Apples

The day after I graduated from high school I left on a trip to New York City for a week. It was, of course, mind-blowingly awesome. I mean, who goes to New York and says "meh". It simply doesn't allow you to be anything but impressed. Now over the years there are plenty of other cities I have fallen in love with and frankly, if you offered me an apartment in San Francisco or New York, I would likely pick the West. I adore New York but I think ultimately it's sort of like having a crush on an actor. My imaginary NYC life is probably much more glam then my actual existence in the city would be. So I've been pleased as can be over the years to have jobs or live in places with easy access to it. It's one of the many things I would love to say to the little 17 year old bouncing around Times Square and sort of thinking this would be her one chance to visit-don't worry kid, you are going to have loads of adventures in this place someday. And every single visit will feel just a little bit magical.

This weekend my grandparents were out on the East Coast visiting my uncle in Philly and they called to see if perhaps I could meet them the day they trekked into the city. Clearly there was not much in the way of persuading to be done and I drove down Saturday morning, spent the day with friends and then met up with them Sunday. I saw some old friends from RYKA who were in town for a convention, I ate amazingly delicious things with Catherine, talked about philosophy and chocolate with Dustin and Steven, and slept in a bright loft in Brooklyn with a fluffy cat keeping watch. The next day I caught up with these handsome folks



Sometimes I get really homesick when I see pictures of my siblings going up to Logan to hang out with my grandparents. They are so lucky to have that kind of easy access. However, I did get to show them Central Park and the WTC site so..


As you can see, goofiness is hereditary.

As is Diet Coke appreciation

Boys take note, this lovely grandmother of mine is almost 80. I have her DNA.

I drove home just in time to miss all the crappy snow that dumped on the East Coast last night, feeling very spoiled in the family/friend/life in general department. It was a good weekend.

I Saw the Sign

The boy who used to tease me until I cried in seventh grade just sent a Facebook friend request and has turned out to be perfectly nice adult.

Aren't we all so so glad that junior high didn't actually set our place in life like we were so convinced it was going to at the time??

Voices

A few months ago my friend Seth called and asked me if I wanted to drop kind of a silly amount of money on tickets to a Boston Pops show hosted by Chris Botti that was being taped for a PBS special. Since I've got no mouths to feed but my own, I said yes on the spot and we ended up having one of those wonderful evenings where you know you are in the very best place on the planet. We got all dressed up which as you know I looove and then the show was straight up spectacular. Chris Botti-trumpeter extraordinaire-was a charming host for the evening and he brought along a whole host of great guests. Sting sang "Shape of My Heart" with Josh Groban, Stephen Tyler sang "Smile" in snakeskin pants, Katherine McPhee made me wonder why exactly she didn't win American Idol, and my future boyfriend John Mayer covered Frank Sinatra. I still feel dreamy when I think about it all.

Well the PBS special premiers Saturday night and I know it will be going right into Mr. Tivo at my house. You should probably watch it too if you like things are that totally awesome. Check out this little clip. And inside scoop-they sang this through three times that night. The second time for a better camera angle and the third because Mr. Groban flubbed the lyrics. Even so, these guys were mesmorizing.


And yes, I'll get a little thrill when they say "filmed at Symphony Hall in Boston by WGBH" and hey! I was totally there!

Formal

We've been talking about taking new family photos since we've added a sister-in-law and two nephews since the last round. My brother figured we could save the effort with a little photoshopping.

Oh Internet

I pretty much love you

Jigsaw

A common thread in the stories of super successful people seems to be their willingness to admit how often failure played a part in their rise to the top. I have always read those stories with a twinge of "really?", because my own fear of failure has been a fairly constant companion through my 32 years. It's hard to believe you would want to go around admitting to epic fails.

Enter the Boston Experiment of 08. This week marks my one year anniversary here and folks, these last 12 months have kind of knocked the wind out of me. Eighteen months ago I was asking the heavens for an opportunity to grow and may I say that the old adage "be careful what you wish for" is freakishly true.

I don't want to get into a ton of boring details about this last year. Suffice it to say that I haven't loved my job and I realized pretty much the moment I landed here that oh yeah, I moved back to the West Coast for about nine million still valid reasons so what on earth have I done???

So oops. First I was mad at God for sending me here because that is a whole bunch easier then blaming myself for own decisions. Then I was mad at myself for being so stupid. Then I was mad at both of us and hoping maybe this was all some nasty dream. And then I decided to grow the hell up, take some responsibility, and figure out what I need to learn.

I am beginning to understand something that will probably be my soapbox for the next few years and that is that life is so much more like a puzzle then it is a road race. And when I look at things that way, a failure or a mistake is one hundred percent less scary. If you fall down in a race, that's it, you are probably going to lose. In a puzzle, it's cool that the pieces are all different and they don't all fit in the same place. Sometimes things you try don't work out, or the boys you like don't like you back, or you don't get something you feel like you really deserve, or someone else's life looks way cooler then yours on their blog. But if I'm looking at things like a puzzle then oh well, I get another piece or try the fit somewhere else. It changes everything. Falling down doesn't mean I can't ever catch up. And the even more beautiful thing-it frees all of us up to just be ourselves and not worry about who is the "winner".

Which is not the same as saying we should all be content to float along and not try our best. If anything it's the opposite. Instead of spending all my time looking around to see where everyone else is on the track and freaking out if I get passed or need to tie my shoe, I can concentrate on being awesome at the stuff that actually matters to me. It's slowly dawning on me that my fear of failing at things had probably kept me from progressing in some areas. But the puzzle theory applies everywhere-to jobs, to talents, to dating, to relationships. Less winning maybe, but way more satisfying figuring out where things fit.

So there it is, one of the things I probably should have figured out years and years ago but am just getting to now. But you know what? That's OK. It became apparent pretty much the day I left for college that getting older didn't automatically mean you got any wiser. Learning as you go is completely by choice.

Saint

No matter how secure you feel in your non-marital status, Valentine's Day can be a little tricky. I decided a long time ago that the last thing I ever ever wanted to do was end up on some sad sack calorie-fest girl's night out that devolves into boy bashing and wallowing in self-pity. I usually like to go to the gym or out for a nice run on the beach in my California days.

