The Knocks show got cancelled, I left my wallet in Los Angeles and my flight got super delayed last night.
And yet somehow, the weekend was a complete success. It is becoming increasingly clear that the life for which I would be most suited is hippie commune. All I really want to do is live in a beautiful place with all the people I love where we can eat good food and do fitness and talk until our jaws grow weary. It was a bummer not to see the show but since I DID see manage to squeeze in just over a dozen faces I adore in 48 hours all while eating at some of my favorite places, shopping at some of my favorite places and doing this basically all day saturday, a lost wallet and a cancelled show are simply no. big. deal.
All these family/friend weekends the last few months have got me thinking even more than I normally do about the idea of connection. Complain all you want about how social networking and the way technology changes the way we interact with each other-the more I connect with people online the more driven I feel to interact with them in person. Facebook is never going to be better than sitting at Rubio's for four hours debating the pros and cons of singles conferences with my smart and funny friends. But if it keeps me connected to those people in the times in between when we all have to be adults and go to our jobs and not live together in that giant hippie house, I say, implant that iPhone right into my brain.
Speaking of FB, my friend Danielle posted this TED Talk last week and it made me sob my way through the ironing of my duvet cover (yes, I iron my duvet covers. I've become my grandmother). It's about connection, and remaining vulnerable even in the face of disappointment or heartache. I could have listened to her speak for another ten hours on the subject but this is nice and to the point and was on my mind while I was enjoying every one of my 2,880 minutes in California.
One of the reasons I think I have grown up to be a relatively confident, well-adjusted female without a tattoo on my lower back is the abundance of good men in my life pretty much since birth.
I have a father who has supported and encouraged pretty much every move I've ever made. When I brought a boy to family dinner once and said boy mentioned I should wear my hair curly not straight because he liked it better, my dad chimed in-nonchalantly and not to embarrass the kid-that probably I should just wear my hair however I preferred. Our relationship has had it's bumps but my dad is a good man and he raised good kids which means I also had pretty terrific brothers who have grown up to be great husbands and dads. (My brothers are dads! Sometimes that still sounds so weird!) I have a grandfather who is as legitimately proud of his career girl grandaughter as he is of the one who has produced four great-grandkids.
And then I am just almost embarrassed at the amount of solid male influences I've had at work and at school and in my social circle. It's always been easy to weed out the dirtbags because I have an abundance of examples of what a good guy should be.
All of this to say that I was very pleased when an old friend I have long admired sent a Dear Me letter this morning. He's responsible for introducing me to Ryan Adams, Iron & Wine and a whole slew of other fabulous musicians, but mostly he's someone I've watched just try really hard to be a good man. He's a dad and a husband now and I think that makes his contribution all the sweeter-these are the kind of guys who should be raising up our next generation of dads and husbands. His letter is here.
I'm trying this new game where I say, "if I can get a ticket under $x, I'll go." So I found a ticket under $x for Friday which means this girl will be running along the beach in Huntington on Saturday morning and trying to catch Ellie Goulding one more time in San Diego later than night.
I was on my way to the Incline this morning for the first time in almost two months when a friend I haven't seen in ages called to say he was in town and did I want to come climb the Incline with him and some friends. I met up with the little group which included his dad, who then proceeded to not only smoke all of us the way up AND down, but then talked us into an additional and slightly treacherous hike on the way back to the house. His mother had laid out all manner of post-workout snacks and somehow the afternoon and early evening managed to slip away in a haze of good conversation and catching up. I didn't really get to any of the errands I was planning but it was an awfully nice way to kill a saturday.
I've been trying to pick up my workouts a little this week in anticipation of things like swimsuit season and my fifth (!) Wasatch Back Relay in two months. So I was worn out after two plus hours of hiking and running and decided to stay in and watch a couple of movies tonight.
Aaaand now it's almost 1 and little night owl me is wide awake. So I do what I often do late at night which is hop on iTunes and listen to things I haven't listened to in ages. Tonight I was thinking about college for some reason and so of course, because I am a female in her thirties who went to college in the nineties-that means plenty of Sarah McLachlan. I bought Fumbling Towards Ecstasy after my first breakup (I know, I know, be a bigger cliche please) my sophomore year and then bought Surfacing on my way down to school my senior year. Maybe now that she's a little bit adult contemporary-esque this will sound silly-but when I was 19 she was actually kind of edgy. You didn't really hear her on the radio and I felt like a grown-up for liking her. Seniors listened to Sarah McLachlan. And you know, when you are 19, senior girls are pretty much the epitome of cool.
Tuesday night I bought the fifth and final season of Friday Night Lights on DVD. Last night at 1:30 I finished the fifth and final season of Friday Night Lights. There was a LOT of what I'm sure was really ugly crying. For those of you who haven't watched it yet-you are in for a real treat.
This song was in one of the episodes last night and it felt like exactly what I wanted to hear when saying goodbye to a bunch of characters that I wanted to know in real life.
The music was always such a terrific part of this show-my friend Heather did a great interview awhile back with the music supervisor, Liza Richardson here.
A couple of weeks ago I was innocently trying to sneak out of church early when a woman in the Primary Presidency caught me and asked if I could fill in last minute for a sick teacher. I didn't have a great way to make, "I was going to go home and watch Baby Mama and take a nap," sound legitimate so I said of course.
Let me just say that although I have been a Mormon since birth, I have never, ever taught a Primary class. I think the last time I was even IN a Primary room was maybe college? And probably to watch my little sister give a talk or say a prayer. I'll confess, I was a little nervous. Kidlets generally like me but I had no idea how many I was dealing with and how many of the remaining two hours I would be alone with them. It's a funny thing to be an adult whose nephews and friends with children all live far away-I'm just never around little people. I am an oldest child and was a superstar babysitter all during the late eighties and early nineties. I nannied for a family with 8 children for crying out loud but these days, I'm more of the wind-them-up-and-give-them-back style of adult.
I went in and found my class of four year olds sitting very, very reverently at the front. I took my seat and immediately, this adorable little blonde with big blue eyes and bows in her hair looked up at me and asked if I was the teacher. You could just tell that this was the kind of child who loves teachers. And probably baby-sitters and crossing guards too. She was very clearly a well-mannered little thing and I was instantly charmed. Her name was Lucy which she whispered to me before going back to folding her arms and trying to pay attention. I was wearing red heels, a big sparkly ring and flashy earrings and I could feel her stealing little glances at me but the desire to be good was strong enough to keep her mostly paying attention. Simon, the fellow next to her, was also terribly well behaved. And not terribly interested in me. At the end of the row was Anaya. She had long, thick black hair, big brown eyes and beautiful olive skin. She didn't even attempt to pay attention, just played with her hair, stared at me, and smiled shyly every time I looked over.
