Oops I did it again!

The Wasatch Back was a screaming success for the second year in a row. Nephew stubbornly did not come but every last Clifford kid was in town including a suprise visit from the East Coast brother. None of us really trained but everyone felt pretty good and we managed to finish the beast in a decent time.

I love this race. Can't wait for next year.






























And thank you to Coldplay for writing this song that reached out through a dark night at the bottom of an icky hill to say, "lovers, keep on the road you're on, runners, until the race is won."

Da da da

So while I am trying to find five seconds to put my Wasatch Back photos up before I leave for Spain in Friday (that's right, Barcelona for a week for work-you have permission to immediately tune out ANY of my whining from now on if you would like), I give you the best thing I have seen/heard in awhile. I stole it from Dainon but I think he'll forgive me if it means gaining a new fan or two for Bon Iver. This starts kind of slow but it's worth watching the whole thing. You all know that I love music SO MUCH but even so, for something to make me cry-well it's major. Yes please to cute boys harmonizing in France.

#93.3 - BON IVER - For Emma, Forever Ago
Uploaded by lablogotheque

Heart Races

I am not a runner. I'm not physically built for it, I am very slow, I am pretty good at justifying why I am too tired/sick/lazy to do it, even my best runs usually start with me wondering why on earth I put myself through it, but I've been doing it pretty regularly for about eight years now and I can't seem to leave it alone. Even as I am loving my bike more and more, I keep telling my running shoes not to worry about being abandoned.

I had a lot of time to think about why I run while I was trying to keep one foot in front of the other through my twelve miles of Wasatch Back legs this weekend. My first leg came at about 5:30 in the afternoon and although it was fairly flat, my Boston lungs and untrained legs weren't exactly pleased to be out. I really tried to do some "cramming" the two weeks before the event but frankly, I really just wanted to be home and with my family and friends this weekend and the race was the vehicle to get me there. My heart was not in training, which is too bad because I think I would have been a happier and less stressed out girl the last few months if I had been working out regularly. But alas, you all know how that hindsight stuff is.

So it's 5:45 on Friday afternoon and the sun is blazing and my body is freaking out a little bit and I start wondering what would happen if I got in the car and just said, "hey guys, I don't think I can do this." And suddenly it clicked why I keep running. I'm not good at it. It's hard for me. And I don't always love it, even when I'm telling everyone around me that I do. So I feel an extraordinary sense of accomplishment whenever I make it through a long run, when I really do manage to feel that runner's high, when I successfully stick with my training for a race, when it's 1:30 in the morning and I tear myself out of a warm bed to put on a headlamp and do it for the team.

It's so cliche and I feel like no one needs to hear another story about how someone's marathon "changed their life". But six years ago when I was a sad, chubby, moody little person wondering why on earth I had moved to California, signing up to do Team in Training changed everything. Every time I choose to go to bed early on a Friday night so I could get up and meet my team felt like I was chipping away at a stronger version of myself that I was only sort of convinced existed. Sticking with it for five months and even struggling through a stress fracture and the physical therapy I had to do to be ready to run felt like a big "eff you" to all the fears and doubts about my ability to survive my first big grownup move.

I run because it's one very clear way I have to show myself that I can do hard things. I was absolutely not ready for the Wasatch Back. Poorly trained, mentally frazzled, even a little bit cranky-very much the way I showed up here in Boston.
But I did it. And after that initial "what am I doing here again??" feeling I got into the rhythm of the race and it felt really good. I ended up running easier and faster then I did last year. I enjoyed the scenery a little more and I even passed a few people (including two GUYS on an uphill climb!!). It's sort of stunning what your body can do when your brain says it must.

Right now I am feeling like a giant failure in pretty much every aspect of my life. About once a week I shake my head and wonder how I let this being back in Boston thing happen. I had sort of a meltdown with my mom and sisters today as time to get on the plane back got closer. As my sister pointed out-four months in a place feels like long enough that you should be settled but it's not long enough for that to actually be true. I feel like a big fat loser at work and since that was my major reason for coming it's definitely coloring the rest of my experience. So I will get some sleep tomorrow night (ah the red eye, such a brilliant plan when you buy the ticket, such a terrible terrible reality.) and then I will look for a race to run this fall-something long and someplace fun, and we'll see where I end up.

Wasted

Be Prepared

Once my friend Whitney did a really long training run for a marathon and didn't take any water. When she and I write a book about how even total losers can run races she will write the no hydration chapter and I will write the one about how it's a really good idea to stay up all night three days before the event and hope you can get three or four good hours in on the plane.

It seemed like a good plane eight hours ago when I wanted to go to dinner and Berry Line more then I wanted to pack (see below).

Also, I type way way faster when I'm silly tired.

If I had a million dollars

If I was obscenely rich I would never pack. I would have certain items shipped ahead of me and then I would just buy all new things in the new place. Because I am the worst packer on the face of this planet. I leave it to the last minute (no sleep for me tonight although the night owl in me is eating this up), I forget important stuff (I didn't bring SPORTS BRAS to the ROAD RACE last year), I get frustrated halfway through and start throwing random crap in there. So I would just not do it anymore. I would also have someone else deal with the grocery store because I am not good at that place either for many of the same reasons.

Peek a Boo

Wasatch Back here I come.



p.s. Lori Elizabeth you were so right..everyone really DOES need a headlamp.

Coming Soon

We still have stuff to do and my boss called me pretty much every 25 minutes from Ground Zero today with another detail that needed shoring up BUT, our store baby is almost ready. And of course I'm leaving for Utah in 48 hours for the Wasatch Back at pretty much the worst possible time but it will all still be here when I get back.







Pretty cool eh?

Farm Boy

When I was eighteen a boy who I'd been spending a bit of time with was at our house for dinner. I was wearing my hair differently then normally and he said to me, "I like your hair better curly like this then when you do it straight. You should do it like this all the time." My dad looked at the kid and then said to me, "I think you should wear your hair however you would like."

Clearly, my dad is awesome. Here's a song he used to sing and play on the guitar when we were tinies that I just can't hear without thinking of him.

Thank God I'm a Country Boy

Happy Father's Day pop.

Little

The U2 song "Desire" came on the radio as I was driving home tonight. I haven't heard that song in about a hundred years but it's history with me got me thinking about how sometimes a seemingly insignificant event can have long, long range effects.

