While I have an overwhelming list of pros about this big move, the one little con is that I really, really don't want to move back to Boston. I was ready for a geographic change and I'm excited beyond reason about the job, but I haven't been able to shake the dread at going back to city I just wasn't sad to leave the last time around. I got on that plane two years ago without shedding a single tear so my stomach has been in knots about returning. It is ever a good idea to go back to someone who kicked you around last time? Could this place be different a second time around?
I know the people around me last week were probably sick of me acting like a scared child about this whole AMAZING opportunity and that's probably why I managed to climb on that airplane yesterday. We landed and I cried. The friend who picked me up asked me if I was glad to be back and I didn't know how to answer.
I got to the temporary corporate housing I'll be calling home for a bit right down in the heart of the city. I unpacked a little and then I headed out to find something to eat. It was cold enough but not obscenely so and there were people everywhere. The shops were full, the restaurants were crowded. I walked all over the place, stopped in enough shoe and clothing stores to remind myself that I am not stuck in down coats and boots for the rest of forever and ended up eating delicious pumpkin ravioli in a bustling little cafe/bookstore on Newbury Street. There is an energy to this city that somehow slipped my mind. Or that I didn't really take advantage of the last time I was here...that might be the true issue here. I have this uneasy feeling that I kept Boston at arms length last time. I was pretty busy hating my job, living in the suburbs and being sad about dumb boys to have put much effort into making this my home. So I made a decision last night at the Shaw's market near my hotel that I live here now. I am committed to this place. I will let myself put down a root or two. Stay tuned.