Behind the Scenes

Reality hit with a long day of running around trying to get plugged back into the office. The funny thing about being gone forever is that obviously life is absolutely going on just fine without you and it's almost like having to put in a pair of earrings after you haven't worn them for awhile-the holes are still there but you sort of have to push to get them in.

I've been debating whether I wanted to do a post about the trip and elaborate a little more but I honestly don't know how interesting it would be for anyone but me and possibly Lance. So he and I can just tell each other inside jokes over FB chat and spare you the travelogue. Suffice it to say that if you ever have a chance to go to Munich, or Berlin, or Prague or Amsterdam, go. And if you have a "to visit" list, add them. 

I do have a few fun photos to share though. And maybe a thought or two along with them. 

We started the trip with a ski day in Austria. My coworker Todd who was the leader of our Innsbruck delegation was a Freestyle Skier for Team Canada and then ran the program after he retired so obviously I was in way way over my head. Lance and Chuck, one of our volunteers who joined us, are decent skiers so they were fine, I felt like crying all the way up the first lift but the guys were super patient and I feel like my skiing improved ten fold. As we headed home that night we figured Italy was just across the border so we drove into the border town and had dinner. Not a bad way to unwind and a killer kick-off to the road trip.

Todd getting ready to school all of us

So very cold

Ready for battle

The next day we headed to Munich. And this is when I realized that I was going to love traveling with Lance. We checked into the hotel, got a map from the concierge, walked into the city center, found a restaurant and spread maps and guide books out and spent a few hours figuring out what to do. It was so low key and perfect for a girl who spends her whole professional life planning every detail.

Church

Beer hall 

Shutterbug

We did something like this every single day 

Museum

Dachau

Just friends but seriously, this wasn't a bad view for 12 days

Planner (also nerd)

So after two days in Munich we were off to Prague-but not without a stop at the Neuschwanstein castle (after a lot of coaching I finally learned how to say that). Lance had already been and it was a five hour detour/backtrack but so very worth it. It's Sleeping Beauty's castle you guys! We got to Prague early evening and went out exploring. I don't know what else to say about Prague except that you should probably go there and you should probably know before you go that it's an insanely romantic city. Like you'll fall in love with pretty much everything. Another sign I was with a dream traveler-the evening Lance says, "how about we go back to the warm apartment and take naps before dinner?" Check please!

What happens when you send a boy for breakfast by himself

Even lovelier in real life

Hey Bavaria, be prettier

Fairy castle!

Exploration

Nose in a guide book

I really liked this tree.  

One of the few shots we took together

One of my favorite shots of the whole trip

We left Prague, turned on The Economist podcast and listened to it all the way to Berlin. Berlin turned out to be a lot like Barcelona for me-never a city that was on my list and turned out to be the sleeper hit of the trip. I could have spent a month there. So much interesting history but a very cool modern feel too. We walked for what felt like a month looking for the still standing part of the Berlin Wall and couldn't really believe that such a thing was actually real in our lifetime. 

So. Much. Graffiti. I kind of love it.

TV Tower, cathedral. Old, new. It all sits right next to each other. 

I can't overstate how unbelievably cold it was.  

Olympics!

Checkpoint Charlie 

Following the wall 

One of my favorite stops 

Making Riechstag reservations. And a mess.  

The huge elevator we rode up to the Dome. 

 Then there was more driving. 

So. Much. Driving.

After a night at Lance's we took a train to Amsterdam. I cashed in some hotel points so we could stay in a swankier hotel to finish off the trip. We hit the Van Gogh museum which was on my must do list, I managed to trick Lance into shoe shopping with me and then we spent a good 90 minutes fake arguing about whether the cat photo I had tagged "Amstercat" was funny or not. (It was). 

Someone who can't read German bought buttermilk. 

Another city where EVERYTHING IS SO CHARMING

Mapping

CHARMING EVERYWHERE

My Amstercat. I love her. 

And then suddenly it was Sunday and I flew to London and Lance took a train back to Germany. I never like leaving vacation but it's always nice when you feel like you really squeezed all the awesome out of your days off.  I'm sure it's fun to go to Europe when you are young and broke but it was sure fun to be able to just do whatever we wanted for 12 days. Sure let's eat there/see that/stay there-it's pretty rad to travel as an adult with a little disposable income.  Now I just need to work on the next destination-as my singles ward bishop once said "either be on a trip or be planning one." Words to live by.

Shaaaaazam

One of the sweetest simple pleasures of my life is hearing a song I like in the car and then being able to identify it with an app on my iPhone, immediately download it, and be enjoying it on repeat 90 seconds later.

Also irresistible to me is a song that is so relentlessly upbeat I can't sit still. I happen to be pulling into a parking lot yesterday when this little gem came on the radio (yes I still listen to the radio, don't faint) and I went from being in a good mood to being in a GREAT mood.

I have to get back to the office tomorrow after five weeks of gallivanting and I'm certain it will be a shock to my system. So of course I spent the weekend having fun with my friend Amanda who is in town for work and talking about boys and music and life plans. I have come to the conclusion that we single people have WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON OUR HANDS to sit and ponder "what it all means." I need a husband and kids so I can focus on things like nagging and diaper changes.

In any event, this song is going to get into my all time most played on iTunes at the rate I am going (and yes, I'm dancing at the kitchen table-it can be done.)

First Aid

Nothing better than traveling with someone who shares your musical taste. First Aid Kit was a Lance find and we listened to them from Innsbruck to Amsterdam and all the stops in between. This song was my favorite-and I very often heard it being hummed in the shower when I would sneak in to dry my hair so I think someone else liked it too.

Nest

After Berlin and on our way to Amsterdam, we spent the night at Lance's apartment in Geilinkirchen. I couldn't stop teasing him about his SUPER CLICHE bachelor pad. Bare walls. Camping and sports equipment everywhere. Video game consoles all over the floor. Mismatched glasses in the sink. 