I think I've mentioned before that my baby-hunger gene must have malfunctioned because even though I think kids are pretty great, and having nephews has opened my eyes even more to the joys of children, I don't have this overwhelming desire to actually have one yet (for the record, there have been a couple of guys over the last few years that have made me think-we'll if HE was the dad then yes...so maybe I'm not totally broken). But these three were KILLING ME that day. I kept getting all weepy and I'm sure I broke some kind of rule when I took every single one of them to the bathroom when they asked-don't underestimate even a well behaved four year old, if she catches on that the adult doesn't really seem to know how things go, she will take FULL advantage.
For the second hour we were combined with another group of four year olds since I didn't have a chance to prepare a lesson. We got into the classroom and the regular teacher taught a quick lesson on how to tell when you are feeling the spirit. It was a good lesson that held their attention for the most part, although I spent half the class with one sort of uncontrollable little girl who only stopped laying on the back of her chair when I gave her my ring to play with. Which made all the other little girls want to play with my jewelry. Frankly, if big chunky jewelry can count as toys, maybe I'm more ready for this than I think.
The whole experience was terribly interesting. True confession: it's not super easy to be a single lady in a family congregation. In some ways I think they are just glad we're still showing up and they'll deal with us for real when we have a spouse. And some of that is on me as well, I'm sure I could engage more, but with a busy job and social life, it can be easier to just log my three Sunday hours and go back to my role as token Mormon in my regular life. But being with the kids was so. much. fun. An adult is an adult to them so don't care about marital status. They listen! Even when they aren't going to do what you asked them to do, they are totally listening and observing-it's disconcerting at the same time as being kind of awesome. They are very small so I felt very tall. Do you know that a four year old has no trouble telling you that you are "very pretty"? Other people's kids are the single greatest self-esteem boost ever, better than a cat.
I told the Primary President to for sure put me on the substitute list-I mean, I don't need to commit full-time right?
After a few years of going to every show that came to town and then a few years of being a little burned out on crowded venues and being tired at work the next day, I decided to focus on quality not quantity and see what happened. Being a little more selective has turned out to mean I'm enjoying live music more than ever. Just in the last three months I've been five feet away from Langhorne Slim and the Old 97's, gotten the chills from Gregory Alan Isakov, fallen deeply in love with Devotchka, been surprised and delighted by El Bronx Mariachi, gotten a contact high at George Clinton, and enjoyed an unplugged evening of song and Q&A with David Bazan that continued into my friend Heather's kitchen.
So Saturday afternoon when my friend Al called to say he'd found us tickets to the sold out Ellie Goulding/The Knocks show we'd been sad to miss. I was just back from a pretty great bike ride so I jumped in the shower, listened to the afternoon session of conference and then headed up to Denver to pick up Al and get to Boulder.
I fell for Ellie Goulding last October when my sister Elizabeth played her cover of "Sleepyhead" for me. When I met Al a few weeks later, we bonded over her and he introduced me to a whole bunch of artists who were using her on mixes and samples. He put a song by The Knocks on a CD for me and well, that was love at first listen. I posted Dancing with the DJ back in February and it's rarely left my playlist in the last couple of months. So needless to say, I was pretty excited about the show. And any excuse to go to Boulder is one I'll take. It's got it's quirks but it has such a fun, healthy, interesting vibe to it I love to go there.
The Fox Theater is pretty small so even a sold out crowd wasn't overwhelming. The Knocks came out and the first thing they said was "we just want to have a dance party here if that's cool with you guys?" Which is pretty much what I wish everyone would say to me every single day. And then they launched into this
and dance we did. Honestly, what's a better theme song for me than a song called "Something I Can Dance To"?
And then my technology loving heart loved getting this Twitter message later
theknockz That ruled RT @replikate: @theknockz pretty much destroying at The Fox http://twitpic.com/4gcndt
Ellie was fantastic too, the audience was probably 75% female-she writes songs with titles like "This Love Will Be Your Downfall" and "Your Biggest Mistake", I guess it's not hard to see why. Here is one of my favorites
I saw a quote by Aldous Huxley recently that said, "after silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."
Oh hey Pandora, thanks for sending me a song that pierces right to the heart of single ladies.
If I don't stand out like a star among the moons If I am always late and he always backs away too soon I walk the world with a skin so thin I can wear no adequate protection Everything comes crashing in. If I'm too wide open for this place But not enough for him to recognize my face How will he find me With no one's arms to gather me together?
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/deb_talan/#share
Pros 1. No blackberries allowed. Being disconnected in the middle of a work day feels decadent. We'll see how that flies when Games prep heats up 2. Workout is done and leaves evenings free! 3. The sound of four or five bikes changing gears on a climb is awesome 4. My coworker has appointed himself as my cycling coach and when he's not kicking my butt, he's making me a better rider (oh wait, that's probably true ESPECIALLY when he's kicking my butt.) 5. Way more energy post ride than post lunchtime Chipotle overdose
Cons 1. I've seen way too many of my coworkers naked in the locker room 2. Bike short tan 3. I've just never as cute post ride as I was when I left the house : (
I moved to Huntington Beach for the first time almost nine years ago. There was a little group of guys in my singles congregation that everyone referred to simply by their address. The "210 house" were all really funny, really cute, really smart surfer boys who lived approximately 90 seconds from the beach.
Needless to say, little 25 year old me was utterly terrified of all of them. I happened to hear at church one day that they had launched a website of some sort where they were posting articles about music and movies and girls and various other things that float through the heads of twenty-somethings with plenty of spare time and disposable income.
Let's remember that in 2002, "blogs" were not widespread. Social networking was only sort of a thing (remember "Friendster"?). We did not have the kind of insane insight into everyone else's lives and thoughts like we do now. So this website? It felt a tiny bit like being a little female fly on the wall of guyworld. So of course they all had kind of amazing taste in music and movies and in writing they were not just funny but insightful and clever. I was even more afraid to speak to any of them.
And then one night. I was in the Tower records in Costa Mesa and I saw three of them browsing the same section. I knew I was in trouble. I had a rule that since it was way too overwhelming to introduce myself to everyone in my GIANT ward, if I saw people from church outside in the real world, I had to go talk to them. So I worked up every bit of nerve I had and approached each of them as our paths crossed. To this day I love to tease them that the fact that ONE little me was friendly to THREE of them means I totally win. They were all so super nice and over the years those guys have become dear friends and some of my all-time favorite fellas.