But this year the big day was on a Saturday and thus, the day that usually reminds me how much I really do love my single life. So I slept in, waaaaay in, bought good fresh produce at Whole Foods, got a mani-pedi, treated myself to a new Jo Malone fragrance, sat in a coffee shop and read the paper while enjoying some hot chocolate, then came home and took a long hot shower before my roommate and I hit dinner and a movie with two delightful gentlemen friends. We talked about the state of the world and ate chicken wings and then checked out one of the nominees for Best Foreign Film where I got to listen to my beloved French for two hours. I'd say single in Boston doesn't look half bad.

Missed

Maybe it's all those issues of Real Simple finally catching up to me but I've decided it's time to rid my life/closet/computer/boxes of the heaps of clutter I've managed to accumulate over the years.

I'm still not feeling awesome today so I took the opportunity of a lazy Sunday afternoon to comb my iTunes for stuff I don't really listen to. And I think I just figured out why I have WAY TOO MUCH CRAP.

I absolutely hate to miss out on things. It's why I was always the last one to sleep at a slumber party or why my 1:00 classes in college often got missed if more then two people were going to lunch somewhere-I just never want to hear later about something super fun. As an adult with a job and responsibilities I have had to learn that sometimes you do have to say no and just drool over the photos on Facebook later.

Well apparently my need to experience everything has displaced itself into my complete inability to let go of any piece of music that comes into my hands. My iTunes is full to the brim with stuff I have never listened to and stuff that I guarantee I WILL never listen to. But if someone gave it to me, or I downloaded it from some music blog or it's by an artist whose other work I like, I just cannot take the chance that I might be missing out on some fantastic tune if I don't hang onto it. Forget that I am constantly looking for new stuff and it's highly unlikely that I will eventually give a fair shot to "the best of 2005" I downloaded years ago from a now defunct mp3 blog. In my head, any song I delete was probably a hidden gem I have now completely missed. What if I delete something and the memory attached to it is lost forever too?

Today's discovery went a long way to explain why I have 2100 messages in my gmail inbox, 3 bins of pants I haven't worn in three years under my bed and the pay stubs from 2002 that I finally shredded a few weeks ago.

So today I was ruthless. One play in four years? Gone. No clue who the artist is and where I got it? Gone. Tired of it? Gone. The reality is that I am constantly seeking out new music-whether new to the world or new to me-and if it really was a mistake to get rid of all those tracks by some italian pop group my friend gave me over iChat at 2:00 in the morning four years ago well, that is just a chance that this girl is willing to take. I'm secretly hoping that once I master throwing out old, unneeded pieces of the past, I can do that in my brain as well.

Next stop-the closet. I'm totally on a mission!

p.s. Here is a song I had sort of forgotten about that I ran across during my ransacking that I will never throw away ever.

Birth Day

For the last few years I have lots of really eventful Februarys. Cross country moves, mission homecomings (me) and farewells (sister), Olympic Games, job changes (more on this!). In 2000 I got a double whammy-returned from my mission and this happened.

Transplants are amazing and I know I totally take it for granted that my Dad got one and we haven't had to give it much of a second thought. But I'm extremely thankful for the family that made the decision to donate that saved my pops. It's so clear nine years later that there were unfinished things in my dad's life that he needed to be around to fix. I'm incredibly grateful we got that second chance. Hard to come by those do-overs.

Percolate

Have you ever had a dream that you aren't in? I had one last night. Stanley from The Office was in my dream but I wasn't. It was weird. I've been under the weather this week and so I have that "watching my body from afar" feeling you get when you are sick. I can't get a coherent thought together and thus, the blog has been a little sparse.

Enter my friend Chloe! She agreed to a song battle and I'm very excited to hear what she comes up with. She's made me some fabulous mixes over the last few years so you should be excited too.

Mary J. Blige people, she doesn't want any more drama and neither do I. This is a classic "cut through the bull I just want to find someone real" kind of love song that a girl can really get into this Valentine's Day season. This song came out when I was an awkward teen and it still makes me wish I had a high school stomp to go to on Saturday night.


Now check out Chloe's pick and leave your vote in the comments!

*there is a weird intro to this video. you need to let it play for about 10 seconds before the song starts.

Show Time

Five of my favorite shows. In no particular order.

1. U2 at Rice-Eccles stadium, May 1997
Like all good mormon kids I loooooved U2 growing up. They hadn't played a show in Utah for something like 10 years and so when the Pop Tour was announced, we all sort of went insane. I was in college in Southern Utah and a bunch of my friend went to the show in Vegas. But Kelli and I wanted to see them in Salt Lake so we paid kind of a grip of money for a couple of students and made the trip. The show was pure perfection. I ran into about a million old friends, the crowd was wound up beyond reason and hearing "With or Without You" live was even better then all those times it played at a high school dance and for the first 30 seconds you really thought your crush boy might ask you to dance.

2. Ben Harper at Deer Valley, August 2000
You were probably at this show. EVERYONE was at this show. I went with my friend Tom who scored tickets after I was lazy and didn't get them before the show sold out. It had rained all day and I was afraid the show would get cancelled. We drove to Park City anyway that evening as the rain kept falling. It rained through dinner. And the opening act. Then Harper came on stage and the clouds parted and he played a completely amazing and dry set. And yup, the rain started up again when it was over.

3. Iron and Wine in Providence RI, June 2005
Sometimes it's a struggle to find even one person who wants to go to the shows I'm excited about. So I went pretty much out of my mind with joy when seven of us drove down from Boston to see Iron and Wine play in a little club in Providence. There was a moment during "Fever Dream" that was so sweet and peaceful and safe that it still gives me little chills when I think about it.

4. The Postal Service in San Diego, May 2003
My friend Keith and I managed to tickets to the very first show of the very first Postal Service tour. I almost missed it because of a delayed flight home from a business trip but we made it in the nick of time and had a glorious evening. Keith and I could have had fun together in a cardboard box and the encore was this

so seriously, what was not to love?

5. Ryan Adams in New York, September 2004
Mr. Adams is a constant presence in my top five favorite artists but I had yet to see him live that fall. Randomly, I was going to be in New York for a work event, my friend Brooke needed to be there to catch a plane, and her friend had two extra tickets to a sold out show. The stars seemed perfectly aligned. And despite reports that he could be fussy at shows, he played a nice long set full of things I was dying to hear. And then Brooke and I ate ridiculously rich desserts at Cafe Mozart and stayed out way too late. Which is exactly what you should do in New York City.

