Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Reeling

My brain is sort of a jumble tonight. It was a good weekend but overly emotional. I'm not going to dwell on this too much but they made a big change in the congregations here in my little corner of the Mormon world. All the single people over 31 are being shipped off to a shiny new ward by ourselves starting next week. And in case you were afraid I was going to have a good attitude about it, I still feel the same way I did 2 years ago when we had a midsingles conference in Huntington Beach. I'm sure I'll get over it and get on board but tonight I feel like I'm in a "failure to marry" penalty box.

And yet. I want to slap myself when I hear my brain using marriage as any sort of barometer of success or personal worth. For a variety of reasons I've spent the last couple of weeks thinking quite a bit about the past and trying to figure out what I want the next four or five years to look like. And I'm 32, so it's hard not to let stuff like, "well if I do that thing will it affect my ability to meet someone?" creep in when I weigh options. I have such mixed feelings about that thought because I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be optimistic or realistic at this point of my life. Too many -ics, it's exhausting sometimes.

What isn't exhausting though? Today I used my new cookbook and made dinner for six. And it was pretty great. So maybe I'm totally OLD and I should just get some cats or whatever but at least the animals and I will eat well.

Here's a song from the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack that has been making me happy for weeks.

just stay there
cause i'll be comin over
and while our bloods still young
it's so young
it runs
and we won't stop til it's over
won't stop to surrender


aaronymous said...

probably my favorite song on that soundtrack.

and i am in a similar place, with school falling thru i find myself having some ideas on what to do with myself, then that "wonder what the lady situation is like there?" thought enters the decision process.


Mike said...

Mighty fine tune indeed. We caught the flick on Friday night...this ending credits tune from Mumm-ra was at the top of my list.

Hey...have a great week.

Sara said...

Live your life, enjoy where you are and HF will take care of the man when the time comes. That is my opinion. Also, graduating isn't always fun...but just think of it as just church and ignore the rest of it. I have been there and have felt how you feel but don't let it get you down. Just keep playing and let the rest take care of itself. You ROCK!

Cristin said...

I agree with what Sara said, just think of it as church, which it is. Besides, isn't it better not to be with the 19 year olds anymore?

Kelly said...

Jason was texting Mike Christensen on our way back from New York yesterday and he told us the news. I was seething. No longer will Boston be the bastion where you don't get a neon Failure sign flashing over your head when you turn 31 and have to change wards. Grrr!

I have issues with singles wards in general, but if we're going to have them, don't make turning 31 such a deadline. It's so arbitrary, especially in a place like Boston (or any big city really) where people's lives are usually on a different track than your standard Utah Mormon.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're caught up in the new changes.

lilcis said...

I think it's cool that you have enough 31+ people in your area to make up a whole new congregation, and they're not just saying "okay, you're too old for a single's ward now so you have to start attending a family ward. Good luck fitting in." I remember that by the time my friends and I got married there was a clear division in our single's ward between the <25's & the >25's and it was pretty annoying. It's hard to plan activities that both those groups will enjoy. We hardly ever attended FHE because the silly games annoyed us, and you can forget about dances! Instead we would plan our own parties and events like concerts and movie nights, etc. So yeah, we'd totally segregated ourselves from the <25 group anyway.

I can see how you'd feel like you're being sent to the "reject" ward, but also isn't cool that they recognize that you have different needs / interests / responsibilities than they younger crowd?

Rhymenocerous said...

Bah humbug.

The McFersons said...

I only feel validated in commenting because I got hitched when I was 35, so I lived through all of the mental static you're referring to here. If I could talk to my 32-year old self, I'd say the following (even though the context I have now would be lost on him, so this would be kind of pointless anyway).
1 - Stop stressing. Yes, the boys all stress too. They are lying if they say otherwise. Instead, we have to become great actors and play it off.
2 - Take every leap of faith the Spirit tells you to take. In other words, embrace the fact that you're going to experience way more awkwardness/lameness/rejection/etc before all of that suddenly disappears.
3 - Keep God on your side. Always be worthy and always roll with the punches that even He seems to throw you sometimes. Take the hits and smile through it all. The other side is worth the wait, but also loses things from the single life that you'll never get back as well. Every new phase requires leaving something behind.

Jayne said...

Ditto McFersons and I am wondering why typical Utah Mormon isn't considered a slur. Not very nice from where I sit.

Linda said...

wow- what a switch. I'm surprised they made a new ward, rather than just shipping everyone off to the family ward. Keep us posted....

colleenita said...

Dinner was perfect in every way and I freaking love the (500) days of summer soundtrack. So juicy. Just like your chicken.

Kelly said...

Jayne, sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude to Utah Mormons. I just meant that it seems like there are a lot more people in Boston who are older and still single for various reasons than I've seen in Utah (or Arizona, where I'm from, for that matter). I don't think anyone raised in the Mormon church can deny that we've all been taught that we're supposed to grow up, get married and start popping out babies, and many, many Mormons start doing this relatively young.

Neither way is the right way or the wrong way, there are just differences, and I think on the east coast you find more older singles than in the west.

Maybe I should have said "standard Mormon" or "stereotypical Mormon" instead of "standard Utah Mormon". Sorry for any offense!

Dani said...

Oh my gosh. I can't believe this song has been making you HAPPY. I love it but it's so painful to me. As was the entire move. Insightful, interesting, paaaaaainful. I'm Tom, okay?