So this week when I was flipping through Twitter and saw and update from Nate saying simply "the bendies has a pulse", mine quickened a little. The boys are apparently back in town. Now podcasting here, go over and take a peek. I really don't think you'll be disappointed.
Lastly, this post gives me an excuse to post this awesome song. A song which happens to be the same age as me. And Nate from the podcast. Synergy!
One of the many perks of being a grown up lady is being mature enough to take full advantage of male-female friendships. With all due respect to When Harry Met Sally-I am convinced that men and women not only CAN but SHOULD be friends. There is something a little bit sad to me about a world view where all relationships have to be sexualized.
Which is not to say that a friendship with a guy is exactly the same as my girlfriends-it's not. When some dude has broken my heart, it seems 100% more true when someone with a y chromosome says, "that guy missed out," than is does when my lady friends say the same thing. I really appreciate the perspective my male friends can bring to things and the way they force me to examine the way I think. Many moons ago I was whining about some relationship thing to my friend Jimmy, simple advice of, "don't be a girl Clifford, be patient and let him figure it out," turned out to be pure gold.
So I was delighted last week when my pal Damian, who I have known since the fifth grade, called to say he had come down with Jimmer fever and would be in Denver for the weekend. I drove up Friday night and we had a truly lovely evening of books and good food and life theory swapping. We played a game at the bookstore where instead of shopping for ourselves, we each bought each other a book. Well, two books. And then we each bought ourselves two books. Nerd alert! Then we went to dinner where Damian totally broke my heart by eating a quail. We discussed church and old friends and reasons we are still single and even spilled a few secret high school crushes-always a fascinating topic. After weeks and weeks of crazy travel (which was all fun!), it was nice to relax and catch up with one of the nicest, smartest, most interesting guys I know.
I think the majority of my readers probably see all my endless photos on Facebook but here are a few fun ones from the last two weeks.
Vacation fitness! Worth the 4:30 wake-up call Music on the beach and a floppy hat? Am I in Heaven? \ Dear everyone, we are sleeping in a car. Safely though. The Dojo St Paddy's party. College flashbacks commence. What is that hat?? Why yes, Irish KISS was at the party too.
Last thursday night we were driving to our condo after dinner and a walk on the beach in Waikikki when I got a tweet from my friend, "@replikate sorry to ruin your vacation but it looks like there is a tsunami warning out for Hawaii." I read it to the car and I think we were all just about to roll our eyes when we noticed about 25 cars lined up at the gas station.
And then there was a warning siren. Turns out you can ignore your friend's debbie downer tweet but you can't really ignore that sound. We turned on the radio and learned that the earthquake in Japan had caused concern that a giant wave was headed for the islands of Hawaii. Inundation zones were to be evacuated.
We were close to our condo so we decided to go on and see what the word was when we checked in. The guard told us to turn on the TV and follow instructions. You know what is a weird thing? To turn on CNN and see them talking about the very place YOU ARE STANDING RIGHT NOW. At this point it was pretty clear that we probably wouldn't be spending the night in our cute beach condo but rather in our spacious Ford Fusion. We filled water bottles, posted that we were safe on every social network we could think of and headed off to the nearby LDS Temple grounds in Laie.
The parking lot was packed so we found a little space and then took a walk around the temple grounds. It had been our to do list anyway and we joked that we could tell our parents we were SO spiritual we hit the temple first thing.
Our friends Mike and Whitney were on the last flight being allowed to land at the airport so we told them to get in the car and they finally found us at about 1:30. We were four hours behind most of our families and friends back on the mainland but all of us started getting worried emails and texts from people who had either stayed up late watching earthquake coverage or who were up early. We all tried to sleep but our phones hummed pretty much the whole night. And frankly, if I'm stuck on an island with a potential tsunami on the way, I'd prefer to go down knowing that the people I love were thinking about me.
The wave was supposed to hit at 3 in the morning. It didn't. And by 7:30 the mayor had declared it "all clear" to go home. We raced home and fell exhausted into our little beds and slept until we decided to continue our naps on the beach. By then the sun had come out, the air was warm and our biggest issue was "strawberry or pina colada?"
As a little kid, maybe my biggest fear was that I would be at school when "the big one" hit Salt Lake. I was terrified for weeks after I read "Night of the Twisters" thinking a tornado could somehow get to Utah. Lightening made me run through the house closing all the windows. The recurring dream that I have that ISN'T that marriage one is that I am playing in the ocean in Huntington and the waves get as big as a skyscraper and I can't get back to the sand. Scary weather really, really freaks me out.
So I was a little suprised at how nonchalant I felt about the whole thing. Maybe it's because we watched some of the footage from Japan before we left and compared to what they were dealing with-having four hours advanced notice and the opportunity to let everyone know we were safe felt like an absolute luxury. Maybe it's because I felt sheepish that I had been SO over the top upset about missing my flight earlier when the only real consequence had been I didn't have to wait two hours in the airport for my friends to arrive. Maybe I'm finally realizing that worrying and freaking out has never, ever once solved anything?
I know I say this a lot, and maybe it starts to sound like I'm making it up, but as I was trying to fall asleep against the window of that car I felt overwhelmed by the good things in my life. And recommitted once again to trying to be better with that life. Nicer, more patient, more forgiving, kinder, more generous. Not to be afraid to put my cards out with people I care about.
So thank you internet, so many of you blog readers reached out to make sure I was OK and I'm sure that was a healthy part of why there was more giggling than worrying in the Fusion that night.
Well my crazy travel month is over and I'm back to real life. Which of course means that my friend Damian will be in town Friday night and my friend Haley will be in town on Saturday and my nephs are bringing their parents to the Springs next weekend so you know, real life is sort of a relative term chez moi.
However, I did a pretty fair amount of thinking while laying on beaches and it's time for some spring cleaning-in my house, in my diet, in my schedule and in my heart. Maybe it's my 18 month itch rearing it's little head but I am hungry for some change. Stay tuned I guess.
Meanwhile, Corey made a soundtrack for our trip and I am pretty much obsessed with this track.