I was joking around but then when I couldn't stop putting things away and mindlessly organizing piles we ended up sitting on the couch for a few hours browsing websites and talking about what he could do with the space. At one point he turns to me and says, "we've both been to Amsterdam, wanna skip it and go to IKEA instead?". I couldn't decide if I should have him committed or marry him on the spot. We obviously  went to Amsterdam but we kept talking all weekend about furniture he should get and how to arrange his artwork on the walls. It made me homesick for my own little space.

I finished up all my meetings and visits yesterday and since I'm just going back to London in a month for yes, MORE meetings and visits, my boss let me come back to Colorado a couple of days earlier than planned. Coming back to this felt even better than I was expecting.

 Home. It's hard to overstate how awesome it is no matter how super fabulous the trip was.

And today the Head and the Heart released their video for "Down in the Valley" which is one of my favorite songs about the concept of home.  

Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to sleep in my OWN BED. 

Tripped

Euro-Road Trip 2012 has come to an end. I’m sitting in the airport in Amsterdam, which oddly I’ve flown through kind of an inordinate amount over the last four years, waiting on a delayed flight to London for my FINAL COUNTDOWN meetings. That’s not a stressful name for a meeting is it?

The trip was a screaming success. We skied in the Alps, we nipped into Italy one night just to say we went to Italy for dinner. We walked through a zillion cathedrals, ate our own weight in Haribo candy, walked on cobblestones, sat in cafes, looked at works by at least three Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle namesakes. We went to Dachau and parts of the Berlin Wall. I bought some art and some lovely boots. I took more photos of Lance with his nose in a travel book than he is entirely cool with but he didn’t break my camera. But maybe the most fun thing was all the talking and laughing and laughing some more and more laughing we did.

I’ve traveled with a lot of friends and never had any trouble getting along with people but this trip has been surprisingly and delightfully easy in that department. Lance and I originally became friends in Boston, hung out a handful of times there and haven’t actually seen each other since an afternoon in San Francisco five years ago. We starting instant messaging quite a bit when I was up at night owl hours and he was working in Korea-this trip hatched on a similiarly late night while he was in Afghanistan getting anxious to finish his deployment and I was getting a little bit panicked about having done this slightly spontaneous and mildly uncharacteristic thing of convincing my boss to just let me stay in Europe between events. I know this might sound a little silly from a 35 year old woman who has been pretty independent for my entire adult life, but I felt like 2011 was the year I finally realized I can do whatever I want. When I was moving to Boston for the first time I went on quick weekend trip to find an apartment. I went to meet up with this girl who was super nice over email and who I had sort of tentatively told I would take her empty spot. The apartment was dark and cold feeling and in a neighborhood that just made me sad. I called my mom that night and broke into big heaving sobs telling her I guess I was just going to have to sign the lease. I still remember the confusion in my mom’s voice as to why on earth I felt like I had to take a terrible apartment that was making me cry simply because I felt some completely internal pressure to help this girl out. Fortunately I came to my senses and told her I was passing on the place but I’ve made plenty of weird decisions over the years kind of based on thinking that you ought to deny yourself some of the things you want. I’m not sure if that’s a factor of being a terribly responsible oldest child, or some odd over application of long held religious restrictions but I can think of way too many times in my life when I thought, “oh I can’t possibly do that.” When I moved to Colorado I decided to make a much more conscious effort to live more deliberately. Could be an early mid-life crisis but I didn’t want to wake up one day and be fifty and have all of my stories sound the same.

So part of this little adventure was just about saying to myself, “why not?” And I was delighted when we got to Munich and started walking around and ducking into buildings that Lance is totally a “why not?” kind of guy. We didn’t really plan too much. I set up all the places we stayed but that was just about as far as we got. We had some guide books and a few things in each city that we felt we really should see but other than that, we just kind of got up, ate something fattening for breakfast and hopped a subway. Lance is very funny and smart (and super handsome too just as a bonus). I’m a quick laugher and appreciate having someone around who can be goofy one minute and then discuss something from the Economist podcast the next (yes, that’s what we have been listening to in the car. Nerd alert.).

I’m certain that I am a travel cliché at this point but now having been away from my regular life for over a month, I feel like I’ve had some time to really think about what I’m really doing with it. We’ve had some good chats about “what we want to be when we grow up,” and it’s always comforting when someone else who seems to have their life together is equally as uncertain as I am.

Now it's full speed through five days in London of site visiting and talking about clothes. I get to see some old friends and well, London is London so even though I am weary of pulling clothes out of a suitcase and sleeping in a different bed every few days, there are certainly worse ways to spend a week.

2012, you are sure knocking it out of the park.

Prague

Well, we are pretty much having a blast in Prague. I had five minutes of worry just before Lance arrived that 10 days with just about anyone could be tricky. But here we are at day 5 and still laughing. 



Pre-teen

Dear 15 year old girls-

Instead of daydreaming about marrying a rich guy someday, how about you make a goal that some day, you'll check into a hotel somewhere in Germany and they will say, "welcome Miss Clifford, we have an upgrade for you and here's your access to the Executive Lounge," and the boy you are with traveling with will be so impressed. I promise that feeling is way, way awesome.

-k8

Munich is beautiful. We are having so much fun. Tomorrow we leave for Prague. Hard to believe this is all real.

Finale

In what was maybe the perfect ending to two weeks spent trying to keep kids from doing dumb things, I jumped off a pile luggage tonight, split open my lip, sprained my wrist and got my pride injured just a little bit when three of our hockey boy who witnessed it told the other kids about my "scorpion dive".

Hey nice work ADULT.

Raining in Baltimore

January 20. Fifteen days since I got on the plane in Colorado Springs. As is often the case when you work an event, I have lost all track of time. Something that happened yesterday feels like it was a month ago, my short term memory is shot and getting up at this point feels like some kind of evil torture tactic.

So yeah I'm tired. And I am a little weary of getting wanded every time I go to dinner or come into the village. I haven't worn anything that isn't dri-fit in two weeks and I've chosen sleep over working out every single day.

