Surfer Girl

This post has a soundtrack.

As it turns out, I really, really like surfing. After last week's successful lesson, my friend Katie suggested we get a group together to go down to San Onofre and spend the whole morning in the water. She said the beaches there were beautiful and the waves were a little more manageable for beginners.

So totally against my nature, I got up at 5:30 on Saturday morning to meet up with the girls. We met a few guys down at the beach but for the most part, this was a girl power outing.

We loaded up the trucks with all the gear and headed about an hour South.

San Onofre is the only beach left in Southern California where you still park right on the sand. When we pulled up I sort of felt like we'd landed on the set of Gidget.

Surfboards look awesome even when they are just laying there.

And frankly, so do people in wetsuits. You know something really fun is probably going to happen.

So we got out into the water and there were surfers EVERYWHERE. Which I'm sure once you are a really good surfer is kind of annoying...but when you are brand new? It's actually pretty fun. Which leads me to a short list of reasons I can't wait to do this more:

1. I LOVE being out in the water. Even just sitting on the board, watching the waves and waiting for a good one, is me getting to interact with the ocean. As much as I love sitting on the beach, I love being in it more.

2. Catching a wave is a huge rush. I only got up a few times but the waves were pretty slow and rolling so I came close a lot as well. I can't really describe it but maybe something about having to wait and be patient for a good one to come along makes it all the more exhilarating when you catch one.

3. I really enjoyed all the chatter in the water. People were pretty friendly and super encouraging to the newbie. And quite frankly, even though there were plenty of girls in the water, this is still a male dominated sport and I am never going to complain THAT.

You can't really tell unless you know where to look but this is me in the water. I'm in the middle, my board is pink.

These are two of the other beginners, Kellie and Kristen. We all managed to stand up at some point. Probably because Katie is a really good teacher.
I'll confess that part of the reason I had so much fun was that I knew we got to use the outdoor shower afterwards to rinse off. I am slightly obessed with these. And the fact that this one looks like a jungle shower made it even better.
Then we went to Pedro's for lunch. Trust me, you don't ever want to go to San Onofre and NOT go to Pedro's. Carne Asade to die for.
And here we all are, still smiling after four straight hours of surfing.
I am going to have to overcome my deep aversion to getting up early because this is ridiculously fun.

TGIF

I'm finally getting out from underneath a little cloud that's been hanging around for a few weeks and life is feeling more like this.

Whoever said time heals all wounds was right I suppose. I hope you all have superfun weekends planned, I know I do.

The Work Crush

At this point in my life, I'm pretty much done with crushes. Secretly fantasizing about a boy who is never going to be into you has lost a lot of it's luster over the years. It's just not that fun to invest any kind of time or emotion in a hopeless case.

However.

One crush that is still alive and well and extremely fun is the Office Crush. Now I'm not talking The Office crush a la Jim and Pam. That relationship has moved far, far beyond the realm of what I'm referring to. I mean a guy in your office who is probably not the kind of guy you like in real life, but since you see him every day, usually dressed up and often being terribly adult and responsible, he can seem pretty dreamy. And you never have to know if his room is messy or if he's rude to waitresses.

I bring this up because for years and years I worked from home and then in an all female office and I had zero options for a work crush. Then six months ago a couple of guys got transferred from another office and lucky me, they are both adorable. One of them also happens to have quite possibly the sexiest voice I've ever heard. He's cute as well but seriously people, the voice is unreal. So he sits in the cube next to me and we have a big wall between us so I can't see him. But I can hear him on the phone all day. It's like I am in sixth grade I get so distracted listening to him talk.

Now the minute I walk out the front door of my office I forget all about him. But from 9-5 he serves several very important functions. It's a well known fact that girls dress for themselves and for each other, not for boys, but having a cute one around certainly gives me incentive to put a little more effort into my morning routine. Because we don't work on the same projects and really aren't each other's type, we can flirt like crazy knowing that we are totally safe. He also makes lunch hour about 10 times more fun. My first professional experience was a place where everyone was cool and fun and my age and some of my favorite memories of that job were lunches. This will come as no surprise to you people but I'm a wee bit social. So getting away from the office for an hour to gossip and laugh is pretty much heaven (I do have to give credit here though to my friends over at Fluor who regularly provide mid-day distraction as well). If the person across the table also happens to inspire a few butterflies, so much the better.

So unless you are Jim and Pam, and I do have a certain amount of sympathy for THAT situation, the work crush is pretty much foolproof. You know nothing will come of it and your hours of investment are limited but it can also be a fun distraction when things aren't exactly hopping in your real life. The little adrenaline rush you get when he flirts with you is 100% authentic. A cute boy is a cute boy is a cute boy right?

Boo!

I do not like it when one of my siblings and his fiance come to visit and they don't stay very long and then they leave me.

Here is a song I like to listen to when all I want to do is lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling and make unrealistic life plans in the dark.