Crown

The queen of the battle is Emily. The vote was pretty resounding-she beat me 13-3.

I still think k-os is a band worth checking out. This song might have fared better against Em's selection.



And in honor of Emily's win...we listened to Kid Cudi quite a bit over the holidays and every time this track came on I would say, "he's not really saying 'embrace the martian' is he? I must be hearing it wrong"

nope.

Battle

It's time for another music battle. This time with my sister THE CLIFF. If you weren't around last time-I pick a song, she picks a song, you listen to both and then tell us your vote for best song in the comments section.

My friend Matt and I were playing that game one day where you sit in front of someone's iTunes and they they scroll through recent purchases and excitedly tell you what they are loving right now. If you have never done it, do. It's awesome. And you might get a song that sticks in your gut like this one did to me.


Now go check out Emily's pick and rock the vote.

Grate

Well I guess that stupid groundhog saw his shadow today and we are getting six more weeks of winter. Every morning I have to stop myself from playing the useless "why o why o why o did I ever leave the beach house?" game. It's hard though because seriously, remember how this was my life?


However, I have A LOT to be grateful for these days and I have been diligently trying to keep track of such things as part of my quest to make 2009 a productive and happy year. Here are a few things I was thinking about today.

1. I'm really lucky to have a mother who will still pick up the phone even when she knows the grown daughter on the other side is probably going to dissolve into tears early in the conversation. My mom has been incredibly patient and supportive throughout a rather lengthy rough patch and if she is getting tired of being there for me, she is doing a helluva job of keeping it to herself.

2. I am grateful for social networking. I know lots of people think it's a waste of time or they don't really want to reconnect with people they sat in front of in high school history classes but I love it. One day over Christmas I was enjoying sushi and great conversation with long lost friends from college I reconnected with via Facebook and I just kept thinking how wonderful it is to know these people again as adults. It's so easy to remember people as the half-formed stereotypes we all were when we were younger but it's been so worth the time to dig a little deeper.

3. In the time since Morgan was born I'm even more in love with technology. I love that my mother knows how to upload videos to YouTube so I can watch him wake up from a nap. I love getting random photo texts of the little guy's ridiculously cute smile. I hope I don't always live a million miles from pretty much everyone I love but until then, all these little tools keep me feeling like maybe they are all just around the corner.

4. I am thankful for photos. I can lose hours of my life sifting through my iphoto or the actual physical photo boxes in my closet. I always think that I have this incredible memory and that I remember everything. Going through photos usually proves that theory so terribly wrong and I end up getting to rediscover awesomeness I would have completely forgotten.

5. Lastly, I'm happy to be an American. I got home from my mission to Switzerland 9 years ago this week (OMG I AM SO OLD!!!) and even though living in Europe was a dream come true, I was so deliriously happy to land in the United States again. I was thinking that again last week when I got back from Spain. I cannot overstate how much I enjoy Barcelona-beautiful city, wonderful people, delicious food-but yeah, I'm a red white and blue girl and happy to be!!

HB!

Yesterday was my sister Emily's birthday. I can still vividly remember the day she was born and I found out that I had a little sister. A sister! She could wear dresses and play ponies with me! I was so excited. Over the years I wasn't always the most awesome big sister and there were fights about not bugging me when my friends were over or ever ever ever touching my stuff that I suppose were normal but that I'm not particularly proud of now.

She turned out more then alright though and nowadays she's a person who constantly inspires me. Emily is one of the few people I have ever met who just really likes to be good. She has an amazing sense of style and can make every kind of space beautiful. She's brave and smart and adventurous and so much fun. I always love to introduce her to my friends because they inevitably fall for her. I feel so lucky to be related to her and I miss her pretty much every day.

Open Boxes

So if you have never used Pandora Radiothen I feel bad for you. It's a fantastic music website that lets you type in an artist you love and then it creates a radio station full of like sounding tunes. Nearly everytime I stream a Pandora station I walk away with some new treasure.

Yesterday I was doing that "25 Random Facts About Myself" that is going around the Facebook world and one of my facts was that I have Hall and Oates in my iPod right now and not in an ironic way. I genuinely like them. So today I decided-hmmm, I wonder what Pandora would give me on a Hall and Oates station...

A whole lotta awesome is what! Huey Lewis and the News! My favorite MJ tune "rock with you"! Steve Perry of Journey!! that I Ain't Missing You song whose artist I didn't know until today! Such a gentle walk down elementary school lane while I do my expense reports.

The highlight though was "In Too Deep" by Genesis. Many of you know that I have quite a healthy love for Phil Collins due mostly to his charming appearance on This American Life last year. But I had forgotten how much I love this song. The line "it seems I've spent too long only thinking about myself, now I want to spend my life just caring about someone else" has always been a favorite. Because yeah, that sounds pretty nice eh?

Sadly Phil seems to have nixed the video for this off of YouTube which is a shame. I admonish you to do yourself a favor and just buy it off iTunes. It's a dollar you guys.

Believe

I made just a couple of New Year's Resolutions this year. One of them was to commit to nightly spiritual study which I have not been great at the last few years. I decided that if I picked a specific topic to study I might stand a better chance of sticking to it and it turns out I was totally right. I guess technically it's only been a month but I haven't missed a single day. This month I have really been focused on faith and how to build and maintain it. It's funny how you can spend your whole life going to church and still have so. much. to learn. about something that seems so basic.

Today I was catching up on some friends and came across a quote on Christy's blog that tied in so well to what I've been studying.

"God is ready to present you with new opportunities. He wants to open new doors before you. It doesn't matter what’s happening in the world around you, in the economy, the housing industry, or with job reports; God’s Word still remains true. He rewards the people who seek after Him. He’s not the least bit concerned about how He’s going to supply your needs. There is no recession in heaven. He has His eye on you, and He still opens doors that no one can shut! In an instant, He can bring the right people into your life, the right opportunities, and the right resources to take you to a new level.
But in order to go to a higher level, you have to have a higher way of thinking. You can’t stay focused on what’s happening in the natural nor allow worry and fear to fill your thoughts. Remember, God’s ways are higher than our ways. He is working on our behalf behind the scenes in the supernatural realm. Choose to keep an attitude of faith and expectancy. As you do, you’ll move forward through the open doors of blessing God has prepared for you."