But oh my am I have a good time! At a normal Olympics you usually have very narrow access. Even in Salt Lake where I could anywhere my little heart desired in my own venue, I couldn't go waltzing into the coaches box at the Halfpipe. Which we totally did in Kuhtai last week. I wouldn't be sitting in the second row of the Lindsey Vonn Q & A with our ecstatic little Alpine Skier who got to meet Lindsey afterward. I don't think I would know the names of all the athletes at a real Olympics and I'm sure I wouldn't have met as many of their moms and I have this time. I've been to hockey, short track, cross country, halfpipe, curling and medals ceremonies.

Things are starting to wind down and competition has ended for many of the sports which means 57 teenagers are starting to get a little antsy. I had to bust a snowball fight with the Brits last night when the main office called and told me to "control my kids". I felt like sort of a grinch having to tell them to cut it out when I still remember that a spontaneous coed snowball/food/water fight is the kind of thing you live for at 16. I've turned a blind eye to my share of late night convos on the stairs and boys lingering in door jams for longer than they probably ought to. I have discovered that if you give them a little bit of freedom, they seem to respond better when you do actually have to say "cut it out guys".

Austria is beautiful, I've managed to sneak out for a few touristy adventures, done my fair share of flirting (this job will get at least 35% less fun should I ever get married), gotten to drive up a mountain pass in a zippy little euro car. It's been more of a true Games experience than I've had other times. Next month marks the 10 year anniversary of the Salt Lake Games and there is something very sweet about being roommates with some figure skaters and some short trackers while I look back on what was such a life-changing moment.

And I guess that's why I do love these events so much. The last five months have been absolutely exhausting and if I think too much about the next six I can work myself up into a tizzy-but I've stretched and I've grown and I've tried to figure out what I'd like to do next since I'm coming to the conclusion this isn't what I want to do forever...but for now, I'll go to the medals ceremony for our snowboard team, who just won their fourth and fifth medals of the Games and are some of my favorite kids (I might think that about all of them though).

Wordless

This is how much snow there is in Austria. (This is also how tired I look after 12 days of event life)



This was my office today.

All Mixed Up

So.

I've worked a ton of events at this point in my life. I am pretty comfortable running an operation, I'm pretty good at solving issues and actually really enjoy the feeling of being able to put fires out left and right. Any event of this scale is going to have hiccups and I love the process of making the right contacts and figuring out how to get what I need as painlessly as possible.

What I DON'T know how to fix, and what caught me so by surprise, is a kid who got injured in a training run and wasn't allowed to go to compete, nor attend Opening Ceremonies, sobbing in my arms while we tried to track down her parents.

I'm in a weird position in my life. Plenty plenty old enough to be a mom and as an oldest child and a female, all the instincts are there. But oh gosh, as I'm trying to figure out how to console this girl there are a million questions in my head about the right thing to say, and that her mom is 4000 miles away and getting a "there's been an accident" call, and I should know how to do this, and what if I never get to do this myself?

These kids have been so much more fun than I was even expecting. They are smart and they are funny and they are polite (and they are messy). It's fun watching them flirt with each other, make friends across different sports and countries, deal with disappoint, get excited about victories. I know to them, I'm the nice lady in the office who helps them fix issues and gives them passes to bring their moms into the Village. Not really realizing that in some ways, my life is more like theirs than it is like their mom's. I still feel like I'm figuring out what I want to be when I grow up and trying to be alone with boys. I snuck into my room at 12:30 last night after staying out later than I should have given my long days and early wake-up calls and couldn't help but laugh at the fact that all my teenage roommates were fast asleep. I don't feel 20 years older than they are, I don't feel old enough to almost be their mom but it's impossible not to wonder if I've done this all wrong.

But hey, I was standing in the Austrian Alps today, watching three of our snowboarders win medals. These mountains are more beautiful than I know how to describe and I'm getting paid to do this right? I have such a good life.

Grow up

Last night I was standing out in the cold with four young biathletes trying to get some equipment brought over from offsite storage so they could see with their own eyes that it arrived. I heard myself saying to one of the girls not to worry and that I had everything under control.

The fact of the matter is that I actually wasn't totally sure I did, in fact, have it all under control and I wasn't sure I could fix the issue they were having. But there is a look that a kid under 18 will give you are the grown up and they are the kid that says, "I totally trust you," that last night scared the crap out of me. Trust me? I want to solve this, I hope I can solve this but kid, I don't KNOW if I can solve this. And just for a second I felt 100% certain that being a parent must be the bravest thing on earth.

These kids are great, their energy is a lot of fun. The enormous weight of responsibility to make sure they are safe and out of trouble thousands of miles from their parents is not something I am used to at an event. It's not something I am used to in my life.

I'm still sorting out exactly how that makes me feel.

Village People

Highlights of the first 72 hours in Austria..

*My coworker Todd taking the long way from Munich so we could stop in a couple of the cities he trained in when he was in the Canadian Ski Team. Like driving into postcards. We drank hot chocolate by a fire in a ski town called Kaprun and I almost burst into "These Are a Few of My Favorite Things."

*Upgraded to a suite for the one night we spent in a hotel before moving into the athlete village-probably the last comfortable bed I'll be sleeping in until February.

*Finally meeting a bunch of the IOC people I've been emailing with for years. And the woman who does my job for Team Australia. And all other sorts of new faces and we're only three days in.

*The smell of a Village Welcome Center (no really, it has the scent of something awesome just about to happen).

We're already working 18 hour days and I think I slept about five hours last night with all the thinking and planning I was doing in my head. But it's new and it's exciting and I feel pretty darn lucky to be here.

Our delegation starts arriving tomorrow and I'm sure I'll have good stories coming RIGHT UP...

Ciao.

On and On

I read tonight that 2012 is the year of the Dragon in the Chinese Zodiac. I was born in a year of the Dragon. It's an even year. I turn 36 this year. There are lots of superstitious reasons to think this is going to be a great year.

