Utah for the Wasatch Back and snuggle nephews. I'll be back.

Giving the People What They Want

I didn't say it was the cutest outfit, I just said I like it.

Uniform

So if I could live in one outfit, it would be this Panther Football tee-shirt from American Apparel, these 3/4 length PUMA drawstring black pants and no shoes. I am so happy right now.

Daylight!

I actually have to give credit to frequent blog commenter Mike for introducing me to this song awhile back but now that it's on an ad, I can't get it out of my head. If ever this good little Mormon girl was tempted to take to the demon liquor, it would be because some tight pants hipster music editor used this track on a commercial for Bacardi Mojitos. Don't you want to be friends with Matt and Kim?

Up

Damian, who I have known since fifth grade and who is quite a gem, sent me this in a gchat tonight. And if you don't like it, well, you and I can never watch movies together.



Who wants to dance with me???

Tears of Joy

What a fantastic weekend. First of all, it came after a really great work week-I am loving the new job and the new team I get to work with and that is a feeling I really missed.

I got up Saturday morning and went to meet the Lazer Kittens for a workout which actually means-some girls from work and I are doing a Fitness Challenge sponsored by a local health club. If you check out that link I think you will see why we were picked. So we got weighed and measured and tested on how long we can hang out in a plank position and how many push ups we can do. I had the best run I have had in months and I promised to give up fast food, ice cream and visits to the vending machine for the next six weeks (at least-the plan is for some serious habit changing to happen during the contest!)

Then I was off to the MIT Boathouse where my friend Matt needed some help taking the Stake Young Men and Young Women out on the Charles for a sail. He gave 10 of us a crash course in Skippering and then we spent the afternoon ferrying tweens back and forth across the river. It was every bit as glorious as it sounds-perfect weather, just enough wind, enough of a sunburn to show that summer is totally here.




Once we got 20 boats taken down and put away we went and met up with my roommate Brenda for delicious dinner at a new place a neighborhood I've been meaning to explore. Then I went over to Natalie's and crafted just enough to prove that I do indeed have mormon girl blood in me. Then she went with me to the grocery store, making a task I seriously hate actually pretty fun.

Church was pretty great today, we are meeting in a new lovely space on loan from the Episcopal Divinity School and then a bunch of us went over to watch Roger Federer finally win that French Open that he totally deserves.

And now, my house is clean, my laundry is done, a bunch of beautiful letters rolled into my inbox today and it looks like I will be in bed before midnight.

But the most significant thing about this weekend is how good it feels just to be happy in my own life. It was a rough, rough first year here in Boston and I was honestly afraid several times that the solution was to end up curled up in a dark corner of my mother's basement. That sense of hopelessness and powerlessness is something I don't ever ever ever want to experience again. But here I am. Happy, confident, reveling in my singleness and feeling so sure that good good things are still to come in my life. I was praying for opportunities to grow my last few months in Huntington Beach and by golly folks-be careful what you wish for. Sitting here on the other side of a rough go however, I'm just thankful for the clarity that can come out of dark times. I got to face some of my worst fears about myself and I managed to survive. Maybe even thrive. We'll see.

This song came through my iTunes tonight while I was catching up on email. It's been one of my favorites for a long time and today it just straight up made me cry.


Hello summer. Glad to have you.

Happy Graduation Elizabeth

When I was 14 my parents called us all together to announce that we were getting a new baby in the family. For reasons my 32 year old brain can no longer quite justify, the whole idea just made me mad. There were already five of us and money was fairly tight and my parents were so OLD to still be doing THAT (it's probably karma that I'll be lucky to squeeze one kid out by the age my mom was having number six, and I certainly don't plan to be done with "that"). So I made it clear that I was uninterested in this child and would not be helping with it's care. I believe the words my family still uses to tease me were, "I will not love this baby."

Seven months later, a few weeks after ninth grade ended and I was busy getting ready to go be a high school kid, Elizabeth arrived. And I discovered I was dead wrong about being able to love this baby. It was a clear case of us not really knowing anyone was missing until she showed up and filled in a hole nobody had seen. There was still not enough money and plenty of times that it felt like there were to many damn kids in our house, but I never once wished she hadn't come.