I have let the constant chatter about the failing economy really get to me the last few months and I feel like there's a little black cloud sitting over my head. I love the idea that there is "no recession in heaven". It has always been way to easy for me to look at my trials like giant, insurmountable mountains sitting right in front of me and to forget that keeping up a relationship with God is kind of silly if you don't believe He knows a way over that hill that I simply can't see. It's a lesson I really ought to have learned by now since it's been true over and over and OVER in my life. I'm working my tail off to make it stick!

Home again Home again

Is there a better feeling on earth then being in your bed after an extended period away?

I submit that there is not.

Amber Waves

Last night I was trying to find an english speaking channel in my Spanish hotel and had to settle for British news. It was pretty bleak stuff-bad economy, politicians no one trusts, job loss. The stuff that you can't miss these days if you do things like turn on the TV, read a newspaper or spend any time on the internet. I've been feeling some of my own personal turmoil the last few months and it certainly hasn't helped my state of mind to have doom and gloom be the order of the day no matter where you look.

Right now, watching the President and First Lady walk down a Pennsylvania Avenue absolutely teeming with excited people I can't help but think that maybe it's OK to feel some of that hope President Obama has been pushing the last few years. As I listened to his speech today, I felt like he really gets the fears and worries that are weighing so heavily on so many of us. He was reassuring, but he made it clear that we all have a responsibility to make it better. That we will need to be patient and we will need to work together. Instead of saying, "don't worry guys, I'll fix this," he invited us to step up and be the kind of Americans lots of us have only read about in text books. This country has certainly been through worrisome times before but the key is that we always pick up, dust off, and carry on. I feel inspired. I feel motivated. I feel responsible to help.

Yes we will Mr. President.

Icy

Despite 40 minutes of shoveling this morning I couldn't get my car up the hill and out of my driveway to church so I'm enjoying an unexpected snow day. I listened to a few talks from General Conference so that I didn't miss out on my spiritual fix entirely and now I've got one of the greatest movies of all time going while I finish my packing. And what movie is that you ask?

The Cutting Edge.

That's right, the one with the Olympic Figure Skater who can't get along with any of her partners and ends up skating with an injured hockey player trying to salvage some sort of ice career and they fight fight fight until they fall in love.

The plot is totally ludicrous of course but I never get tired of this movie. It's got an underdog sports theme, great chemistry between the leads and and just enough Olympic talk to make me feel nostalgic. And I know I'm not alone-you can ask 10 girls about this movie and 7 will tell you they love it.

Toepick!

Parked

I'm supposed to be packing for a week at a trade show and sales launch so of course I spent an hour wondering around Target and now I'm watching this week's 30 Rock and playing on the computer instead of packing. I don't know what it is about loading up a suitcase that puts me into total avoidance mode but I just hate it.

In other news, I was making a CD for a friend this week which usually means serious rooting through my music collection and tripping down memory lane. I came upon this little gem by Broken Social Scene. It took me back to a sweet middle of the night cross country telephone conversation in a New York city hotel room a few years ago. A conversation that was incredibly surprising at the time and is a good reminder that I don't always know how life is going to turn out. My worst fears so rarely come to pass. Thanks song. I needed that.

Zero

It's really cold in Boston right now. Like wear your slippers to bed even though the heat is on because you are frozen to the bone kind of cold.

It's sucking all the creative outta me. I'm looking for it though.

Check Up

I went to a chick flick last night with a bunch of married ladies. My friend Brooke had invited me to tag along with some of her friends from church and we had a lot of fun. The movie was not that great but one of the main characters got me thinking about something I'm trying to explore a little more.

It was a movie about two women living in New York and one was this really high powered attorney with a fabulous apartment and a drool-worthy wardrobe. I found myself thinking-oooo, someday I'd really like to dress that way. And then I realized-um, that women and I are in the same life stage right now. When exactly is it that I'm planning to morph into a twenty eight year old fashionista? I'm 32 years old. I might feel like I'm still 25 and that I'm not a real adult yet but as far as the world is concerned, lady, you're a grown up. This is what you are like. The ways you choose to spend your time and money and energy right now? You are set in those ways. And frankly that's just fine. But I've been a little concerned over the last year at how often I catch myself saying, "that's something I'll do someday." It's so easy for someday to slip into yesterday and then get lost. I think I am guilty of something I have always railed against-waiting for some "real" life to begin. The one where I am braver, the one where I don't worry so much, the one where I get to bed at a reasonable hour. One day I will have faith figured out and one day I will make better decisions. I feel like maybe I have lost a few years of my life because I'm just hoping a new me will show up and replace the one I'm frustrated with.

So today I bought fresh flowers for the house for no reason. Because I've always wanted to be that girl.

Here's a song that fits kinda perfectly...

Teeth

I was so worried when I went to Utah that Morgan was going to think I was some kind of creepy stranger and wouldn't want to play with me.

So I was completely overjoyed when I saw the little weasel the first day and he broke out into a giant grin. And every other time I saw him he would look at me for a few seconds, study my face until I almost couldn't handle it and then he'd let me have a little of this


And now I kind of can't believe it'll be six months before I see that again...

Tally Ho

I guess I should have known better then to post my song off with Dainon the day before I left on vacation because it's taken me over two weeks to figure out the results.

It was a nailbiter guys! Early returns really had my song in the lead but Dainon got a late surge and beat me fair and square 16 to 18. My hats off to Dainon-he posted a great song and I think Jesus and the Mary Chain would probably be OK going down to Jeff Buckley.

I thought I would share what my second choice was for a song in the competition.

This is the theme from Rocky "Gonna Fly Now" that I originally downloaded just for my running mix. But over time my appreciation for it's musical merits has really grown. Yes, we all hear it and see Rocky so there is an emotional aspect to it but I think this is one of those pieces that does exactly what it's supposed to do. Not a listen goes by that I don't feel like a complete badass. I'm either the greatest cyclist of all time, the best jogger in the park or the most amazing floor mopper ever. I love this song.



If anyone else wants to play just let me know! I love this stuff!

Echo

A pretty glorious holiday break will come to an end in a few hours. I had such a wonderful time in Utah-truly one of my best trips home in a long time. I didn't get to spend quite enough time with everyone but that is always an issue when you don't live in a place anymore. That said, I got lots of opportunities to hang out with both of my parents and to load up on their good advice, I held Morgan as often as I possibly could and tried to overdose on his soul-melting little smile, I caught up with friends I haven't seen in years and years and did as much laughing as a person needs to do in two weeks. I am more convinced then ever that I am pretty much the luckiest sister on earth to have the siblings and the in-laws that I am blessed with. It was a perfect way to end what was just a flat out weird year.