Cat Power

I bought this CD at the Hear Music on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica when I first moved to LA five years ago. I was in there so much that summer that one of the guys who worked there actually had a nickname for me. Feels like everything and nothing has happened since then.

Taco Tuesday

You know my rule. You make a goofy face on my camera, it ends up on the blog.
This one is engaged.

But ladies, this one is single.

Networking

Dear Blogosphere-

I like to keep my work life fairly anonymous around here but I have a little project that I could use your help on.

I'm managing a guerilla marketing event in several cities across the country this fall. I need to find two cute, athletic women in Pittsburgh, Denver, San Francisco and Austin who would like to spend a morning handing out "free shoe" coupons at popular running paths in said city. I will outfit these ladies head to to and provide a little financial incentive as well.

If you, dear blog reader, are or know of such a female, please email me at katieclifford at gmail dot com.

I'm going to pull this post at the end of the week so if you can help me out-act fast!

thanks!

and for the rest of you... here's an old gem of a song I ran across last night. Who doesn't love a super dramatic breakup song? "I spent 16 months! Trying to forget you!"

Talkie Walkie

So I don't see Blue Crush 2 being filmed in my neighborhood anytime soon but I have to say, I think I could really like this surfing thing. I got pretty tossed around and even lightly tapped on the nose by my board but we already have plans for another lesson this weekend.

In other news...a month ago I signed up for a "swap" on one of the blogs I frequent. The theme was "My Favorite Things" and you had to send your partner at least three things you love. I had so much fun putting together my package to send to Sara in Washington I sent her the Camelback water bottle I can't live without, a headband because I love putting my hair back these days, letterpress paper, a CD (of course), the new Cliff Nectar bars that have great packaging and are also delicious and some accessories from H&M. I was delighted to read that everything arrived safely and that she liked it!

My package came last week from Casey as well and it was cute as can be too. I got an apron that actually made me squeal it's so cute, a fun head scarf, the best smelling candle that I've already been burning constantly and some great magazines I'm tearing apart for my inspiration book.



Just another reason that yes, I love the www. SO much.

H20

Despite the fact that I work in the Sporting Goods industry and often talk about running here on Replikate I am by no means an athlete. I am a slow runner, very uncoordinated when it comes to team sports and notoriously impatient with myself when I try to learn something new.

That said, my mother had us in the swimming pool from the time I was tiny and it's still a place where I feel relatively comfortable. I do not have a typical swimmers build and was probably too small to have been much of a threat but my one high school regret is that I never tried out for the swim team. My mom swam in high school and my youngest brother ended up being a pretty awesome little backstroker and water polo player so it's definitely in our genes somewhere.

So the other night Corey-who swam for Boston University and is thus, clearly quite hyrdrotalented-and I went to a local pool and she coached me a little bit on my stroke and taught me how to do a proper flip-turn. For a girl who thought she was a decent swimmer I ended up swallowing an obscene amount of water and even today my arms are really sore from swimming the RIGHT way. But it felt really, really good. I have been thinking for awhile that my knees and my back really need me to find a suitable alternative to pounding the pavement everyday and I'm pretty sure this is it. Swimming is definitely a bigger production than just putting on shoes and going out the front door but I practically have to force myself to get out of the pool, an issue I rarely have when I run. As much as I enjoy it, I'm always ready for it to be over.

And thus,in keeping with my thoughts from yesterday, and because of my renewed interest in all things aquatic, I'm making my third attempt at surfing tomorrow. The last two times I have had fun but gotten so tossed around that I haven't been particularly anxious to get back in the water. However, this time my friend Katie-who is a high school P.E. teacher AND a surf instructor-is going to go out with a small group of female novices which I think is a recipe for success. My feeling is that living where I do and not at least attempting to learn to surf is like living on a mountain and never putting on skis. It feels like I owe it to all the inland dwelling surfers out there to take advantage of my proximity.

Anyway, I'm glad it Friday...here for your weekend viewing pleasure is one of the many reasons I'm glad we have YouTube.

Timelines

I have been thinking quite a bit about the order of things lately.

Two inspirations for this train of thought 1) I might be tired of living with other people and 2) real estate in the area in which I live is obscene.

I like my roommates. I have been picky over the years and have managed to live in clean, drama-free environments with women who have busy separate lives and can co-exist peacefully. But my general concern is that perhaps I am getting too old to still be living like a college student. Maybe it's time to be a real adult, suck it up and buy something where I get to decide what goes on the walls.

So that brings me to the next point which is, I live in a place where a one-bedroom apartment can set you back $340K. For $400K in Utah, you could live here. The entire Orange County apartment could probably fit in that bathroom and your two kids and dog would have to sleep out in the courtyard.

