Replikate

Prague

2012-01-29T07:27:00.000-08:00

Well, we are pretty much having a blast in Prague. I had five minutes of worry just before Lance arrived that 10 days with just about anyone could be tricky. But here we are at day 5 and still laughing.

Pre-teen

2012-01-26T13:10:00.000-08:00

Dear 15 year old girls-

Instead of daydreaming about marrying a rich guy someday, how about you make a goal that some day, you'll check into a hotel somewhere in Germany and they will say, "welcome Miss Clifford, we have an upgrade for you and here's your access to the Executive Lounge," and the boy you are with traveling with will be so impressed. I promise that feeling is way, way awesome.

-k8

Munich is beautiful. We are having so much fun. Tomorrow we leave for Prague. Hard to believe this is all real.

Finale

2012-01-22T15:44:00.000-08:00

In what was maybe the perfect ending to two weeks spent trying to keep kids from doing dumb things, I jumped off a pile luggage tonight, split open my lip, sprained my wrist and got my pride injured just a little bit when three of our hockey boy who witnessed it told the other kids about my "scorpion dive".

Hey nice work ADULT.

Raining in Baltimore

2012-01-20T07:52:00.000-08:00

January 20. Fifteen days since I got on the plane in Colorado Springs. As is often the case when you work an event, I have lost all track of time. Something that happened yesterday feels like it was a month ago, my short term memory is shot and getting up at this point feels like some kind of evil torture tactic.

So yeah I'm tired. And I am a little weary of getting wanded every time I go to dinner or come into the village. I haven't worn anything that isn't dri-fit in two weeks and I've chosen sleep over working out every single day.

But oh my am I have a good time! At a normal Olympics you usually have very narrow access. Even in Salt Lake where I could anywhere my little heart desired in my own venue, I couldn't go waltzing into the coaches box at the Halfpipe. Which we totally did in Kuhtai last week. I wouldn't be sitting in the second row of the Lindsey Vonn Q & A with our ecstatic little Alpine Skier who got to meet Lindsey afterward. I don't think I would know the names of all the athletes at a real Olympics and I'm sure I wouldn't have met as many of their moms and I have this time. I've been to hockey, short track, cross country, halfpipe, curling and medals ceremonies.

Things are starting to wind down and competition has ended for many of the sports which means 57 teenagers are starting to get a little antsy. I had to bust a snowball fight with the Brits last night when the main office called and told me to "control my kids". I felt like sort of a grinch having to tell them to cut it out when I still remember that a spontaneous coed snowball/food/water fight is the kind of thing you live for at 16. I've turned a blind eye to my share of late night convos on the stairs and boys lingering in door jams for longer than they probably ought to. I have discovered that if you give them a little bit of freedom, they seem to respond better when you do actually have to say "cut it out guys".

Austria is beautiful, I've managed to sneak out for a few touristy adventures, done my fair share of flirting (this job will get at least 35% less fun should I ever get married), gotten to drive up a mountain pass in a zippy little euro car. It's been more of a true Games experience than I've had other times. Next month marks the 10 year anniversary of the Salt Lake Games and there is something very sweet about being roommates with some figure skaters and some short trackers while I look back on what was such a life-changing moment.

And I guess that's why I do love these events so much. The last five months have been absolutely exhausting and if I think too much about the next six I can work myself up into a tizzy-but I've stretched and I've grown and I've tried to figure out what I'd like to do next since I'm coming to the conclusion this isn't what I want to do forever...but for now, I'll go to the medals ceremony for our snowboard team, who just won their fourth and fifth medals of the Games and are some of my favorite kids (I might think that about all of them though).

Wordless

2012-01-17T06:49:00.000-08:00

This is how much snow there is in Austria. (This is also how tired I look after 12 days of event life)

This was my office today.

All Mixed Up

2012-01-15T11:37:00.000-08:00

So.

I've worked a ton of events at this point in my life. I am pretty comfortable running an operation, I'm pretty good at solving issues and actually really enjoy the feeling of being able to put fires out left and right. Any event of this scale is going to have hiccups and I love the process of making the right contacts and figuring out how to get what I need as painlessly as possible.

What I DON'T know how to fix, and what caught me so by surprise, is a kid who got injured in a training run and wasn't allowed to go to compete, nor attend Opening Ceremonies, sobbing in my arms while we tried to track down her parents.

I'm in a weird position in my life. Plenty plenty old enough to be a mom and as an oldest child and a female, all the instincts are there. But oh gosh, as I'm trying to figure out how to console this girl there are a million questions in my head about the right thing to say, and that her mom is 4000 miles away and getting a "there's been an accident" call, and I should know how to do this, and what if I never get to do this myself?

These kids have been so much more fun than I was even expecting. They are smart and they are funny and they are polite (and they are messy). It's fun watching them flirt with each other, make friends across different sports and countries, deal with disappoint, get excited about victories. I know to them, I'm the nice lady in the office who helps them fix issues and gives them passes to bring their moms into the Village. Not really realizing that in some ways, my life is more like theirs than it is like their mom's. I still feel like I'm figuring out what I want to be when I grow up and trying to be alone with boys. I snuck into my room at 12:30 last night after staying out later than I should have given my long days and early wake-up calls and couldn't help but laugh at the fact that all my teenage roommates were fast asleep. I don't feel 20 years older than they are, I don't feel old enough to almost be their mom but it's impossible not to wonder if I've done this all wrong.

But hey, I was standing in the Austrian Alps today, watching three of our snowboarders win medals. These mountains are more beautiful than I know how to describe and I'm getting paid to do this right? I have such a good life.

Grow up

2012-01-11T13:14:00.000-08:00

Last night I was standing out in the cold with four young biathletes trying to get some equipment brought over from offsite storage so they could see with their own eyes that it arrived. I heard myself saying to one of the girls not to worry and that I had everything under control.

The fact of the matter is that I actually wasn't totally sure I did, in fact, have it all under control and I wasn't sure I could fix the issue they were having. But there is a look that a kid under 18 will give you are the grown up and they are the kid that says, "I totally trust you," that last night scared the crap out of me. Trust me? I want to solve this, I hope I can solve this but kid, I don't KNOW if I can solve this. And just for a second I felt 100% certain that being a parent must be the bravest thing on earth.

These kids are great, their energy is a lot of fun. The enormous weight of responsibility to make sure they are safe and out of trouble thousands of miles from their parents is not something I am used to at an event. It's not something I am used to in my life.

I'm still sorting out exactly how that makes me feel.

Village People

2012-01-08T10:29:00.000-08:00

Highlights of the first 72 hours in Austria..

*My coworker Todd taking the long way from Munich so we could stop in a couple of the cities he trained in when he was in the Canadian Ski Team. Like driving into postcards. We drank hot chocolate by a fire in a ski town called Kaprun and I almost burst into "These Are a Few of My Favorite Things."

*Upgraded to a suite for the one night we spent in a hotel before moving into the athlete village-probably the last comfortable bed I'll be sleeping in until February.