2:30 pm Wednesday-check in to flight 6:00 pm Wednesday-drive to Denver for dinner with Al and Mundi 11:00 pm Wednesday-crash at Al's so I am sure to wake up at 3:45 3:30 am Thursday-wake up because too excited 4:05 am Thursday-leave Al's for DIA 4:45 am Thursday-arrive at DIA 5:00 am Thursday-get in terrible security line 5:53 am Thursday-miss flight to Hawaii by three minutes
Alpha Phi's Take Denver 2011 was an utter success. Eight of us from Colorado, Texas, Utah, Idaho, D.C., Seattle and New York, met up in Denver to pretend it was 1997 for a few days. There was walking. There were red velvet pancakes. There was jumping (it's hard to keep Jed on the ground.) There was Cafe Rio! There was art. There were so many tables for eight (and SO many great servers! Good job Denver!) There was culture. There were personality markers.
And there was a lot of laughing. Really so much laughing. College friends know way too much and when you get eight of them in a room together-well it's amazing how many silly things you forgot about there are that someone else vividly remembers.
There was also quite a bit of talking. And some revelations. And a quote from my friend Steph that is sort of burned into my brain. We got talking one night about crappy stuff people were going through and she said the biggest lesson she has learned in her own struggles is "don't compare pain."
It's an interesting thing to be with a group of people you knew back when you were all making your big plans. Because you all shared your dreams and your expectations and at 18, 19, 20, those dreams were pretty unfettered by reality. Weren't we all going to marry rich doctors and have powerhouse careers and kids straight out of central casting? I mean, obviously.
Well no one married a rich doctor (yet!) but there are plenty of great careers, and cute kids and several of the husbands are guys we went to school with and all adore. And there are eight really quality lives that are pretty different from what we imagined. And thank heavens right? THANK HEAVENS your life isn't held to your 18 year old plans.
But being with people you've known for 18 years and who know you so well they don't buy the PR we are all doing for ourselves all the time means that when it gets late, and maybe when some people have had more than one cocktail, things start to come out. And you learn that even good marriages are a ton of work, and no job is as glam as it looks on FB and sometimes babies are harder to make than you thought and adult relationships with parents are complicated-in other words (earmuffs mom), everybody has their shit. And it's 100% useless to put yours up against anyone else's.
Maybe my favorite thing about the weekend though was that even with all the truth serum and all the tearful confessions, there was still so much laughing. And so much supporting. And so many strong, beautiful women (and Jed!) who are oh so skilled at getting through the stormy bits with a sense of humor and a hand still ready to reach out to someone else. I feel incredibly lucky.
So I was thinking about all of them when this song rolled through Pandora yesterday. I'm sort of in this moment where I really appreciate a good "you go girl!" lyric. Because I sure do appreciate my girls.
Little Miss do your best Little Miss never rest Little Miss be my guest, I'll make more anytime that it runs out Little Miss you'll go far Little Miss hide your scars Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win It'll be alright again, I'm okay
The weekend was a smashing success and even though I came home to a freezing day and a cold, I feel completely filled up. I have more things to say about the event but today I'll just share this.
I was one of the billion people who helped Hootie and the Blowfish sell an insane amount of records and to this day, I think Darius Rucker has one of the best rock voices ever. And since someone is going to have to forcibly remove Adele from my playlist at some point, this version of the Lady Antebellum song "Need You Now" is rocking my socks right off. If I were wearing socks.
Right now my friend Jed is washing red Garden of the Gods dirt off his feet at my house, Mary and Jen are in Denver checking into our hotel and the other girls on on airplanes set to touch down over the next few hours. We have three days to catch up and gossip and not sleep and talk about boys and basically pretend we are all 20 again and our biggest worry was whether or not staying up until 3 would affect our ability to get to that 10:00 Comm class.
So I felt just a bit cheesy on Saturday morning when I went for a run past Buckingham Palace and down the to the Thames and listened to Adele and Florence and the Machine the whole time. Like if some Brit was in Huntington and blasting The Beach Boys the whole time.
But then we went shopping and I'm not kidding-nearly every store we went I heard either "Rolling in the Deep" or "Dog Day Are Over" and I felt better.
The new Adele album just came out and if the comments on my Facebook status are any indication, girls and gay dudes are TOTALLY LOVING THIS ALBUM. This woman has a voice I would trade all my sibling for, and you guys know how much I love those guys. Even without a voice like hers though, you can't help but belt these suckers out-so much intensity.
The whole thing is good but these two have been stuck on repeat all day.
I should be asleep but my body clock is so out of whack after this week that I'm not sure I'll be back on a normal schedule until April. So I'm taking advantage of a quiet hotel room and a little insomnia to write. You are forewarned that it might be a little jumbled and rambling but this trip has my brain kind of going every which way.
This morning I woke up from one my recurring marriage dreams. I think I may have mentioned these dreams before but they happen every few months and it's always my wedding day and everything is a) very thrown together and b) I don't really know the groom. At some point of the dream I usually ask someone about the guy I'm marrying and they assure me that he's a cool guy and for some reason, no one is ever alarmed that I am asking questions about my fiance ON MY WEDDING DAY. In the dream I find myself thinking, "eh, might as well." And then I wake up and lay there luxuriating in the fact that I'm alone and not married to some random guy. I always take an enormous amount of comfort in that feeling because it makes me certain I haven't reached that, "eh, maybe it's better than being alone," point of my life that I sometimes get the feeling people think I ought to have now that I am *gasp* in my thirties.
We had a busy day of site visits and meetings and in between I was trying to coordinate how I was going to get from the Denver Airport tomorrow to my car which is parked at my bosses house across town. And as plans were falling through I kept thinking, "damnit one of these days I would like there to be a handsome fella on the other side of one of these work trips." Because really, the only people who WANT to pick you up at the airport are people who get to kiss you when you get in the car. There are times when I just feel exhausted after all these years of doing it all by myself. Like it would be so nice to fall apart for ten minutes and have someone else take a turn putting me back together. Because there are three people in this world who believe in you without question-your mom, yourself, and the guy wearing a ring. And when you are too old to keep going to your mother for validation and there is no guy with a ring, you have to do it yourself and sometimes you are sick of the sound of your own tough girl voice telling you how strong you are. We were wandering around all these menswear sections at Harrod's and Selfridges looking at sponsor shop-in-shops and it can be an almost physical ache because you don't want to buy cool shirts from London for your brothers or the guy you climb with, you want to be dressing up your very own boy.
The day was good. And I ended up with a few free hours with a coworker I adore and we decided to walk to our dinner meeting and do a little shopping along and get treats the way. He's very smart and interesting and he has good taste and I always feel like I learn so much when I get to travel with him. We talked about all kind of plans for next summer and I feel so validated when it's clear we are on the same page and he agrees with so many of my ideas. I feel smart. I feel good at my job.