Over the years that poor kid dealt with the joys and pitfalls of being the youngest in a family full of opinionated older siblings. We taught her lyrics to songs she shouldn't have been listening to (but seriously, hearing a three year old sing "I'm a midnight toker" is probably the greatest thing you will ever experience), we took her to concerts when she was wee, we introduced her to our friends who often liked her better, we filled her head so full of our thoughts and ideas that it's a wonder she was ever able to come up with any of her own. But that she did. She has carved out a place in our family that is absolutely unique.

There are so many things I admire about my little Elizabeth-the short short haircut she can totally rock, the surety of herself she has at nearly 18 that I still didn't have at 25, her sense of style, her familial loyalty, her softie side that not everyone knows about, her hilarious blog. She was the only kid in the family that had to deal with the day to day reality of my parent's divorce and she did it with a bare minimum of teenage angst. She's pretty and she's smart and she's hypercreative. She has eight cameras and you never see without at least three of them.

(and she knows how to use them, I love this photo of her.)
She makes her own clothes, she has the cutest little nose, she sends adorable texts and even better Christmas cards, she is a wonderful mother to her cat Tasha (a cat who is skittish around everyone else in the universe), can hold intelligent conversations with adults but still knows how to be a kid. She's way better at boys that I am

Did I mention that she's so creative?

She and I have the same face but the mold got better over the years. (that nose! that adorable nose! where is mine?)


Tomorrow she is graduating from high school just a couple of days shy of her eighteenth birthday. Eighteen! Graduating! Not a baby anymore! It's hard not to feel a little jealous of all the millions of opportunities in front of her. I'm so proud of her, for the amazing little person she's become and for all the potential she has to be even more.

I love you so much little girl-congratulations!

Baby Me

I'm posting the letters I've been getting for my "Dear Me" project to the blog this week.

I haven't quite been able to figure out how to write about the experience of reading these things without lapsing into meaningless cliches or sounding a little too over the top. So let's just get it over with-they are amazing. They are life changing. They make me laugh and they make me cry. They inspire me.

It's all true ladies. Look, women can be hard on each other. We spend a good portion of our lives in competition-for boys, for the cutest kids, for the cleanest house, for the most "having it all"-ness. I don't know if we are even always aware of how much personal PR we are constantly doing so everyone knows we are good enough and strong enough and happy enough. What I love about these letters is that they say, yes-we ARE good enough and strong enough and happy enough but it's taken WORK to get where I am. And sometimes we're better then we were 10 years ago and sometimes there are some things we could probably learn from the girl we used to be. But we've all been through stuff, and we've been low, and we've been dumb and we haven't always done our best and it's cool. It makes us real. It gives us empathy. And if we can look back at our own little silly selves with love and compassion, doesn't that say we can and should do it for all those lovely women around us just trying to do their best too?

I am a fan of women. I think we as a group can be SO awesome. And I will say again that I truly believe these letters have power to help us encourage awesomeness in each other. Go read them. And then write one. And send it to me.

OMG

I went a whole week without posting! Eeks!
I won't do it again I promise.

Memory

I leave tonight for a work trip to England. I'm not complaining at all because it will be a good trip BUT, it does mean no three day Memorial Day weekend for me. I was feeling a little bit sorry for myself that everyone else was making plans to be somewhere fun and I would be packing and finishing up a presentation all my lonesome.

Fortunately my New York friend Traci needed a little break from her Manhattan craziness and she caught a train to me on Friday evening. We ate good food in the South End, cooked a leisurely breakfast, did some shopping along Newbury and then took delicious Saturday afternoon naps before we headed over to the House of Blues to see the sold out National show. Turned out the show was teeming with cute boys so we did some flirting. Then we headed back to my house for midnight BLT's. She left early this morning and I got to go to church in the beautiful old stone chapel the kind folks at the First Church Cambridge are letting us use for a bit. I'll hop a plane this evening and spend the week getting to meet my UK team members. Life could be worse people.