The break was dreamy and it was harder than normal to leave on Sunday. I feel like I could move back to Utah and slide right back into a life there surrounded by people I love and a city that I miss way, way more than the 25 year old who jumped at the chance to get out of there in 2002 would have predicted.

But I have a good life in Colorado too and the long solo drive across Wyoming was a nice opportunity to do some serious thinking. And planning. And maybe just a little bit of stressing out over the first six weeks of 2012.

I leave tomorrow for Innsbruck for the Winter Youth Olympic Games. You have likely heard nothing about them and you probably won't but for the next three weeks I'll be with our team of 58 athletes aged 14-18 enjoying a small scale Games before the complete zoo that will be London 2012. Then I am off to a few days of scouting potential locations to process the 2014 team. It will be long and tiring but I'm excited to do something outside of my normal job description for a few weeks.

Then my friend Lance will meet me in Munich and we will spend a few days road tripping through Europe. Lance is an old pal from my Boston days and he's coming home from a deployment in Afghanistan so I imagine our conversations will be lively.

After we say goodbye in Amsterdam, I head to London for six days for meetings with the team leaders for all the summer sports and final venue walk-throughs with the sponsors I work with. Words like "final" make my stomach turn a little bit and the truth is, I've been somewhat freaked out this week worrying about getting everything done in the office, how much there is left to do for London, and how close on it's heels Sochi will be upon us.

Tonight as I'm pulling out all my warmest clothing and packing for what seem like an eternity, I feel some nerves about the unknown we take off into tomorrow morning but mostly I feel really gosh darned lucky to be living this life right now. Sometimes going to Utah can make me feel like I'm missing out on all the husband and kid stuff that honestly EVERY SINGLE HUMAN I KNOW is doing there. And there was some of that with this trip. I am not giving up on that dream-it's still something I definitely want. But there are worse things than seeing that glint of jealousy in the eyes of your lady friends when you talk about the hot 26 year old cyclist you made out with or the fun trips you've been on. I'd like to sing lullabies to sleepy babies one day but for now, I'll take playing den mother to a bunch of super stoked 16 year olds and crossing some countries off my TO DO list to kick off my year. I'm getting opportunities I never dreamed big enough to imagine and I'm thankful every single day for that.

Since I know I won't have much time to blog this summer I'm hoping to capture a little bit of what a Games really feels like. It might not be interesting to anyone else but I'd like to write about that part of my life. So hopefully I'll have a chance to update more often than I typically do when I'm dealing with thousands of pieces of apparel until all hours.

I'll leave you for now with a song from a band I'm somewhat obsessed with right now. They are called Pickwick, they are from Seattle, and this song is keeping me company tonight while I pack my face off.

Double Dare

I could go on and on about how perfect this break has been but I have way better things to talk about...like FINALLY getting that St.George nephew this morning. At press time he still does not have a name but his Seattle cousin will be induced in the morning and we'll have our Clifford boy basketball team complete just in time for 2012.

I worried after all the hoopla around the first nephew that kidlets #2 through whatever would not be as exciting. But when Christopher sent me a bunch of pictures tonight I burst into the same kind of tears anyone standing on the corner in SoHo oh those three years ago would have seen when I got the news that Morgan had arrived. 

Here's a pretty song by the always terrific Matt Pond PA that I've been listening to almost constantly the last two weeks, guaranteeing that it will always remind me of these little as yet unnamed weasels joining our big crazy wonderful insane can't live without them family.

Due Date

Someday, when my soon-to-be nephew is old enough to sit through a story we will tell him the one about how his parents and aunts are totally crazy.

Because one night over Christmas vacation, someone told them that they heard if you change elevation quickly you can make a baby come early. So at 10:00 at night, they loaded up the minivan with his two older brothers and they drove from St. George to Cedar City, got some fries and a few Diet Cokes, and drove home again.

It did NOT in fact, make the baby come. But that's how excited we are about you baby. So hurry up, so many people are excited to meet you. And when you leave, can you push your Seattle cousin down the chute too? Nephewpalooza 2011 needs to START.

(We tried some yoga on the red rocks too-nothing. Except this totally awesome photo.)

Finish Line

I've been reading some old holiday blog posts and there seems to be a common thread in all of them-I hit the end of the year running on fumes. I'm always half delirious to get home to Utah and recharge.

This year is no different and I would venture to say that needing time with my family and the network I still have in Salt Lake becomes exponentially more important every December. There are so many wonderful things to say about 2011. When I think back to January, my main resolution was that I wanted a year full of good stories. I wanted to yes more than no. I wanted to try things and experience things and I wanted to be open. So I traveled to places I had never been, I went to concerts on weeknights, I kicked a little ass at work, I made new friends, I explored my beautiful state, I had some hard but honest conversations. I rode to the top of Hoosier Pass and strapped on skis like a proper Coloradan. I put my heart out there and came away a little bruised but learned a lot.

I also did a lot of dumb stuff and made a lot of mistakes. My friend Damian once said that the older he got the more he realized how little he knew about anything. I certainly feel that too. And demonstrated it on more than one occasion.

I am pretty sure that all adds up to a pretty great year though, one I'm proud of. 2012 starts with a bit of a bang which is why I'm so looking forward to a quiet few weeks loading up on sugar and faces. There are some parties and some ski days and probably more lunch dates than you can shake a stick at on the horizon. But mostly there will be laughing, and hugs from small fry and evening conversations that will turn into late night confessionals. There will be sleeping in and there will be reflecting. There will be sister time. And Aunt time. Friend time. Daughter time. Flirting time.

And music time. I'm such a sucker for a great love song. This one is in pretty heavy rotation 'round here.

Birdies

This week is a losing battle of trying to get everything done so I can go to Utah for two weeks with a clear inbox. It's best that I accept that I will not, in fact, get everything done. I will have to plug in my laptop in St. George. And I will plug it in in Salt Lake. But Morgan can crawl on my lap while I assign rooms in the Youth Games village and I can sit in my sister's cute apartment and eat guacamole while I plan February's site visits. There is simply not enough time this week for all the things I have to finish.