When I was a freshman in college I worked on my friend Derick's campaign for Student Body President. The only class I ever failed in my collegiate career was a Geology class I had that spring semester because it just completely interfered with my campaigning/flirting to get votes duties. We spent hours and hours for the months before the election standing outside the student center handing out buttons and talking to people. Our major opponents belonged to a party called "Desire" and they would play that blasted song over and over and over and over every. single. day. Even before the election I was pretty sure that if I were ever sent to hell, that looped song would be the soundtrack. When my friend lost and that guy won it was sealed, I hated the song with the kind of white hot hatred only an 18 year old girl with a half-crush on the candidate can have. I was pretty sure I was also finished with Student Politics but managed to swallow my aversion when it came to applying for a position on the Activities Board the next week. Long story short, I got a job as the Publicity Director (which I hadn't even realized until this very night was a stroke of foreshadowing!), had a crazy fun year and ended up really liking the kid who won. Five years later when I was looking for my first real job, he helped me land an interview with the Olympics and that job introduced me to the woman who connected me to RYKA which obviously led to me to the position I am in now.

I kind of needed a reminder that sometimes it takes a long time for a seed to bear fruit and that had I given in to my fears about SUU and gone home like I really really wanted to, I think I might have missed out on a fair amount of awesome in the last 14 years. (14 years??? oh my gosh I am so old!!!!) I also needed a reminder that Desire is a pretty fantastic song.

All Aboard

When I was just a wee one my parents took my brother Sterling and I for a ride on the Heber Creeper. For those of you who don’t live in Utah, and perhaps even for those of you who do-the Heber Creeper is this great old train you can ride and see lovely parts of Utah you don’t see in your automobile. Both mom and dad were photography enthusiasts so we have all these cute photos from that day of Sterling and me on the train. What the photos do NOT show is the part where they staged a holdup halfway through the train ride. At the time of the “robbery”, my mom and I had gone to another car and weren’t sitting with my brother and my dad. I can still remember that when I saw the guy with a gun and a bandana tied over his mouth get on the train I thought, “my dad is dead. I’m sure they killed him.” I was absolutely terrified. I don’t think my mom realized at first because I also remember her kind of giggling while the robbers put on their little show. I have no idea how she explained to me that it was all pretend but I do know that the next time I got on a train I was 22 and my mission president was sending me on a six hour ride to the furthermost edge of the mission boundaries. And that it took a long time before the city of Heber stopped giving me the creeps.

Thankfully I wasn’t traumatized for life and I developed a bit of a taste for trains during my time in Europe. Trains tend to go the scenic route and are just so low maintenance compared to many other modes of travel-no parking, no security lines, dining cars-I just really enjoyed them.

So a few weeks ago I was busy being lazy and missed a carload of friends leaving for Rockport for the day so someone suggested I take the train and meet them there. So instead of sitting in traffic I was watching spectacular parts of New England go by out the window while someone else drove.

Wednesday night I was on another train coming home from New York. One of my coworkers pointed out that by the time you factor in getting to the airport an hour early, the inevitable wait on the runway and a taxi from La Guardia, it’s almost faster to take the train and get dropped off right at Penn Station. And it’s way, way more pleasant. Aside from my ridiculously fun charter plane experience a few weeks ago, I’m pretty sick to death of flying. Lines, delays, airport/plane food, cramped cabins, wasted hours of waiting-it’s just not fun. If it were at all feasible I would love to take the train pretty much everywhere.

Summer is heating up here in Boston and my friend Jeff just sent out his completely awesome 2008 mix. He said I could share so here you go

http://www.sendspace.com/file/s68b8j

Enjoy!

A or B

It's possible that today was just a bad day. It's also possible that I'm just not very good at my job. Which as a single girl staring down about 60 more years of going this alone is just not the realization I particularly want to be coming to.

However, I'm really glad I remembered that this song is totally awesome.



That's my boy George Michael singing back-up. I have this vague feeling that something good was happening when this song came out because it's just making me so happy. I know, I'm weird.

The worst

Taxi drivers who try to take you the long way TO YOUR OWN HOME AT 11:00 AT NIGHT are on my black list!

Work out

I'm in New York right now putting together our little flagship retail store. And when I say "putting together", I mean that I've spent the last two days lifting and carrying and unpacking and nailing and sweating my guts out in a store with about 20 construction workers and my three male coworkers. It's been fun but I am so tired I think I want to die. More to come...

The internet

is out at my house. i didn't realize how much I needed it.

Childish Spark

I had yet another spooky marriage dream last night. I woke up to what was apparently my wedding day to discover that I couldn't seem to remember who I was marrying. But perhaps more disturbing then the fact that I had entirely forgotten my fiance, I was seriously considering going through with it anyway. I remember thinking, "well if I said yes I must have thought this was a good idea right?

Sometimes my subconscious really worries me.

Here is a delightful little song about making one of those "if we're 30 and not married let's get hitched" pacts.

Hurts So Good

Do songs come any more awesome then this one?

Patience

When I was eight or nine years old I failed a spelling test for the first time. I came home and showed it to my mom and she said, "yikes, looks like you will actually have to start studying!" To which I replied tearfully, "what good would that do??? If I don't know it, I don't know it!"

My mother still likes to tell that story, not because it's some cute little thought process I eventually grew out of, but because that still seems to be the guiding principle of my life-if I don't know it what good will things like practice and patience do???? If I'm not naturally brilliant then it's hopeless.

Which is not to say that I haven't learned to study over the years or that I don't like to try new things. I firmly believe that part of becoming an adult is that you not only identify your little defects, you actively try to overcome them. But that doesn't mean that my default settings are always kind to me. I still spend a lot of my life having to remind myself to switch them.

This new job is a prime example. My first day the HR rep said to me, "Welcome to T-give yourself six months to really settle in and figure this place out." Six months? This isn't my first rodeo lady. I'll be fine.

Well cut to three months later and I feel a bit like I've been hit by a bus. I came from a tiny tiny little family run company to a giant global monster and it hasn't been the cake walk I excepted out of myself. It probably doesn't help that I have had the same somewhat unreasonable expectations of myself socially as well. Because I do make and keep friends relatively easily I always forget that my pattern in a new place is to hang back a bit and survey the land before I jump in. So my first few months in a new place are typically a bit solitary (solitude and I have a bit of a love-hate relationship but that is a post for another day). You add homesick to lonely and throw in a little bit of professional uncertainty and you get a recipe for a fair amount of staring at the ceiling past your bedtime.

Today was the first day I recognized that I was doing my usual new girl routine and slowly driving myself insane. I took some people up on their offers to help, I relaxed around my boss because he seems to be OK with the fact that I'm still learning, I tried to calm down a little about the holes in my social calendar.