If you have never heard of The National, that should stop today. This song was so incredible live I might have cried a little bit.



Peace out.

The Best

Tonight I probably should have gone to the gym but instead I did this.



Summer rules.

Things I Love

This song.

Cleaned out

I was on my way home from the Cape this weekend after a little overnight getaway when Linda in the backseat got a message that THIS was happening at our little chapel in Cambridge



Stunned silence and then furious texting as we sent the news out to friends with Boston ties all across the country. We went straight over to Brattle street when we got back to the city and stood with our fellow ward members for a bit.

There is a window in the chapel that pretty much anyone you talk to about our building will mention. I've stared at that window and felt incredibly blessed, I've stared at it and wondered bitterly why I'm still staring at it-that window has been staring back at me through some of the most eventful years of my life, good and bad. When I looked at it today and could see the trees where there should be a wall I was surprised at how emotional I got.

It's just a building, I know that. And no one got hurt and they'll figure out where to send all of us for church while they rebuild. But as an adult, I have gone to this building longer then anywhere else. As I was making calls this morning-to Huntington Beach, to Salt Lake, to Washington D.C.-I thought about this little building on Brattle Street and how connected all of us who have passed through it feel. I will be heartbroken not to drive through stately old Cambridge every Sunday.

But I guess it's another reminder at how little is permanent and how important it is to just dig in and love things as much as you can while you can. I'll miss you little building.

Write On

I got to have dinner last night with a woman from my church congregation who I have admired pretty much since I moved here. She had a really fantastic career in Journalism and then gave it all up a few years ago to raise two darling kids. She was a single mormon female until well into her thirties and she was nice enough to spend some time talking to me about her experience. As we talked our conversation drifted to the letter writing project I mentioned a few weeks ago. All of the sudden I was hyper aware that in many many ways I was sitting across from myself ten years from now. She understood so clearly the frustrations and fears I was telling her about and as she gently shared with me the advice she would have given herself at 32 I couldn't stop crying. What she said wasn't anything I hadn't heard before but somehow, to get it from someone who really did know almost EXACTLY how it feels to be where I am-it was a jolt like I haven't felt in a long long time. It made me feel even more passionate about getting great women to write letters to themselves and then share them with each other. We just have no idea when the hard/good/funny/awful things we dealt with can end up being just what someone else needed to hear.

So. I've sent emails to the girls I know and gotten a good response but I want to cast the net wider still. I'm posting the instructions for writing and submission here so really anyone can do this. Feel free to forward this along.

Hello and welcome to the Dear Me project!

Dear Me is the collective wisdom of a group of fabulous women to younger versions of themselves at crucial points in their own personal history.

Here are some guidelines to help you write your letter.

-Your younger self can mean 6 or 16 or 46! There are no rules about how old the recipient of your letter should be-just younger and in need of your older and wiser perspective.

-Pick a specific moment in your history to write about. For example, the day you left for college, the night of your first break up, a moment you said no when you wished you said yes…the more context you can put around your advice the better.

-Don’t feel pressure to be profound! The best advice is usually simple!

-Funny advice is just as welcome as serious advice. If you really think your teenage self should have ditched the blue eye shadow (paging teenage me!), tell her!

-Be genuine and be honest. It’s OK to admit that you weren’t always as smart and put together as you are now.

-Keep it focused. Remember that other people will be reading so make sure details and background are truly relevant

-Length is up to you. But short and sweet is advice I would give to MY young self.

-Invite your friends. We want as many letters as possible so please pass this opportunity along!

Submission

Please send your letters to katieclifford AT gmail DOT com. You can attach a word document or just lay it into your email.

Letters will then be posted to the Dear Me website at http://dearbabyme.blogspot.com/. I will inform you when your letter has been posted.

I will start posting letters on June 1 so let's get after it ladies!