As I was thinking about 2009 and what I want to do with it I was doing a little archive diving and ran across this post from January 2007.

Is that me talking? It's really funny/weird/lame/oddly comforting how one year you can feel like you have life ALL FIGURED OUT and then two years later you are sort of shaking your head at some of your decisions. I will admit I felt a little bit sad reading that because it makes me feel like a backslider. And yet, this break was a perfect reminder that even when I am not feeling 100% my best, I have a whole network of wonderful people and that loving and being loved is honestly the very best blessing a person could ask for. I have had some good time to think and plan and even act a little bit and instead of being bummed out, I'm pretty hopeful about the next 12 months. That girl who wrote that sunny little post was me after all right?

Happy 2009 everyone. I feel like it's gonna be a good one!

Correct

I am back in Boston. After two weeks of trying to cram in all the friend/family/Morgan time I possible could it felt a bit lonely to come home to an empty apartment last night. I'm at my office today and it's dark and quiet as well. Hard not to feel a bit meloncholy I 'spose.

Maybe one of the reasons I like music so much is because it does a great job of picking you up out of a somber mood. This has been my drug of choice today.

Begin

I'm headed back to Boston right now and was looking through my photos of the New Year's Party last night. Apparently I get around.

Closer to Free

Well 2008, it looks like your time is up. I will always love you for being the year that brought us Morgan but it seems that there are a whole bunch of folks looking forward to watching you slip away tonight.

This is my very favorite "see you later stupid year" song.



I will be back to real blogging next week. Until then, have a safe and happy New Year. 2009 is going to be just fine.

itinerary

My schedule these days goes something like this:

wake up late
lay in bed and think about warm i am
get up
talk to my mom
shower
talk to my mom
drive somewhere for lunch with someone awesome
goof around
eat dinner with a collection of people that are awesome
sit around and talk
go to bed late

Throw in some presents, a haircut, and some What Not to Wear and that's been my vacation. So. Awesome.

Tonight I was catching up on neglected email and this was the message from SteepandCheap sometime this week

The worst part about the downturn in the economy is that everyone is blaming it for anything that goes wrong. I suppose that if you're among the 7% of the workforce that's unemployed, then you'd disagree that the blame game is the worst part, but I suspect that it makes things even less bearable. I've heard "economic downturn" prefaced by bad news so many times that I'm pretty sure people would blame the economy if the building was on fire. The really crazy thing is that it's not that the economy is completely going downhill--it's that it's just not growing rapidly enough. I've listened to the NPR stories and, although I'm no economist, I think I can safely say that I have no idea what's going on. The only thing worse than people blaming the economy for all their problems are those people who try to tell you that it's your responsibility to go out and spend a lot of money. If I was to jump in and blame the economic downturn for just one thing, I would say that it's made me want to sleep more and be lazy--or maybe I'm thinking of winter.

So I'm just letting you all know that my lack of posting this week is totally because of the economic downturn.

stop

I am still tallying the results of the contest but I've been signifigantly distracted.

Lost in Translation*

*See yesterday's post for below to make sense.

A little known fact is that Replikate was almost called "just like honey" . This song had got yearning guitars, radical lyrics, and while I know it won't be everyone's cup of tea, it always makes me want to go out and get good and kissed.

Give it a listen and then go to Dainon's blog to hear his nomination.



May the best song win!

Duel

So I had so much fun with the "My Song is Better Then Your Song" post last week that I challenged my music guru friend Dainon to an audio duel of our very own. We have both picked a song and will post it on our blogs. Listen to mine, hop over to his and then leave your vote in one of the comment sections. And who knows, maybe you can be the next challenger!

We'll be posting after midnight Mountain Standard Time. That's right, the time zone we will both be in tomorrow (look at me blogging not packing! Woot!).

Vote!

Holding all the Fines

I had a pretty ridiculously fun weekend.

Through a series of random events, Brenda and I ended up at the Vince Gill/Amy Grant Christmas Concert and got into the Meet and Greet afterwards. Before you completely dismiss my musical tastes, there are two voices that said Christmas in our house growing up and they belonged to Nat King Cole and Amy Grant. So when free tickets dropped in my lap, my 12 year old self couldn't WAIT to hear "Tennessee Christmas" by someone other then my little sister and me. We had a great time and ended up singing along to every Christmas song in my iPod on the way home. Every Christmas song and Beyonce's "Single Ladies."

I went to see Black Nativity with Seth, Matt, Brian and Brian's adorable mom. I'm telling you, nothing gets you in the Christmas spirit like a full Gospel Choir singing "Go Tell It On The Mountain" and asking if you BELIEVE in Jesus. It was fantastic.

I danced my head off at the ward Christmas Gala. I was kind of eye rolly about going because sometimes nothing makes my life feel like a bigger failure then dances in the Church gym at 32 years old. But the combination of getting all dressed up (which i love!) , a fun group of people deciding to suck it up and go and the DJ agreeing to the one two punch of "Livin' on a Prayer" and "Don't Stop Believing" meant I ended up having a stellar time.





The highlight though was finally getting to see Bon Iver live. I've raved about this guy before but now having heard pretty much the whole album in person it's going to be years before I can shut up about him. The story goes that a couple of years ago, Justin Vernon had just broken up with his lady, split with his band and gotten pretty sick. So he headed up to his Dad's hunting cabin in nowhere Wisconsin to try to pull himself back together.

He ended up writing an album up there all by his little self and it's become one of my all time favorites. I heard him for the first time the weekend I moved to Boston and so it has felt like a soundtrack to my year here. I was super excited about the show but completely unprepared for how emotional it would make me. About 10 seconds into the first song it was like a dam broke inside me and I started to cry. A guy holed up in a cabin writing about his broken heart is definitely a first world kind of sob story but there is no doubt about the pain he was feeling when he wrote this record. But it's also leaves you feeling surprisingly peaceful. I sat in the dark and closed my eyes and let the music work out some of the knots I've let myself get into this year. Vernon himself was really friendly and charming and seemed genuinely humbled by the amount of attention he's gotten from this record. The audience was so well behaved that on the really quiet songs I almost couldn't hear anyone breathing. It was a really lovely concert experience and definitely a highlight of what was a pretty outstanding weekend.