We get to dinner and it's a venue our sponsors chose. It's terribly them which is to say it's pretty posh. They all show up in one well-dressed mass and none of the women seem to be one bit affected by the humidity that has turned my hair completely against me for the last nine days. We sit down and on my right is the VP of Marketing for the whole of Europe and on my left is another Marketing Director of this major, major fashion label. And even a couple of years ago I might spend most of that dinner feeling a bit out of my league. But tonight I chatted intelligently about David's neighborhood in Geneva because well, I lived there and Mattieu almost fell off his chair when I responded to him in French because you know, an American who speaks French? We talked about US vs European positioning and sports marketing initiatives and swapped background snapshots. I am at this lovely point in my career where I HAVE some background to talk about. And although I am still always actively looking for mentors and people above me to learn from, I'm developing a bit of a downline as well-younger people who want to know my career path and who ask for my advice. My resume sounds impressive without any massaging.
This has been happening quite a bit in the last year, I was sitting there, at a fancy restaurant off Hyde Park in London, holding my own and then some with these people and thinking-this is it, these are my sixteen year old dreams coming true. Looking around at the life I have built and the experiences I have had-I'm ecstatic that this is how things have turned out. Sometimes I walk into my cute apartment after an evening at the climbing gym or a good bike ride and I feel like my heart is going to bust right out of my grateful, satisfied chest.
I'm not living my backup plan-this is the life I was hoping for. There has always been a step two of that life-the husband and family part but I'm not flipping out because 90% of the girls I went to high school with are on baby number three. I have days where it is a total bummer to be single. And days where I can't even imagine there are any single mormon boys I don't already know or single not mormon boys who want to put up with my rules. But then I think about pretty much every good thing that has ever happened in my life and how rarely it's been something I saw coming or could explain to you why I feel like I deserved that shot. I didn't and I don't. I've been incredibly blessed and to complain about my circumstances or to whine about something I have no control over i.e. boys, seems straight up ungrateful.
I suppose I'm just hoping that there are other single ladies out there who have also reached a space where you can feel comfortable talking about those lonely days, and that "seriously???" feeling you get now and then when some kid you babysat is getting hitched and you are in a complete dating drought but also feel comfortable saying no, nice lady at church who said she looks at my life sometimes and feels jealous but she's sure I look at hers and feel jealous, I don't. I'm sure your kids and husband are lovely but I'm actually pretty alright with the way my life is shaking out.
And with that...I'm off to try to sleep a few hours before my last site visit and a flight that ends with my OWN BED!
1. Spanish tapas that made my brain melt 2. Rooms at the hotel in Amsterdam that made even seasoned travelers gasp like little girls 3. Sitting in a coffee shop window every morning watching London run by before our appointments 4. Knocking out two countries I've never been to in the space of 24 hours 5. Advanced scouting of two prime hospitality hot spots for next summer
Sometimes I worry that I am not married because I'm expecting a kind of boy that doesn't exist. But then I remember that I know three of them who are smart and fun and cute and loyal and goofy and interesting and good and ambitious and like strong women and sometimes tease too much and can drive their wives crazy and toss their babies a little too high and I think-I'll wait. Because my brothers are totally real guys and they are totally rad.
I ran across this photo on my sister's Facebook profile and I am obsessed with it. Babies in uncle's laps and everyone laughing. At the risk of sounding like a gaggy "my life is sooo awesome" blogger-this is really what it feels like when we are all together. We're too loud and too animated and someone will end up in tears but gosh, I'm pretty stoked these people are blood required to love me.
This blogger I follow just moved to France with her six kids. SIX KIDS. She posted this cute video that makes me want to move to Paris basically tomorrow because I have NO kids and french boys really ARE this cute.
Trying to get everything done so I don't feel stressed out when I leave for London for ten days, come back and spend a girls weekend with my college friends and then go to Hawaii four days later is basically impossible. Am I leaving enough work for my intern? Have I made all the appointments I need in London? Which video should I take so I can tell myself I'm going to workout on my work trip so I feel swimsuit ready for Hawaii (and then use it once)?
The reality is I will feel stressed out until I get on the plane Sunday and then I'll forget I even HAVE a desk in Colorado Springs.
Tonight though, it's me, Costco trail mix, a stack of notes from meetings with every sport to approve and this song cranked up way louder than I think the night cleaning crew is entirely comfortable with.
I feel like my mother's comment in my post about Hawaii really deserves to be highlighted. I think you will all agree that her wish for our trip really captures the spirit of Valentine's Day.
Jayne said... I never really wanted to go there - not a hot weather-lay-on-the-beach girl at all like you have always been in your heart. But then I did, and every thing was as wonderful as every picture and story I had ever heard. We took a short hike just off the road through cane fields and some lava fields one day, and came upon a beautiful waterfall and handsome South American sunning naked on a rock-and no one else. So that is my wish for you. And that he is also a nice man who was friendly and put on his pants right away, like ours did.
It's weird when you run across people on Facebook who were friends of your younger siblings so you sort of remember when they were born. And now they are full grown adults with spouses and kids. OR they are single and hot.
Either way it makes me vaguely uncomfortable. Like I'm old but I don't know it.
I've been yapping about Friday Night Lights for about five years now so I won't go into terrible detail about how it's the BEST THING ON TELEVISION. But saturday night, when the movie I rented was boring me to death, I popped in the last disk of Season One and cried for the entire three hours. I have always believed that what makes this show so special-in addition to the powerful acting and the good writing and the great location and the music-is that the core of the show is just people trying to live good lives and take care of each other. The storylines treated teenagers like three dimensional people not snotty sterotypes, faith was treated like a normal part of life but there wasn't exessive attention called to it, the Taylors made marriage look awesome, and that funny little town in Texas somehow managed to feel much seemed like every other city or town in America.
The series finale was last night. I had been watching this last season but decided to wait and get the whole thing on DVD in April and watch it in one long, awesome weekend this spring. All accounts say it was a perfect ending. If you are still holding out-maybe watch this and see if you don't want to hear more of Eric Taylor's locker room speeches.
If you believe in falling in love, you should go to the DeVotchka valentine show in your area.
that is all.
So I don't know how you say no to that. I'm hoping to talk some unsuspecting friends into making the trek to Denver with me but even if I can't, I'll be there. Because one summer I listened to this song starting from when I was pretty sure my heart was about to get broken until it was all healed up.
