Whirlwind

I heard on the radio today that we are now officially mid-way through 2009. I know the old "time flies" cliche gets overused but OH MY GOSH WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING???? The last three weeks disappeared in a haze of early US Open mornings, agents meetings, Wasatch Backing, family eventing, nephew snuggling, beach house napping and so. much. food.

So today I tried to pretend I forgot it was a four day week and buried myself in work, did a super hard workout that ended with a bonus spin class and will work really hard to fall into bed before 12.

I am working on a couple of posts but in the summer I feel so compelled to enjoy what little good weather we have so I tend to neglect my writing. Boo to that. If you haven't take a look at my little Letter Project, please do. Collective wisdom is powerful. And please feel free to submit a letter if you haven't yet or if AHEM, you totally OWE me one (and you all know who you are). The submissions thus far have been amazing-every single letter is a gem.

Here is a little taste of what the last few weeks have been like-and really no sign of a slow down. Hooray for summer. Hooray.

Pop

When I was about seven or eight years old, my dad found a box full of music tapes in the bushes in front of our house. We asked around to see if they belonged to anyone but when no one claimed them, he let me take possession. There were about ten tapes in there and I know I listened to all of them but the copy of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" is the one that I nearly wore out. I knew every single word to every single song, including all of Vincent Price's voiceover.

As the news flew through our office of mostly mid-twenty to mid-thirtysomethings that Mr. Jackson had died I was surprised to remember how MUCH I had loved him as a kid. He got kind of creepy and strange as he got older but I don't know that anything ever got me quite as excited when I was 8 as when the Thriller video would FINALLY come on MTV after waiting and waiting and waiting.

There are just way, way too many good Michael Jackson songs for me to really pick a favorite but this is one that pretty well lives in my iPod. Because it's awesome and also because one time, many years ago, I was roller skating with exactly the right boy at the exactly the right moment when the rink filled up with this song. It never fails to make me happy.



I truly hope he finds some of the peace on the other side he clearly never got here.

Wanderlust

Well I am finally home after 10 day of work and play travel. I had a great time at the US Open and an even better time at the Wasatch Back Relay. I had grand intentions of trying to see people while I was in Utah but I guess I had just worn myself right out and I ended up pretty much just playing with my nephews and hanging out with my family.

My mom came by on Monday and after we watched Morgan scoot all around the house in his walker, she got a mischivous look in her eye and let him out the back door. We were pretty convinced he would get outside and freeze up but the kid took off down the driveway like a shot. We were all laughing so hard watching him head for who knows what kind of freedom that we almost forgot to get a camera. But Grandma Jayne did manage to capture a little clip. One I can't seem to stop watching. Nephews. They are so awesome.

Open and Close

I have SO MUCH TO SAY. But I'm in New York for the US Open today and time feels like it on fast forward. I leave tomorrow afternoon to go to Utah for the Wasatch Back and snuggle nephews. I'll be back.

Giving the People What They Want

I didn't say it was the cutest outfit, I just said I like it.

Uniform

So if I could live in one outfit, it would be this Panther Football tee-shirt from American Apparel, these 3/4 length PUMA drawstring black pants and no shoes. I am so happy right now.

Daylight!

I actually have to give credit to frequent blog commenter Mike for introducing me to this song awhile back but now that it's on an ad, I can't get it out of my head. If ever this good little Mormon girl was tempted to take to the demon liquor, it would be because some tight pants hipster music editor used this track on a commercial for Bacardi Mojitos. Don't you want to be friends with Matt and Kim?

Up

Damian, who I have known since fifth grade and who is quite a gem, sent me this in a gchat tonight. And if you don't like it, well, you and I can never watch movies together.



Who wants to dance with me???

Tears of Joy

What a fantastic weekend. First of all, it came after a really great work week-I am loving the new job and the new team I get to work with and that is a feeling I really missed.

I got up Saturday morning and went to meet the Lazer Kittens for a workout which actually means-some girls from work and I are doing a Fitness Challenge sponsored by a local health club. If you check out that link I think you will see why we were picked. So we got weighed and measured and tested on how long we can hang out in a plank position and how many push ups we can do. I had the best run I have had in months and I promised to give up fast food, ice cream and visits to the vending machine for the next six weeks (at least-the plan is for some serious habit changing to happen during the contest!)

Then I was off to the MIT Boathouse where my friend Matt needed some help taking the Stake Young Men and Young Women out on the Charles for a sail. He gave 10 of us a crash course in Skippering and then we spent the afternoon ferrying tweens back and forth across the river. It was every bit as glorious as it sounds-perfect weather, just enough wind, enough of a sunburn to show that summer is totally here.




Once we got 20 boats taken down and put away we went and met up with my roommate Brenda for delicious dinner at a new place a neighborhood I've been meaning to explore. Then I went over to Natalie's and crafted just enough to prove that I do indeed have mormon girl blood in me. Then she went with me to the grocery store, making a task I seriously hate actually pretty fun.