*Finally meeting a bunch of the IOC people I've been emailing with for years. And the woman who does my job for Team Australia. And all other sorts of new faces and we're only three days in.

*The smell of a Village Welcome Center (no really, it has the scent of something awesome just about to happen).

We're already working 18 hour days and I think I slept about five hours last night with all the thinking and planning I was doing in my head. But it's new and it's exciting and I feel pretty darn lucky to be here.

Our delegation starts arriving tomorrow and I'm sure I'll have good stories coming RIGHT UP...

Ciao.

On and On

2012-01-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

I read tonight that 2012 is the year of the Dragon in the Chinese Zodiac. I was born in a year of the Dragon. It's an even year. I turn 36 this year. There are lots of superstitious reasons to think this is going to be a great year.

The break was dreamy and it was harder than normal to leave on Sunday. I feel like I could move back to Utah and slide right back into a life there surrounded by people I love and a city that I miss way, way more than the 25 year old who jumped at the chance to get out of there in 2002 would have predicted.

But I have a good life in Colorado too and the long solo drive across Wyoming was a nice opportunity to do some serious thinking. And planning. And maybe just a little bit of stressing out over the first six weeks of 2012.

I leave tomorrow for Innsbruck for the Winter Youth Olympic Games. You have likely heard nothing about them and you probably won't but for the next three weeks I'll be with our team of 58 athletes aged 14-18 enjoying a small scale Games before the complete zoo that will be London 2012. Then I am off to a few days of scouting potential locations to process the 2014 team. It will be long and tiring but I'm excited to do something outside of my normal job description for a few weeks.

Then my friend Lance will meet me in Munich and we will spend a few days road tripping through Europe. Lance is an old pal from my Boston days and he's coming home from a deployment in Afghanistan so I imagine our conversations will be lively.

After we say goodbye in Amsterdam, I head to London for six days for meetings with the team leaders for all the summer sports and final venue walk-throughs with the sponsors I work with. Words like "final" make my stomach turn a little bit and the truth is, I've been somewhat freaked out this week worrying about getting everything done in the office, how much there is left to do for London, and how close on it's heels Sochi will be upon us.

Tonight as I'm pulling out all my warmest clothing and packing for what seem like an eternity, I feel some nerves about the unknown we take off into tomorrow morning but mostly I feel really gosh darned lucky to be living this life right now. Sometimes going to Utah can make me feel like I'm missing out on all the husband and kid stuff that honestly EVERY SINGLE HUMAN I KNOW is doing there. And there was some of that with this trip. I am not giving up on that dream-it's still something I definitely want. But there are worse things than seeing that glint of jealousy in the eyes of your lady friends when you talk about the hot 26 year old cyclist you made out with or the fun trips you've been on. I'd like to sing lullabies to sleepy babies one day but for now, I'll take playing den mother to a bunch of super stoked 16 year olds and crossing some countries off my TO DO list to kick off my year. I'm getting opportunities I never dreamed big enough to imagine and I'm thankful every single day for that.

Since I know I won't have much time to blog this summer I'm hoping to capture a little bit of what a Games really feels like. It might not be interesting to anyone else but I'd like to write about that part of my life. So hopefully I'll have a chance to update more often than I typically do when I'm dealing with thousands of pieces of apparel until all hours.

I'll leave you for now with a song from a band I'm somewhat obsessed with right now. They are called Pickwick, they are from Seattle, and this song is keeping me company tonight while I pack my face off.

Double Dare

2011-12-30T00:05:00.000-08:00

I could go on and on about how perfect this break has been but I have way better things to talk about...like FINALLY getting that St.George nephew this morning. At press time he still does not have a name but his Seattle cousin will be induced in the morning and we'll have our Clifford boy basketball team complete just in time for 2012.

I worried after all the hoopla around the first nephew that kidlets #2 through whatever would not be as exciting. But when Christopher sent me a bunch of pictures tonight I burst into the same kind of tears anyone standing on the corner in SoHo oh those three years ago would have seen when I got the news that Morgan had arrived.

Here's a pretty song by the always terrific Matt Pond PA that I've been listening to almost constantly the last two weeks, guaranteeing that it will always remind me of these little as yet unnamed weasels joining our big crazy wonderful insane can't live without them family.

Due Date

2011-12-19T20:33:00.000-08:00

Someday, when my soon-to-be nephew is old enough to sit through a story we will tell him the one about how his parents and aunts are totally crazy.

Because one night over Christmas vacation, someone told them that they heard if you change elevation quickly you can make a baby come early. So at 10:00 at night, they loaded up the minivan with his two older brothers and they drove from St. George to Cedar City, got some fries and a few Diet Cokes, and drove home again.

It did NOT in fact, make the baby come. But that's how excited we are about you baby. So hurry up, so many people are excited to meet you. And when you leave, can you push your Seattle cousin down the chute too? Nephewpalooza 2011 needs to START.

(We tried some yoga on the red rocks too-nothing. Except this totally awesome photo.)

Finish Line

2011-12-15T22:29:00.000-08:00

I've been reading some old holiday blog posts and there seems to be a common thread in all of them-I hit the end of the year running on fumes. I'm always half delirious to get home to Utah and recharge.

This year is no different and I would venture to say that needing time with my family and the network I still have in Salt Lake becomes exponentially more important every December. There are so many wonderful things to say about 2011. When I think back to January, my main resolution was that I wanted a year full of good stories. I wanted to yes more than no. I wanted to try things and experience things and I wanted to be open. So I traveled to places I had never been, I went to concerts on weeknights, I kicked a little ass at work, I made new friends, I explored my beautiful state, I had some hard but honest conversations. I rode to the top of Hoosier Pass and strapped on skis like a proper Coloradan. I put my heart out there and came away a little bruised but learned a lot.

I also did a lot of dumb stuff and made a lot of mistakes. My friend Damian once said that the older he got the more he realized how little he knew about anything. I certainly feel that too. And demonstrated it on more than one occasion.

I am pretty sure that all adds up to a pretty great year though, one I'm proud of. 2012 starts with a bit of a bang which is why I'm so looking forward to a quiet few weeks loading up on sugar and faces. There are some parties and some ski days and probably more lunch dates than you can shake a stick at on the horizon. But mostly there will be laughing, and hugs from small fry and evening conversations that will turn into late night confessionals. There will be sleeping in and there will be reflecting. There will be sister time. And Aunt time. Friend time. Daughter time. Flirting time.

And music time. I'm such a sucker for a great love song. This one is in pretty heavy rotation 'round here.

<a href="http://tylerlyle.bandcamp.com/track/things-are-better">Things Are Better by Tyler Lyle</a>

Birdies

2011-12-14T22:30:00.000-08:00

This week is a losing battle of trying to get everything done so I can go to Utah for two weeks with a clear inbox. It's best that I accept that I will not, in fact, get everything done. I will have to plug in my laptop in St. George. And I will plug it in in Salt Lake. But Morgan can crawl on my lap while I assign rooms in the Youth Games village and I can sit in my sister's cute apartment and eat guacamole while I plan February's site visits. There is simply not enough time this week for all the things I have to finish.