I came up with a rule about five years ago that I would never, ever spend Valentine's Day feeling bad about being single. And I have to say-ever since I've really enjoyed it. Just because I'm not in love it certainly doesn't mean there isn't a somewhat obscene amount of love in my life-especially for bands who manage to use accordions successfully.
One of the best parts about Christmas this year was having a nephew who believes in Santa Claus. Watching Morgan set out the treats for Santa and then get SO EXCITED the next morning was enough to make me want to get pregnant on the spot.
I've been thinking about whether as adults there is anything as exciting as Christmas Eve when you are a kid. I'm not sure there is although I've never experienced Wedding Eve or Baby Due Date Eve, I imagine those come close.
However, I have discovered that finally getting to do something you've been wishing for ever since you can remember is coming awfully close.
I AM TOTALLY GOING TO HAWAII NEXT MONTH!! I realize that I might be one of the last people in America who has never been to Hawaii, and I realize that there are probably 10 other islands with fewer tourists that are just as pretty if not prettier. But I don't care. I have wanted to go ever since my parents spent a week there when I was nine and my mom came home and raved about the shaved ice for about a year. I actually giggled when I hit the "buy this itinerary" button for my ticket. Major credit goes to Corey who has learned that if she plans something fun and tells me about it, I'll probably go.
So if you have any North Shore must do suggestions, lay them on me.
I am really, really proud of myself. I managed to break three New Year's resolutions in one fell swoop this week. I drank a Diet Coke (no caffeine), at Chipotle (healthy choices when I eat out), on a Tuesday (bring my lunch to work M-Th).
One of the many and varied ways in which I have failed to live up to the expectations of my mormon DNA is my utter lack of crafting skills. I am much better with a credit card than I am at making stuff.
However, there are all these women in my family that ARE good at it. So yesterday when I wanted to make a fun treat for my work birthday buddy, I borrowed an idea from Emily and made a rainbow cake! I had to use basically every single mixing bowl I own and somehow both layers ended up a little taller than they looked in the recipe BUT, it looks pretty awesome and tastes even better.
I'll probably do something like this again in 2012.
I think I finally managed to identify the source of the out of sorts mood I have been in for the last little bit. At this time last year I was in Vancouver, getting set up for the Olympics. It's sort of hard for life not to feel a bit anti-climactic when my brain is constantly reminding me "today was the day the trucks arrived, today was the day the Long Track team arrived, today was Opening Ceremonies." My regular life can't stand up to the comparison.
Anyone who knows me is aware that I am sort of an intense little person. So it's no wonder I love jobs where I get these concentrated bursts of life on fast forward. I came home from the Games with my head sort of spinning-you experience so much in such a short amount of time and then spend the next six months trying to figure out how to settle it all into your normal routine. I absolutely love it and couldn't be more grateful to be back in a job where I get to do this over and over.
However! A personality like this means that I get restless really easily. Which is why I like cross country moves every few years and first kisses and making new friends, and dropping a major/hobby/goal in favor of something that looks like more fun, and constantly getting on planes. It's not that I'm not pleased with my life or that I can't appreciate the stage I'm in. I just always want something to be happening.
So this week I have been going a little crazy-should I rethink signing the lease and look for a new place? should I book some trips? Should I take a class? Should I find a race to train for? Should I ask a friend to set me up? Is this really the right job?
It gets exhausting.
All of those things are good and frankly-I DID book a trip and I AM looking for a race and I'm ALWAYS evaluating if this is the right job-but I also feel like it's not a bad idea to learn how to be happy and satisfied with life between the intensity. Something tells me that will come in handy when a husb and kidlets arrive on the scene.
It was while I was making dinner for a friend this afternoon that I realized I had an immensely satisfying few days this past week-days that might not stand up to the comparison of THE OLYMPICS but a whole long string of lovely experiences that should make me calm. the heck. down.
Here's a rundown of highlights:
-The show Thursday night was SUCH a treat. If I had had too much time to think about it I'm sure I would have thought of a dozen reasons that it would be dumb to go all the way to Boulder on a week night, but since my coworker caught me off guard and then pretty much dared me to do it, adventurousness won out over practicality and we were thisclose to a band I have loved for about ten years.
-My dear friend Traci was in Denver all week at a ski and snowboard tradeshow. She works for a headphone company that is exploding like crazy right now so I went up to grab dinner with her. It turned out I got there early and she still had some work to finish up so I got to wander around the trade show a bit. I am a product nerd so it was fun to see lots of apparel and accessory lines and hello-a hall full of cute snow boys who have grown up jobs was just a bit like heaven. It turns out what Traci had to hang around for was a little DJ session with Mix Master Mike. So when she apologized that dinner would probably have to wait I mentioned that I could probably entertain myself watching a legendary DJ while she finished up. And then in a move that I think shows that neither of us are in ANY danger of getting too caught up in the glamour of our industries-we blew off the VIP passes she got to a big party in favor of fish tacos at Wahoos, some much needed girl talk and a guilty pleasure Ashton Kutcher movie viewing. Traci and I became close when we were both sort of miserable on the East Coast and she always has a way of putting things into good perspective for me.
-Saturday I didn't set my alarm and just slept until I woke up. And then I stayed in my bed for another hour looking out the window and listening to music. Specifically this Damien Jurado song probably ten times in a row. My friend Mundi played it for me Thursday night as we were driving back from Boulder and it's weaseled it's way right into my top 10. There is something about the way he says the line "I'm tired an unwilling to be the only one who was wrong," that makes me well up every single time I hear it. I felt so spoiled when I finally got up that cleaning my house didn't even feel like a chore.
-I went and did the Incline for the first time this year. I've been trying to push my workouts a little harder this year and that thing continues to kick my butt. I feel good physically every time I go but it has the added bonus of making me extra grateful for this beautiful state I get to live in.
-I got home with just enough time to shower and go pick up my friend Ari who had tickets to the Colorado College hockey game and invited me to tag along. In a rare twist of ticket luck, two really cute guys ended up sitting next to us. One of them had played hockey growing up and was thrilled that we didn't know much about it and spent the entire game explaining rules and strategy. It was kind of adorable.
-After the game I came home and stayed up way, way too late which is pretty much one of my all time favorite activities.
-I slept in again today, had a GREAT hair day for church, caught up with my new favorite couple after sacrament meeting and then came home and baked pretty much all afternoon. My friend Darius came over for dinner, raved about my cooking and now I'm sitting here feeling not writer's blocked enjoying a nice cup of tea and my pal the internet.