Enough. There seems to be a theme in my life recently....is there ever enough? Time. Attention. Love. Resources.

I think the answer is just no. So it's finding satisfaction in the time, love, attention that you can give or get and letting a lot of things go. I'm trying so hard this week release all of the stuff I can't control or finalize and trust the universe that it's all going to be just fine.

This morning I was on my way to the warehouse super early and freaking out a bit about how I was going to box up the 99 bags for Youth Olympians we packed yesterday when I discovered this song on a KEXP compilation I had bought at a music store in Seattle. So instead of rushing I stopped and got some hot chocolate and took a couple pictures of the mountains. I didn't entirely stop the rising panic in my stomach as the printer refused to work and four people needing five different things all showed up at once, but the bags got boxed, and the staff got clothed and the conference call was fine and I still managed to show up to the dinner I have been looking forward to.

It's a little gem. Have a listen.

Little Talks

There are end of the year music posts all over the internet this month. They are stressing me out because there is so. much. stuff. I missed. And I already felt overwhelmed by all the good tunes I heard and saw this year.

NPR posted a link that just cost me a small fortune. They are all worth checking out but I am a sucker for Icelandic bands so I'm posting this one.



I hope you are dancing in your kitchen now too.

Wish you were here

No internet, despite what the photos on Facebook say, I am not dating someone I haven't told you about, nor do I have a kid I haven't mentioned.

I do however, kind of love the super cute photos they take at the top of the mountain and might take one every time we go. 

This skiing thing is kind of turning out to be my best decision in a looong time. Today I finally felt my legs doing the things they learned oh so long ago when I was taught how to do this. It's so much fun and the perfect way to get out and enjoy this amazing state I live in. And the other kind of scenery up there doesn't suck either. (I'm taking about boys you guys. It's hard not to be hot in ski gear it turns out.)

We're going to try to ski in the Alps next month. I will get crushed but I will enjoy it.

Spin the Bottle

A funny thing has happened. I finish up with the Youth Olympic Games in Austria near the end of January and then have a big meeting in London the first week of February.

When I proposed to my higher ups that I stick around Europe and take a few vacation days rather than play time zone roulette, I got the green light.

So I have this lovely dilemma wherein I have about 7 days to get from Innsbruck to London with no real firm idea of where I want to go along the way. Spend a few days in Paris? Visit a friend who just relocated to Zurich? Book an Easyjet flight to Alicante? Or Inverness? Trains? Planes? Road trip?

It's like the most deliciously exciting prospect ever...seven unknown days.

So I ask you internet...thoughts? Where would YOU go? I mean, I'm going to blog the SHIZ out of it so maybe you guys should speak up about what you want to read.

Hearts

Is anything more fun than innocently watching guilty pleasure television and OH MY GOODNESS a song pops on by a hardworking little Denver band you love?

These guys opened for The Head and the Heart at a teensy weensy little club last winter and I was totally enchanted. I even got to play their glockenspiel (not a euphemism) during one of the tunes that night. I've seen them play a few times since and this song always get the crowd riled up.

Such a fun treat on a night where I still don't have my car because apparently there was more wrong with it than originally anticipated. Sigh.

Karma

The lesson learned this week is that the Universe has one heck of a wicked sense of humor.

Proof?

Thursday night after we laughed and cried at The Muppets (go see it, hands down the sweetest movie of the year) I came out to a check engine light and a creepy chugging sound when I started the car. I took it to the garage on Friday morning and darn it if the O2 sensor-a thing I had no idea even existed-was broken and don't you know it, the part wouldn't be in until Monday.

I had planned to go to Breckenridge Saturday and thankfully my friend was down to drive. It was a wee bit snowy but were determined and his 7 year old daughter was looking forward to her first snowboard day of the season. We got part way down Hoosier Pass when my biggest driving in snow fear started happening. We lost our traction and the car sailed across into the other lane and then right over a ledge and into the embankment.  We landed just over the edge almost completely sideways.  My heart was leaping into my throat as we approached the side of the road-I remembered riding that curve on my bike that summer and knew it was mostly steep drop-offs but somehow we managed to slip off in an area where there was a bit of a shelf that stopped us. The car was at such a weird angle Ana and I had to hold onto the roof to keep from sliding to the other side.  Guillermo was remarkably calm as it was happening. He said later he felt like a duck-smooth on the top but paddling furiously under the water where we couldn't see. He called AAA right away. Unlike my experience on Wednesday, more people than we could count stopped, got out of their cars and came over to see if we were OK. The car wouldn't start so we could roll the windows down and we weren't sure how secure we were and didn't dare get out so I would push the door almost straight up to thank them and tell them help was on the way.

It was so surreal. I have never been on a snowy road where I wasn't terrified that we would slip off the road. And then it was happening. We were sliding right towards a scary ledge and it actually crossed my mind, "this could be it." And then it wasn't. And then AAA came and the guy was laughing because we were laughing because what else could we do? We drove slowly to Breck and the sun came out and it quit snowing and I skied and they snowboarded and we laughed some more about our day. There are a hundred ways that adventure could have ended and I feel incredibly blessed that all we ended up with was good story.

Then tonight I got a text I wasn't expecting from a boy I shouldn't want to hear from asking to see me. A thing that is hard to say no to on a snowy night. That I did say no to and I should have said no to but was harder to say no to than I wanted it to be.

I feel like maybe my guardian angels have been catching up my blog and thought it would be funny to test me on ALL THE THINGS I'M WORKING ON.

But then this. So I've been carless this weekend and since Thursday night I chose The Muppets instead of a desperately needed grocery shopping trip (no regrets) I ended up needing to walk to the store tonight which I usually try to avoid on Sundays. It's cold so I piled on a bunch of layers and headed over. As I was investigating the bananas I noticed that a girl I've been stalking on about five different social networks and know through a mutual friend was also checking out bananas. So I stopped her and we ended up having a lovely little heart-to-heart on dating and careers and marriage and Lululemon. It was so fun to see her and the conversation hit all these unexpectedly needed points and calmed my manic little heart down in a hundred ways.