Matter of Time

HAHAHA! Well I knew this would happen eventually. I write the blog for my company website as well and in a big rush tonight I put that post here. Who wants to take bets on how long it will be before the work site gets a photo of a Morgan or Garrett on it? Just for kicks, here is the post that is now over there as well.


Today is National Golf Day and guess what we found out?

The Golf Industry provides 2 million jobs and $61 billion in wage income. Golf also generates more than $3.5 billion annually for charities across the country.

So the next time you get an eye roll when you weasel out of some other plans to get in your 18 holes, rest assured that you are TOTALLY doing your part of keep the economy humming.

You're welcome.

Insomniac

I'm THRILLED that the seasons are finally changing and it's been warm and sunny here in Boston. However, the change sometimes means my sleeping patterns need a few weeks to adjust.

I'm trying to spend less time on the computer before bed (which is actually cutting into my blogging time and I miss it so...I have lots of things to learn to balance!) and for the millionth time in my life I'm trying to cut way down on caffeine.

I'm also bringing back the nighttime soundtrack. I stopped listening to music at night for reasons unknown but it really does help me relax if I pick the right stuff.

I found some real lovelies that I had forgotten about and wanted to share.

Avril 4-Aphex Twin...just a shortie but long on the pretty



Honey and the Moon-Joseph Arthur...my Home Teacher in HB introduced me to this guy back in the glorious summer of '03, still one of the greatest summers of music of my life...



Romulus-Sufjan Stevens...if you haven't listened to Sufjan Stevens then I don't even know what to do with you. He's wonderful. I got this CD when I was first in Boston and sorta kinda falling for a boy who suggested it during one of our many cross-country-before-I-went-to-bed-and-he-went-to-watch-24-telephon-conversations. Occasionally miss the boy, still LOVE the CD.


Be Be Your Love-Rachel Yamagata...once upon a time my little brother brought his girlfriend to California. She was lovely. We rode bikes to Starbucks at the pier and he told me was going to marry her. She went through my iTunes and we bonded over shared Yamagata love. I'm glad she decided to be my sister-in-law.



Little Trip to Heaven-Tom Waits...if you are sweet on a girl and you send her this song I'll betcha she'll like you back. My brother Christopher and my mother Jayne are big big BIG Tom Waits fans and I think you shall see why...

Safe and Sound

G.I. arrived in San Francisco this morning weighing in at 9 lbs 3 oz. Big baby!

I was just a wee thing myself when Sterling was born but still, I have known the guy his whole life. He teased (and still teases) me to death like brothers are supposed to but we've been good friends since we were little. Right now I really want to embarrass him with stories about how wonderful he is and how proud I am of the adult he's become but Ster-dog is probably our most private Clifford and me blabbing on my blog might not be the best baby gift. I'll just leave it at how lucky I think Garrett is that my brother is the one who will be teaching him how to be a man. When I look at the many and varied reasons I have managed to say single for so long I lay lots of blame squarely on my brothers. They have just ruined any chance I have at being realistic with my expectations of what one should be.

Congratulations Sterling and Megan!!!

PST

WE GET A BABY TOMORROW!

NEPHEW NUMBER TWO!


WOOT!

You have to click this to make it bigger but I just realized that all of my facebook interaction with my sister is 30 Rock quotes.

Q

One of the best things about blogging is making friends with other people out on the interweb. One of my favorite discoveries has been a lovely red headed engineer living in one of my dream cities (did you know that Katie? I think Boulder is divine!)who got married not too terribly long ago and writes about all sorts of lovely things. She recently started a weekly "Blogger to Blogger" post and I was so honored when she invited me to be part of it. She asked me three questions and I asked her three questions and you can find our charming answers here (and also poke around KC's Masterpiece because it really is!. Thanks for letting me play with you Katie!

Avoidance

Almost every night after I take a shower I spend at much time as I possibly can putting off drying my hair. I love just about everything else about my nightly routine but for some reason-I just can't STAND the blower dryer portion of the evening.

Is that weird?

Meh

I'm very sorry to tell all of you this but...