Church was pretty great today, we are meeting in a new lovely space on loan from the Episcopal Divinity School and then a bunch of us went over to watch Roger Federer finally win that French Open that he totally deserves.

And now, my house is clean, my laundry is done, a bunch of beautiful letters rolled into my inbox today and it looks like I will be in bed before midnight.

But the most significant thing about this weekend is how good it feels just to be happy in my own life. It was a rough, rough first year here in Boston and I was honestly afraid several times that the solution was to end up curled up in a dark corner of my mother's basement. That sense of hopelessness and powerlessness is something I don't ever ever ever want to experience again. But here I am. Happy, confident, reveling in my singleness and feeling so sure that good good things are still to come in my life. I was praying for opportunities to grow my last few months in Huntington Beach and by golly folks-be careful what you wish for. Sitting here on the other side of a rough go however, I'm just thankful for the clarity that can come out of dark times. I got to face some of my worst fears about myself and I managed to survive. Maybe even thrive. We'll see.

This song came through my iTunes tonight while I was catching up on email. It's been one of my favorites for a long time and today it just straight up made me cry.


Hello summer. Glad to have you.

Happy Graduation Elizabeth

When I was 14 my parents called us all together to announce that we were getting a new baby in the family. For reasons my 32 year old brain can no longer quite justify, the whole idea just made me mad. There were already five of us and money was fairly tight and my parents were so OLD to still be doing THAT (it's probably karma that I'll be lucky to squeeze one kid out by the age my mom was having number six, and I certainly don't plan to be done with "that"). So I made it clear that I was uninterested in this child and would not be helping with it's care. I believe the words my family still uses to tease me were, "I will not love this baby."

Seven months later, a few weeks after ninth grade ended and I was busy getting ready to go be a high school kid, Elizabeth arrived. And I discovered I was dead wrong about being able to love this baby. It was a clear case of us not really knowing anyone was missing until she showed up and filled in a hole nobody had seen. There was still not enough money and plenty of times that it felt like there were to many damn kids in our house, but I never once wished she hadn't come.

Over the years that poor kid dealt with the joys and pitfalls of being the youngest in a family full of opinionated older siblings. We taught her lyrics to songs she shouldn't have been listening to (but seriously, hearing a three year old sing "I'm a midnight toker" is probably the greatest thing you will ever experience), we took her to concerts when she was wee, we introduced her to our friends who often liked her better, we filled her head so full of our thoughts and ideas that it's a wonder she was ever able to come up with any of her own. But that she did. She has carved out a place in our family that is absolutely unique.

There are so many things I admire about my little Elizabeth-the short short haircut she can totally rock, the surety of herself she has at nearly 18 that I still didn't have at 25, her sense of style, her familial loyalty, her softie side that not everyone knows about, her hilarious blog. She was the only kid in the family that had to deal with the day to day reality of my parent's divorce and she did it with a bare minimum of teenage angst. She's pretty and she's smart and she's hypercreative. She has eight cameras and you never see without at least three of them.

(and she knows how to use them, I love this photo of her.)
She makes her own clothes, she has the cutest little nose, she sends adorable texts and even better Christmas cards, she is a wonderful mother to her cat Tasha (a cat who is skittish around everyone else in the universe), can hold intelligent conversations with adults but still knows how to be a kid. She's way better at boys that I am

Did I mention that she's so creative?

She and I have the same face but the mold got better over the years. (that nose! that adorable nose! where is mine?)


Tomorrow she is graduating from high school just a couple of days shy of her eighteenth birthday. Eighteen! Graduating! Not a baby anymore! It's hard not to feel a little jealous of all the millions of opportunities in front of her. I'm so proud of her, for the amazing little person she's become and for all the potential she has to be even more.

I love you so much little girl-congratulations!

Baby Me

I'm posting the letters I've been getting for my "Dear Me" project to the blog this week.

I haven't quite been able to figure out how to write about the experience of reading these things without lapsing into meaningless cliches or sounding a little too over the top. So let's just get it over with-they are amazing. They are life changing. They make me laugh and they make me cry. They inspire me.

It's all true ladies. Look, women can be hard on each other. We spend a good portion of our lives in competition-for boys, for the cutest kids, for the cleanest house, for the most "having it all"-ness. I don't know if we are even always aware of how much personal PR we are constantly doing so everyone knows we are good enough and strong enough and happy enough. What I love about these letters is that they say, yes-we ARE good enough and strong enough and happy enough but it's taken WORK to get where I am. And sometimes we're better then we were 10 years ago and sometimes there are some things we could probably learn from the girl we used to be. But we've all been through stuff, and we've been low, and we've been dumb and we haven't always done our best and it's cool. It makes us real. It gives us empathy. And if we can look back at our own little silly selves with love and compassion, doesn't that say we can and should do it for all those lovely women around us just trying to do their best too?

I am a fan of women. I think we as a group can be SO awesome. And I will say again that I truly believe these letters have power to help us encourage awesomeness in each other. Go read them. And then write one. And send it to me.