Well played angels, well played.

Flat

My morning went something like this yesterday...

I woke up obscenely late for an adult with a job and had to call and cancel two meetings. Then I picked up my mail for the first time in a week and found not one, but two notices of overdue bills, a sign that those times I sat in the team processing office at midnight trying to remember what to pay may not have been the most coherent moments of my life. A couple of embarrassing "can I pay this over the phone?" calls later I finally got on the road to put in a half day at the office after being out for five days.

That is until I heard this terrible sound as I was getting off the freeway and discovered once I was sort of safely on the shoulder of the exit that I had a flat tire. Since I do not know how to change a tire (sorry feminism, I just can't seem to care enough about this one), I joined AAA from the side of the road. After the nice man with really astonishingly great eyes put on a spare, I got the lovely news from the guys at the garage that hey, you need to rotate your tires lady because this other front one is about to blow too. Since I'm driving to Breckenridge just about every Saturday until Christmas and then to and from Utah for the holidays I decided you know, why not spend all my money this morning on things that are not fun and I replaced not one, but two tires.

So that was my day.  And there were years and years of my life where I think I would have dissolved into tears on that freeway shoulder wondering why on earth all this had to happen to me? And I would have been overly stressed out about how I was going to pay for everything and it would have just seemed like the worst.  But I think you have two choices as you get older-you can climb deeper into your own faults and fears and get more and more set in your ways or you can really try to identify the things you struggle against and work your tail off to get over them. I have mentioned often and recently that worry is one of those things for me. I had a roommate several years ago who even bought me a book about managing worry-a gesture that was both sweet and embarrassing. If the person who lives with you feels compelled to buy you a self-help book, you might have a bigger problem than being an endearing little worrywart.

The truth about worry is this-nothing you are laying in bed freaking out about ever happens. Weird stuff that isn't even on your radar screen does, your parents get divorced when you are 24 or your dad's kidneys shut down 4 weeks before you leave on your mission or you end up in a city you hate with a job that is eating you alive. You didn't worry about those things ever happening but then they do and you get through it because that's what you do. Meanwhile you stay up half the night thinking about whether you ordered enough backpacks for the Parapan Am Games and of course you did. Or you read an article about the likelihood of a woman over 35 getting married and you get stuck on it for a week even though you are a person who can see the hand of God all over her damn life and you know He's not really a numbers game kind of guy.

So I'm working on worry. And it's getting better. Today was annoying, and it killed the better part of my work day and it was expensive at a time of year I would prefer to be buying nephew presents to AAA memberships. But it wasn't the worst. It was actually far from the worst. Because today I also got to see coworkers who have been gone for a month and who I missed. And because we made firm ski plans for the weekend. And yesterday I had lunch in SoHo at a restaurant I'd been dying to try. There are just better things to have in my head than getting stuck on things that are just life. Tires go flat. Sleepy bodies turn the alarm off. Bill due dates can slip by in busy times. And sometimes that all hits at once and it feels like a personal attack from the universe.  But then last week I got a whole bunch of these moments.

I was probably due for a flat tire or two. Good trade in my book. 

On the Mountain

I love the holiday season. Just kind of can't even be reasonable about how much I love it.

Free download from a band I saw and fell in love with this summer. It's really beautiful.

BFF

Tonight I'm sitting in a hotel in New York, trying on several different outfits and stressing about what to wear to my meetings in the morning. But what I'm really doing is missing the stuffing right out of my nephew Garrett.

I got to babysit him last night while his parents went out on a much deserved date. He and I watched Cars, ate some snacks, laughed about stuff, and I let him read approximately seven extra stories because I flat out didn't want him to go to bed. He's polite and he's funny and he's smart and we had way too much fun together.

I get a real sense of dread when I have to leave family gatherings these days-something I didn't really feel in my twenties. But Garrett is going to get cooler and funnier and smarter and four days here and there of giving him a tube of dinosaurs and overdosing on Lightening McQueen doesn't really feel like it's going to be enough.

Confession: I was reading him a Bernstein Bears book that was his dad's (and mine, frankly I did not think through the fact that the first kids to HAVE kids would get all the stuff from Grandma's closet. Damn it.) and I had to stop and get my wobbly voice under control so Garrett wouldn't wonder why on earth Aunt Katie was crying about Sister Bear's first day of school. As we were reading I could actually remember my mother reading that book to me. Somehow the juxtaposition of my little girl memories of the book and the tiny guy in my lap asking me for one more story made for an all too real confirmation that time is just rocketing by faster than five year old me could ever have imagined.  

For now I'll make due with Skype and Facebook and the one million or so photos I took in not very many days. I'm sure your kids/nephews/grandkids are cute and all but man, so far my family produces ridiculously good looking children.

Alert

Fair warning internet-if you follow me on any sort of social media, I am spending four days with this guy

And I'm not even going to pretend I don't intend to make the other members of my family jealous about all my neph time.

Last year's beach Thanksgiving with my girls was so perfect. This year a rainy Seattle Thanksgiving with family and friends is sure to hit to spot. My suitcase is full of scarves and boots and colored tights and my Instagram app is all revved up for way, way too much photosharing.

I hope all of you lovelies have a terrific holiday weekend. We all could use it I think.

Prep

Five years ago I threw myself a 30th birthday party. The boy I REALLY REALLY liked at the time came and brought his married cousin and the poor guy ended up spending the whole party in the kitchen talking to my mother (who flew to Huntington Beach just to make crepes for my friends) while the rest of us demonstrated exactly why we were NOT married all night.

All that run on sentence is to say that although absolutely nothing happened with that boy, the married cousin in question turned out to be a crazy talented musician that my entire family now adores.  He and a whole bunch of other crazy talented musicians from several Utah based bands have a side project called The Lower Lights where they do great folksy covers of old hymns.

They just put out a Christmas album and it's pushed me right over the edge of my Christmas music rule. Packing for my Thanksgiving trip counts right?

