A boy once told me that in the first five minutes of meeting a girl, he would file her under "yes I would date her" or "no I would not date her". I was bothered because that seemed like an awfully snap judgement to make. But when he elaborated, he made a little more sense. His "yes I would date her" file was actually pretty big. And didn't always mean he made a move right away. In fact, sometimes he'd become friends with a "yes" girl instead of asking her out. He was willing to give anyone in the "yes" file a shot at any time. But he insisted that you know pretty quickly if there is some sort of chemisty with someone. It doesn't have to knock you out or anything, but there has to be an initial connection that makes you want to spend more time with that person. I have been thinking about that conversation a little lately and lo and behold...my friend Farrah blogged about it today.
I don't have much to add to what she says and Farrah has a special way of making a point that I think many of you would enjoy so I'll point you in her direction.
Which sort of brings me to another thing I've been thinking about which is online dating. I have really mixed feelings about it and part of it is that it's really hard to gauge that "initial connection" online. I've had a few experiences with boys I met online that didn't go well and then had a delicious romance with a boy I'd interacted with online but was totally ambivalent towards. We met in person through a mutual friend and little sparks flew all over the place. Maybe online dating is just not my bag. In another twist of "wow, are we all on the same page or what" fate, my friend Chloe wrote a great post about it that .pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject.
It is a wonder anyone ever really gets together isn't it folks. But they do. And I think a lot of times we make it way more complicated than it needs to be. If I really believe all this "life plan" business, and I do, I think maybe chilling out a little might be the order of the day.
15 comments:
I love the chilling out. It makes everything less stressful.
I used to think that falling for someone online wasn't possible... Somehow I feel I should've changed my mind by now, but I don't think I have completely. I'm a true believe in platonic online love though, which can grow into non-platonic love (is there even such word as non-platonic?).
i think your situation was different from traditional online dating astrid...even though the internet was the vehicle for you meeting Caleb, you didn't come to SWAB looking for love. I think it grew organically from your interactions there....so i can' totally see how even your own experience hasn't really changed your mind..
I have learned to not discount instinct which usually takes less than five minutes.
I bet that guy that told you of the 5 minute rule was greatly exaggerating. I think it is closer to 15 seconds, but it can take up to a year before you are convinced that your instinct is right.
i think he said five minutes so i wouldn't slap him. but sometimes you need those extra minutes to hear someone laugh or whatever. but it's true that your gut usually knows pretty quick what your brain will overthink for months.
but does it make sense to everyone why i wake up in a cold sweat every few months worrying about who i will "end up with". i clearly have a fatalistic attitude towards eternal companionship. like somehow i am just putting off the inevitability that i will end up with some guy i don't really like but who wore me down.
Or, you could end up with someone amazing and perfectly matched to you, like I did.
When I think back to all the guys I could have settled for . . . (shudder). My husband was well worth the wait.
You are so lucky. You know what you want in a husband, and you don't seem the type to settle for less. You have thought about parenting, decorating, etc. I forgot to think about some of those things before I got married, and among other things, I have a tomahawk hanging in my kitchen, and a fly fishing rod above the window in my bedroom. Take your time. Don't settle for anything less than your dream guy. It will totally be worth the wait.
you are nice AP : )
you also have two cute as heck little ones so I guess we are both pretty lucky!
Incidentally, I was NOT attracted to my husband when we first met. I always liked short, stocky brunettes, and he was a tall, thin blond. Our first few phone conversations weren’t all that great either. But by the time we had our first date he had gained a tiny bit of weight (enough to fill out his face a bit), gotten a haircut (his blond locks were the result of living in Hawaii for a few months), and it turned out we had a lot more in common than I originally thought.
very interesting.
and i guess sort of proof that you sort of just have to go with whatever works for your own little heart right?
I don't know, Katie.
I'm pretty much dead convinced that The One for Me is on eHarmony.com
PS-
Thanks for the shout-out.
I hope your readers will comment on Blogg, too. They always have a great turn of phrase here...
I'd comment of F*bombs site, but she hates Utah.
STOP THAT, Damian!
I do NOT hate Utah!
Utah hates ME. Like a boy who's too cool to play with me, I just keep coming around with no return.
Try, try, again. Then quit; don't be a chump.
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