Enough. There seems to be a theme in my life recently....is there ever enough? Time. Attention. Love. Resources.

I think the answer is just no. So it's finding satisfaction in the time, love, attention that you can give or get and letting a lot of things go. I'm trying so hard this week release all of the stuff I can't control or finalize and trust the universe that it's all going to be just fine.

This morning I was on my way to the warehouse super early and freaking out a bit about how I was going to box up the 99 bags for Youth Olympians we packed yesterday when I discovered this song on a KEXP compilation I had bought at a music store in Seattle. So instead of rushing I stopped and got some hot chocolate and took a couple pictures of the mountains. I didn't entirely stop the rising panic in my stomach as the printer refused to work and four people needing five different things all showed up at once, but the bags got boxed, and the staff got clothed and the conference call was fine and I still managed to show up to the dinner I have been looking forward to.

It's a little gem. Have a listen.

Little Talks

2011-12-12T20:44:00.000-08:00

There are end of the year music posts all over the internet this month. They are stressing me out because there is so. much. stuff. I missed. And I already felt overwhelmed by all the good tunes I heard and saw this year.

NPR posted a link that just cost me a small fortune. They are all worth checking out but I am a sucker for Icelandic bands so I'm posting this one.

I hope you are dancing in your kitchen now too.

Wish you were here

2011-12-10T17:37:00.001-08:00

No internet, despite what the photos on Facebook say, I am not dating someone I haven't told you about, nor do I have a kid I haven't mentioned.

I do however, kind of love the super cute photos they take at the top of the mountain and might take one every time we go.

This skiing thing is kind of turning out to be my best decision in a looong time. Today I finally felt my legs doing the things they learned oh so long ago when I was taught how to do this. It's so much fun and the perfect way to get out and enjoy this amazing state I live in. And the other kind of scenery up there doesn't suck either. (I'm taking about boys you guys. It's hard not to be hot in ski gear it turns out.)

We're going to try to ski in the Alps next month. I will get crushed but I will enjoy it.

Spin the Bottle

2011-12-06T19:32:00.001-08:00

A funny thing has happened. I finish up with the Youth Olympic Games in Austria near the end of January and then have a big meeting in London the first week of February.

When I proposed to my higher ups that I stick around Europe and take a few vacation days rather than play time zone roulette, I got the green light.

So I have this lovely dilemma wherein I have about 7 days to get from Innsbruck to London with no real firm idea of where I want to go along the way. Spend a few days in Paris? Visit a friend who just relocated to Zurich? Book an Easyjet flight to Alicante? Or Inverness? Trains? Planes? Road trip?

It's like the most deliciously exciting prospect ever...seven unknown days.

So I ask you internet...thoughts? Where would YOU go? I mean, I'm going to blog the SHIZ out of it so maybe you guys should speak up about what you want to read.

Hearts

2011-12-05T22:05:00.001-08:00

Is anything more fun than innocently watching guilty pleasure television and OH MY GOODNESS a song pops on by a hardworking little Denver band you love?

These guys opened for The Head and the Heart at a teensy weensy little club last winter and I was totally enchanted. I even got to play their glockenspiel (not a euphemism) during one of the tunes that night. I've seen them play a few times since and this song always get the crowd riled up.

Such a fun treat on a night where I still don't have my car because apparently there was more wrong with it than originally anticipated. Sigh.

Karma

2011-12-04T21:37:00.001-08:00

The lesson learned this week is that the Universe has one heck of a wicked sense of humor.

Proof?

Thursday night after we laughed and cried at The Muppets (go see it, hands down the sweetest movie of the year) I came out to a check engine light and a creepy chugging sound when I started the car. I took it to the garage on Friday morning and darn it if the O2 sensor-a thing I had no idea even existed-was broken and don't you know it, the part wouldn't be in until Monday.

I had planned to go to Breckenridge Saturday and thankfully my friend was down to drive. It was a wee bit snowy but were determined and his 7 year old daughter was looking forward to her first snowboard day of the season. We got part way down Hoosier Pass when my biggest driving in snow fear started happening. We lost our traction and the car sailed across into the other lane and then right over a ledge and into the embankment. We landed just over the edge almost completely sideways. My heart was leaping into my throat as we approached the side of the road-I remembered riding that curve on my bike that summer and knew it was mostly steep drop-offs but somehow we managed to slip off in an area where there was a bit of a shelf that stopped us. The car was at such a weird angle Ana and I had to hold onto the roof to keep from sliding to the other side. Guillermo was remarkably calm as it was happening. He said later he felt like a duck-smooth on the top but paddling furiously under the water where we couldn't see. He called AAA right away. Unlike my experience on Wednesday, more people than we could count stopped, got out of their cars and came over to see if we were OK. The car wouldn't start so we could roll the windows down and we weren't sure how secure we were and didn't dare get out so I would push the door almost straight up to thank them and tell them help was on the way.

It was so surreal. I have never been on a snowy road where I wasn't terrified that we would slip off the road. And then it was happening. We were sliding right towards a scary ledge and it actually crossed my mind, "this could be it." And then it wasn't. And then AAA came and the guy was laughing because we were laughing because what else could we do? We drove slowly to Breck and the sun came out and it quit snowing and I skied and they snowboarded and we laughed some more about our day. There are a hundred ways that adventure could have ended and I feel incredibly blessed that all we ended up with was good story.

Then tonight I got a text I wasn't expecting from a boy I shouldn't want to hear from asking to see me. A thing that is hard to say no to on a snowy night. That I did say no to and I should have said no to but was harder to say no to than I wanted it to be.

I feel like maybe my guardian angels have been catching up my blog and thought it would be funny to test me on ALL THE THINGS I'M WORKING ON.

But then this. So I've been carless this weekend and since Thursday night I chose The Muppets instead of a desperately needed grocery shopping trip (no regrets) I ended up needing to walk to the store tonight which I usually try to avoid on Sundays. It's cold so I piled on a bunch of layers and headed over. As I was investigating the bananas I noticed that a girl I've been stalking on about five different social networks and know through a mutual friend was also checking out bananas. So I stopped her and we ended up having a lovely little heart-to-heart on dating and careers and marriage and Lululemon. It was so fun to see her and the conversation hit all these unexpectedly needed points and calmed my manic little heart down in a hundred ways.

Well played angels, well played.

Flat

2011-12-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

My morning went something like this yesterday...

I woke up obscenely late for an adult with a job and had to call and cancel two meetings. Then I picked up my mail for the first time in a week and found not one, but two notices of overdue bills, a sign that those times I sat in the team processing office at midnight trying to remember what to pay may not have been the most coherent moments of my life. A couple of embarrassing "can I pay this over the phone?" calls later I finally got on the road to put in a half day at the office after being out for five days.