I finished Twilight last night and I honestly don't get all the fuss. My roommate and I have been discussing it in depth all week because she didn't love it either and we think it all depends on whether or not you fall in love with Edward. And I thought he was a snore. All I got from the endless descriptions of his beautiful smile and his marble arms and his amazing breath and his golden eyes was that he was super hot. I kept waiting for him to be funny or charming or charismatic in some way-or even have some sexy devilish side. I just felt like he was hot and rich and that was about the size of his appeal.

Lest you think I'm some kind of romantic cynic...plenty of girls probably thought Mr. Darcy was a big fat jerk and I think he's dreamy. I preferred Noel Crane to Ben Covington, Aiden to Mr. Big and would take Seth Cohen over Ryan Atwood in a heartbeat. I still swoon when Anne tells Gilbert "I don't want diamond sunburts and marble hallways,...all I want, Gil', is you".

This just wasn't my bag. You can all come back and give me a hard time when you hate The Time Traveler's Wife.

Project!

(I sent this out as an email today so it might be a repeat for some of you. But I have a lot of blogosphere friends I wanted to include in this project)

Last year I was wandering around an Anthropologie in Georgetown and happened upon a little book called "Letters to My Younger Self." It was a book of 41 letters written by all kinds of famous women to a younger version of themselves at a particularly crucial moment in their history. They wrote advice about starting starting careers, dealing with heartbreak, the way to treat people, thing not to worry about....I was so struck by the honesty and the really great advice that I went right back to my hotel and pounded out my own letter to sixteen year old Katie. It was a really fun thing to do and quite satisfying to think that I might have actually learned a thing or two as I have gotten older. I go back and read that letter a lot, and I hope that if I ever have a sixteen year old daughter, maybe some of what I wrote there will be meaningful or helpful to her.

The more life experience I have, the more I feel that as women, we have a tendency to hold ourselves to some fairly ridiculous standards. We compare our worst selves to someone else's very best, we worry that we aren't good enough/smart enough/hot enough/accomplished enough. We minimize our good qualities and blow up the ones we are struggling with. But the wonderful thing is that when we open up and have the courage to be honest with each other about our fears and insecurities, we find that not only do other people feel the same way we do, the very act of encouraging each other usually pulls us right out of our own funk.

So I was thinking, famous women are all well and good but hey, I've collected a pretty fine group of female friends over the years myself. It would be fantastic to get all of THEM to write letters like this, throw them on a blog, and then use one of those handy dandy blog slurping programs to create a book of my very own so I can be inspired and uplifted any old time I want.

Enter you. If you are getting this email it means you are part of my "fabulous women" web and I'd like to invite you to participate in my little project. And I'd like to ask you to invite important women in your own life as well. So send this off to your friends/sisters/grandmothers/running buddies...I would love to collect as many as possible from women of all ages and backgrounds.

That's my pitch, if you are interested in being a part of this super fun project that will require little effort and yield a wonderful return, leave me a comment and I'll be in touch with more details. In the meantime, here is my own little letter. Ah 16, you were so funny.

Giving in

I know better then to trust that the nice weather is here to stay but Spring made a real valiant effort this weekend to let us know it's on it's way. My roommate and I managed to eat dinner outside on Friday night even if it did mean leaving our coats on. My friend Nat and I celebrated not needing coats and boots with an evening of dancing downtown and the next day a few of us took a little road trip up to Rockport to enjoy fresh lobster and some shopping at The Rack.

So it was a good weekend but I stayed up waaaay too late both nights and so today I came home from church and crashed on the couch. I'm a little tired of watching movies after the long winter so I'm doing something I sort of thought I would never do.

I'm reading Twilight. I'm all for a great love story but everything I've heard about Twilight has made it sound more like obsession then romance. Plus I'm kind of a snob when it comes to books and no one is claiming this thing is literary genius. But it's kind of a cultural phenomenon and my roommate has a copy so here I am, 121 pages in and frankly, kind of intrigued. I'm definitely planning to review it when I'm done. Which judging from how quickly I got this far could be later tonight if I was feeling ambitious....the AP english student in me is weeping just a bit.