But I don't have two kids or a dog. And every Saturday this summer I have gotten on my bike, ridden four blocks, and spent the afternoon parked on the beach. Every morning when I walk outside and it's warm and sunny and I drive down a palm-tree lined street to Pacific Coast highway, my heart skips a slight beat that I actually get to live here. I am 30 years old. If I live to be 80, I still have 50 years of potential home-ownership years to look foward to. I still have 50 years of potential marital bliss and 50 potential years of being someone's mother. Realistically I probably only have a few more years of ocean breezes lulling me to sleep, a closet full of cute shoes and a schedule over which I have complete control. So why can't I shake that feeling that I am behind? And how come sometimes I feel behind because I don't have four kids and a mortgage, and sometimes I feel behind because I still haven't been to Spain and have yet to actually do anything with my writing? Does anyone else think it must be absolutely exhausting to be inside my brain?

This will be the second time I bring up this book in as many weeks, which should probably signal that you ought to read it, but I just got to the chapter in Crossing to Safety where the Langs and the Morgans spend a year on sabbatical in Italy. They are all in their forties at this point and the kids are mostly grown and out of the house. For the Morgans, it's their first time out of the country and they are understandably giddy about the upcoming experience. The main character says "..at past forty,with a daughter starting college, we could begin". One of my major regrets from college is that I never figured out how to do a sememster abroad. At the time it just felt like that could slow down graduation, or that it would be too expensive. I'm not sure why I was so hell-bent on getting out in four years and after a long period of regular paychecks, I realize that a quarter in Prague would have been a debt fairly easily repaid and worth every penny. So that's an adventure I've thought I missed out on, something that made me feel behind. I read that passage in the book and it occured to me that my arbitrary timelines were telling me that only a person between the ages of 18-21 is allowed that kind of experience and that if I didn't do it then, time's up.

So when is time up? Outside of obvious biological limitations on things like childbirth and Olympic medal winning, I submit that time doesn't run out until you do. If you are 60 when you run your first marathon that doesn't put you "behind" someone who did it at 20. I've mentioned this before but Julia Child, who built a cooking empire and whose kitchen is on display in the Smithsonian Museum, didn't even go to culinary school until she was 36. 36! And without her it's doubtful we would ever have The Naked Chef OR Rachel Ray (ok, not the greatest example but you see where I am going right?)

I see two dangers in limiting ourselves to timelines and worrying too much about order. One is that you resign yourself to things you might not want or really be ready for. Maybe you get married to a person you've been dating for awhile because it seems like the next logical step. Maybe you stay in a job you hate because you are too old to start over in a new industry. Maybe you don't go back to school because you don't want to be the "non-trad" in the program. And two, I think you can undervalue what you have accomplished thus far when you are too freaked out about what you haven't done. If I really do feel a genuine sense of happiness everytime I step out my front door, then why on earth would I give that up just because it seems like I ought to own something by this point of my life. If I am really honest with myself, I wouldn't rather have a bedroom set and a nice couch over say, two years of struggle and growth in Boston.

And really, the time I feel the most behind or time line obsessed is when I get caught up comparing my life to other people's, a practice which someday I hope to grow out of entirely. It is so easy in this age of easy easy access to other people's worlds to feel 100% inadequate. It does not matter that most of us only let you see the really fantastic parts (like a week ago I was chatting up a celebrity in Manhattan and today I'm doing a task so dreadfully boring I've written almost a whole blog post on my breaks from the monotony but you don't see entries about THAT!), your smiling baby and cute husband, your endless weekend getaways to somewhere fabulous, your good taste, your amazing talents so often get held up against my insecurities and weaknesses. Don't get me wrong, I want all of those wonderful things for all the people around me, I just don't want YOUR life paths to make me worry about my own. And that's no one's responsiblity but mine.

So, this random thursday in August, I am giving all of us permission to put aside silly timelines and stop being slaves to order. If all of our lives were exactly the same, what on earth would I read to keep myself from doing any work?

Dancing in the Moonlight

There are at least 159,234 things I like about living where I do. And one of them is that at 8:30 on a monday night when I am finally done with being burned out, light-headed, congested and tired and thus can get in a decent run, I can run across the sand, strip off most of my clothes and dive headfirst into the waves. My expert opinion as a beach dweller is that the ocean feels 100% more awesome by moonlight than it does at high noon. Totally worth running home in squishy shoes and sopping wet clothes.