Turns out I'm not perfect about not demanding perfection. Working on it though. Possible future children should probably rejoice.

One More

Love

Finally?

Weekends can be enjoyed outside!

Some things

We are getting out of work early today. It's possible my brain is already gone. Here are some things to keep all of us occupied until this three day weekend gets started!

My friend Chloe introduced me to Schuyler Fisk last fall and she has become one of my favorite sing along in the car artists



She was once on an episode of Law and Order:SVU so I love her all the more.

Thispost by my sister made me laugh out loud.

I got to babysit this ridiculously cute child this week. I do hope I get one of my own someday. Although I said I wanted one at church on Sunday and the boy sitting next to me said, "oh good, just what a guy wants to hear." I didn't say I wanted it today!

My friend Dainon sent over this song today

I'm afraid it might actually be true that they just don't write them like they used to. Let us not forget that tune provided the inspiration for one of the greatest scenes in 80's teen movie history

Honestly, if ever there was a movie begging to be remade with the RIGHT ending...

I had to edit this to add a link my friend Jed sent today. I have no words


Boston is having a monster free concert at the Hatch Shell tomorrow. Cake, The BoDeans and The English Beat will all be there. Summer IS starting!

Wasatch It's Back

Hip hip! We got our team number and start time for the Wasatch Back Relay today! I read through the list of team names and there are some real gems out there. I was glad to see one of my favorite name from last year on the list-Wasatch Sexyback. Here are a few more favorites:

R.O.U.S (runners of unusual speed)-you sort of have to know the joke for this one to be awesome
Blisters in the Sun
Ryan Seacrest (this one is still making me laugh out loud, so random)
Where the Hell's the Car? Park City!?
My Name is Hurl
At Least Ten Virgins (an all male team and the winner for "only in a utah race")

and my very favorite and a team I hope we run into on the trail

In Memory of Our Friend Ed Casmer, Who Couldn't Give Up Ding Dongs, And Was Too Lazy To Run This Year

I know some more of you are running this thing as well, some for the first time. Here are my top five bits of advice:

1. You will probably eat less and drink more then you think. Odds are you will stop somewhere for lunch/dinner at some point anyway but you can never pack too much water.
2. Flip flops. Bring a pair.
3. A little bottle of Febreeze is nice to have in a car full of people who have been running and not showering for 24 hours.
4. Make sure have the most current race bible! or Riley ends up running an extra mile-ha!
5. Easy on the Red Bull. Trust me.

I'm really excited for the race but mostly I'm really excited to be in Utah for a few days!! If we can just get nephew to come a few days earlier than he's supposed to it will be the perfect trip.

I had a feeling I belonged

I happened to be driving through a particularly sketchy part of Boston one day last week when an acoustic version of Tracy Chapman's Fast Car came on the radio. This song came out when I was 12 or 13 and I remember getting little chills everytime I heard it on the radio. I still think it's one of the prettiest songs in the world, but something about hearing it while I was driving past housing projects and abandoned buildings made me cry. I have yet to bring this up on the blog because I haven't even sorted out my own feelings but I'm living in a neighborhood that is just really different then anywhere I have ever lived. I'm feeling the differences between haves and have nots in a way that is both good for me and terribly uncomfortable. I will eventually elaborate, I want to make sure that I express it right.

Anyway, I haven't been able to find that acoustic version anywhere online except this streaming version. It's quite pretty.

Fast Car

Adventure Day!

Sometimes the cure for a bout of homesickness (aside from great words of wisdom from friends/ex-coworkers/blog readers) is an adventure day in your newish home.

Yesterday started pretty perfectly with one of my favorite Saturday activities-sleeping until I woke up. It was kind of cloudy when I got up but I decided it was worth braving for a nice long bike ride. I had been out maybe 20 minutes when the skies cleared up, the sun came out and the temperature went up about 10 degrees. And out of nowhere the trail I was riding on exploded with people. I have no idea what everyone in this city does to stay active for the eight months of the year that you can't go outside without freezing your face off but once it get warms, suddenly it's like Miami Beach around here. I also happened to ride by the lunch stop for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer that was held this weekend. The Avon Walk is sort of responsible for me being in Boston now. My old company started sponsoring it five years ago and at the time I was working as a field rep in California. The GM asked me to manage the project and I ended up spending about six weeks commuting between Boston and HB. The summer went well and I got the offer to come to Boston permanently. Over the years I think I went to about 15 or 16 of the Walks in Chicago, San Francisco, New York, Boston, Charlotte, Washington D.C., Denver and LA. There was something kind of surreal about just accidently bumping into one after so many years of them being such a big part of my life. I stopped to see if anyone I knew and was pleasantly surprised to hear the Executive Director had left to be a full time mom. Hooray for taking your dream job I suppose.

I also stopped in at the bike shop to buy a water bottle and the nice boys there helped me adjust a few things that made the ride much, much smoother. This biking thing is turning out to be way more fun that I was expecting from something that is also so good for me!

I got home and my roommate and I decided to hit the open market that is now comandeering the parking lot at our gym for the rest of the summer. But first! We had to hit the weird little shoe store just up the street where I got a pair of Kate Spade red patent peep toe heels for $50. Brenda found some equally absurdly prices Michael Kors sandals and we knew we were in for a good day.

We headed over to the market where we saw about a million cute things to buy for Nephew. This is going to be the most spoiled child on the face of the earth. We also ran across a really cute boy about our age selling homemade jellies so duh, we bought some so we could flirt with him a little longer.

Then it was over to try a cute little Chinese place that was a) delicious and b) clever


We took the bus to Downtown Crossing to brave the Saturday H & M crowds. This is us holding the rail in the bus.



Sadly I didn't find anything I liked BUT we did run into my old friend Jeremiah's little brother who was visiting from New Hampshire. And then we saw our photographer friend Tim who was heading to the North End to take millions and millions of pictures. Tim had a toothpick in his mouth which always reminds me of my dad. He is a big fan of the toothpick.


We shopped for a bit longer and then took the bus back to my car. We ended up walking by a Fire Station. There were a bunch of super friendly and super chatty firemen sitting out front who seemed to think that Brenda and I were sent to relieve their Saturday night boredom. The highlight of the conversation was when it came up that we were both from Utah and both mormons and one of them said, "so I could marry the both of you?" Gosh, those polygamy jokes just NEVER STOP being funny do they? Besides telling bad jokes though, they were very nice and we now know that if our house ever bursts into flames, we have some friends at the firehouse.