That is until I heard this terrible sound as I was getting off the freeway and discovered once I was sort of safely on the shoulder of the exit that I had a flat tire. Since I do not know how to change a tire (sorry feminism, I just can't seem to care enough about this one), I joined AAA from the side of the road. After the nice man with really astonishingly great eyes put on a spare, I got the lovely news from the guys at the garage that hey, you need to rotate your tires lady because this other front one is about to blow too. Since I'm driving to Breckenridge just about every Saturday until Christmas and then to and from Utah for the holidays I decided you know, why not spend all my money this morning on things that are not fun and I replaced not one, but two tires.

So that was my day. And there were years and years of my life where I think I would have dissolved into tears on that freeway shoulder wondering why on earth all this had to happen to me? And I would have been overly stressed out about how I was going to pay for everything and it would have just seemed like the worst. But I think you have two choices as you get older-you can climb deeper into your own faults and fears and get more and more set in your ways or you can really try to identify the things you struggle against and work your tail off to get over them. I have mentioned often and recently that worry is one of those things for me. I had a roommate several years ago who even bought me a book about managing worry-a gesture that was both sweet and embarrassing. If the person who lives with you feels compelled to buy you a self-help book, you might have a bigger problem than being an endearing little worrywart.

The truth about worry is this-nothing you are laying in bed freaking out about ever happens. Weird stuff that isn't even on your radar screen does, your parents get divorced when you are 24 or your dad's kidneys shut down 4 weeks before you leave on your mission or you end up in a city you hate with a job that is eating you alive. You didn't worry about those things ever happening but then they do and you get through it because that's what you do. Meanwhile you stay up half the night thinking about whether you ordered enough backpacks for the Parapan Am Games and of course you did. Or you read an article about the likelihood of a woman over 35 getting married and you get stuck on it for a week even though you are a person who can see the hand of God all over her damn life and you know He's not really a numbers game kind of guy.

So I'm working on worry. And it's getting better. Today was annoying, and it killed the better part of my work day and it was expensive at a time of year I would prefer to be buying nephew presents to AAA memberships. But it wasn't the worst. It was actually far from the worst. Because today I also got to see coworkers who have been gone for a month and who I missed. And because we made firm ski plans for the weekend. And yesterday I had lunch in SoHo at a restaurant I'd been dying to try. There are just better things to have in my head than getting stuck on things that are just life. Tires go flat. Sleepy bodies turn the alarm off. Bill due dates can slip by in busy times. And sometimes that all hits at once and it feels like a personal attack from the universe. But then last week I got a whole bunch of these moments.

I was probably due for a flat tire or two. Good trade in my book.

On the Mountain

2011-11-30T09:37:00.001-08:00

I love the holiday season. Just kind of can't even be reasonable about how much I love it.

Free download from a band I saw and fell in love with this summer. It's really beautiful.
<a href="http://seryn.bandcamp.com/track/go-tell-it-on-the-mountain-ft-mark-apel">Go, Tell It On the Mountain ft. Mark Apel by Seryn</a>

BFF

2011-11-27T22:12:00.001-08:00

Tonight I'm sitting in a hotel in New York, trying on several different outfits and stressing about what to wear to my meetings in the morning. But what I'm really doing is missing the stuffing right out of my nephew Garrett.

I got to babysit him last night while his parents went out on a much deserved date. He and I watched Cars, ate some snacks, laughed about stuff, and I let him read approximately seven extra stories because I flat out didn't want him to go to bed. He's polite and he's funny and he's smart and we had way too much fun together.

I get a real sense of dread when I have to leave family gatherings these days-something I didn't really feel in my twenties. But Garrett is going to get cooler and funnier and smarter and four days here and there of giving him a tube of dinosaurs and overdosing on Lightening McQueen doesn't really feel like it's going to be enough.

Confession: I was reading him a Bernstein Bears book that was his dad's (and mine, frankly I did not think through the fact that the first kids to HAVE kids would get all the stuff from Grandma's closet. Damn it.) and I had to stop and get my wobbly voice under control so Garrett wouldn't wonder why on earth Aunt Katie was crying about Sister Bear's first day of school. As we were reading I could actually remember my mother reading that book to me. Somehow the juxtaposition of my little girl memories of the book and the tiny guy in my lap asking me for one more story made for an all too real confirmation that time is just rocketing by faster than five year old me could ever have imagined.

For now I'll make due with Skype and Facebook and the one million or so photos I took in not very many days. I'm sure your kids/nephews/grandkids are cute and all but man, so far my family produces ridiculously good looking children.

Alert

2011-11-22T19:25:00.001-08:00

Fair warning internet-if you follow me on any sort of social media, I am spending four days with this guy

And I'm not even going to pretend I don't intend to make the other members of my family jealous about all my neph time.

Last year's beach Thanksgiving with my girls was so perfect. This year a rainy Seattle Thanksgiving with family and friends is sure to hit to spot. My suitcase is full of scarves and boots and colored tights and my Instagram app is all revved up for way, way too much photosharing.

I hope all of you lovelies have a terrific holiday weekend. We all could use it I think.

Prep

2011-11-22T00:30:00.000-08:00

Five years ago I threw myself a 30th birthday party. The boy I REALLY REALLY liked at the time came and brought his married cousin and the poor guy ended up spending the whole party in the kitchen talking to my mother (who flew to Huntington Beach just to make crepes for my friends) while the rest of us demonstrated exactly why we were NOT married all night.

All that run on sentence is to say that although absolutely nothing happened with that boy, the married cousin in question turned out to be a crazy talented musician that my entire family now adores. He and a whole bunch of other crazy talented musicians from several Utah based bands have a side project called The Lower Lights where they do great folksy covers of old hymns.

They just put out a Christmas album and it's pushed me right over the edge of my Christmas music rule. Packing for my Thanksgiving trip counts right?

My friend had this little "making of" video up on his Facebook wall and if watching it doesn't make you wish you had an ounce of musical talent and could join this revival, you are probably a swamp monster with no soul.

The Lower Lights: Come Let Us Adore Him from The Lower Lights on Vimeo.

(I was going to say that my friend is the one with the beard but...man, there are a lot of beards in that band.)

Rumors

2011-11-21T13:48:00.001-08:00

"Someone Like You" gets all the glory for being so pretty and pitiful but the song I like best off the last Adele record is "Rumor Has It".

It's delightfully bitchy and way less "poor sad single girl still pining over married guy." Gross.

'Tis the Season

2011-11-20T10:48:00.001-08:00

Last night I had a long Facebook chat with an old friend. The kind that makes you thankful you were smart enough to know college was just as much about building good relationships as it was about going to class. I sure found some good ones down in good old Southern Utah.

Anyway, this morning I was kind of in the mood to listen to Christmas music even though I do have a pretty strict "not until Thanksgiving day" policy. But this is a song that isn't actually a Christmas song but I often put on holiday mixes anyway.