And with that, here are some things that were on my playlist tonight. It's not particularly great running music but sometimes my thoughts need the workout more than I do.

big girls don't cry
Yes, I confess, I have a toe on the Fergie bandwagon. I only like two of her songs, and they happen to be the two that feel sort of sincere and real. "Myself and I, we got some straightening out to do." I discovered today that my friend Greg went to high school with Ms. Fergie and he informed me that she was very cute back then but wore too much makeup. Anyway. Fergie. It's time to be a big girl now I guess.

maggie
My friend Lance was playing this in his car last August when we were exploring the coast of San Francisco. That trip was really fun and this song is really sad so I'm not sure why it seems to be the stand out track from the week. There are alot of things about last summer that I miss and this makes them feel closer.

have a little faith in me
I love this song. It's been covered quite a bit but this version is still my favorite. I'm working on faith in a whole bunch of things right now.

this time of year
So when I lived in Boston there was a little group of us who were completely addicted to late night skinny dipping in Walden Pond. It was the perfect combination of sneaky, slightly naughty, and stunningly beautiful that felt exactly like a thing we should be doing on warm summer nights. Sometimes Andy would make us a soundtrack for the drive and once he put this song on it. I hadn't heard it since my sophomore year of college when I listened to Lisa's Better Than Ezra CD constantly for the two weeks before and the two weeks after I got my heart good and crushed for the first real time (by a boy from Boston oddly enough.) I was pleasantly surprised that I still really like this song.

good good end
My mother has recently been converted to the joys of blog stalking. She has found a girl who reminds her of me a little bit and so she's been forwarding me some of her posts. I've explored beyond what my mother sends and I have found her to be a complete delight. She posted the lyrics to this song by a Christian group called Waterdeep and I teared up immediately. "I'm amazed my life, it's amazed by me. We're a strange old pair me and eternity. It don't make good sense, it ain't easy to see". Amen.

bittersweet
This is just an old favorite. I don't know if it's a relief or a burden when you realize and accept that so many things in life come in a bittersweet package. "more sweet than bitter, bitter than sweet."

time after time
If Cindy Lauper didn't write one other good song in her entire career, she should get in the Hall of Fame for this one alone. It's been covered by dozens and dozens of artists and somehow manages to feel fresh and new every single time I hear it. This is a version my brother Sterling brought home years ago by a husband and wife jazz duo called Tuck and Patti. Sometimes I can't figure out if I think this song is incredibly romantic or incredibly depressing. Is she a sweet devoted lover being patient with someone who is struggling to catch up or is she just a huge sucker who is totally getting played by a guy who will never get there? Either way it's a great song. And a quick check of the internet confirms that Tuck and Patti are STILL MARRIED. And have been for 25 years. So I can love this version sweetly with no bitter.

I predict a good night's sleep tonight.

Back to the Beach

I'm going to have to continue being a bit cryptic about my big work project but here's what I CAN say...we are trying to sign a pretty major A-list celebrity to represent our brand next year. So the last week I was furiously putting together a presentation while also juggling a weekend 10K event in San Diego and a trade show in Las Vegas. Wednesday our team flew to New York City where I spent about 24 hours alternating between being really exciting about meeting with her and feeling totally sick about it. We went to breakfast on Thursday and went through our presentation for the millionth time and when it got to my turn, I blanked. I had been rehearsing on the plane, in the shower, while I was falling asleep, in my head while I was pretending to listen to everyone else and there I sat with a completely empty brain. I had visions of being in the meeting, in front of the celeb, her agents, our agents, my boss, the CEO and the CMO and not having a single thing to say.

So we get to the agency and the rush to set up actually sort of calmed me down. And then she arrived, and she was nice and friendly and set everyone at ease. Which then allowed us to COMPLETELY ROCK THE MEETING. I don't want to sound too cocky but we were pretty awesome. And when she and I ran into each other in the bathroom afterwards she said it was one of the best presentations she'd ever heard.

I almost don't care what happens from here. This was one of those experiences where not only did I want to do my best, but I wanted my best to be really, really good. I wanted to prove to myself and all the company big wigs that I belong here. That I'm a valuable employee. If my career is going to be the main thing in my life then I need it to be something I feel really confident about. I haven't been so sure lately so this was a nice reminder that maybe I AM doing at least one thing right.

Come Pick Me Up

Last night a bunch of people I love went to see Ryan Adams at Red Butte Gardens in Salt Lake.


If you asked me to describe an ideal summer night, it very might well be those folks, at that place, listening to that guy. I was planning to be there but work was too crazy. My friend Sara is getting married tomorrow in HB. The reception will be fun and full of lots of people I love and don't get to see. But I'm in New York, totally freaking out over a big big meeting tomorrow so I will miss it.

I hope that if I am ever at home with a few screaming children and my signifigant other has to miss some important thing because of his job, I will remember that sometimes what you really want to be doing and what you really have to be doing are at odds and there is legitimately nothing you can do about it. Your priorities can be in exactly the right place and you still have to make a crappy choice that makes them look out of whack. I hope I remember the way I feel right now-it is a pretty cool day for my career tomorrow and I'm so excited and nervous but I do wish it didn't mean missing important personal experiences. I hope I don't forget that while my job is fun and rewarding, I still like my real life better. But that sometimes I do like to disappear into it if things are tough personally.

I hope I remember all of it because I know if someone were to question me this week about what is really important to me, I might just start to cry.

Bitten

Who says you notice your own flaws more than other people do? Sometimes other people seem to see them even more clearly than you can.

There is more to come on this topic.