Here's a new song he played last night called Blood Bank. It cuts off kind of weird at the end but I love these lyrics

then the snow started falling
we were stuck out in your car
you were rubbing both my hands
chewing on a candybar

saying it was just like a present
to be showing up right here
as the moon waned to crescent
we started to kiss

Blood Bank

And then this is the MP3version of the "Skinny Love" video I've posted before. Listen carefully to the part where he hits these lyrics

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?

because if the way he sings that last line doesn't break your heart just a little bit then I don't know if you even have one
Skinny Love

Oh music, I love you so much.

The Great Debate

I like the radio. There. I said it. I know music snobs loooove to hate on the radio and yeah there are lots of big conglomerates who own cookie cutter stations and radio tends to be about a hundred years slower then the blogs and blah blah blabidy blah.

Well I still like it and if you are patient, you can find good stations in pretty much every city. I especially enjoy a good morning show. Plenty of them are complete fests of suck but when you hit the right one it can make the drive to work so much more pleasant.

There is a station here in Boston that has such a morning show and every Thursday they do a segment called "My Song is Better Then Your Song". Two contestants each submit a song, any song, and then listeners vote. It's fun because even though it's an "alternative" station, they choose songs from all different genres and time periods. Today's contest was pretty good and I am as of yet undecided about the winner.

First up was a classic Joy Division song from the 80's that is so sad but so so awesome. I was pretty sure there was no way anyone could beat this song.



But then the reigning champion brought this. It's a Christmas song that I've heard a bazillion times by a bunch of different artist but never the original. Holy eff! Please can we have 60's girl groups back? This voice!


So I am still torn. What do you guys think?

Blurg

When I went in for that massage a couple of weeks ago, the therapist recommended that I come in 2-3 more times in the next few weeks if I really wanted to get rid of my knot. This weekend I went for my second treatment. I like to call it "treatment" because then it doesn't sound like I am some jerk getting weekly massages now. Because while it does feel soooo good, the whole reason I went in the first time was because the giant knot was causing practically the entire right side of my body to go on strike. I have always enjoyed massage but I'm becoming converted to it's medical legitimacy as well.

This week we started face up to try to open up my shoulders a little bit and get me to stop hunching forward all the time like I do when I am at the computer or driving or sitting on my couch making up things to worry about. So the therapist is sitting behind me, working my shoulders and my neck and then he holds my head up with one hand and lifts my back with the other hand to get to the knot. And then he starts kind of laughing and says, "seriously though, re-lax. I've got you, and it's only about three inches if you fall anyway." You know you have got a problem when you are PAYING someone to work the tension out of your body and you still can't seem to chill.

Fortunately that was early in the hour and I was able to concentrate on loosening up (I'm sure this means I need therapy) and I am feeling like we are making real progress. I've been draping myself over the stability ball every night before bed and I can feel an actual difference in the way I stand and sit. But I am a tense little person, and I worry way too much about things that really don't need to take up precious real estate in my brain-especially now that they are deciding to take over my whole body as well. So if anyone has brilliant ideas about how to let. it. go. well, I'm anxiously waiting ; )

Here's an old favorite on the subject. One loaded with memories of this city of mine the last go 'round no less...

Presents

My friend Dainon likes to send Christmas music out during the month of December. Since he has amazing taste and a knack for finding things I might not ever run across I really look forward to hearing what he finds.

This one is quite sweet.


*link fixed*

Art and Life

Tonight I'm watching TV with commercials which I rarely do in this TiVo world but I've been a sicky and haven't gotten very far from the couch all day.

An ad came on for some horrible looking movie where a recently divorced and may I say haggard looking but we are supposed to think h-a-w-t Heather Locklear goes on an island vacation and gets it on with a guy half her age thus getting her groove back or blah blah blah. The name of the movie was "Flirting with Forty" and this is exactly what went through my head.

"Heather Locklear is supposed to be 40 in this movie? And it's remarkable that a young hot guy falls for her? I'M TOTALLY GOING TO BE FORTY!!"

And then I heard Billy Crystal's voice in my ear "When?" so I answered "someday." and then had a real craving for a little When Harry Met Sally.

p.s. yeah, I know, I'm nowhere near 40. But welcome to the mysterious inner workings of the female brain.

Breakdown

A few weeks ago I was taking a shower like I often do at 10:30 on a Thursday night. I was reaching up to put conditioner in my hair and felt a pain in my shoulder that hurt so much I actually yelled. My roommate knocked on the door because um, I so rarely scream in the shower. I managed to get myself out and dressed but the evening ended with me in tears on the couch while Brenda tried to work on the knot in my back that I've been ignoring since it showed up this summer.

So I made an appointment at a place that specializes in real live clinical massage. It. Was. Fantastic. She spent the entire hour just working on my blasted knot. It was definitely one of those hurts so good massages where you kind of want to punch your therapist in the face though. And at one point she said, "I don't mean this critically but you certainly have a lot of tension in your neck." Yes lady, that's what happens when you tensed up when you were about eight and have never really learned to let it go. She told me that since I spend so much time at a desk or hunched over a computer, I should counter that with some time every day rolling around on my back on one of those big stability balls. And guess what? It feels pretty awesome.

I love bodies. I think they are so amazing. And for as much time as I spend this summer thinking about what I put into my body I sort of forgot about the other ways I need to take care of it. I guess my body decided to remind me by freaking out a little bit.

Early New Year's Resolution. More working out, less hunching. (I'm totally sitting up straight and tall while I write this people.)

Treat

Seriously, he's like kryptonite. I am so powerless.

Winner

All good things must come to an end and the goofing around and sleeping in and hanging out of the last few days is pretty much over. Well, at least for the three weeks until I sit on my mother's couch for 10 days holding Morgan (I hope his parents don't mind me kidnapping him.)

But the weekend IS ending on a high note. My friend reminded me of this gem of a song that I had forgotten ALL about. It's really too bad MJ went off the crazy deep end because really-do they make them like this anymore? There might have been a dance party in my kitchen...