My friend had this little "making of" video up on his Facebook wall and if watching it doesn't make you wish you had an ounce of musical talent and could join this revival, you are probably a swamp monster with no soul.


The Lower Lights: Come Let Us Adore Him from The Lower Lights on Vimeo.


(I was going to say that my friend is the one with the beard but...man, there are a lot of beards in that band.)

Rumors

"Someone Like You" gets all the glory for being so pretty and pitiful but the song I like best off the last Adele record is "Rumor Has It".

It's delightfully bitchy and way less "poor sad single girl still pining over married guy." Gross. 

'Tis the Season

Last night I had a long Facebook chat with an old friend. The kind that makes you thankful you were smart enough to know college was just as much about building good relationships as it was about going to class. I sure found some good ones down in good old Southern Utah.

Anyway, this morning I was kind of in the mood to listen to Christmas music even though I do have a pretty strict "not until Thanksgiving day" policy. But this is a song that isn't actually a Christmas song but I often put on holiday mixes anyway.

I love everything about this season and this year in particular I'm thrilled to be spending Turkey Day in Seattle with my nephew and parents and my sister-in-law's baby bump as well as getting to visit a couple of my favorite favorite who live there too. A work trip to NYC means a sneak visit with some East Coast friends and Christmas will bring us a new St. George nephew and lots of time off to catch up with so many people I love in Utah.

And today I get to teach six year olds at church! Somebody pinch me : )

Great. Full.

A few experiences in my personal life over the last two months have had me doing quite a bit of thinking about the kind of people I want to have in my life.

There are some guys at work that have quickly become some of my very favorite coworkers. Cool guys. Funny guys. Smart guys. And guys who seriously can't even be reasonable when they talk about how rad their wives and kids are. It was a few years ago when it really hit me that the guys I date can be fun and cool and interesting and smart, but if I can't imagine them teaching my little boys how to be good men and setting examples for my little girls about what a real man is, then I have no business getting attached. And if I have friendships that are clouding that judgement I probably don't need those either.

I may have gotten off target as of late. Made some questionable allowances for shady behavior. Done a few things that are out of character. Nothing awful but just enough off track that I've had to do some serious thinking about where and with whom I want to spend my time and invest my affection. At church on Sunday I made a list of all the people I admire and the many, many good marriage examples I have in my life. It's almost embarrassing how long that list was. It doesn't leave a lot of room for folks who don't bring out my best self.

In my thoughts this week I keep going back to one of the great letters I got for the Dear Me project. It came from an old friend from my idyllic days in Huntington Beach when I took it for granted that I would always be surrounded by cute, smart, surfer dudes who could make me laugh until I cried and were all trying their hardest to be good. Not always succeeding mind you, but sure trying.  I still want all the fun stuff but that trying to be good thing has flown up the charts on my list of things I'm looking for.

So here is his letter. I feel like this is something Coach Taylor would write and as we all know, Coach Taylor is the perfect man.*disclaimer, there is some Mormon specific language in here but I think it's still pretty clear.

Hey, dude. It’s me. Well, actually, you. Just 25 years in the future. I know that sounds entirely creepy, but it’s true. You see, in the future (and this is one of the few things in the future that is truly mind-blowing) there’s this thing called a blog and you’ve (I’ve?) been asked to write something for it. Picture a fanzine but accessible through a computer and available to almost everyone in the world. It’s insane and you won’t be able to remember how you lived without it.

So, yeah, this is you in the future. Knowing how your brain works, right now you are (a) wondering what has become of you and (b) completely questioning the credibility of this. So, let’s just tackle those questions upfront. First off, the future is a bizarre place where you are shaving regularly (well, still only a couple of times per week to be perfectly honest) and having sex (and, even when that is only a couple of times per week, you aren’t complaining in the least). Yes, you actually marry. Yes, you actually have kids. And (shockingly, to be honest), yes, you actually like your job. The future is actually awesome. Look forward to it, but don’t rush it. The ride to get there is plenty awesome as well. Secondly, let’s address that credibility issue. Here you go – 25 years on, you would still take a bullet in defense of “Psychocandy” being the greatest album ever. Oh, yes. Now, I know what you are thinking – “I’m an old man clinging to the past! Argh!”. Don’t worry there are 25 great years of music ahead of you and you are still on top of it. But, there’s still just something about “Psychocandy” that nothing else has been able to trump.

So, I’m rambling a bit (dad’s pet peeve about your writing style to this day; don’t change it man, just keep rockin’ the overdose of commas and parentheticals; it’s how your brain works). Let’s get to the point here – it’s time for some advice. Yeah, I know that sounds all old and stodgy, but, dude, trust me, this is still you. The energy and drive are still there (I’m actually writing this on 3-hours of sleep in an airport heading to a big corporate presentation today harnessing immense game face; lack of energy never becomes a problem). Now, on with the old-guy-to-young-guy stuff. Cool?

1 – Follow the Prophet. Yes, there it is in the #1 slot. There were a lot of different things that I could say here (“live the Gospel”, “obey the commandments”, etc), but “follow the Prophet” is ultimately all you need to know. If there is nothing else you remember from this (and I’m sure you are 84% tuned out already), just remember: follow the prophet. Why? Well, here’s how it breaks down: If there is truly a living Prophet on the earth, sent from God, then that’s kind of a big deal, right? Yeah, completely. It’s a huge deal. So, attach yourself to that huge deal. Listen to what he has to say and follow it. Don’t sweat whether you understand everything or not yet, just follow it. If it’s from God, then who are you to overanalyze it, right? Totally. Focus more on making it happen than on understanding everything in full detail. The prophet will point you to everything else of worth – read the Book of Mormon, live clean, start a family, get a solid education, man up and be a provider, don’t be a deadbeat dad, etc. If it’s important for you to know, than trust me, you’ll hear it from him. So, we got this one? Follow the prophet. Trust me, you’ll never regret it.

(Reminder: Everything that follows below is far less important than what we just went through. So, should you ever get confused, just remember to follow the prophet).