By this time it was late and no one was in the mood to cook so we went to my new favorite mexican spot in Boston. Sadly it is right next to Fenway and we didn't realize the Sox were playing a make-up game for a rain out the night before so we had to settle for takeout. There is not enough parking in this city when nothing is going on so when there is a game you can just forget it. So we came home and I decided to model a few of the day's purchases.

Then I stayed up until some ridiculous hour watching movies and reading and indulging my night owl tendencies.

Perfect day people.

Let Go

I have never broken off an engagement but I think I know a little bit how it must feel to watch an ex-fiance walk down the aisle with someone else. You must know that you did the right thing letting him go but there must be some pain in watching him get the thing you are afraid you might never have.

I spent two hours tonight googling my old company and reading up on the launch party they did last night with that big celeb I helped sign. It's getting some good buzz and by all accounts the event was a giant success. Someone else has my job now and judging by the website and the ad that just came out, she's doing a good job. On my last day at that company the owner pulled me into his office and gave me these parting words, "I'm happy for you if you think you need this change for personal reasons, but professionally I think you are making a huge mistake. You only get to ride a rocket like this a few times in your career and it's really dumb to walk away from that."

So I can't turn off my brain tonight. I do know that I am in the right place. But second guessing yourself is really easy to do. I am quick to wonder how miserable I really was and to forget how many times along the way I had assurances that I was headed in a good direction. So far all that is helping is listening to this song over and over

I guess maybe I'm a little homesick today.

Dish

I got called out by a BOY tonight on the way I chop garlic. How embarrassing. But the salad ended up being awesome so he was properly apologetic.

I'm posting this recipe because it's not always easy to find delicious ways to prepare quinoa. Don't let the fact that you have to boil two kinds of rice at once scare you, it was actually really easy.

Ottolenghi Red Rice and Quinoa Recipe

Ottolenghi uses (and recommends) Camargue red rice. I used wheat berries as a substitute because I couldn't find red rice. I think it worked just as well.

1/4 cup shelled pistachios
1 cup quinoa
1 cup red rice (see headnotes)
1 medium white onion, sliced
2/3 cup olive oil
grated zest and juice of one orange
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 garlic clove, crushed
4 spring onions, thinly sliced
1/2 cup dried apricots, roughly chopped
2 handfuls of rocket (arugula)
salt and black pepper

Preheat the oven to 350F degrees. Spread the pistachios out on a baking tray and toast for 8 minutes, until lightly colored. Remove from the oven, allow to cool slightly and then chop roughly. Set aside.

Fill two saucepans with salted water and bring to a boil. Simmer the quinoa in one for 12 - 14 minutes and the rice in the other for 20 minutes. Both should be tender but still have a bite. Drain in a sieve and spread out the two grains separately on flat trays to hasten the cooling down.

While the grains are cooking, saute the white onion in 4 tablespoons of the olive oil until golden brown. Leave to cool completely.

In a large mixing bowl combine the rice, quinoa, cookied onion and the remaining oil. Add all the rest of the ingredients, the taste and adjust the seasoning. Serve at room temperature.

Makes a large platter.

Little Sis

Reason number 7658 my little sister is far cooler at 16 than I ever was. She was on Temple Square a few weeks ago on the day of the Swell Season show and she spotted Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova walking around. So she went over and chatted them up because she's cool and confident like that.



How cute is she???? Danny doesn't call her the best looking Clifford for nothing.

Here is Glen Hansard covering Justin Timberlake courtesy of my friend Dainon. My mind just melted.

The Mondays

Highlights of today:

1. Long before I ever imagined I would work at my current brand I was pretty fascinated by the awesome turnaround made by our parent company a few years ago. My current boss was part of the team that made that happen and so that was one of the major reasons I was dying to get this job. The CEO who engineered that turnaround made a pretty rare appearance in our office today and I got to meet him. After years of reading about this company in general and him specifically, it was pretty awesome to get to shake his hand.

2. We had delicious burritos for dinner and BerryLime for dessert. Hooray for the resurgence of frozen yogurt.

3. Whitney and I went to see Cut Copy and it was MAGIC. This video is not great but if you watch until 1:30, you'll get the idea what the show was like. So. Much. Dancing.



But now I have to remember it's not Friday night and I'm not in college-off to bed!

Mi Madre

I had a friend come over to work on a project after church today and for lunch I made some pasta and a salad. Very simple meal because frankly, I am not much of a cook.

I blame my mother. She never taught me to cook, or to sew or to clean. She didn't make my prom dress or put valentine's day notes in our lunches. But from my mother I learned that music sounds better the louder it gets, that it's OK to spend an entire afternoon reading because the dishes aren't going anywhere, that pink isn't really my color but red really is, that a boy can be 25% more attractive if he's wearing good cologne, that crepes are the best way to finish a dinner party, that sometimes it's not OK to quit (the track team halfway through the season) and sometimes it actually is (AP French when I had stretched myself way too thin), that my relationship with God is mine alone, that Dan Fogelberg is not a weenie, that even when money is really tight sometimes you just take your sad daughter to the Harry Connick Jr.show anyway, and that little girls who are encouraged to do whatever THEY want with their lives grow up to be pretty amazing, accomplished women.

I figured out the cleaning thing on my own, I can sew on a button in a pinch and I have managed to feed myself several times a day for 31 years and have even pulled off a Thanksgiving feast or two so I'm pretty sure my mom taught me the really important stuff.

Happy Mother's Day Jaynie Pants.

Catching a Z

I haven't been sleeping well lately and I'm not sure what to blame. In case it's staying up too late I'm getting to be early tonight. I'm hoping that a hot shower, a little unwinding in my room and the Fleet Foxes will put me to sleep. This voice can sing me to sleep anytime.

The Boardwalk

I said something to my friend Matt this weekend about not being able to find good places to run near my office and next thing I knew, I was commiting to a lunch time tour of the Boston waterfront. So for the first time in YEARS, instead of a lunch break I took a running break and we went down to Castle Island for a lovely four mile run. I had no idea such a place was only about five minutes from work. Matt runs or bikes pretty much every single day at lunch and I think he might have converted me. Having to take a shower in the office locker room in the middle of the day is a bit of a pain in the neck but it feels awfully good to get out in the sun for a bit. Now that it's warm outside (for a minute, you never know with Boston) I just can't bear to be on a treadmill. I am simply not a morning person so I've given up the dream that I will be the girl who works out before heading to the office. I still love evening running but it's kind of awesome how nice it is to break up the day and clear my head a bit at lunch. Definitely wards off that 3:00 wall where I just want to eat a snickers and take a nap!

