Face

I mentioned last week that somebody posted some high school dance photos on Facebook. I'm a little embarrassed to admit how much they got me thinking about those three weird years of my life. It scary true how much faster time goes by as you age but I remember being convinced that high school was going to last for the rest of eternity. That I would always feel awkward and unsure of myself, that I would never quite find a place where I fit, and that I would be wearing my braces until well into my thirties. My grades at the time would say that I was really good at school but my social calendar would show you that I never quite got the hang of that place. Adults would always tell me that I was probably the kind of kid that would do better in college and they were right. I do hope however that I remember how little that comforts a 16 year old girl who doesn't want to sit on the sidelines but has no idea how to get out there. I spent more time then I should have this weekend trying to figure out how to split the blame between myself and the other kids.

I've been fortunate over the years in that quite a few of the people I was intimidated by in high school have drifted back into my life for various reasons. It's always interesting to talk about how we all saw each other back then. I had one girl tell me that I seemed like a smart kid who wouldn't have wanted anything to do with the cheerleader crowd she was part of. I oten think that if I ever have teenagers, I hope they can have a better experience in those years then I did. I'm still not even convinced that I would have given up my endless months of play practice and Saturdays lost to debate meets (oh yeah people, it's like I was TRYING to drive 16 year old boys away) in exchange for dances and football games. Two thoughts kept coming back-I had younger siblings who were infinitely cooler then I was who still felt like they didn't have enough friends, or the right friends, or struggled with the myriad of other things that every teenager every feels regardless of social status (except maybe Blair Waldorf but even she has to watch out for Serena.) And two, when will I ever learn that the grown up me is pretty much a sum total of all the things that younger me had to deal with. You take away the braces and the unrequited crushes and I think you lose a lot what inspired that little girl to make a lot of plans for how her life was going to go. I hope hope hope I can remember that if I ever have a kid who isn't the picture of high school popularity. Which um, sorry potential future offspring, I pretty much guarantee is going to be the case if I've been your mother.

The truth is that fourteen years later I still don't always feel like I fit. My religious beliefs keep me a little separated from most of my peers but there are lots of things about my life that make me feel just a little bit out of the norm at church. But it's funny how that has gone from being something that made me feel so lonely to something that makes me feel lucky. Not being tied to one group has allowed me some freedom over the years and I've been able to piece together a pretty stellar collection of friends. Two weekends ago when Jed from SUU and Traci from HB came to visit and they hit it off with each other and with my current roommate, my heart almost burst from the awesomeness of watching all these parts of my life blend so splendidly. So I'll try to remember that next time I catch myself looking at someone else's glory days and feeling like I missed out.

Here's a song by OutKast that I love on the topic of being cool. Another good rainy day song on what it ANOTHER RAINY DAY IN BOSTON?? Who exactly where the crazy people that settled this place and why didn't they keep moving??

Open Letter

Dear world-

The word is anyway. Not anyways.

Thanks.

k8

Claim

My high school years have exploded all over Facebook in the past few weeks. Folks I haven't thought of in a million years are appearing in the "people you may know" tab. There is a post percolating in my brain about high school but I'm struggling to get the tone right. That's what the rainy weekend will be for since I'm still iffy on bike riding on slick roads.

The weather is definitely turning here and cold weather makes me both melancholy and nostalgic even without the internet hitting me over the head with faces from the past. One of the great things about the age of iTunes and the MP3 is that it's become a million times easier to reclaim songs with sad memory baggage attached to them. For years and years my heart would drop into my shoes every time I heard "Now That We Found Love" by Heavy D and the Boyz because of the part it played in the worst stomp of my high school career (for anyone who did not attend Cottonwood High School, stomps were the non-date dances. And they were either amazing or horrible, there was no middle ground. Because your crush either asked you to dance or he didn't. Period.) But then three or four years ago I bought it on iTunes and now I can listen to it without one bit of teen angst ruining the bass line. Which is good because I do love me some Heavy D (Is It Good To You and Nuttin' But Love being two of my early nineties favorites).