Pilgrim

This is the first Thanksgiving in many, many years that I will not be spending with any member of my family. Last year I bought a last minute ticket home after the thought of being without them was just too sad but that is a much easier thing to do from California then it is from Massachusetts. So tomorrow I will spend the holiday with some newish and some oldish friends and I'm sure it will be lovely. I get to cook some fun things tomorrow and I have a massage and a Celtics game planned for Friday so honestly, I have few complaints about a long weekend mostly to myself.

My brain is sort of a jumble these days. A few weeks ago I was explaining to someone how I wasn't sure if I was in the right career and he said something about my job sounding like something the protagonist in a chick flick would have and I guess he's sort of right. I haven't been able to shake the feeling that no one who dropped in on my life would be able to figure out why the eff I've been struggling so much this year. I have a good job in a scary economic time, I have a cute apartment and an easy roommate, I live in a nice city that is big without being overwhelming, I'm finding some good friends, I have plenty of really cute shoes. And yet. Having my sister here this weekend was blissful but it gets harder and harder to put the people I love on planes and watch them go away. And I do feel restless. There is just no getting around it. I don't know where the line is between being awfully grateful for the life you have-and I mean really, legitimately thankful for all the chances you've been given and the opportunities that practically land in your lap-and wondering if you could be doing more/better/different if you were just braver or stronger. I suppose I am trying to learn the difference between being content with where you are and paying attention to when you are being pushed to do something else. Gosh it's fun to grow!!

All seriousness aside, if my little sister ever asks to visit you, say yes. You will have f-u-n. Check it...
Jumping for joy at The Breakers
What are the odds that Callie and Carl would be in town the same weekend???
Or that Traci and the famous Di would come up from NYC?
We ate the heck out of some cookies.
Emily and B the fashion queens.
Not telling.

Happy Thanksgiving peeps.

Repeat

This weekend Emily and I made a trek to H&M so she could buy pants for all those poor kids in Salt Lake without a giant Swedish fashion house on every corner. I was picking out some tights when I got a text from my brother Sterling.

A picture text.

Of an ultrasound.

I ran over to Emily who already knew and promptly started to cry while I called the proud soon-to-be parents. So yeah, we were the family with no babies for a long long time and now Morgan is getting a cousin his very own age. Turns out all my fears about whether the second would be as exciting as the first were unfounded.

Sterling and Megan are totally dope. This is one lucky little kiddo.

Sister Sister

There are many, many reasons it is wonderful to have my sister Emily around. We eat Christmas balls and drink Dr. Pepper and laugh the same laugh, she helps me put together the things in my closet in ways I would never think about and tonight she even helped me do this.

it's been an awesome weekend.

Eggs

I am having dinner tonight with a friend who was so dead set against having kids that last month when she asked me to guess who was pregnant I threw out 10 celeb names before she finally said all exasperated "it's me!!". And although I completely respect those couples who decide children aren't for them, my heart skipped a beat for them and for the world. They are just the kind of delightful people who really ought to reproduce. I'm so excited to see how her belly has grown in a month!

Yesterday my sister-in-law sent me a text photo of Morgan. I do realize that I am biased and I don't know for sure if he's the cutest kid ever born but I sure do love him more then I realized I was going to. I mean, I love plenty of people and the way I feel about members of my family is kind of bordering on ridiculous. But I am constantly surprised at how often I'm thinking about Morgan, or craving photos of him, or buying him stuff or just flat out missing him. All those years I kind of rolled my eyes at the baby hungry girls around me going on and on about their nieces and nephews-I just didn't know. I am constantly wondering what his voice is going to sound like and what food will be his favorite and what kind of music we'll teach him to enjoy. And when I think about anyone every hurting his feelings or him being disappointed, well I guess it's just a good thing I'm working through some of my serious meddling mother tendencies now.

Kids are rad, I'm glad people are having them. I'm off to see what I can eat in front of pregnant Angela to make her really jealous (bring me tuna! bring me feta!!)

Panther

I have been really spoiled with good visitors since I moved here. My friend Rudy was in town for work last week and into the weekend. He had all his evenings free so we got to hang out quite a bit. We had lots of interesting conversations about politics and religion and relationships while trying good restaurants, seeing James Bond, shopping and hitting up a show last night. We had a lot of fun. One highlight for me is that Rudy is a serious internet sleuth and he managed to find and download all seven episodes of the Friday Night Lights season currently airing only on DirecTV. I had only seen the first two episodes at a friend's house before I decided that imposing on people who didn't watch the show was going to get old.

I have said this before and I will say it again-this is one of the greatest television shows of ever. It got a little off track last season in it's quest to get more viewers and the first episode of this season felt a little uneven as well. I was worried. But I've spent the last two days laughing and crying and feeling like I was at a family reunion. High drama is gone and we just have our quiet little Dillon, Texas back.

Winter is coming and if you are looking for something to do with your long, chilly evenings, go to Target or put Season One of FNL in your Netflix cue and catch up. This DirecTV season will be on NBC in February and it's well written, beautifully shot and the acting is stellar. It's totally worth getting hooked.

The music on the show is always so great too, one of my favorite finds from these last few episodes is this one by Scott Matthews.

Offering

Katie made a really great point that with Thanksgiving so late we really won't get the full amount of Christmas music listening time. So that means I should really start on my mixes this weekend.

And since some of you have expressed interest in getting your hands on one, you can send an email to the address on my profile. But be warned, no artist is off the table when it comes to holiday music.

Special

I really, really love Christmas music. I like the traditional hymns and carols, I like modern interpretations of old songs, I like new christmas songs as long as they aren't just lame pop songs with Christmas lyrics. During the holiday season I listen to so much Christmas music that I almost irritate myself with all the good cheer.

However! I hold fast to my mother's rule that you DON'T PLAY CHRISTMAS MUSIC UNTIL THANKSGIVING. So it was with a certain amount of dismay that I discovered the radio station here in Boston that has already started it's "all christmas all the time" rotation way, way too early. Imagine how torn I was last night when I turned on the car and heard the lovely beginning strains of Nat King Cole's "Christmas Song"-a song that is not only perfect and timeless on it's own but still has the power to make me feel like I am seven years old and watching my mother put that record on the turntable and oh it's the most wonderful time of the year!!!-and while my heart was all ready to give in and start singing and charging down nostalgia lane, my mind was saying, "no no no!! it's not time! it's NOT TIME! I AM NOT READY!". It was awful. I had to change stations because I can't possibly taint such a perfect song with so much internal conflict. As much as I wanted to go home and start dusting off my playlists and getting my mixes ready (I might even send one to a lucky reader or two) I knew that in this world of instant gratification, I want to stand firm on my decision to wait. I want to save my ears so that when the time is right, I can properly enjoy U2 covering "Baby Please Come Home" and driving through the snow to "Valley Winter Song" by Fountains of Wayne. I want The Oak Ridge Boys Christmas album to feel as special as it always did when I memorized every word as a kid. I get so excited thinking about Harry Connick Jr, and the MoTab Choir and that fantastic "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" that the Barenaked Ladies did with Sarah Mclachlan but I will hold out. I'm pretty sure it's totally going to be worth the wait.

