Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Wagon

I think there are six women in the entire United States who feel completely comfortable with their bodies. I don't know any of them personally and I think four of them are supermodels anyway. Even the kind of smart, successful, down-to-earth women I generally surround myself with and who really do know better can give you five things about themselves they wish they could change. There are varying degrees of course and as we get older and smarter most of get our teenage body image hysteria pretty much under control and manage to knock it pretty far down on the priority list.

That said, most of us still care what we look like and nearly all of us care about what we FEEL like. So when I did that cleanse um, two short months ago, it was about 20% motivated by how I was going to look and 80% how I was going to feel. The cleanse delivered on both counts and I was thrilled. So it is with much regret that I admit how hard I fell off the wagon. I won't get graphic but let's just say that there was enough Diet Coke in my veins this weekend to keep the entire freshman class at Harvard awake through finals week. I had peanut M & M's for breakfast on Saturday. And ladies and gentlemen, I feel like some kind of junkie. I have always believed in the close connection between your physical health and your emotional/spiritual health but whoo boy is it pretty crystal clear right now. You would think I would learn this lesson from marathon training or being diligent about sleep or eating healthy but no, the motivation to make true lifestyle changes is coming because I had a candy hangover yesterday.

This experience is nothing compared to true addictions that people struggle with but I do find that I'm feeling a little bit more sympathetic to those around me trying to make big changes. It's hard. Even when you know it's the right thing.

As for me, I'm back. Not back on the cleanse, but back to applying the lessons I kinda thought I already learned. It's possible for little miss "I had to come back to a city I already lived in to get it right", this is just the way it goes....

4 comments:

Kelly said...

Not that you or I have an eating disorder, but it's very easy to "relapse" when you have issues with food. Alcoholics and drug addicts can abstain (I realize that sounds a lot more simple than it really is, but they have that choice). Whereas, you always have to eat.

I'm just getting back on the healthy eating bandwagon after about a month and a half of eating whatever I felt like - and waking up with simple carb hangovers. Logically, I know it's not worth it. But I love ice cream. And chocolate. And hot pretzels.

Dani said...

Ooooh. I've been traveling for a week and eating really poorly. Cheesecake, more cheesecake. Diet coke. Diet coke with vanilla. Carl's Jr. Last night's $6 burger was the tipping point. I felt disgusting. So I went to the grocery store and bought groceries for this leg of my business trip and I decided to eat just vegan for the next two days...

As of an hour ago, I now have to go out to dinner with some coworkers and if you're wondering if I'm going to wash a juicy pink steak down with a pint of diet coke, well, the answer is yes.

Crystalbell said...

Good timing ... this morning instead of my usual steel cut oats, I had two pieces of Godiva Dark Chocolate! Truly the breakfast of champions!

I can so relate, I've been on a bad eating streak as of late, which is weird ... I think it's in the air, or the water ... quite possibly in those carbonated drinks we all love.

Jane said...

ohhh, I am so with you right now. I had "good-n-plenty's" for breakfast today, prior to the HUGE breakfast burrito Dusty brought home. With our company from the Philippines, we are on a eat-everything-across-America Tour. It definitely gives me the blues, but some mighty fine yummy food highs!