But there is a song that I can't seem to clean up no matter how many I listen to it. I hear the first five seconds and I am in rental car in Chicago, completely broken hearted over a boy, listening to a voicemail message from my friend Emily and finding this song on what felt like every single station in the whole city. I adore Chicago, my event went well that weekend and I had some of the best sushi of my life one of my nights there but it's like I couldn't escape this damn song. But I really liked it so I would catch myself listening to it anyway. And now, even though that boy is long gone and so are those feelings, I can't shake that pit in my stomach when it starts up. Since I'm a sucker for a good melodramatic moment though I keep it in the old iPod....

Anyway, I guess rainy days + too much high school on the brain = Tim McGraw and Nelly

Naughty

Every few weeks they offer 15 minute chair massages at my office. I woke up Saturday morning with a couple of knots that I still haven't managed to get rid of so I signed up. As the therapist was working out one of the little buggers she mentioned that the body is divided up into sections sort of like the brain is. The area of my back where all my knots have taken us residence?

"Men and business."

Yikes.

Simplify

Sometimes there is just nothing quite as awesome as a low key evening to yourself. I was working on a five year budget plan presentation all day and it pretty much fried my brain. I really should have gone straight to the gym but by the time my boss and I finished dotting all the i's on the thing it was already 7:00. This little scatterbrain left her workout bag at home this morning and I figured by the time I went home to eat something and change clothes there was little chance I would get back out the door on a chilly Wednesday night.

So instead, I went to the grocery store and bought the ingredients for my favorite meal of all time and came home and cooked to the musical stylings of Dolly Parton, Amos Lee, Jeff Buckley and The Bee Gees. Then I settled in to watch one of the old episodes of Friends I have filled my Tivo with since I discovered that TBS runs them twice a day. And THEN I took a long, hot, nighttime shower and am now happily blogging wrapped up in a blanket and towel on the couch. Anyone who has ever lived with me will tell you that the towel is pretty much my favorite article of clothing. And now with the weather getting cold, I top that off with a big fluffy blankie and I am pretty much the happiest, warmest little creature on the planet right now.

Speaking of things I love, the other night a friend was over and we were playing "do you know this song" with my laptop and his iPhone. He'd never heard of Jeff Buckley, I wrong I was quick to right. I don't want that to happen to any of you. This song is beautiful anyway but Buckley had a voice that is otherworldly.

Last Goodbye

And I'm for one last simple pleasure of the night, my clean white sheets and eight hours of sleep.

Animal House

Friday night I got to have dinner with one of my dear friends from college and her little family. It doesn't matter how many of my friends get married and have babies, it still amazes me every single time I meet husbands and kidlets that girls I used to giggle about boys with in college are now someone's mommy. I am turning 32 in three weeks and continue to believe that I'm way too young for this to be my life. It was really fun to see Jennie and meet her cute husband Rick and ADORABLE baby Max.


So I was maybe feeling a bit nostalgic anyway as I headed into my weekend and off to run our sponsorship booth at this year's Farm Aid Show. I don't typically get super star struck but sitting at the Press Conference and seeing these guys all together on stage was pretty heady for anyone who loves American Music.

(that's Willie Nelson, Neil Young, John Mellencamp and Dave Matthews for anyone who has lived in a cave for the last 40 years)
Once upon a time I used a person's feelings about the Dave Matthews Band as a barometer for my feelings for that person. I bought his CD's at midnight release parties, my sister and I drove hundreds of miles to see them perform, I crossed my own professional boundaries and begged a boss to use his connections to get me good seats at a show one time-I really, really loved this band. Over the years though I wasn't loving the new releases so much and there was so much other great music out there that I kind of lost interest in DMB. It didn't hurt that they become the artist of choice for a lot of real tools and were no longer a very good personality gauge. I quit listening around the same time I moved to California the first time and a lot of things in my life were changing. My friend Derick had told me about a hundred times that one of the great things about moving to a new city all alone was that you really got a chance to know yourself. When you don't have many friends and you are still settling into a job you have a lot of free time and you get to know what you like to do/think/feel/watch/read/listen to when no one is watching. That's when I got serious about running, discovered Radiohead and starting liking artsy boys. I felt like a new person and in a lot of ways, I distanced myself from many things I had cared about before. I'm still not sure why I felt like I had to roll my eyes at things I had once liked in order to prove I was growing.