I love everything about this season and this year in particular I'm thrilled to be spending Turkey Day in Seattle with my nephew and parents and my sister-in-law's baby bump as well as getting to visit a couple of my favorite favorite who live there too. A work trip to NYC means a sneak visit with some East Coast friends and Christmas will bring us a new St. George nephew and lots of time off to catch up with so many people I love in Utah.

And today I get to teach six year olds at church! Somebody pinch me : )

Great. Full.

2011-11-18T08:59:00.001-08:00

A few experiences in my personal life over the last two months have had me doing quite a bit of thinking about the kind of people I want to have in my life.

There are some guys at work that have quickly become some of my very favorite coworkers. Cool guys. Funny guys. Smart guys. And guys who seriously can't even be reasonable when they talk about how rad their wives and kids are. It was a few years ago when it really hit me that the guys I date can be fun and cool and interesting and smart, but if I can't imagine them teaching my little boys how to be good men and setting examples for my little girls about what a real man is, then I have no business getting attached. And if I have friendships that are clouding that judgement I probably don't need those either.

I may have gotten off target as of late. Made some questionable allowances for shady behavior. Done a few things that are out of character. Nothing awful but just enough off track that I've had to do some serious thinking about where and with whom I want to spend my time and invest my affection. At church on Sunday I made a list of all the people I admire and the many, many good marriage examples I have in my life. It's almost embarrassing how long that list was. It doesn't leave a lot of room for folks who don't bring out my best self.

In my thoughts this week I keep going back to one of the great letters I got for the Dear Me project. It came from an old friend from my idyllic days in Huntington Beach when I took it for granted that I would always be surrounded by cute, smart, surfer dudes who could make me laugh until I cried and were all trying their hardest to be good. Not always succeeding mind you, but sure trying. I still want all the fun stuff but that trying to be good thing has flown up the charts on my list of things I'm looking for.

So here is his letter. I feel like this is something Coach Taylor would write and as we all know, Coach Taylor is the perfect man.*disclaimer, there is some Mormon specific language in here but I think it's still pretty clear.

Hey, dude. It’s me. Well, actually, you. Just 25 years in the future. I know that sounds entirely creepy, but it’s true. You see, in the future (and this is one of the few things in the future that is truly mind-blowing) there’s this thing called a blog and you’ve (I’ve?) been asked to write something for it. Picture a fanzine but accessible through a computer and available to almost everyone in the world. It’s insane and you won’t be able to remember how you lived without it.

So, yeah, this is you in the future. Knowing how your brain works, right now you are (a) wondering what has become of you and (b) completely questioning the credibility of this. So, let’s just tackle those questions upfront. First off, the future is a bizarre place where you are shaving regularly (well, still only a couple of times per week to be perfectly honest) and having sex (and, even when that is only a couple of times per week, you aren’t complaining in the least). Yes, you actually marry. Yes, you actually have kids. And (shockingly, to be honest), yes, you actually like your job. The future is actually awesome. Look forward to it, but don’t rush it. The ride to get there is plenty awesome as well. Secondly, let’s address that credibility issue. Here you go – 25 years on, you would still take a bullet in defense of “Psychocandy” being the greatest album ever. Oh, yes. Now, I know what you are thinking – “I’m an old man clinging to the past! Argh!”. Don’t worry there are 25 great years of music ahead of you and you are still on top of it. But, there’s still just something about “Psychocandy” that nothing else has been able to trump.

So, I’m rambling a bit (dad’s pet peeve about your writing style to this day; don’t change it man, just keep rockin’ the overdose of commas and parentheticals; it’s how your brain works). Let’s get to the point here – it’s time for some advice. Yeah, I know that sounds all old and stodgy, but, dude, trust me, this is still you. The energy and drive are still there (I’m actually writing this on 3-hours of sleep in an airport heading to a big corporate presentation today harnessing immense game face; lack of energy never becomes a problem). Now, on with the old-guy-to-young-guy stuff. Cool?

1 – Follow the Prophet. Yes, there it is in the #1 slot. There were a lot of different things that I could say here (“live the Gospel”, “obey the commandments”, etc), but “follow the Prophet” is ultimately all you need to know. If there is nothing else you remember from this (and I’m sure you are 84% tuned out already), just remember: follow the prophet. Why? Well, here’s how it breaks down: If there is truly a living Prophet on the earth, sent from God, then that’s kind of a big deal, right? Yeah, completely. It’s a huge deal. So, attach yourself to that huge deal. Listen to what he has to say and follow it. Don’t sweat whether you understand everything or not yet, just follow it. If it’s from God, then who are you to overanalyze it, right? Totally. Focus more on making it happen than on understanding everything in full detail. The prophet will point you to everything else of worth – read the Book of Mormon, live clean, start a family, get a solid education, man up and be a provider, don’t be a deadbeat dad, etc. If it’s important for you to know, than trust me, you’ll hear it from him. So, we got this one? Follow the prophet. Trust me, you’ll never regret it.

(Reminder: Everything that follows below is far less important than what we just went through. So, should you ever get confused, just remember to follow the prophet).

2 – Be humble. Yes, it’s fun to act arrogant to push people’s buttons. It’s an easy one and I’m not sure you’ll ever get over the temptation. But, seriously, while you may jokingly act like that guy, don’t ever be that guy. Just don’t do it. Stay self-aware. The world is a big place and you are not the sun in the universe, so don’t ever think/exude that. Cool? OK. Seriously, be confident, be strong, be bold, etc, but don’t ever be arrogant. If you don’t know the difference yet, figure it out (hint: constant and complete gratitude is a secret ingredient here).

3 – Be mature. Let me make this super easy: Take serious things seriously. Notice, I didn’t say “don’t have fun”. I didn’t say “be serious”. I simply said “be mature”. Notice serious moments and respect them. This is huge.

4 – Be kind. This one is simple – just be cool to everybody. Done. If you are humble and mature, this will come naturally.

5 – Read like mad. I don’t necessarily care what you read as long as it’s clean and at least somewhat engaging to your brain cells. Just read. A lot. And read different things. A lot of your experience and understanding in life will come through reading. You simply can’t personally experience all there is to experience, so at least read about it. This will be a huge asset to you in connecting with other people.

6 – Travel. If you had any idea how much I’ve been able to travel, you’d be really tripped out. Look forward it. Embrace it. But, don’t ever carry a “the way we do things in my part of the world is superior” vibe (reminder: be humble). Keep your mind and eyes open. The world is a huge and beautiful place. Dude, I’m jealous of the places you are going to go. Be grateful for all of it.

7 – “Never lose that feeling”. Dude, nobody will ever know you like you know yourself. That may sound like a curse, but honestly it’s pretty awesome. Don’t do anything to disturb the natural vibe/signal/energy that you have (hint: following the prophet will keep your signal alive). Be grateful for some of the internal blessings that God and your family have passed down to you.

8 – Listen to the Spirit. I’m going to close on this because this is the only piece of advice that could possibly topple “follow the prophet” for the #1 slot (and it’s definitely advice that the prophet will give you repeatedly; follow it). Keep your mind and hands clean. This world has some ugliness and you are smart enough to recognize it. Avoid it at all costs. Be perfectly honest and able to look any person alive straight in the eyes and know that you are good. That’s a very powerful feeling (hint: this is the secret ingredient for confidence). Live by the Spirit. To quote one of your future Bishops: “Once you feel the Spirit, you never want to lose that”.

So, in conclusion, just know this – it may be 25 years in the future (and you may be sitting in an airport pre-dawn in a business suit as you write this), but you are still 100% you. Your face is more wrinkled, your hair is less plentiful (and less pigmented), your waistline is less trimmed-out, and your responsibilities are far heavier, but your joys are far exquisite. It’s a great time and you will love it. Live clean and get there.

Fear and Loathing in COS

2011-11-15T19:03:00.001-08:00

I worried a lot when I was a teenager. About everything. It would be nigh unto impossible to catalogue all of the things my 16 year old brain could come up with to fear.

I worried that I would never kiss a boy, that I would never get to live in my own apartment, and that I had learned to ski and all my friends had learned to snowboard and therefore, I would never ever be cool.

Well, I've kissed plenty of boys-recently even (settle down internet, to call it a fling would be generous and it is already dead), I'm going on two years in an apartment of my very own that I love dearly and as it turns out, in this world there are skiers and there are snowboarders and we can all live in peace and harmony.

I have spent the last few years just tolerating snow and cold and being borderline miserable for a whole season. So I decided that this would be the "Winter of Skiing" and my 35th birthday present to myself was a season pass and all new ski gear. Colorado has this amazing pass for locals that covers three resorts plus ten days at fancy pants Vail and I think just about every one I know without kids got one this year.

So even though I have not been anywhere near a mountain in TEN YEARS, I talked this handsome devil into playing hooky from work and heading up to Breckenridge yesterday. (And again, chill out internet, this is "just a friend Adam". I'm pretty shallow and all my male friends are hot.)

I was halfway to Adam's when up when I realized my critical error in going skiing for the first time in so long with a fearless and slightly crazy male. And you know, all my fears were realized when on our fourth run of the day I followed him right to the top of a hill with a slightly confusing sign that I thought was blue and he knew was black. I wiped out once but falling in full view of the chairlift only served to remind me that falling on skis is actually not that terrible and faster is more fun. There is a reason I've been biking and climbing with boys this year and it's because they will just trick you into doing things you aren't ready for and you get better quickly. They will also laugh at you when you fall but then sometimes they hit an unexpected branch and yard sale and all is well in the universe again.

It was a beautiful day and although I was completely exhausted by the time we left and still have some brushing up to do, I was ecstatic to be up there. More reasons Colorado and I might never break up. Here's hoping this winter will be full of photos like this.

Fiddle

2011-11-13T22:31:00.001-08:00

I'm playing around with the new Blogger templates. I'm not sure I like any of these.

You know what I do like though? Being back in Colorado. Getting ready to go skiing tomorrow for the first time in ten years. My brother Logan sending me funny text messages. Dinner with my friends Bryce and Tara. The sound of the dryer in my apartment. Listening to Carole King before bed.

I like home.

Remix

2011-11-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

So I'm pretty sure that running Team Processing I'm getting a good taste of what being a mom must be like-everyone needs something all the time, almost no one says thanks, you barely have time to eat, and your only alone time is when you sneak to the bathroom.

Shake it

2011-11-02T21:59:00.000-07:00

I don't usually like to do two music posts in a row but I simply cannot stop turning up the new Florence + The Machine as loud as I can. Home, car, when I'm the only person on my floor at work. This album is just full of songs you want to scream at the top of your lungs.

Which I have been doing while packing for my Houston remixed trip. It basically means taking at LEAST a third of what I packed last month, and possibly even a little less. And then getting on the same flight I got on a month ago, checking into the SAME ROOM I was in a month ago and setting up a distribution center exactly the same way I did it last time.

By this time tomorrow night I will likely be sitting up in the lounge laughing with the transport guys and being ready to it all again. Tonight I'm listening to this song on repeat and thinking I could use one more day in the office and one more night in my own bed.

I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn

Comfort Food

2011-10-30T18:39:00.000-07:00

I have been more than a little obsessively downloading music the last week. Feist and Ryan Adams both released albums while I was nowhere near my good speakers and my friend Heather finally put up her annual Fall mix so I have been buying full albums of artists I am falling for thanks to her.

I'm a little all over the board at the moment but here are five tracks you should listen to and then pay to add to your collection immediately.

Listen to this and then join in me hoping these guys tour near your house immediately because I NEED TO SEE THIS LIVE.

I actually found this one this summer but it's on the new snowboard movie The Art of Flight that you should watch even if you don't care one bit about snowboarding but you like things that are awesome. I love to listen to this on my way home from a great bike ride or a killer trip up the Incline.

This is not new but that Pearl Jam documentary sent me searching through my iTunes for Eddie Vedder's voice. I forgot all about the Into the Wild soundtrack but oh man, it's so good. My favorite lyric of this song is "When I walk beside her, I am a better man. When I look to leave her, I always stagger back again." Inexplicably this song has me so excited for the bright cold mornings I plan to spend on a slope somewhere this winter.

My love for Ryan Adams is well documented on this blog. I loved all his albums with the Cardinals but this feels like Heartbreaker which means it feels like Huntington Beach days and I never don't want to be reminded of that.

And finally, Leslie Feist. If I could write songs I would want them to come out sounding like hers. This version of "How Come You Never Go There" is stunning. Although I wonder if those backup singers were sad they had to wear those terrible jeans and she got to wear that cute dress.

The stars at night

2011-10-26T22:42:00.000-07:00

Halfway through my time in Texas, I watched the new Cameron Crowe documentary on Pearl Jam two nights in a row. The whole thing, two nights in an exhausted fog row. Because halfway through my time in Texas my brain was so full it was comforting to listen to Eddie Vedder's voice and think about being 16 and in the basement of my friend Sarah's house watching MTV in the middle of the night and seeing the video for "Jeremy" and my head kind of exploding.

An exploding head is maybe the best way to describe what it's like to be managing an event for 21 straight days. I wasn't sure how this thing was going to go. I almost can't be rational about what kind of an experience Team Processing was in Vancouver. I mean it's the Olympics right? The whole world was paying attention but tell me something you know about the Pan American Games that you didn't learn by watching my tweets or Facebook page. It's actually the second biggest multi-sport event in the world next to the Summer Olympics but I'm sure more of you can name who is playing in the World Series right now than who won the gold in Women's Softball. Spoiler alert-we did. Seventh straight Pan Am gold as a matter of fact. So true confession, while I was excited to get on the ground an run and event where, unlike Vancouver, the show was all mine, I really hadn't managed to get that excited about the actual sport side of it. It's not an Olympic qualifier so lots of sports use it as an opportunity to send development teams, I just wasn't sure what to expect. What I got was like a three week, full-bore, crash-course personal and professional leadership laboratory.