The Little Things

At the insistence of our weekend houseguest I took a personality test last night. I'm pretty fascinated by stuff like that and I've taken bunches of them over the years. I have no idea how scientific such tests really are but I stay relatively consistent across the various versions so there must be something to them right?

This one last night turned out to be a pretty accurate description of me. Tests like this usually make you feel so good because obviously they concentrate mostly on what makes your personality so great, and since you are reading about yourself, you can't help but think that THIS type is seriously the best one and yeah, you are awesome. But they always balance it out with a list of your "limitations" or "weaknesses" to bring you back down to earth. I was reading the weaknesses associated with my personality type and something jumped out at me that I have really been struggling with lately. It's a weakness I have battled my whole life actually but for some reason it's been after me hard since I moved to Boston (there is a whole separate blog post for one of these days about how not fun it is when a flaw that has been living in the background decides to come punch you in the face one day). I've spent a fair amount of time lately being really, really hard on myself due to this little issue and there was something about seeing it there in black and white as a statement of fact and not a value judgment, that felt totally freeing. Here was this great list of strengths, many of which I really do have and then oh by the way, people that get all these awesome traits often have to deal with this list of challenges. They come as a package deal and it's not just you Miss Katie. There are millions of other folks out there trying to make this kind of personality work too. Of course this doesn't give me a free pass to stop trying to be better. And if I'm honest I know that I've done a better job managing certain weaknesses at other times in my life then I am doing right now. But I know I have it in me and it's rather a big relief to know that the stuff I am working on is just totally normal.

Sometimes the very last thing you want to be is special.

Street Meet

Friday afternoon at the office.

Bad Blood

I don't know about you guys but I really hate it when there is a major news story that I don't feel I fully understand. It puts you in the uncomfortable position of having to depend on the gazillions of people on TV/Internet/your life who have the loudest opinions and it can be hard to know who to trust. The financial mess the world is in right now is one of those news stories. So I was pretty delighted this week when I was catching up on This American Life podcasts and came across one called Bad Bank that explains clearly and simply what is going on. Now I feel like maybe I could have an intelligent conversation on the topic and not just parrot whatever I heard watching the news.

You're welcome.

Good Girl

One of my very favorite moments of any given week is the one happening RIGHT NOW. It's friday night and I'm slipping into bed, super content in the knowledge that can sleep until any ridiculous hour I choose tomorrow. Then I can get up, go for a run, do some shopping, get a pedicure, go to lunch, goof around and then meet up with my dear friends Mike and Kim who will be in town for the night. I l-o-v-e my lazy Saturdays. And right about now, snuggled in my clean white sheets with some soft Ryan Adams and a good nine or ten hours of shut eye ahead of me I tell myself, you have a pretty charmed life kid.

Old Love

A few years ago my friend Melissa and I were having a discussion about new-to-us older music. She had recently discovered that Van Morrison wasn't just "that cheesy guy whose songs always show up on soundtracks for romantic comedies." I'm sure her life is the better for it.

Today I was polishing a powerpoint presentation to the strains of a James Taylor station on Pandora when an Eric Clapton song came cycling through and I had a Melissa like moment of clarity. Now I have a guitar playing father so I am not stupid-I know Mr. Clapton has a reputation for being kinda good at that thing. And since I did spend some time as an adolescent female, I have a few fabulous memories of high school dances and "Wonderful Tonight". But you know, in my era, Clapton is kinda adult contemporary. Well this song is straight up adult hott and I found a version on You Tube that was almost making me blush in my chair. This my friends is why women lurk backstage and then make really bad decisions after the show. Be patient and hang in there because around the six minute range I promise you will not regret sticking around. What must it feel like to be THAT good at something? (I mean, besides being awesome become clearly, I have that DOWN.)

The One with the Theater

When I was in college our Thursday nights pretty much revolved around the television show Friends. I have LOTS of good memories of sitting around in various living rooms, shushing anyone dumb enough to think they were allowed to talk while we watched. One night, everyone was so engrossed in the show that when I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS, they didn't check to see how I was until the commercial.