I'm in one of those no real reason for it good moods this week. I mean work is going well, spring is valiantly trying to crush winter and winning occasionally, George W and his stimulus check bought me a cute dress and some sandals on Saturday, my nephew will be here in a matter of weeks, the Wasatch Back and a trip to Utah are all on the horizon. So there is no shortage of fun stuff going on. But it's more than that I think. After feeling restless and in a rut in California and then months and months of being unsettled through the interview process and the moving, I think it's just nice to be content. I'm practicing this thing where I try not to invent things to worry about and so far, it's making life a LOT less complicated.

So in honor of being just flat out happy to be alive, I'm posting something I stole from a friend who also stole it from a friend that absolutely delighted me when I saw it.

People are so awesome.

The View

I swear this will not become a bike blog but I really can't remember the last time I was so excited about something that I left my house with my bed looking like this to go do it....

And when I got home from work today my Wasatch Back team t-shirt was here.

This was a really good day.

Vapour Trail

I woke up on Saturday to rain and cold. I was really tempted to crawl back into my bed and sleep away the nasty afternoon but since I've been DYING to take my bike out I forced myself into warm clothes and out the door.


Warm clothes and a helmet obviously.

Riding next to traffic was a little freaky at first but after the first few times I was able to navigate through a relatively small space I got a little braver. It was so cold and rainy but it felt a-mazing to be out. Bikes are FAST. It was fun to be able to go so much further than I can when I run.

So awesome to live in a city but to have this close by. The Charles River can give the Orange County beaches a real run for their money scenery-wise.

I love love love the Boston skyline.

I was wet and cold and tired when I got home but it's that kind of tired and wet that makes you feel like you really deserve a great shower and a nap. Despite the bad weather it turned out to be a pretty stellar Saturday. And yes, I am aware that my bike is an inanimate object but I'm pretty sure I love her.

Ghostbuster

I have sort of deliberately avoided venturing into my old neighborhood since I got back to Boston. I've had plenty of walks down memory lane over the last two months and they are always pretty bittersweet. So many of the people who made this place wonderful the last go around are gone and I really miss them. I had great friends here. But tonight my friend and former roommate was visiting and staying in our old house so I went over to pick her up. Our little suburb is very woody and the trees are in full spring bloom right now so it was really pretty.As I got off on my exit I wasn't really sure how I was going to feel. It's surprising how random the memories can be of a place you lived in for a long time. There were things I was expecting to think about that I didn't and other experiences that came rushing back. There is this really dirty little grocery store on the corner that a roommate directed me to my very first night there. I remember walking in and it was cold and dark and the produce looked so pathetic and I was convinced I had made a really, really bad decision. When I got to the house I walked over and poked my nose in every room. Not much has changed except everything has. We went to a movie and ate ice cream and then Linda and I sat in the driveway and talked and talked. About people we miss. About how much we both hated our jobs all the time we lived together. About how we don't know anything more about boys now than we did then. I have asked the heavens so many times why on earth I had to come here then. My job nearly sucked the life out of me, I got my heart fairly shattered a couple of times and I spent a lot of time cursing the weather and writing checks for parking tickets. And yet, I don't have enough fingers to count the important friendships I made here. I think maybe I'm finally OK with that being reason enough.

I turned the music up really loud as I drove home and let myself have a good cry. There are a lot of ghosts in my head right now, some of them are asking me questions, wondering if I have actually learned anything in the last four years. I don't know what to tell them. I'm so happy at work and I'm feeling less like I'm fooling everyone and more like I'm really good at what I do. But then last night I let myself act like an idiot to someone important to me and that is so disappointing. Sometimes I feel like as soon as I get one flaw somewhat under control, there is another uglier one waiting to take it's place. Maybe I should just make friends with the ones I have and leave it at that!

It's late and I think I'm mostly rambling at this point, this whole experience of coming back to a place I was so anxious to leave has been overwhelming but also really good for me. I was a little bit stuck in my last life and it's been really good for me to just move-forward or backward, it's good to be in motion.

Face

I love social networking sites. I still remember wasting hours and hours of my life writing testimonials about people on Friendster and getting so excited when I found long lost friends. I love keep tracking of people and knowing what is going on in their lives. Facebook makes that really easy and fun.

That said, this sketch is pretty hilarious. And true. Best to be careful about what you reveal online (that was a reminder to me!)

Control

The worst feeling in the world is when you are saying something you know is really stupid/immature/insensitive and you can't stop yourself. Your brain is screaming at you to quit it and act like an adult and for some reason you keep going. It's gotten me into trouble more times than I care to count. I thought adults naturally grew out of stupid behavior but as it turns out, you actually have to work at it.

Blurg.

Awkward

Wow, I can't believe I actually put that on my blog yesterday. That was a definite overshare. To make up for it, and to assure you that I am not a complete idiot, here's one of my very favorite bands playing one of my very favorite songs.



My sister put this on a mix for me when I was moving to California a long long six years ago and it's managed to weasel it's way into all sorts of good life moments since. Fair warning to any future husband, I don't have a lot of superficial requirements of you but...you do probably have to like this song.

Wilco is playing at Red Butte Gardens in Utah this summer and if I were you and I lived anywhere near, I'd probably be there.

KARMA

I have a friend who spent this weekend holed up in her apartment working on papers for her graduate program. As I saw her little green light still going strong on gchat as I was going to bed I thought to myself, "I do not miss those days!"

So it's a little bit funny that now I'm spending hours on a presentation outlining my five year plan that has to go to the Board Meeting with my boss next week. It's cool though, I just have to explain how we are going to triple in size by 2013. That's not hard. Plus I have some Lime and Chili almonds, plenty of Diet Coke and an iPod full of really embarrassing things I can't seem to stop downloading lately. Seriously, I paid 99 whole cents for this



They sound better on the actual video but it's a wee bit too risque for this family show. I'll tell you what though, get this really loud in your car and it's a perfect sing-along song. "DO YOU DO YOU GOT A FIRST AID KIT HANDY? ARE YOU PATIENT UNDERSTANDING...'cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart and mind." Then they ask like a million times "how you gonna fix it?"

Not quite "I am woman hear me roar" but it's getting me through the afternoon.

Cut it Out

One album that will always remind me of my first summer in Boston is Cut Copy's "Bright Like Neon Love". My friend Whitney and I have tickets to see them in two weeks at my favorite venue, The Paradise. Here's my current fave off their new album. A staple of my running mix these days and maybe a light night dance party in my room or two. Shhhhh.

Lights and Music

Also, a friend just sent this to me and I simply can't keep it to myself



Lastly, who hasn't been here. This song cracks me up. Thanks Corey.

Trouble

My friend recommended Ray Lamontagne to me a few years ago based on my undying love for Ryan Adams. I have yet to get tired of him. I saw him in Utah with my sister and brother several summers ago. The venue was absurdly hot and he asked if they could please turn off the stage lights so it would be a little cooler. Ray Lamontagne in the dark on a sweaty summer night is pretty much the definition of perfection. Two songs I have on repeat tonight.

Hannah
Jolene

Blindspot

I sometimes leave messages for myself on my work voicemail. It always feels so weird to hear my own voice the way it sounds to everyone else. It's so different from the way it sounds in my head.

So last week I was at the little mingle we always have after church and three boys I know were standing together talking. So I went up and put my arms around two of them and said, "well here are three boys I like quite a bit." One of them made some crack about polyandry and I said I was all for it. One of them said, "no way, three men? We'd kill each other." I responded that men punching each other and then being over it was probably preferable to the slow emotional damage a bunch of women competing for one man could do to each other. Then the other one says, "well I certainly wouldn't want to cross YOU," and the first guy starts laughing so hard I thought he was going to choke. I asked him what was SO funny and he says, "you know when you hear something that is just SO TRUE?" and keeps giggling. I made a fake pouty face and laughed it off but the guy kind of had a point. Let me paint a little picture for you of an experience he had with me a few weeks earlier.

I had been here in Boston about two weeks and we went out for sushi one night. He recently moved into a new apartment so after dinner we went over for a little tour. He has a two bedroom apartment in a big cool building in Cambridge with a lovely view of the city and a great kitchen-a very grownup apartment. And it was a diseaster. He hosted a big Super Bowl party and had yet to clean up. Shall we do the math on that one? I watched the Super Bowl in California, then spent a week in Utah and had been working in Boston for two more. This was an old mess. After he showed me around we sat down to watch TV and after about two minutes I just couldn't hold it in and I said, "I can't just sit here when your beautiful apartment is this messy! We're cleaning it!" I should probably give the disclaimer here that this is a friend from my last tour of duty in Boston and not some poor kid I had only known for two weeks and was already bossing around. I try to wait at least a month before I start telling new friends what to do. So we spent about 45 minutes picking up the place. At one point as I was vacuuming in the living room he said, "you know, I just got a flash of what it would be like to be married to you," and I said, "oh sweetie, if you were married to me we wouldn't be doing this because the house would never have looked like this." We finished up and it really did look and feel about a million times better but by then I was feeling bad and hoping that I hadn't embarrassed a good friend. He said something about assertive women being sexy that I hope meant he didn't think I was a total head case. Then when he took me home he said, "you know I never realized you were so Type A. I kind of thought you were a little more relaxed."

SO DID I! I've been torturing myself a little bit since that night-thinking a lot about the personality I hear in my head and the one that everyone else hears and wondering how different they really are. I was out with a new friend earlier this week and as I was talking and telling stories I kept thinking, "huh, you sound a little crazy sometimes".

So I'm kind of a bossy, neurotic worrywart and I guess knowing that is a good step towards keeping it all in check. If I've learned anything from two seasons of 30 Rock, at least I'm the kind of crazy that makes for really good jokes. And listen, as long as people are laughing, maybe they won't notice that you just cleared their glass off the table before they were done because you can't stand a messy table.

Block

I have about five posts in the hopper that I have NOT had the time to finish. Backed up blog posts tend to make me totally nutty so I'm resolving to take care of this soon. Very soon.

TOYS!

I got something very exciting in the mail this week.




IT'S A BIKE! IT'S A BIKE!

I really love to run and I don't see myself quitting anytime soon but I've been thinking lately that it would probably be a good idea to get myself an athletic endeavor that does not involve intense pounding to all of my joints. Two of my brothers and a healthy amount of my friends are bike fiends so I finally decided to join the pack. It's only a little bit funny that after six summers where I spent the majority of my weekends working a triathlon somewhere, I get a bike when I'm no longer surrounded by riders.

I still have to get a helmet and a lock and some shorts with "rump padding" (as my brother put it), before I can really take her out for a spin but I'm kind of beside myself about it. I rode it up and down my street a bunch of times last night like I used to when I was a kid.

My friend Eric warned me, "in six months you'll either be selling the thing because you only rode it twice or you'll be selling it because you are ready to upgrade. That's just what happens when you start this biking thing." Can't wait to see which one it it!

ABC

tagged by Lori : )

A. ATTACHED OR SINGLE? Single. Might be open to attachements.
B: BEST FRIENDS? More than my share.
C: CAKE OR PIE? Chocolate. The cakier the better.
D: DAY OF CHOICE? one that begins whenever my body feels like waking up
E: ESSENTIAL ITEMS? chapstick.
F: FAVORITE COLORS? if you look in my closet you would think it's black. my car is black too. but i like to pretend it's yellow or bright green or something like that.
G: GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS? Bears. My dad used to bring them home for us when he went on work trips.
H: HOMETOWN? The SLC is my hometown and definitely in my blood. Huntington Beach is the grownup home I picked myself and Boston is feeling more and more hom-ish.
I: FAVORITE INDULGENCE? the whole pint of Ben and Jerry's, sleeping away an entire morning, talking a shower until the hot water runs out
J: JANUARY OR JULY? July. I can't believe this is even a question. Who chooses January?
K: KIDS? like 'em. hope to have a couple someday.
L: LIFE ISN'T COMPLETE WITHOUT...Good food, good people, good laughs (copycat, what else is there??)
M: MARRIAGE DATE? someday on the floating city of New Chicago
N: NUMBER OF BROTHERS AND SISTERS? three brothers, two sisters, three sister's in law
O: ORANGES OR APPLES? I eat apples more often because peeling stinks. but i like oranges better.
P: PHOBIA OR FEARS? sirens (although now that I live in a rough neighborhood and next to a hospital complex that is sort of fixing itself), spiders, earthquakes
.Q: QUOTE? "Never go with a hippie to a second location." Jack Donagy
R: REASONS TO SMILE? warm weather, good news from friends, a compliment
S: SUPERMAN OR WONDER WOMAN? Wonder Woman. Obviously
T: TAG 5 PEOPLE. Tag yourself!
U: UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME? To quote Kelly Ripa, "I'm an open book, and if you don't turn the pages fast enough I'll turn them for you."
V: VEGETABLE? Artichokes. I recently learned how to cook them and I can't believe it took me so long.
W: WORST HABIT? Procrastination
X: X-RAY OR ULTRASOUND? Ultrasound
Y: YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? Spaghetti with my family's famous cold sauce. I have to make it this week now that it's in my head.
Z: ZODIAC SIGN? She's a libra. A fire dragon libra.

Toes

I have always hated sleeping in socks. The only time I'll do it is if I'm camping. It's hard to explain but I just don't like having a barrier between my feet and my sheets.

But when I moved here I just couldn't ever get warm enough even in my house so one night I left my slippers on when I got into bed and it seemed to help. It became a habit and got to the point where I would wake up and freak out if a sock happen to fall off in the night. Suddenly I couldn't sleep if I wasn't wearing them.

Tonight I made a decision that I will NOT be wearing socks to bed anymore. I forgot how good it feels to run my toes along my fresh-out-of-the-washing-machine-high-thread-count-white-sheets.

I'm posting such a completely mundane event because it really surprised me how quickly I got used to doing something I used to hate. And then how nice it is to give it up again. I haven't really figured out if that has any significance though. Probably not.

Littles

I babysat for some friends tonight and I think I can confidently say that pretty much nothing beats rocking a baby to sleep.

Thanks

Facebook is giving me a complex. They have a new feature that suggests people you might know based on the amount of friends you have in common. "your friends jack, jill, sam, john, mark, lisa, ellie, marcy and henry all know trudy, don't you?"

No Facebook, I apparently don't know this person that everyone else knows but thanks for making me aware.

p.s. These things only seem to matter after midnight. When people with jobs really ought to be in bed, and not on the computer.

IF

John Mayer was a kid in my ward and was an accountant or a dentist or something who played a little guitar at parties and stuff instead of a really famous guy who sometimes writes cheesy songs and dated JESSICA SIMPSON for crying out loud, I would probably have to marry him and have some babies with him.

He started a blog on his website awhile back and while it was often ramblings on cool sneakers or links to YouTube, it was also pretty funny and clever with just enough self-conciousness to make you think even a huge celebrity can still be kind of a dork on the inside. But then he posted some defense of J-Simp when everyone was blaming her for Tony Romo stinking it up on the football field (I don't particularly like her but seriously? If the guy can't play because his girlfriend is watching isn't that his problem not hers?) and then he posted what seemed like angry lyrics about an ex and tried to explain himself later blah blah blah, suddenly there was a non-story about how John Mayer was such a tool because he kept trying to defend himself on his blog. And then he shut the whole thing down and replaced it with a sign saying, "Done and Dusted and Self-Conscious and Back to Work." Celeb gossip sites were all excited to point out what a tool he was for caring what people think. To which I say, duh. We all care what people think and frankly, I don't want to live in a world where everyone has a "I do what I want!" attitude all the time.

Well I guess he had a little more to say because the blog is back up. And I thought his last entry was really nice...so here is an excerpt from my total guilty pleasure:

"....This is about all of us. Who all seem to know deep down that it's incredibly hard to be alive and interact with the world around us but will try and cover it up at any cost. For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we're all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right. And I don't want to act immune to that anymore. I took the biggest detour from myself over the past year, since I decided that I wasn't going to care about what people thought about me. I got to the point where I had so much padding on that, sure, I couldn't feel the negativity, but that's because I couldn't feel much of anything. And I think I'm done with that.

I'm not the first person to admit we're all self conscious, Kanye was. But what I want to do is to shed a little light on why we're all in the same boat, no matter the shape of the life we lead: because every one of us were told since birth that we were special. We were spoken to by name through a television. We were promised we could be anything that we wanted to be, if only we believed it and then, faster than we saw coming, we were set loose into the world to shake hands with the millions of other people who were told the exact same thing.

And really? Really? It turns out we're just not all that special, when you break it down. Beautifully unspectacular, actually. And that truth is going to catch up with us whether we want to run from it or not. The paparazzo following me to the gym ain't gonna be Herb Ritts and the guy he's following ain't gonna be Bob Dylan. It's just a matter of how old you are once you embrace that fact. And for me, 30 sounds about right.

What now, then? I can only really say for myself: Enjoy who I am, the talents and the liabilities. Stop acting careless. In fact, care more. Be vulnerable but stay away from where it hurts. Read. See more shows. Of any kind. Rock shows, art shows, boat shows. Create more art. Wear hoodies to dinner. Carry a notebook and hand it to people when they passionately recommend something and ask them to write it down for me.

Root for others.

Give more and expect the same in return, but over time.

Act nervous when I'm nervous, puzzled when I don't know what the hell to do, and smile when it all goes my way. And never in any other order than that.

And when it's all over, whether at the end of this fabulous career or of this life, which I hope takes place at the same time, I should look back and say that I had it good and I made the most of it while I was able. And so should you."

Good

Start to finish this was a fantastic weekend. Fun things, fun people and the realization that Boston is a city better lived inside than on the outskirts.

In addition to being fun, there was some meat to the weekend as well. It sort of started out Friday night at the Rogue Wave show. I met up with some friends and couldn't help remembering the last time I had been at a concert at that venue with those particular people. It shocked me a little bit think about how different our current lives are from the paths we were on that night almost three years ago. I think I can speak for them when I say that we are all happier people thanks to some fairly dramatic changes of plans over the past few years. It was nice to get some "rest of the story" perspective on things. And perspective gained while enjoying live rock and roll is some of the best kind.

Saturday was a good kind of blur-running,breakfasting,shopping, getting a little sun-and then it was time for an evening church meeting before my friend Whit's birthday party. I will confess that I was doing a little too much chatting with my neighbor during the first bit of the meeting and maybe not getting as much out of it as I could have. Then the speaker quoted a scripture that practically came to life and jumped into my lap. " He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world". It must have been something everyone there needed to hear because our whole row of socialites suddenly snapped to attention. I've been thinking a LOT lately about why hard things have to happen. Why some people seem to get hit really hard and others look to have it a little easier. Feeling powerless in the face of difficult things happening in the world and to folks I love. I think I've heard the one about how trials are the best way to learn about a million times and frankly, that's not always what you want to hear in the middle of one crappy experience after another or when you are wondering why you work so hard to be good and make good choices and the righteous thing you really want remains firmly outside your grasp. Understanding that every single thing that happens in the human experience is for the good of the world carries with it an enormous amount of comfort and hope. The major injustices of the world are easier to accept if somehow they are leading to a great good. My little family has been through all kinds of rough stuff-divorce, serious illness, financial difficulties-thing that I wouldn't wish on anyone. But I look at who all of us have become because of those experiences and I know that every hard thing directly contributed to every good thing we've been through as well. These last few months have exposed an exhausting amount of worries and fears an doubts and I have not felt like myself in a long while. Last night I had one of those "I see you down there and I know what you need" moments that help me get through the dark patches when it feels like I'm shouting into a void.

I've let myself get really wrapped up in my own life for a bit and I think that was OK. I needed it. But now it's time to contribute to the "good of the world". I've been kind of MIA to kind friends checking in on me and a somewhat selfish with my time since I got here. I'm excited to feel whole again and to put some of that positive energy into my little sphere.

This

will stop being funny someday but it isn't yet.

72 and Sunny

Well at least it was yesterday. I'll say this for the crappy crappy weather here, when we do get a day with sun and warmth it's like people explode out of all the buildings and everyone looks like "what, we're always running/eating/hanging out here."

I had to work all day so I missed the bulk of the sun and now we have storm clouds gathering but no matter, I have a ticket to tonight's Rogue Wave show in my pocket, no reason to get up before 10 tomorrow and Whit's birthday at Fudrucker's which for a change I don't have to just hear about later.

I'm obsessed with this song lately. I loooooove girl groups and these ladies are silky silky.

Joy

Once upon a time a little girl moved from Utah to California who really liked music. The big move had her all excited to try new and wonderful things and so when she made friends with a boy who was himself a music freak, she was thrilled to sit at his feet and be taught-after all, this boy was at least 8 years older than she and had been obsessively collecting music since he was wee. Over the next year, boy was responsible for introducing girl to a wide range of artists, many of whom are still her very favorites. Then girl moved to Boston, boy got married and the magical referrals slowed to a trickle of emails here and there. Girl had plenty of other like minded sources by then and had developed her own ability to find audio gems but she still mourned loss of trusted guru.

Thankfully, boy proved that marriage and daddyhood are completely compatible with many pre-settling down and becoming a responsible adult pasttimes and he started a great blog that still manages to find treasures just a little bit before they are everywhereallthetimesothebuzz.

The lastest treat from www.acertainromance.com is Fleet Foxes. For some reason Blogger doesn't want to let me post any audio files today but here is White Winter Hymnal on YouTube. I am just terrible at explaining why I like certain bands but just trust me on these guys, great melodies, great voices, great lyrics. Everyone is comparing them to My Morning Jacket and Band of Horses but throw in some Crosby Stills and Nash too. They were supposed to play here in Boston a couple of weeks ago but the show was cancelled. Broke my heart a little.

CAN YOU STAND IT???

I'm pretty sure that all will feel right in the world this Thursday night at 8:30 when 30 Rock makes it's triumphant return to new episodes. I was rewatching the Midnight Train to Georgia sequence today at NBC.com and I almost wept with joy.


Here are some highlights to get you all ready for the big event..

Mi Familia

Last night I had a lovely conversation with my just younger brother as I was driving home from a gathering. After we hung up I jumped on the computer and the other four siblings and one in-law all happened to be on g-chat at once so we had a little family online convo. It was pretty similiar to our offline interactions-everyone typing at once and about 10 conversations happening on top of each other. Talking to every last one of them in the space of an hour certainly made me miss them, especially because you never know when something like this is going to happen:



Kind of explains a lot doesn't it?

Roast

It's a strange feeling when you read your own words and it doesn't seem like you even know the person who wrote them. I was going through some of my blog archives today and I was disappointed at how normal I used to sound and how mopey I have been as of late. I know part of it is that I am out of all of my elements. But the trip to Sweden went well and I came home feeling much more connected to my job. I had some really good discussions that made me think I might actually be qualified for this thing.

Yesterday I woke up and listened to my church's General Conference on the internet (hoo-ray for live streaming that lets me relive conference the way I used to as a kid-on the radio!) and then set out on a run. I joined a gym right after I got here which has been great-it's too dark or too cold to run outside these days and I turn into someone you don't want to know if I can't work out a few times a week-but a treadmill is simply not the same as hitting the pavement in the fresh air.

It was a little overcast and damp yesterday but nothing a few layers and a hat couldn't contend with. I didn't really have a plane when I left the house except to head to the river. From my neighborhood that means running right through the center of the city. I think I probably blogged about a million times about how much I loved running along the beach in HB. No matter how many times I hit that boardwalk I never got sick of it. I think the same can probably be said for the streets of downtown Boston and the banks of the Charles River. It got progressively sunnier as I went and there were people spilling out all over the place. There were other runners everywhere, I guess there is a pretty famous marathon coming up in a few weeks or something? I ran past the Boston Pops, the Christian Science Church headquarters, the Berklee College of Music, up and down Boyleston and Comm Ave and across the Mass Ave Bridge. I turned around and looked at the Boston skyline, from the gold dome of the state house to the big old Citgo sign over near Fenway and I almost started laughing at myself. "Seriously, you really want to complain about having to live here again?" The weather is unforgivable, there is never ever anywhere to park, it's expensive and takes too long to get to Utah in a hurry, I miss my friends, produce is not great here and did I mention I really hate the weather? But Friday night I went to see a limited release screening of the breakdance documentary Planet B-Boy and the producer did a Q&A after the show, last week I drove about five minutes to see The Raveonettes at one of the best little venues in the country and the Red Sox will be playing two miles from my house for the next seven months. I don't think I want to live here forever but if the last ten years of my life are any indication, I don't have to do anything for more than about two years. I am really, really trying to work on this whole "trusting God" thing that sometimes I am good at and sometimes I fail at miserably. I'm starting to feel more like my old self again but I'm also trying to make room for whatever kind of new self would like to join me here as well. So stay tuned I guess.

Circadia

It's 11:19 p.m. in Boston, I woke up 9:00 a.m. in Sweden and didn't sleep a wink on the plane so WHY AM I STILL AWAKE????

All I can say is that I'm amazed at how powerful our personal rhythms are. Even when I got plenty of sleep in Sweden, I didn't feel like myself until I hit my normal Boston hours. Makes me wonder who is really in control here...