Last time I ran Team Processing, one of our Senior Directors was on hand and not everyone reported to me. This time I had full responsibility for the venue and 18 people staff members including an intern on loan from the Houston Sports Authority. To say I felt a different measure of accountability is a giant understatement. On top of wanting to make sure the athletes had a great time, I wanted all of the staffers, the volunteers, and every last person we relied on at the hotel to enjoy the experience. And there were moments where I suddenly understood why Michael Scott is such a brilliant character-because when you want to make EVERYONE happy you may find yourself making your staff play musical chairs to win a pair of Oakleys (true story). The hope is that you realize the moment is going horribly awry and you cut the game short so everyone can go do what they really want which is most likely to go drink beers in the concierge lounge or eat something that requires utensils. And then sometimes you catch a glimpse of yourself with your hair in a ponytail wearing a hoodie and calling the transportation staff a bunch of nerds and you know all those Liz Lemon comparisons might have some validity.

This was the first time I had done everything-selected the venue, picked my own staff, chosen the apparel and placed the orders. On top of that I was experimenting with a new way of issuing the apparel as a test for London and wasn't even entirely sure how we were going to do it. So it was a thrill hearing the athletes whisper in the dressing room about how cool the gear was, to get emails the next day from Team Leaders saying it was the smoothest processing they had ever been to, and to have my staff tell me they'd love to come to London and do it all over again. I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment and my brain is full of all kinds of new dreams and ideas for the next few events.

There were so many great moments it's hard to pick just one but there was a particular highlight for me this year. We had a Track athlete one night whose plane was landing long after Team Processing had closed so I stuck around with his two team leaders to get him outfitted. We were sitting in the lobby, pretty tired and ready for bed when this kid walks in just grinning from ear to ear. We all shook hand with him and I thought he was going to explode as we took him down to get his apparel. His face lit up again when we handed him a bag full of apparel and shoes. He went in to try everything on and came out to model every single outfit and asked us to take photos. He told us this was his very first National Team and getting to wear USA on his chest was the realization of a dream he'd had since he was a little kid. I had to fight back tears as I watched him dancing around in front of the flag in his podium uniform. It's rare to be in a job where you get so many chances to watch someone's dreams coming true. It made me feel hyper aware of my responsibility to do my very best for every single athlete that comes through. And it made me feel incredibly lucky to do what I do. How many people in the whole world get to have this job?

A few fun photos from the trip...

Arriving in Houston

Load in day and the big green forklift

My survival kit

I loved seeing this every day

I also didn't mind seeing this. Go Team USA!

Behind the scenes, prepacking the swim team

The women's gymnastics. Yep, that's Shawn Johnson

Pallet jack in flip flops-our warehouse manager would kill me

Yep, that's this little monkey jumping on the bed at our wrap party

We celebrated with a little fuel for the Houston economy

Back in Kansas

2011-10-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

21 days later I'm back home in Colorado Springs. There is a big snowstorm predicted for tonight so my plan is to go stock up on things I can make in my own kitchen and not eat standing up in the office, get a few movies out of the Red Box and spend all day tomorrow snuggled up on my couch. It was, as expected, an unbelievable experience. But I am exhausted both physically and mentally and I go back to do it all again for 10 days next week so I'm officially shutting my brain off for about 36 hours.

Sunday?

2011-10-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

We have to write the date and day of the week on a white board in the office or else no one has any idea if it's Tuesday or Saturday. But I do know that today was grey day.

And here's a little story I shared with our PR team tonight...One of the Pelota guys is French and needed to make a call to France. His phone wasn’t working and I’m a sucker for a chance to speak French so I let him use my cell phone (I only work for a 403b, no big deal letting a guy call France on my cell phone right?). He was in the Processing room so he was trying stuff on and trying to figure out the country code at the same time. We offered to help track down the code so he left the phone with me and went to the dressing room. After several failed attempts to get the right collection of numbers it was finally ringing so I, ever the helpful one, dashed over to the dressing room to give him the phone and yep, you guessed it, yanked the curtain open to reveal a whole bunch of mostly naked Pelota players. I’m not sure if the roar in the dressing room in front of me or the roar in the processing room behind me was louder but a good time was had by all.

35

2011-10-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

I'm 35 today.And sometimes I feel like maybe I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world. I have too much love, and joy and support and satisfaction in my life that it seems like I ought to be doing more with it. I need to figure out what that means. But so far 35 feels pretty alright.

Fit

2011-10-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

In case there's any confusion about why my job is so great...this guy came through Processing last night.

So, you know. It's maybe alright to be spending my birthday here.

Roast

2011-09-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

The best part about yesterday's post that is the I used the word "right" when I really meant "write". Because if anything tells you exactly the state of my brain right now, it's that I didn't even use the correct word for my favorite thing in the whole world.I was thinking tonight about moments of my life that I truly regret and the only one I can come up with is the time in the hall my sophomore year when the boy on whom I had the kind of crush only a hopelessly romantic 15 year old girl can get asked me if I was allowed to date and I said no. Good little Mormon girls wait until they are 16 to date and I was 15. My mother later told me that for this particularly charming and well behaved boy there might have been some exceptions which just goes to show my mother was entirely wasted on a daughter who didn't even manage to kiss a boy until college. But that day, alone in the hallway practicing our scene for Drama 1-2, I was so terrified of what would happen if I said yes-that he would ask me out? that he wouldn't but now my hopes were up? So I stared at the floor and said it was against our family rules. For many, many reasons I am really glad that I was such a dismal failure at boys in high school, and college, and for most of my twenties and well into my thirties. My self-esteem has had to find legitimate things to be based on besides how many dates I go on and blah blah feminism blah. But I'm still a girl and sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I'd been just a touch less skittish about cute blonde boys with really great dimples.

Books

2011-09-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

I leave for Houston a week from today for a month of processing. I'm sort of nervous and excited and ready and not ready all at once. I'm trying to get my house super clean so when I come back half dead it will be welcoming, figuring out what I need to pack when I know I will end up wearing the same two tee-shirts pretty much the whole time, getting a pedicure and an eyebrow wax so that in the midst of ponytail hair and barking orders I can look down at my feet and remember I'm still a girl, making some playlists for the apparel room so there is always an opportunity to dance, and just generally getting amped up to go do the part of my job that I love the very most. These two songs rolled through iTunes tonight while I was scrubbing my bathtub within an inch of it's life. Both of them remind me of Boston-the Red Sox may be melting down as I write this post but every October I get a little nostalgic for 2004 when we spent every night of the playoffs staying up too late at a bar or someone's house, blowing off everything else to watch games that seemed straight out of a too good to be true movie. Both great songs, now this girl has to get to bed before 11 lest I turn into tired pumpkin who cries at work.