These days Friends is on TBS pretty much all the time. I started Tivo-ing them a few months ago even though I have seen every single episode. They make a nice little 22 minute snack when I want a little TV time and nothing is on. So tonight I was watching and thinking, "it's funny that they set this show in New York and they NEVER talk about ANYTHING in the city." And like two minutes later, Ross walks in and says, "hey who wants to go to a show at the Angelika tonight?"

Apparently my television is reading my brain. Creeeeeepy.

Can't Lose

I went to California over the weekend where I

*saw the beach
*ate a burrito
*shopped at Forever 21
*watched a high school swim-a-thon
*learned the meaning of "erotic rice"
*met my dear friend's fantastic wife and their little alien
*caught up with people I love
*flirted back with a 23 year old surfer
*found evidence that the sun exists
*laughed until I cried
*got some food poisoning that is still making me a little miserable

So besides the part where I threw up all night in a house that was not my own, it was a good trip and a nice thaw to my freezing cold North East soul. Reminder to me-plan that sunny drenched trip for January or February if you want to survive the next winter! Today I got really, really fantastic news though...

My show is getting two more seasons!!! I haven't bombarded you with posts this year about Friday Night Lights but that is mostly because just about everyone is watching it now so I don't have to. But if you aren't, I promise you are missing out. The third season has been spectacular.

Hey Mon

If you need further proof as to why I think my family is so great, I give you exhibit a

Because A) I have a sister-in-law who gifted such a thing B) i have a brother and sister-in-law who put it on their kid and C) I have a mother who sent out the photos. It's no wonder I miss them!!!

Fast One

OK, so I definitely tried to just slip that job thing into the last post like it was no big deal. The truth is I've hardly been telling anyone and I don't really have a great reason for that.

About three weeks ago I moved over to be a Marketing Manager for the parent company that owns the brand I was working for. You know, the job I uprooted my entire life for and moved to Boston to take? Yeah, for reasons both numerous and boring I decided that the fashion world and I were not clicking and in a move that was both unexpected and super kind, my company allowed me to pursue a position within that made better sense with my sport background. So I took on Women's Fitness and Golf (I know, I am learning one million things about a sport that is totally new to me but so far, I can totally see why people like it so much!) for a brand whose name I would rather not type in this post but I will give you a clue: Big Cat.

It's a really good move and I feel enormously grateful to my company for being willing to let me make the switch. It's a pretty killer opportunity and especially in this economy (I hate that I just said that. boo.) I know just how lucky I am.

The downside of course being that it's hard to be the new girl and even though I only moved about 20 yards down from my old desk, the big brand is like another planet and there is a ton to learn. I have a quick jaunt to HB this weekend that will be a good way to unwind a little after what had been-here I go again-a tough year.

So there it is.

Example

I got a new job a few weeks ago. I feel like I've been trying to drink out of a fire hose ever since. So I haven't really been doing much but working working working and trying to catch up on sleep on Saturday.

There were two highlights to the weekend though, my roommate and I went to see I Love You Man on friday night which was just delightful. I have developed something of a monster crush on Jason Segal over the years and pretty much any girl my age fell in love with Paul Rudd along with Alicia Silverstone when he was in Clueless so it pretty much had me at hello.

Saturday looked like it was going to be a perfect day so I got all excited and decided to ride my bike over to a friend's house and then go for a run with her. Five minutes into my ride I realized my legs had gone numb, my fingers were frozen and it was WAY COLDER THEN IT LOOKED. So I went right back home, got in the car, drove to Linda's and talked she and Nat into lunch instead. We spent two hours on a long overdue outing in Harvard Square where we not only got rock star parking (trust me, you have no idea, you can lose decades off your life in that place and we found a spot on our first try. Unprecedented.) but also our waiter knew JUST when to bring new chips and how often the Diet Cokes should be replaced.

It's the simple pleasures people.

