Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Redacted

One of the most profoundly disappointing things about reaching adulthood has been that I have yet to feel like an actual adult. I do a lot of adult things, and I have plenty of adult responsibilities. But fundamentally, I still feel like one day the alarm clock will go off and I will be late for gym class.

I have really been looking forward to coming home for the holiday, getting away from my regular routine and being able to take a somewhat objective look at my life. There has been some major upheaval as of late and I was excited at the prospect of decompressing a little and then strategizing about how to fix the things that might be broken.

What I always forget is that the lines between the adult me and the kid me get blurry when I come home and I end up realizing how very little I actually have figured out. I'm still bossing my siblings around and overreacting to dumb stuff. I'd probably still be afraid of big black dogs if there were any here in the neighborhood.

So today when I found myself completely overwhelmed by a whole slew of decisions that I have to make in the next month or so-decisions I wish I had at some point been brave enough to make on my own instead of waiting until I was forced-my brain decided that the solution was to just "grow up katie". And for some reason, caring so much about some stupid blog seemed like a really junior high thing and I decided to just shut it down before I could change my mind.

Real grown up huh? The truth is that the older I get, the less I even WANT to have it all figured out. There is something sort of exhilarating about knowing that I can still disappoint myself. Because I think that means I can also suprise myself now and then. So there are some things I'll probably be quitting in the next little while, but the blog that I love won't be one of them.

20 comments:

rachelle said...

oh, hallelujah. i was a bit disappointed, but now i'm not. thanks.

Laurie said...

Phew!! This is one of my favorite blogs to read! I can totally understand taking breaks from certain things, though.

Miss Hass said...

Hooray! About the blog, of course. Not all the other stuff.

chloe elizabeth said...

I am relieved as well. And maybe you won't write as much, as often, but I know that I love your insights. I think there are so many of us in the same boat and I really enjoy reading your thoughts on things...including your thoughts in this post.

MissEm said...

Adults and junior high girls share one thing: a brand new lipgloss always makes you feel better about life. That's my recommendation :)

tasha said...

Katie, I love you big time.

Shawn said...

This is news from the angels. Growing up is overrated anyway.

Mary said...

I am glad you are back and hope you are okay...

c said...

hi kate
everyone can identify with what you are describing. we all try to be "grown up" but really we all have our junior high sides that can get face time faster than we would like. if people act like they don't understand what you are talking about they are lying.
my two cents.
i love your blog, and i also support you in whatever works for you!
love and happy new year!

Whits said...

hurrah! glad you are back. and don't worry if you feel like going away for a while. I did it too and I loved the time off and I loved coming back to it again.

veeda said...

i can't believe we ran into each other at the gap. are you going to be around for new years still? E-mail me and let me know: veedaloca@gmail.com

Mikael & Senja said...

great that you are 'back'! and - are we all ever really grown up fully? hope you will have a good time making these decisions.

aporitic said...

That's really more of a retraction than a redaction.



But good news anyway.

tim & brandi said...

Though I don't check in as often as I should - you really need to allow subscribers, btw - when I do, I am always enlightened in some way. You are a talented writer and I'm glad you've changed your mind about closing up shop. Besides, how else will my husband get free music while he's at work??

~b

greg said...

replikate rules! love the blog, katie, keep it going. only grow up as much as you have to. I will always be older and less mature than you, so I hope that provides some comfort. ;)

Randy said...

Thank god! Just remember, to us here in Central Texas, you are the outlet to the outside world. I love readin' your stuff. Hope you had a fantastic New Year. By the looks of the photos, 2008 came in with a bang. xo, Randy

Dainon. said...

I am a voice in the crowd, but yes. Stay. I think I read your thoughts more than I've heard them in real life, but I cherish them nonetheless. Thanks for keeping it real.

cropstar said...

thank you for not killing your blog. it was a very grown up thing to do.
seriously, you are such an amazing writer. everytime i read your posts i wish my brain could have come up with something so eloquent.
keep it up... at whatever pace suits you best.
happy new year!

Rookie Dad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rookie Dad said...

If I didn't know you better, I'd say that you pulled off a slick marketing campaign here: create a panic among your readers by telling them the blog was going away, let the support build as people tried to talk you out of ending it, and then bring it back with a flourish and a recommitted readership (with perhaps a paid subscription feature?). But while I think you're entirely brilliant enough to conceive of such a ploy, its just not you. And besides, you didn't even let the pressure build between the "its over" and the "I'm back" entries -- if you had been wearing your marketing hat, you would have let things build to a true furor.

So three cheers from me that I'll still get to read you.