I've gotten a wee bit more mature since then I think. I hope. Last night I stepped away from the booth for a few minutes to catch Dave's part of the show. Hearing his voice live for the first time in probably seven years actually got me a little choked up. It felt so familiar and comforting. So today I've been basking in old DMB memories. Here's a favorite.
Grey Street

Average

So I'm hanging out with these guys tonight









Yep, Chris Botti, Sting, Steven Tyler, Yo Yo Ma are all playing with the Boston Pops tonight. And even if you hate Aerosmith or you think Sting hasn't written a good song since The Police broke up, I think you can still appreciate that this is one going to be one hell of a good night of music. And a really good excuse to get dressed up on a Thursday. Pretty much my favorite kind of evening.

OMG

I am becoming one of those people! The ones who get photos of their nephew and have to go show everyone in the office. But I don't know how anyone can't expect me to behave when stuff like THIS
shows up in my mailbox in the middle of the day. Are you joking? Do I really think it's cool to live 2500 miles from THAT LITTLE FACE AND THOSE SKINNY SKINNY FROG LEGS? Everytime I look at him I think "my little brother who used to have a bowl cut and be scared of the moon MADE that. He's that guy's DAD." I love it that he's such a perfect mix of both parents. He's got his mom's lips and his dad's lashes but he's also looking like his own person.
Oh I love this baby.

Horoscope

So many of you know that I have a crush/slight obsession with the daily emails from the website Steep and Cheap. Last night's edition made me laugh right out loud because seriously, I think the writer and I really just need to get married. Two overly dramatic worriers in one house sounds like a real treat doesn't it?

A squirrel broke in one day and it wouldn't leave. It was sitting in my friend's cereal bowl eating Peanut Butter Capn' Crunch with one hand and rubbing the top of its head with the other. Too much contact with humans had taken away its fear, so the animal would just sit and stare at you while you waved your hands in the air trying to scare it back out the window. Later I would worry that by letting it live we would be the cause of a massive squirrel migration into human domiciles, or at least a squirrel rapture on the scale of Hitchcock's The Birds. I was afraid this squirrel would tell its friends that humans were nothing to be feared, and then the animals would roam our homes with impunity. Turns out it wasn't that big of a deal and I'd grossly over dramatized the problem. Kind of like pretty much everything else I've ever worried about.

The Wagon

I think there are six women in the entire United States who feel completely comfortable with their bodies. I don't know any of them personally and I think four of them are supermodels anyway. Even the kind of smart, successful, down-to-earth women I generally surround myself with and who really do know better can give you five things about themselves they wish they could change. There are varying degrees of course and as we get older and smarter most of get our teenage body image hysteria pretty much under control and manage to knock it pretty far down on the priority list.

That said, most of us still care what we look like and nearly all of us care about what we FEEL like. So when I did that cleanse um, two short months ago, it was about 20% motivated by how I was going to look and 80% how I was going to feel. The cleanse delivered on both counts and I was thrilled. So it is with much regret that I admit how hard I fell off the wagon. I won't get graphic but let's just say that there was enough Diet Coke in my veins this weekend to keep the entire freshman class at Harvard awake through finals week. I had peanut M & M's for breakfast on Saturday. And ladies and gentlemen, I feel like some kind of junkie. I have always believed in the close connection between your physical health and your emotional/spiritual health but whoo boy is it pretty crystal clear right now. You would think I would learn this lesson from marathon training or being diligent about sleep or eating healthy but no, the motivation to make true lifestyle changes is coming because I had a candy hangover yesterday.

This experience is nothing compared to true addictions that people struggle with but I do find that I'm feeling a little bit more sympathetic to those around me trying to make big changes. It's hard. Even when you know it's the right thing.

As for me, I'm back. Not back on the cleanse, but back to applying the lessons I kinda thought I already learned. It's possible for little miss "I had to come back to a city I already lived in to get it right", this is just the way it goes....

Stolen

Check out the eyelashes on this kid!!! I almost want to put him in a dress.

Oh gosh I love this little face.

Peace Train

My house is spotless, my professional idol was hilarious in the opening sketch on SNL last night, my roommate and I had our first joint party and it was super fun, I got to play hostess to a dear old friend and a wonderful new friend this weekend, Bon Iver sounds perfect on a rainy sunday night, all signs point to a good night's sleep and I found out today that two of my favorite ladies just became second time mommies (lots of love to the The Oversons and the Bischoffs!!!).





Plus, there is SO much Dolly and Kenny on YouTube.



(My heart skips a little beat when she says "what is it Kenny?")

Ride

I was reading an article today about what celebs had in their backstage riders for the VMA's so I was thinking about what I would want in my dressing room if I was a big star.

-vase of fresh flowers in bright colors
-one Jo Malone Pomegranate Noir Home Candle
-CD player or iPod dock
-big bowl of peanut m and m's
-Stacy's Simply Naked and Cinnamon Sugar Pita Chips
-Selection of Odwalla Juices and Polar Cranberry Lime Soda
-a tray of chopped vegetables
-bowl of grapes
-an internet connection (because duh, I would be a celeb blogger you guys)
-and probably some doughnuts. because it's friday afternoon and I just really, really want a doughnut.

See? I'm not too demanding.

Apparently LL Cool J asked for 24 long stemmed roses with individual water tubes which frankly creeped me right now. Exactly how many groupies are you entertaining Mister?

Roots

For most of my teenager years, my favorite thing to do when my dad would talk about country music was to roll my eyes and make gagging sounds. He would call it "the music of the people" and I would say, "yeah, the music of the STUPID people."

So I guess it's kind of funny that there is a distinct twang in a lot of what I like these days. Ryan Adams and Wilco and Ray Lamontagne sound a lot more like Willie Nelson then Bon Jovi or whatever I was listening to when I was 14.

But even as I was making fun of my father's taste, I always felt guilty about a little secret obsession from my past. When I was probably 6 or 7 I had a compilation tape that I LOVED. Like would listen to over and over and over and make up dances and try to learn every single word. I don't know who gave it to me and what ever became of it but to this day, I can still sing a lot of the songs and vaguely remember some of the "choreography". I was goofing around on YouTube this weekend and I dug up a few of the standouts from that tape. Maybe I do have a little Idaho in me after all.


Oh Alabama. I would shake my head at my dad for liking country and THIS was one of my favorites? This thing is practically wearing overalls and driving a tractor it's so country. Whatever, I also love "If You're Gonna Play in Texas" and "Song of the South" and I don't care what anyone thinks.



I really DO love a rainy night.



Um, I'm sorry, are there any songs more awesome then the Devil Went Down to Georgia? I remember being SO proud of myself when I learned every last lyric to this. Also, I'm really sorry Pops that I quit the violin before I ever learned to play this song. And also really sorry to any future offspring but it's possible YOU might have to right that cosmic wrong.



Another thing my dad really loves? Pigtails on little girls. I always had long hair when I was a wee one and for a long time I wanted to grow it out just like Crystal Gale. But I was a little freaked out at the prospect of my brown eyes going blue.


I don't know how old I was before I finally found out that Kenny and Dolly weren't actually married to each other. And seriously, they don't come better then Dolly Parton. That women is f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s.


No wonder I am so awesome. One of my first favorite songs was The Gambler for crying out loud. The Gambler!!

Here's a little bonus Dolly Parton for you because I'm no longer afraid to admit it-I LIKE COUNTRY MUSIC YOU GUYS.

Scrub

I called in sick today. I had every intention of getting a bunch of work done here at home but I ended up pretty much sleeping it off the whole day.

Sleeping and now watching Scrubs! Oh how I love this show. It's always fun and really often sweet too. I think there are four episodes on in a row right now so hooray for syndication!

It's definitely fall in Boston, the air is getting chilly and my car is starting to be covered in leaves every morning. I'm working on a fall mix right now but to get through it I will have to stop putting this particular song on repeat....Jen's Lekman's Farewell Song to Rocky Dennis

It feels like a perfect song for curling up on the couch and finally starting the book I bought a month ago.

Favor

**I'm posting this here for my friend Jane who is looking for a song for her daughter's dance competition. As a music junkie I can't take a challenge like this sitting down but I'm coming up a little empty. I keep flashing back to that scene in The Cutting Edge where they are fighting over whether to use classical or rock and they keep turning the music up louder and louder and louder as they get madder and madder. Awesome. Anyway, the task at hand-any thoughts?

attn: music junkies

I am searching for a song. It must be super right.
Kiana and her adorable dance friend Isabel are both 10 years old. They have been performing/competing duo's together in dance almost every year since they were both 6 years old!

This year, we really want something fresh and new.

It must be age appropriate which excludes all songs with any bad language, mature themes, etc.

I dislike super-themed little girly songs.

I'm looking for humor, something that would have a strong less-obvious story to it, but a great humorous story could be choreographed to it.

Did you all watch SYTYCD this past season?

I LOVED Napoleon & Tabitha's work, every time they choreographed.

But, this will not be a hip hop piece like theirs.

It will be more of a jazzy/contemporary piece. For you non-dance readers, that is not modern. Contemporary is more of a newer-trendier jazz...

I would be VERY happy with upbeat suggestions...
I love old songs made new...
I love instrumental remakes of old songs...

Please suggest!!! I need the community of bloggers to throw out ideas!

Feel free to give ideas on the choreography, costumes...
these girls will be competing in the NYCDA {New York City Dance Alliance}
competitions this year and we want something completely original!

A great choreographer will be doing it, but I need somewhere to start!

Zip

OH MY GOSH I AM WATCHING KELLY TAYLOR ON TELEVISION AGAIN!!!

I gave in and I'm watching the new 90210. I can't decide if it's awesome or if it's a disaster. But Kelly Taylor! Weird weird weird that Lori Laughlin is playing the Cindy Walsh character. Am I old?

OK and I am not admitting anything here but maybe I watched ten episodes of The OC over the weekend too.

Fox in Sox

The season is almost over but I finally made it to a game. Perfect weather, great seats on the third baseline, Fenway Franks, and cute boys in front of us. Bliss.

Copycat

**this post inspired by my sister's September 2 entry**

A few months ago I got in a really stupid and immature fight with someone who meant a lot to me. We are both a little stubborn and we ended up not speaking for quite a long time. A few weeks ago I got a message from him out of the blue and a few sincere apologies later, he's back to being one of my favorite ways to burn free long distance minutes.

This particular friend had actually dated a roommate of mine years ago and I hardly knew him at the time. He ended up resurfacing right as all my job upheaval was happening and was a very steadying influence through much of that exhausting experience. I guess it's all just part of my continued surprise at how little we understand about the way things in our life are going to turn out. Who will be significant, who will just be making a cameo, which decisions will matter a little and which ones will matter a lot. These last few months and years of nomadic singleness have been so fun and so exciting but they have not been particularly peaceful. This weekend I was remembering some past Labor Day events and wondering what this one will look like in three or four years.

One of my favorite songs on the subject is the Joni Mitchell classic "Both Sides Now". It's a great song but made about a million times better when you compare the version from 1970 to the one she released a few years ago.





This song makes more sense every time I hear it.

payback

I got SO MUCH SLEEP this weekend. It was awesome.

And now it's 1:30 on a school night and I am not one bit tired.

Woops.