Irrational

I was up at 6:00 this morning and totally feeling homicidal about it. So why am I still up at midnight???

GO TO BED.

Hey You!

My voicemail box will only save messages for 21 days and then it asks me if I want to continue saving. Every 21 days since July 15 I have listened to my sister say "Larrybird is here!" and then pressed 9 so I can hear it again in three weeks. I love this kid.



Pretty excited that nephew two, aka "ox" at the moment, is due next month.

Electric Frog

I did the most FUN THING EVER this weekend...

Are you ready for this?

I


went


running


OUTSIDE!!!

That's right, it was not snowing or sleeting or freezing outside this weekend so I put on my forlorn little running shoes and hit the pavement. It felt a-mazing. I am afraid I had forgotten how nice it is to breathe real air while you work out. I had also forgotten that this girl is a straight up happier person anytime the sun is involved. Thanks for the teaser Boston, I know I had better not get too comfortable though...I'll bet there is still an ice storm or something lurking around the corner.

In other good news, I was trolling through iTunes today and remembered that Toad the Wet Sprocket can knock the damn wind out of me with their awesomeness. This little number became a favorite when a boy I had a MONSTER crush on in college played it during one of the lunchtime "Unplugged" concerts. He was super cute and super uninterested but at least all that wasted energy yielded a musical treasure. And a really embarrassing story I will never share on the blog but you might get lucky and hear it in person someday. In the meantime, this song is seriously so good.

Sleep Debt

We only lost one hour over the weekend but I have yet to recover. This week has been near constant meetings and work dinners and being chained to my blackberry. I have stuff to say though so I'll be back. After I sleep.

Sharing Time

I was gchatting with a friend of mine tonight who is in design school right now. We were talking about how sometimes jobs/school/life can drain the creativity right out of a person. Which is especially frustrating to people who work in a creative field. He sent me a link to a talk about creativity in the education system. It's a great talk and frankly, a great website with talks about everything from design to business to technology by really smart, interesting, insightful folks. I l sort of wish I could have dinner parties every night with five or six of these folks at a time. So check it out, but don't surprised if you end up wondering where a few hours went...

Ted.

Resolve

So it's March 5 and guess what..I am STILL GOING STRONG ON A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION! I am so proud of myself.

The goal was to keep a gratitude journal. As I might have mentioned, (ahem, maybe a little too much) this has not been my most favorite year of ever. But I'm a smart enough girl to know that I'm still living a pretty blessed little existence and I wanted to do a better job of noticing and being thankful for the good things. Tonight I have just a few I wanted to share.

1. This guy. I still struggle to really explain how much this nephew business has changed me. I love this kid to distraction. And I can't even imagine what it's going to be like when his cousin arrives in like six weeks. I know-pretty much everyone has one of these but he still feels like this crazy miracle every single time I see those big fluttery eyes.


2. I was listening to el iPod on the way to work today and this came on

I sang along at the top of my lungs and even though I knew I had one of those days from hell coming at me, I felt a little bit better walking into that office. I love Carole King, I love my iPod, I love music.

3. I love my snuggly bed. I get so excited to get in it every night. It's super comfy, super warm and I have all the blankets and pillows my little heart could desire. It's no wonder I have such a tough time getting out of it every day.

4. I'm thankful that I actually enjoy exercising. That doesn't mean I am always good at finding the time to do it and in the winter sometimes the last thing I want to do is go take off my clothes in a locker room BUT, I really genuinely enjoy it and I legitimately miss it when I don't go. I went tonight after work for the first time in a week or so and it. was. awesome.

5. Airplanes. I am so thankful for these bad boys. Especially the one that is going to take me on a little weekend break to California at the end of the month.

6. I was sitting in a meeting today and out of nowhere this really great little memory just popped into my head and made me feel really, really good. I love our when our brains know exactly what we need.

7. My roommate just walked in with hot fries. For me. Awwww. Good roommates=major blessing

I could get to 10 but you see, it's getting late and I have a gratitude journal entry to write ; )

Egg