Do you realize

Last weekend I was looking for some good sweaters to get my wardrobe ready for the long dark winter. There happened to be an American Eagle on the street so I popped in thinking they usually have cute winter things and that's when it happened. I realized that I am too old for American Eagle. And not in a "oh sad! I'm not cool enough anymore" kind of way but in a "ugh, I hate this place and I would rather have one nice piece from J. Crew then four from here" kind of way. And in a year when I'm feeling my age way more then I want to, it's kind of nice to have those moments where I feel like the good kind of adult.

(Thankfully I'm also the kind who rushed home from the gym to watch Gossip Girl so there's that too.)

Holly Berries

Just bought my tickets home to Utah for the holidays. It will be delightful to see everyone but mostly it will be good to see this guy.

New Edition

Several members of my family have joined the blog world recently.

My mom is blogging about her spectacular garden. You seriously have to see it to believe it-her yard looks like she's got an entire staff.

My brother Christopher is blogging about Urban Planning and it's terribly interesting stuff if you like things like the earth and ways to make it better.

And my brother Logan is blogging about life in general.

That makes seven of us with blogs. We are taking over the world you see.

Royalty

My musical preferences are all over the board. The last few purchases in my iTunes include K-os, DJ Antoine, Martin Sexton, Brett Dennen, Leona Naess, Bill Conti, Ryan Adams and Adele. I like a little bit of just about anything. But I have this photo of me when I was just old enough to sit up, on the floor in front of my pops playing his electric guitar. The foundations of my education were built by a guy who liked to rock.

So while I adore my swedish pop and my hip hop and my singer/songwriter friends, give me guitars, give me drums, give me loud music through giant speakers and I am a happy, happy girl. Kings of Leon is such a band and their newish album Only by Night is just chock full of songs that will fill up your whole body. I found this live version of "Use Somebody"-it's rich and full and the lyrics are pleading and the guitars are insistent and it's about to make me go tear it up on the five miler I feel like I need today. I really recommend you watch this with your speakers up as high as possible. Songs like this are the reason groupies exist.

Rock

Although I've been planning to vote for Barack Obama for quite a long time now, I wasn't prepared to be as emotional as I was last night and continue to be today. Watching his beautiful family come onto the stage last night I burst into tears. I had some things I wanted to say but I feel like my sister and my dad both did it better.

I hope that regardless of who you voted for, we can all send our prayers and good thoughts to the man who will be leading us for the next four years. It's an unstable world right now and he will need all the help he can get.

Tears of Joy

Hooray for Change. I am awake too late and should be doing other things but I sat and watched President Obama make a really wonderful and inspiring speech tonight. I'm ready to see what he's got in store for us.

V-O-T-E

I'm so excited to vote tomorrow. I hope you are too.

I brought some work home from the office and although I'm not that excited about doing it, I did get in a workout and a good episode of Gossip Girl and I get to listen to whatever I want while I do it.

Tonight it's all Ryan Adams and the Cardinals. The new album came out this week and I'm so in love.

This song is super sexy people, 5 seconds into it I was hooked.



I realize that I have what borders on an unhealthy attachment to Mr. Adams but seriously! Listen to this stuff!!

And then get up early and VOTE!

You Betcha

I decided to take advantage of the many comparisons I've gotten to Tina Fey over the last year or so and I did this for Halloween

More gems from last night

Yep

I'm one of those aunts.



OK, so Morgan in his Halloween costume is silly cute. But I love this video because it pretty much tells you what kind of family we are. The last 20 seconds are awesome.

Secret Garden

There was a decree put out by my father when I was a wee one that all tiny females in our house would be of the piggy tail wearing variety for as long as possible. I was happy to oblige and for most of my formative years I was a staunch long haired girl. I loved it. I used to put it in hot rollers every. single. day of high school. Then about a week before graduation I decided I wanted short hair with my cap and gown and I made my mother hack most of it off. That was 14 years ago and I've been a shortie ever since. And I like it just fine thank you very much.

But. I will confess that sometimes after a little too much Gossip Girl I fantasize a bit about having long flowing locks again. So I admit that tonight when I bought the brown wig I am using for my Halloween costume (you'll see), I might have spent kind of a silly amount of time playing with it in front of the mirror. I love my short hair but there is something super girly about a nice cascade down your back.

On

The best part about my last entry is that three members of my family had to ask if I was coming to Utah for the weekend.

Nope.

I went to California to play with this baby

And see this family

And play with these friends


And watch these two get married.


I didn't take enough pictures, I drank too much Diet Coke, I thought about pretty much everything. It was a fairly perfect weekend.

Off

I am taking a little vacation for the next few days. Getting on a plane to go watch some friends get hitched, hold a baby, hang with family, stay up too late with friends, eat some good food, see a couple of bridges, take more photos then I need and enjoy weather that doesn't freeze my bones.

I'll leave you with this old song that came on in the car tonight and made me even more excited about the next few days of doing nothing but connecting. Hip hip!

Pavement

So did anyone else come for the political funny on SNL last night and stay for the Adele???

I have listened to this song at least twenty times today.
Chasing Pavements

Soul

My friend Jed loves Donny Hathaway. When he was at my house a few weeks ago, he introduced me to this version of "You've Got A Friend" featuring Donny and Roberta Flack. I got lots of lovely calls and messages and votes of confidence from many, many good friends this week and feel beyond blessed at all the fantastic people in my life right now. Thanks to so many of you for making me feel so loved during a bit of a rough spot. Things are looking way up.

Here you go, your new favorite song.

Found

I was admiring my baby sister's Flickr page and I come across an old photo titled
Katie is singing along to George Michaels

Oh yes I am.

Who Who

Corey sent me this for my birthday. So radical.