In the meantime, here is this song I like.

http://www.mediafire.com/?fgdmezx1l3t

This just in

There is a mirror on the ceiling over the bed in my hotel room here in Las Vegas.

And then large ones on each side of the bed.



This place is weird.

(edited to add a photo...how could I not?)

Shhhhh

A BIG, but secret project at work just landed in my lap this week and it's probably going to eat me alive until Thursday. Of course it comes at a time when I have to be in San Diego for two days and then Vegas for two days so I see some sleep deprivation in my future.

I hope I can spill some details next week but until then...my attention to the blog might be spotty.

Have a great weekend!

bump

I went to dinner with some of the girls last night and Jaime brought her baby.


I'm fascinated by pregnancy. I mean, Jaime has a WHOLE PERSON INSIDE OF HER. She's making a BRAND NEW HUMAN BEING. This sounds so hokey but honestly, babies are a total miracle. It blows my mind that women get to do this.

I've been re-reading one of my favorite books, Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner, and there is a line that jumped out at me this week. The narrator comes into the room where his pregnant wife and her pregnant best friends are talking and observes:

"I see them there, and think how in those two women four hearts are beating, and it awes me."

Holy crap, me too.

BLING

I was blog hopping a few weeks ago when I came across something that really, really disturbed me. The post itself was cute, a girl had written a sweet story about the heirloom diamond wedding ring she had. She then invited her readers to post about their own wedding rings. By the time I had slogged through thirty comments like “my ring really isn’t as big as I hoped”, “my fiancé really couldn’t afford what I wanted but the fact that he bought it anyway really shows how much he loves me”, “we are definitely going to upgrade someday,” I was having trouble keeping my lunch down.

I want to be clear that I love the symbolism of wedding rings. I think it’s cool to have a way to say to the world, “I am committed.” What makes me feel sick is the weird importance we place on female engagement rings. So I’m proclaiming this right now, for any future ring buyer I run across….I don’t want one. The day we get married we can put nice bands on each other and you won’t have to worry that it’s too small or too cloudy or not exactly what I wanted. I have all kinds of feminist and political reasons for thinking that diamonds are a huge scam but those aren’t even at the forefront of my uneasiness with engagement rings. I don’t want to waste that much time and energy on something that sits on my hand. Two months salary? Let’s buy a house, let’s spend three weeks on a honeymoon instead of two, let’s celebrate our first anniversary somewhere amazing, lets buy a piece of art we will both love. Let’s not start our marriage with me making it clear that my happiness hinges on what material things you can buy me. Let’s not let an industry with a brilliant copywriter dictate what forever is going to mean to you and me.

I realize this is a controversial statement and for those of you who love your diamonds-I say “great!” My mantra as of late is that most of the life decisions we make aren’t “right” or “wrong” and if we want people to understand and respect our choices, we have to extend the same respect to them. But the older I get and the less my life goes according to some arbitrary plan, the less I feel myself bound to all kinds of traditions. Fantasizing about a gigantic rock is just not one of them anymore.

Jokes That Are Not Funny

I have several interesting and thought provoking posts rattling around my brain but it's Friday and my brain has already decided to head to the beach. I will just leave you with some hilarously unfunny jokes that some friends of mine posted on a message board awhile back. I was rereading them this morning and almost started to cry.

A king is eating lunch in his courtyard when the jester enters the room. As the king starts eating a drumstick, the jester asks, "Sir, would you that I, the king's jester, entertain you?"

"Whdu yeis, theate wouuiekl bes goddig!" replied the king.

"I am sorry your heiness, I could not make out your reply. It would seem that you were eating a heavenly drumstick whilst speaking" said the jester.

"In sodru, plseas begine" replied the king.

"One more time sir?" asked the jester.

The king swallowed and said, "I am sorry jester, that would be nice. Please begin."

So, a million Polish guys walk into a bar.

And the bartender says "some of you are probably going to have to leave."

So this dude tells his coworkers some news.

"My wife and I are going to have a baby!"

The boss looks up and says: "That's ridiculous. Only women can birth."

The dude's like: "No, I didn't mean I'd actually be giving birth. I just meant that we will both have a child, even though she is the one carrying it."

The boss says: "I'm having an affair with your wife right now. And you're fired."

Have a great weekend!

Wedding Bells

My brother and his girlfriend became my brother and his FIANCE this week...

Hip hip hooray!

FNL Update

I sort of feel like it's my duty to inform all of you that the complete First Season of Friday Night Lights is available for pre-order at Amazon.com. And it's only $20!! That's not even a dollar an episode! You are paying pennies, PENNIES for every brilliantly written, shot and acted scene!

