I woke up yesterday feeling a little under the weather so I didn't go to work. Or get out of my bed until about 5. My friend Farrah was kind enough to deliver some Del Taco to me so I literally didn't have to move most of the day. I did do some work from home though and while I was working, I got an email from the Spa where I had a massage right after my half marathon. So in a rare display of impulse pampering that doesn't include $10 pedicures, I called and booked a full-body treatment.
So I'm laying there on the table, and it's nice and warm and the lights are low and the music is soothing and the massage therapist is asking me a few questions about where I'd like her to concentrate-it all felt quite lovely. I told her my back and shoulders have been stiff and sore lately so let's spend most of our time there.
She starts with my arms, it feels great, I'm relaxed. And then she starts on my back and I'm not kidding you, she says, OUT LOUD, "oh dear!" to which I reply, "yeah, i have a few knots in there." "Uh, yeah. Seriously. What have you been doing???"
Good question, what HAVE I been doing?
Well running alot. So that explains a little. Clenching my shoulders over the "check engine" light in my car everytime I drive but somehow not making time to take it in, staring at the ceiling for half an hour before I fall asleep wondering if all the statistics about conception being harder after 30 are true, rereading the underlined portions of Mountains Beyond Mountains and trying to figure out why on earth I still haven't mailed in my Big Sister application, having three dreams in the last month regarding marriage where I wake up totally relieved that they weren't real and I didn't actually go through with something that felt wrong, wondering how my sea level lungs will do in a mountain race, wondering if I'll ever stop being sad that my parents are divorced, consistently forgetting the four wedding presents I am behind on, fearing that my computer is going to die the very month I finally paid it off, thinking about the expense reports I haven't finished only at times I am nowhere near them. And believe it or not, I STILL don't have a California driver's license because mine got lost in the mail and you have to go back to the DMV to get them to send you a new one and well, if that means getting up half an hour early to go before work then you know I'm not doing it until I get threatened with arrest and maybe not even then.
But I didn't think about any of those things last night. I only thought about how nice the lotion smelled and how good it feels to have someone touch your skin even in,or maybe especially in, a purely non-sexual way and how a day only has so many hours and I'm glad I'm spending this one here.
Today I think I'm clenching my shoulders again but I'm making a concerted effort to stop when I realize I'm doing it again. We'll see how long this lasts.