See? Four really solid days and lots of really terrific moments.
Every day doesn't need to be Bobsled day at Team Processing : )
My college roommate Lisa used to tease me that I could be nearly asleep on a week night and if it sounded like something fun was happening downstairs, I HAD to get up and go investigate. Which definitely led to more than a few mornings of me asking her to take notes in our 9:00 French class.
As much as I like to think I'm way more mature now...today I went into our Media Director's office to ask him a question, he said he and his wife were going to a show tonight and a little peer pressure later, I've got tickets, a partner in crime and am driving ninety minutes to BOULDER on a WEEK NIGHT to see The Old 97's and Langhorne Slim.
So hey college me, you'll still get break outs and boys who stop calling in fifteen years but at least your crippling fear of missing out keeps the adventures rolling.
I have a serious case of writer's block. I have started probably a dozen posts in the last four days and haven't been able to finish any of them.
However, I have managed to listen to this song about 150 times in the last four days. I love Maria Taylor-Azure Ray was one of my most played artists in the early 2000's. If I could steal a female voice, it would probably be hers. It's a beautiful melody and the lyrics are quite romantic. I'm a little burned out on the reality of romance at the moment but I sure do love the theory of it.
Dolly Parton is 65 today. Aside from being a big fan of her music, I have been a big fan of her personally for a long time. She is always so gracious about being famous and good to her fans, she's so comfortable in her own skin and doesn't apologize for or try to justify the hair and the makeup and the plastic surgery, she is so good at poking fun at herself and acknowledging the things that people joke about without getting worked up. She's not shy about expressing her faith but she's also so supportive of the gay community that has embraced her. I found out recently that she also set up a program called Dolly's Imagination Library in East Tennessee where she grew up to send a new kid's book every month until the age of 5 to any kid who signs up. And oh yeah, she's also crazy talented.
I am going to sound like an old person here, but there are so many people in the public eye that make me want to move to a cabin in Montana and never turn on the TV again. And then there are celebrities like Dolly who are kind and smart and truly embrace the responsibility that comes along with fame and fortune.
This is one of my favorite Dolly Parton songs. It really should have won an Oscar.
I have loved the internet for about sixteen years now but Friday night I realized there are plenty more reasons to be crazy about it.
Tickets to San Francisco were cheaper out of Denver so after work I drove up to DIA for my 9:20 flight. I was trying to miss traffic, didn't really hit any, and ended up at the airport way, way too early. And then my flight was delayed by an hour. So at this point it was 7:00 and I wouldn't be boarding for almost two hours. I figured I would hit one of the restaurants in my terminal and try to kill some time with something better than McDonalds.
I went upstairs and had just discovered that the Mexican place was a smoking restaurant (I had no idea such things existed! so gross!) and was turning to leave when a familiar face walked by. I couldn't process quickly enough why the face looked so familiar but I grabbed his arm to stop him while my brain raced and then I realized-I don't know this guy! My roommate was set up with him a few years ago and so of course, we did a full Facebook recon on him. We looked at photos, figured out common friends, read a bit of his blog. He lives in Huntington Beach now so his name has come up in many social situations of late. So all of that information just started tumbling out of me, "You are so and so and you went out so and so and you live in HB". Word vomit-I couldn't stop it even though I knew it sounded just a little bit crazy. Fortunately he was also an internet loving kind of guy and didn't think I was a complete lunatic for knowing way, way more about him than a stranger really should.
Turned out his flight wasn't for a bit so we ducked into a non-smoking steakhouse, ate some burgers, talked about missions and goofy mormon dating habits and swapped "what do you do for a living" stories and then went off to board planes to opposite sides of California.
Before any of you get too Sleepless in Seattle on me-he has a serious girlfriend so this is not the beginning of the cutest digital age romance ever. But it sure made my delayed plane a million times less annoying and made me grateful that the world keeps shrinking. I know it's trendy right now to shut your FB profile down or to talk about how the cyberworld isn't real and these people aren't really your friends, but I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many fabulous people I have met, reconnected with, stayed in touch with, learned more about, or changed my opinion of because of the world wide web. Like anything-you can use it to waste time and avoid your life. Or it can lead you to a delightful couple of hours you really would have wasted trying to clear level 13 of Angry Birds*.
If I had a nickel for everytime someone asks me "so what do you do for two years when there are no Olympics"? I could pay for the entire European road trip I plan to go on at the end of London 2012.
I won't bore you with the actual list but believe it or not SO MUCH STUFF. We also support the Pan American and Parapan Am Games which are happening this year in Mexico. I had a complete freak out Monday when I realized how stupid close everything really is and so this week I've been like a tornado trying to get all the balls rolling.
And as Thursday is closing down I'm tired. So. tired.
Which seems like a perfect time for a little trip to San Francisco! Some friends, some family, some running at Crissy Field. San Francisco and I are soulmates and it's been a little over two years since I've been.
I wanted to say something about what happened in Arizona on Saturday but then I saw this Jon Stewart clip and he kind of says just what I was thinking. And he's funnier.
(This is a very unpartisan clip assigning no blame so Dad, you can watch it and you won't feel like you've failed as a father and raised a bleeding heart liberal.)
Maybe it's because I got my first Bon Iver track on a winter mix, maybe it's because my friend Seth and I saw him live on a snowy night, maybe because the name itself is a play on the french words for "good winter", but for several years now, Bon Iver has been my cold winter evening go to artist.
I had forgotten about this a cappella version of For Emma recorded in a hallway in Paris. I still get chills when I hear it. And since it is snowing here in Colorado Springs tonight, I can't stop putting it on repeat.
I had a rah rah 2011 resolutions post all written in my head that I wanted to get out tonight. Instead I tracked down this version of Blood Bank. I feel like this one lost something when they recorded it in the studio. The live videos, however, make me cry every time.
I woke up to a really clear, warmish day today and decided it was a good day to reconnect with my long lost friend running. I haven't been on a run since um...Panama, so I was expecting it to be rough. It was. It certainly didn't help that I elected to do the loop through the Garden of the Godswe've been doing on our Thursday bike rides. It sort of messes with your head when it takes 10 times as long to do the loop. Fortunately the hills are just as brutal either way. And by fortunately I mean, sometimes I hate this place and it's endless hills.
At least I was smart enough to make up a fun playlist to keep me motivated after such a long break. Here are some highlights if your workout list is in need of a pick me up.
"Good Luck"-Basement Jaxx This one has been a staple of my running playlist ever since my Boston roommate Linda gave it to me about six years ago. The best way I can think of to describe this song is "explosive." Even when I am really tired this song will always get me fired up. And it has some sort of angry lyrics which like it or not, can be terribly helpful when you just need to focus and push yourself.
"Howl"-Florence and the Machine The entire album "Lungs" is actually a pretty good running list. I love to blast "Dog Days Are Over" on the downhill run after the Incline and there are plenty of others that get your heart racing. This track also has kind of over the top lyrics (Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart, drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart) that really help rile me up.
"Lights"-Ellie Goulding My sister introduced me to a Passion Pit cover by Ms. Goulding and upon further investigation of her work, I found this track. I like things that start out a little bit slower and build. Sorta the way I prefer to work out.
"A Litte Bit Stronger"-Sara Evans We went to see Country Strong on Friday. The reviews are terrible but I actually enjoyed it. I like Blair Waldorf and Garrett Hedlund is even sexier in this than he was in Tron. And the music was fun for pop country. I downloaded a few tracks and although this is a pretty typical breakup song, the chorus works for talking yourself into just getting a little further up this hill. Training and getting over someone are kind of the same as it turns out-if you have a bit of discipline, every day you get a little bit stronger. (CLICHE ALERT! This video is also terrible)
"Dreams"-Deep Dish I really love Fleetwood Mac. And I really, really love the song "Dreams". Many many mix CD's ago, my friend Corey gave this remix to me and I don't think I've ever done a workout of any kind without listening to it since. It's such a great song, a great remix and hey, great advice ladies-players only love you when they're playing.
Happy trails everyone, if you have a favorite running song please tell me! I always need new suggestions!
Let's start the new year right with a great Dear Me letter.
This one comes from a good friend who moved to Boston just after I left the first time. It seemed like everyone I knew was always talking about this cool new girl and I feared I was missing out. Luckily I moved back to Boston and although it was a bit of a rough patch, I finally got to meet Nat and find out what all the fuss was about. She is the kind of person who will stay in the dance club with me until the lights come on and then teach a fabulous church lesson the next week. She was the ringleader for the great Panama escape of 2010 and was a stalwart friend through way, way too much complaining about my life through much of 2009.
I love her letter for it's unbridled confidence. Too often I think women have a tendency to downplay their own talents and abilities and it can be to our detriment. I admire those women who can say-yep, I am pretty awesome. I'm still getting there but having friends like this sure helps.
If you have read my blog much, you know how much I love milestones. Birthdays, event anniversaries, ends of years or eras...I so appreciate any opportunity to look back, tally up the wins and the losses and adjust the path for the future.
2010 was a year of years for me. I traveled more, learned more, dated more, felt grateful more, attempted more, watched people I love go through wonderful and terrible things more, fell and got up more, and just felt more in one little year than I have in a long time, if ever.
I've already written several posts about this year but indulge me with a quick rundown...
I hiked my first founteener, learned to rock climb, finally put my bike to use and ran my fasted WBR ever by allowing myself to get worked by the Manitou Springs Incline once a week. I outfitted over 1000 members of Team USA for the Olympics. I got to work side by side with the top American design house and the top sportswear company. I shook hands with a Olympic Champion and got to hold his medal. I gave my passport a workout. I ran into an old friend in a pub a continent away, I ziplined in the Central American rain forest, I held a new nephew. I watched my mom bury her sister. I saw a wonder of the world. I welcomed a brother-in-law and saw my sister have the best day of her life. I saved myself into a nice little safety net. I saw less music but the quality was higher. I ran on beaches in three countries. I got my heart broken. I fell in love anyway. I got it broken again but I survived. I got rid of a toxic friendship. I talked to a boy on the phone until 3 a.m. A lot. I held grudges I shouldn't have held. I was impatient with people I care about. I made some really good friends. I welcomed lots of visitors. I went on blind dates and it didn't kill me. I did some dumb things. I realized they were dumb and didn't beat myself up too much. I took feedback too personally. I worked on that, I didn't always get better. I did a lot of kissing. I made good, good new friends. I spent time with good, good old friends. I met my best friend's husband on her wedding day. I bought a really great bed and a big TV. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I read before bed instead of internetting. I sent a ton of baby presents but I am still behind. I didn't return phone calls or emails enough. I probably spent too much time on Facebook. I finally saw the christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. I got to be the safe port for a friend in a nasty storm. I listened a lot. I still talked too much. People I love lost people they love and I felt helpless. I finally went on a big single Mormon trip and actually had enough fun to try it again. I didn't take enough pictures. I didn't even start half the post-Olympic projects I intended to do. I kept up my 14 year tradition of always making my bed. I didn't always unpack the day I got home. I cried more than I expected to in my thirties. I made my first visit to the ER I felt settled. And then I got restless. And then it was over.
And now it's 2011. I am not looking to top 2010, I just want to sit here a year from now and try as hard to figure out how to say everything in a paragraph. Things are off to a decent start: I just bought a plane ticket for a much needed weekend in my soulmate city of San Francisco, my college girlfriends are decending on Denver in March and I'm finally going to make my teenage dream come true with a trip to Havasu in June. I got brave and told my boss I needed more challenges this year and she's already taking me at my word, we're planning a whirlwind trip to London to visit sites and warehouses and I get to see 2012 Ceremonies outfits in a couple of months and October kicks off the ominous sounding "5G in 11M" where my team will support five major international multi-sport events in eleven months. So I'm planning to be healthier in anticipation of that crazy year, I want to get better at the fun hobbies I picked up, I want it to stick next time I give someone my heart, I want to finish designing my apartment, I want to see my nephews more, I want to find a magic cure for the eye wrinkles that give away my age, I want to write something real.
My friend Heather told me a few months ago that I "live big". I'm not sure I always agree-I know how much time I spend watching 30 Rock DVD's and reading about other people's adventures-but it made me feel really good. Despite all the rough spots, I have it pretty good and you know what Spiderman says, "with much power comes much responsibility,".
This song came through Pandora as I was writing tonight and I sure love it. Some wise words to start the year on. Happy New Year everyone, I hope it's your best ever.
But how do I know if I'll make it through? How do I know? Where's the proof in you? And so it goes, this soldier knows The battle with the heart isn't easily won But it can be won, but it can be won
I have no idea what the message is supposed to be but I was pretty pleased to run across this place on New Year's Day. It feels like a good omen for the year.