2 – Be humble. Yes, it’s fun to act arrogant to push people’s buttons. It’s an easy one and I’m not sure you’ll ever get over the temptation. But, seriously, while you may jokingly act like that guy, don’t ever be that guy. Just don’t do it. Stay self-aware. The world is a big place and you are not the sun in the universe, so don’t ever think/exude that. Cool? OK. Seriously, be confident, be strong, be bold, etc, but don’t ever be arrogant. If you don’t know the difference yet, figure it out (hint: constant and complete gratitude is a secret ingredient here).

3 – Be mature. Let me make this super easy: Take serious things seriously. Notice, I didn’t say “don’t have fun”. I didn’t say “be serious”. I simply said “be mature”. Notice serious moments and respect them. This is huge.

4 – Be kind. This one is simple – just be cool to everybody. Done. If you are humble and mature, this will come naturally.

5 – Read like mad. I don’t necessarily care what you read as long as it’s clean and at least somewhat engaging to your brain cells. Just read. A lot. And read different things. A lot of your experience and understanding in life will come through reading. You simply can’t personally experience all there is to experience, so at least read about it. This will be a huge asset to you in connecting with other people.

6 – Travel. If you had any idea how much I’ve been able to travel, you’d be really tripped out. Look forward it. Embrace it. But, don’t ever carry a “the way we do things in my part of the world is superior” vibe (reminder: be humble). Keep your mind and eyes open. The world is a huge and beautiful place. Dude, I’m jealous of the places you are going to go. Be grateful for all of it.

7 – “Never lose that feeling”. Dude, nobody will ever know you like you know yourself. That may sound like a curse, but honestly it’s pretty awesome. Don’t do anything to disturb the natural vibe/signal/energy that you have (hint: following the prophet will keep your signal alive). Be grateful for some of the internal blessings that God and your family have passed down to you.

8 – Listen to the Spirit. I’m going to close on this because this is the only piece of advice that could possibly topple “follow the prophet” for the #1 slot (and it’s definitely advice that the prophet will give you repeatedly; follow it). Keep your mind and hands clean. This world has some ugliness and you are smart enough to recognize it. Avoid it at all costs. Be perfectly honest and able to look any person alive straight in the eyes and know that you are good. That’s a very powerful feeling (hint: this is the secret ingredient for confidence). Live by the Spirit. To quote one of your future Bishops: “Once you feel the Spirit, you never want to lose that”.

So, in conclusion, just know this – it may be 25 years in the future (and you may be sitting in an airport pre-dawn in a business suit as you write this), but you are still 100% you. Your face is more wrinkled, your hair is less plentiful (and less pigmented), your waistline is less trimmed-out, and your responsibilities are far heavier, but your joys are far exquisite. It’s a great time and you will love it. Live clean and get there.

Fear and Loathing in COS

I worried a lot when I was a teenager. About everything. It would be nigh unto impossible to catalogue all of the things my 16 year old brain could come up with to fear.

I worried that I would never kiss a boy, that I would never get to live in my own apartment, and that I had learned to ski and all my friends had learned to snowboard and therefore, I would never ever be cool.

Well, I've kissed plenty of boys-recently even (settle down internet, to call it a fling would be generous and it is already dead), I'm going on two years in an apartment of my very own that I love dearly and as it turns out, in this world there are skiers and there are snowboarders and we can all live in peace and harmony.

I have spent the last few years just tolerating snow and cold and being borderline miserable for a whole season. So I decided that this would be the "Winter of Skiing" and my 35th birthday present to myself was a season pass and all new ski gear. Colorado has this amazing pass for locals that covers three resorts plus ten days at fancy pants Vail and I think just about every one I know without kids got one this year.

So even though I have not been anywhere near a mountain in TEN YEARS, I talked this handsome devil into playing hooky from work and heading up to Breckenridge yesterday. (And again, chill out internet, this is "just a friend Adam". I'm pretty shallow and all my male friends are hot.)

I was halfway to Adam's when up when I realized my critical error in going skiing for the first time in so long with a fearless and slightly crazy male. And you know, all my fears were realized when on our fourth run of the day I followed him right to the top of a hill with a slightly confusing sign that I thought was blue and he knew was black. I wiped out once but falling in full view of the chairlift only served to remind me that falling on skis is actually not that terrible and faster is more fun. There is a reason I've been biking and climbing with boys this year and it's because they will just trick you into doing things you aren't ready for and you get better quickly. They will also laugh at you when you fall but then sometimes they hit an unexpected branch and yard sale and all is well in the universe again. 

It was a beautiful day and although I was completely exhausted by the time we left and still have some brushing up to do, I was ecstatic to be up there. More reasons Colorado and I might never break up.  Here's hoping this winter will be full of photos like this. 

Fiddle

I'm playing around with the new Blogger templates. I'm not sure I like any of these.

You know what I do like though? Being back in Colorado. Getting ready to go skiing tomorrow for the first time in ten years. My brother Logan sending me funny text messages. Dinner with my friends Bryce and Tara. The sound of the dryer in my apartment. Listening to Carole King before bed.

I like home.

Remix

So I'm pretty sure that running Team Processing I'm getting a good taste of what being a mom must be like-everyone needs something all the time, almost no one says thanks, you barely have time to eat, and your only alone time is when you sneak to the bathroom.

Shake it

I don't usually like to do two music posts in a row but I simply cannot stop turning up the new Florence + The Machine as loud as I can. Home, car, when I'm the only person on my floor at work. This album is just full of songs you want to scream at the top of your lungs. 


Which I have been doing while packing for my Houston remixed trip. It basically means taking at LEAST a third of what I packed last month, and possibly even a little less. And then getting on the same flight I got on a month ago, checking into the SAME ROOM I was in a month ago and setting up a distribution center exactly the same way I did it last time. 


By this time tomorrow night I will likely be sitting up in the lounge laughing with the transport guys and being ready to it all again. Tonight I'm listening to this song on repeat and thinking I could use one more day in the office and one more night in my own bed.  


I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn