It's a strange feeling when you read your own words and it doesn't seem like you even know the person who wrote them. I was going through some of my blog archives today and I was disappointed at how normal I used to sound and how mopey I have been as of late. I know part of it is that I am out of all of my elements. But the trip to Sweden went well and I came home feeling much more connected to my job. I had some really good discussions that made me think I might actually be qualified for this thing.
Yesterday I woke up and listened to my church's General Conference on the internet (hoo-ray for live streaming that lets me relive conference the way I used to as a kid-on the radio!) and then set out on a run. I joined a gym right after I got here which has been great-it's too dark or too cold to run outside these days and I turn into someone you don't want to know if I can't work out a few times a week-but a treadmill is simply not the same as hitting the pavement in the fresh air.
It was a little overcast and damp yesterday but nothing a few layers and a hat couldn't contend with. I didn't really have a plane when I left the house except to head to the river. From my neighborhood that means running right through the center of the city. I think I probably blogged about a million times about how much I loved running along the beach in HB. No matter how many times I hit that boardwalk I never got sick of it. I think the same can probably be said for the streets of downtown Boston and the banks of the Charles River. It got progressively sunnier as I went and there were people spilling out all over the place. There were other runners everywhere, I guess there is a pretty famous marathon coming up in a few weeks or something? I ran past the Boston Pops, the Christian Science Church headquarters, the Berklee College of Music, up and down Boyleston and Comm Ave and across the Mass Ave Bridge. I turned around and looked at the Boston skyline, from the gold dome of the state house to the big old Citgo sign over near Fenway and I almost started laughing at myself. "Seriously, you really want to complain about having to live here again?" The weather is unforgivable, there is never ever anywhere to park, it's expensive and takes too long to get to Utah in a hurry, I miss my friends, produce is not great here and did I mention I really hate the weather? But Friday night I went to see a limited release screening of the breakdance documentary Planet B-Boy and the producer did a Q&A after the show, last week I drove about five minutes to see The Raveonettes at one of the best little venues in the country and the Red Sox will be playing two miles from my house for the next seven months. I don't think I want to live here forever but if the last ten years of my life are any indication, I don't have to do anything for more than about two years. I am really, really trying to work on this whole "trusting God" thing that sometimes I am good at and sometimes I fail at miserably. I'm starting to feel more like my old self again but I'm also trying to make room for whatever kind of new self would like to join me here as well. So stay tuned I guess.