It ships August 27th so I feel some sick days coming on in early September...

to whom it may concern

Dear steepandcheap.com copywriters-

I know I said yesterday that online romance wasn't really for me but something happened last night that changed everything. One of you is my soulmate and I know it. The evidence? The random anecdote on last evening's deal reminder email:

"I have a really bad sense of direction, which is why I think I forget plans, people's birthdays, and double-book events. It's not so much a matter of direction as it is a matter of space and time. I can't remember which way I was going on the highway, but I also can't remember that Saturday is the same day as the day after tomorrow. That's why if you ask what I'm doing Friday afternoon, I'll say, "No plans," even though I have plans to go out on a boat with friends on July 20th."

Why, this could have been lifted from my own brain! Just last night I was standing in line at Chronic Taco, doing a mental check of my weekend events when I put it together that I had scheduled dinner with a friend on Friday, and RSVP'd for a party on July 20th. Never crossed my mind that those were the same day. I'm also the girl who can't really process the difference between right and left. Friends have learned that it's better to point when playing navigator because if they just say "turn left," it's anyone's guess which way I will go. This deficiency has several times resulted in frustrated folks going the opposite way when I provide directions.

So Mr. Copywriter, I'm already imagining the funny story we'll tell of how we planned our wedding for a Saturday but somehow bought plane tickets for our honeymoon that left on the Friday before because dates and times are meaningless to us. But it was OK because you let me handle the maps with the invitations and most of our guests would have ended up in Logan and missed it altogether anyway. Everyone will shake their heads and say, "it's a good thing you two found each other!"

I think this idea has legs.

-your faithful reminder reader

Treasure Hunt

A boy once told me that in the first five minutes of meeting a girl, he would file her under "yes I would date her" or "no I would not date her". I was bothered because that seemed like an awfully snap judgement to make. But when he elaborated, he made a little more sense. His "yes I would date her" file was actually pretty big. And didn't always mean he made a move right away. In fact, sometimes he'd become friends with a "yes" girl instead of asking her out. He was willing to give anyone in the "yes" file a shot at any time. But he insisted that you know pretty quickly if there is some sort of chemisty with someone. It doesn't have to knock you out or anything, but there has to be an initial connection that makes you want to spend more time with that person. I have been thinking about that conversation a little lately and lo and behold...my friend Farrah blogged about it today.

I don't have much to add to what she says and Farrah has a special way of making a point that I think many of you would enjoy so I'll point you in her direction.


Which sort of brings me to another thing I've been thinking about which is online dating. I have really mixed feelings about it and part of it is that it's really hard to gauge that "initial connection" online. I've had a few experiences with boys I met online that didn't go well and then had a delicious romance with a boy I'd interacted with online but was totally ambivalent towards. We met in person through a mutual friend and little sparks flew all over the place. Maybe online dating is just not my bag. In another twist of "wow, are we all on the same page or what" fate, my friend Chloe wrote a great post about it that .pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject.

It is a wonder anyone ever really gets together isn't it folks. But they do. And I think a lot of times we make it way more complicated than it needs to be. If I really believe all this "life plan" business, and I do, I think maybe chilling out a little might be the order of the day.

The Illustrated Weekend

Last week felt like this.

All week.
By the time Friday came around, and the extra weekend traffic doubled my commute home, I was done with this. So Saturday I blew off my list of errands for this.
And this.
With lots of people I like.
And we got to see stuff like this.
This was the winning weiner dog. I tried to take better photos but those little guys were just too quick.

I also got to see my first ever horse race. Way, way cooler than I was expecting.
Then we went to a Jewish Deli nearby that was not just delicious, but also awesome. We resolved to visit more Jewish Deli's this summer. Since this summer does not yet have a theme, it very well might become "the summer of the jewish deli." I'll keep you posted.
We might have flirted with the waiter a little which resulted in us ending up with an entire chocolate cake for Marissa's soon-to-be-birthday.

And really any evening that ends with me in a tiara is a good one right?

Yeah i know, my life is a little silly right now. I'm OK with that though.

Oh Internet

There are too many ways to have fun/waste time with you.

The List

When I was in high school I was obsessed with the Joshua Kadison CD "Painted Desert Serenade". They were all love songs and to my 17 year old heart they played into every single fantasy I had about what relationships should be like. He really seemed to get women.

I remember telling my mother that I would fall madly in love with any boy who liked the CD as much as I did. In retrospect that seems like a fairly unreasonable expectation of a high school boy but to me, if a guy could "get" that CD, he would obviously be able to "get" me. Oddly enough I did go out with a kid that year who did indeed like Joshua Kadison. It was terribly confusing to me that I had zero interest in this cute, smart, athletic boy who so clearly fit the list I had in my head of things I wanted. In fairness, I had had a huge crush on him a year earlier and he was blinded by my much flashier/blonder/thinner/more experienced friend. I wasn't thrilled when she broke his heart and he started noticing me. Getting my friend's leftovers certainly wasn't something I had ever day dreamed about no matter how lovely his blue eyes were and how sincere he seemed to be about wanting to hang out with me. But all of that aside, I was sitting in his car, listening to these songs that I had been so convinced were some secret key to who I really was and I just wanted to go home. It was so disappointing.

I got thinking about Joshua because I was out with someone on Friday and as is often the case with me and new friends, we started talking about music. He is a big Dave Matthews Band. There was a time in the recent past that I didn't go a day without listening to DMB and I'm pretty sure I said more than once that I would never never marry a boy who didn't like them. And now, although I still have fond feelings towards the Dave Matthews Band, the CD's have dust on them. I have made many, many statements like that over the years. Arbitrary and sweeping statements about what he must or absolutely CANNOT like in order to understand me. It makes perfect sense to me that if you think Arrested Development is funny, then your brain works in the same way that my brain works and thus, we will also think the same things about where to live, what furniture we like and how to parent. Right?

So imagine my surprise last night as I was looking up "Painted Deseret Serenade" to see how it stood up after 12 years and I discovered that Joshua Kadison is actually gay. The perfect guy who just really seemed to understand women. Likes guys.

Roast.

The fact of the matter is that one of the men who has been able to understand and appreciate my personality best in the last 10 years is one who shakes his head at my taste in nearly everything. And boys who are practically walking versions of my "list" haven't noticed me at all.

I should be clear that at 30 years old I actually dropped the idea of a list a long time ago. But finding out about Mr. Kadison last night was a nice reminder that things are so rarely exactly what they seem and contrary to the line from one of my favorite books, it IS what you're like, not what you like.

So just for fun, here's a live performance of my favorite Joshua Kadison song "Jessie." Turns out he wrote this song about his then girlfriend, Sarah Jessica Parker. It also turns out that gay or straight, I can totally see why high school me thought this song was so romantic...

Apology

Sometime in the last week or so, I had a disagreement with someone about the artist behind the song "Life's Been Good." I was insistent that it was a Steve Miller Band song and the other party was convinced it was not, but was unable to come up with an alternative name. As I can be fairly, ahem, confident, of my own prowess when it comes to music trivia, I ended the conversation leaving no doubt that I was in fact correct.

Well other party, I learned this evening that "Life's Been Good" is in fact, a Joe Walsh song. The trouble is that I cannot for the life of me remember the circumstances of the conversation, nor who I was arguing with. So I'm just sending this confession that I was wrong out to the universe, in the hopes that next time I insist that I am right, karma doesn't bite me back.

Harry and Sally

I was driving home tonight, doing my daily "am I going to make something or just stop and have someone ELSE make something for dinner?" ponderings and suddenly I just really wanted to meet up with someone. Oddly enough though, the first three people who came into my brain were boys who are either geographically or circumstantially unavailable.

I haven't ever been much of a dater and don't have a string of old boyfriends. But I do have strings and strings of old friendboys. When I was younger I used to be bothered that I had so many more guy friends than romantic leads. Until graduation when I was sitting between two of the most amazing boys on the planet, who had been there for every last up and down of college, and the trail of women they'd left along the way was nowhere to be found. It started sinking in then that being the girl someone wants to talk to and laugh with is sometimes much better than being the girl he just wants to make out with.

Over the years I have had every kind of friendboy imaginable; short term, long term, cross country, IM, totally platonic, slightly flirtatious, the kind you can make out with now and then and it doesn't ruin anything, married ones, single ones. I've been there through nasty breakups, new jobs, and big moves. I've helped pick out wedding rings and kept proposals a secret.

I've never really bought the idea that men and women can't truly be friends because there are always romantic feelings on at least one side. But I do think that male-female friendships do have to have a certain chemistry. Making a new friend boy can feel a lot like a crush, even if you know you aren't ever going to kiss him. No matter how many times your girlfriends tell you that guy was dumb for not loving you, when an actual male reassures you that you are indeed hot and smart and rad, you tend to believe it more. Although I definitely have a feminist streak in me, I like it that men and women aren't the same. My friendships with men and women fulfill me in different ways. Sometimes you just really need a Y chromosome and it's got nothing to do with sex. I've been pretty spoiled over the years, I seem to pick up good boys wherever I go and even as they've become husbands and fathers, we've stayed in contact. The closeness changes of course, as it should. But I feel lucky that I have gotten to hang onto so many of them. I have learned alot about the male brain from these quality friendships and I'm pretty convinced that's going to pay off one of these days. (Someone recently told me that on the female scale of maintenance I was about a 3 out of 10. He did say however that a 3 on the female scale was still OFF THE CHARTS when compared to the male scale so...maybe I'm fooling myself). Even with all their frustrating qualities and the amount of havoc they wreak in my single life, I really, really like men.

And I hope my little 14 year old self doesn't get too mad at me when I say that I'd choose 30 years of great friends over 30 years of romances any day. (We'll just let her find out herself that there will be enough quality romance mixed in to satisfy her little dreaming heart as well). Cheers to the friendboy, I love you guys!

At least

Whenever I'm feeling sad that I haven't met a boy who really understands me, I console myself that at least I have a hair stylist who really understands my bangs.

ID4

Don't tell my landlord but she could double my rent for this month and it would still be worth it just for the Fourth of July.

One thing I like about Huntington is that even though it's part of sprawling Orange County, it still has what feels like small town pride. There are street fairs in the Spring and almost every holiday is an excuse to shut down Main Street and throw a big party. But the Fourth feels like a giant block party through the whole city. Everyone is out on bikes, playing in the yard, being friendly. It just seems like exactly the way we should celebrate our country.

On Tuesday Corey was saying everything had that feeling you have right before you have an event at your house...that calm before the storm but the air of something great about to happen. I had told her that she HAD to get a beach cruiser for Wednesday or she would be sad so she picked up this beauty.

Then a bunch of us headed down to Taco Tuesday at Sharkeez where we ate delicious food and then went to see a really dumb movie. So dumb I won't tell you what it was but the company was good.
I took advantage of the street fair going on that day as well and indulged in a little temporary body art. Still glad I never got a real one but it's fun now and then to get a fake one.
The next day we rode our little bikes over to our friend Logan's house. He lives right on the parade route so he invited an obscene amount of people over for pancakes on the lawn.
Everyone was definitely in the mood to play.
The Girl Scouts helped get us all patriotic.
I think our block made the most noise on the whole route.
And here was the highlight of the whole parade. This guy managed to make every single girl we were sitting with swoon just a little bit.
Mariellen and I went home to get stuff on the BBQ for the small group we invited over. But then Quiet Riot's "Come on Feel the Noise" came on and we had to take a quick dance break.
We ate kabobs and goofed around a bit.
And then it was time to hit the beach. Sometimes the single mormon tendency to travel in herds makes me nuts. But when it means almost everyone you know and like is in one place it's actually pretty fun.
And Heather and Brad provided us with a slightly scandalous Spiderman moment.
And I thought long and hard about getting in the water. I finally opted to make a break for it and made a mental note that I really ought to do that every weekend for the rest of the summer. The waves were pretty brutal but it felt amazing.
We went home and showered and then hit the street fair again for snow-cones the size of our heads.
Then we stopped by a BBQ that was pretty fun but pretty packed. Corey and I had both hit capacity on crazy social scenes so we headed to a smaller gathering on the other side of town.
Go toward the light Core.
We took advantage of PCH being closed and rode our bikes right on the street.
And then ended up down on the sand for fireworks and giggling.
I love you HB. So much.

Warm Summer Nights

The answer is yes, riding bikes past bedtime in the middle of the road IS in fact, awesome.

Phone Booth

You know how there are some points in your life where everything is so perfect you can't imagine how you could ever be sad again?

I was remember a phone call I made to my mom twelve years ago at the end of my freshman year of college. These were the dark days before everyone had a cell phone and I would usually call home from the booth outside the student center. Things really couldn't have been better, I had landed one of the appointed positions in Student Government that everyone wanted, I had an invitation to join the sorority all my friends were in, I had committed to an apartment with girls I was really excited about and the boy I had been pining for all quarter was taking me to the Spring Formal. I distinctly remember feeling like nothing could possibly make me sad ever again because right now I had everything I could possibly want. The contrast between that phone call and one nine months earlier, where I told my mom between racking sobs that if she left right then she could be picking me up before dinner was almost laughable. I was so unhappy at school for the first quarter that I didn't even come back for the first week after Winter Break. I was convinced that going to SUU had been a big mistake and I just wanted to go home. All these years later it's frightening to think what my life would be like if I had indeed gone home. So much of where I am and who I am now hinged on staying in Cedar City.

I guess I've been thinking about that phone call quite a bit lately because I have several friends going through tough endings right now. I always wish I had brilliant things to say to people who are going through hell. I settle for just being a willing listener and in the end, I suppose that's what people probably need more. But tonight I was talking to a recently engaged friend about a nasty breakup in her past. She was saying how glad she is now that relationship didn't work out and how exponentially happier she is now. Patience is not a virtue I have ever had in abundance and I have a tendency to wallow a bit when things get rough. So I like imagining the sad little freshman begging her mother to come save her coming face to face with a slightly older and braver version of herself celebrating all manner of personal victories. I firmly believe that holding out in the face of fear and hurt and disappointment will always, always end up being worth it. That God can do things in our lives that are completely unimaginable when we are in the depths of despair. But I think we have to be willing to do some of the work. We can't just climb into bed and hope that when we wake up it will all have blown over. Anne Lindbergh once said, "I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and a willingness to remain vulnerable." Breakups, divorces, illness, job loss, death-these things are all really good excuses to get stuck in your own pain. I just believe that focusing on what you can use from the experience to move forward and letting the rest drop away is a real gift. I am grateful to the low points for making the high points so much sweeter.

That was sort of rambling...just trying to get some things out of my brain...