Show and Tell

2011-09-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

This is really what I did at work today.

My job is so awesome.

Overheard

2011-09-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

This week almost killed me. Between our staff training, several days of bossing interns around in the warehouse, and my leadership class, I lost quite a bit of badly needed time in the office. I ended up sticking around until way too late most evenings, sleeping fitfully every night while I thought too much about what still needed to be done and then I made a questionable decision to stay out way too late on Friday. Combine that with the complete inability to shut my night own tendencies down even when I was crazy tired and well, I slept until 5:30 today. Five-thirty in the EVENING. But I woke up feeling like a coherent human instead of a babbling zombie for the first time in a few weeks. Which is good timing since tomorrow I head down to Houston to finalize all the details for the long Team Processing stint that starts in three weeks. Probably best if I have all my wits about me.

When I finally DID wake up, I started cleaning my apartment within an inch of it's life. To most normal people, my apartment is always clean but I am something of a freak and there were several projects I've been meaning to get to all summer that I finally decided to tackle. So tonight my house is blissfully sparkling and I think I can get myself to go to bed at a somewhat reasonable hour and keep up this ability to remember my own name and phone number business.

I like to listen to music while I clean and this is my most recent obsession. This is the guys who sings that Steve Winwood cover I posted earlier this week. If you are in the same Bon Iver, Iron & Wine, Sufjan Stevens fan club to which I feverishly belong, you will not regret going straight to iTunes and downloading Early in the Morning in it's entirety.

CO-versary

2011-09-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

I arrived in Colorado two years ago today.

I said on Facebook today that I have zero regrets about the move and for the first time in a looong time, no getaway plan at the two year mark. We were in Denver on Saturday at the New Belgium Brewery "Tour de Fat", riding our bikes on a loop through downtown with 5000 other lunatics in costumes and I thought, "oh Colorado, I am so clearly in love with you right now."

In a lot of way I feel like I have been making up for some years of my life when I was too scared or too worried to live my life that way I wanted to. Last month as I was fighting my way up Hoosier Pass I got feeling pretty discouraged. My riding partner happened to be a four-time Olympian and I had no prayer of keeping up with her. Which I knew but once I told her I'd see her at the top, I heard a little voice saying, "ok seriously, maybe this just isn't something you are capable of. You are not an athlete little girl, maybe you can't get up this hill." And then I said a couple of words to that voice that I don't think my mother would be thrilled to hear about and I sucked it up and made it to the top of that pass (elevation 11, 532 thankyouverymuch). I don't even like to DRIVE those high mountain passes. I'm always half afraid I'm going to slide right off a switchback. So as I was flying down those very curves with just a helmet between me and certain death, I felt like I was punching multiple long held fears right in the face.

It's been maybe my favorite discovery of adulthood that you can reinvent yourself as many times as you want. You can learn new things, you can make new friends, you can work on your flaws, you can spend years thinking you are not brave enough for something and then one day you find yourself at the top of a rock wall and you actually aren't afraid at all.

It's been two good years. I'm pretty excited to see what the next Coloradoversary post looks like.

Reagening

2011-09-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

It's only Tuesday and I already feel like I got run over by a truck. I went to Noodles and Company to grab dinner tonight (I got something healthy I swear!) and I stared at the cashier for a full minute trying to remember the name of the thing I always order. There just isn't any room in my brain for anything that isn't related to Houston in three weeks.

So I'm doing a lot of listening to quiet music before I go to bed to try to really relax before it all starts over again the next morning. Here are two things I think you should check out too.

This version of the closing track off the new Bon Iver album has been breaking my heart right in two for about a week now. I already loved the song, saxophone and all, but this version really shows off what a beautiful track it is.

My friend Dainon sent this on Friday and I just about fainted. I don't think I ever really paid attention to the lyrics of this Steve Winwood classic and they are kind of great

Think about it, there must be higher love
Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above
Without it, life is wasted time
Look inside your heart, I'll look inside mine

Sold. And so time for bed.

To Whom it May Concern

2011-09-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

Dear blog-

I haven't been writing here as much as I wish lately. We have a big event in three weeks and while I am so excited for the month I'll spend on the ground doing my absolute favorite part of my job, the 10-12 hour days that we constantly have to pull the month before are sort of soul crushing. So I don't write, and I am too tired to exercise, and I end up eating more french fries than the previous six months combined. I'm not always proud of these weeks but I'm rather resigned to this just being how it goes.

However, such behavior will not fly next May/June when I am gearing up for three crazy London months so I am going to try try try to break some of my bad prep habits. The fridge is stocked with non-fry things, I have my favorite workout DVD's ready to go for nights I can't drag myself out for a ride or a run, and I have SO MANY IDEAS FOR POSTS. We'll see. I tried to quit Diet Coke just before we left for Vancouver and my intern wouldn't allow it saying he was unwilling to bear the brunt of me making eleventh hour changes to my routine.

Accountability folks-let's give it a try.

kc

September 11, 2011

2011-09-11T10:07:00.001-07:00

Papa Bear

2011-09-08T22:08:00.000-07:00

Getting an email from a guy who kissed you in the race office one late night when you were 24 talking about how great it is to be a dad is at once completely adorable and utterly disconcerting.

The man who stars in two of my top ten make-out stories is someone's father.

Growing up is weird.

Fiddling Around

2011-09-02T10:35:00.000-07:00

Labor Day weekend snuck up on me a little bit. I thought about making big plans but then we got Band of Horses tickets and I need a haircut and a day to catch up on the stack of baby presents I haven't sent to kids who are probably going off to college now. So I see sleep, a bike ride or two and maybe a massage thrown in for good measure in my future. I hope you all have fabulous plans of your own whether grand or low key.

My friend send me this last night and it has blown my brain a little bit. Sorry dad that I never practiced the violin-had I known it could turn out like this I may have tried harder.

Bold

2011-08-31T22:35:00.000-07:00

There are some days where I feel like everything is just half a step off. Today was one of those days. I felt out of sorts and couldn't quite put my finger on why. And then the internet reminded me, as it has a tendency to do when you have left bits of your life all over it, that a year ago today a boy I was busy falling for did one of those thoughtful and romantic grand gestures that feels straight out of a John Hughes movie.

So the weird feeling made sense. If I'm honest, I'm not 100% over that guy. He was really different from the kind of person I am usually attracted to and our whole relationship felt like something sweet (and maybe unrealistic) that I made up when I was 16. I've gotten so tired of telling myself that maybe THIS experience was just good preparation for the ONE but in this case, I really do think I learned a lot from the whole experience. Even though it didn't end the way I was hoping, it was a sweet chapter in my choppy love life.

What I wanted to do when I got home was pull out the cookie dough I shouldn't but do have in my fridge, watch the episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon meets her pilot boyfriend, and try not to compose any texts I would instantly regret. Instead I got into my cycling gear and went for a hard ride through the Garden of the Gods. I tackled the really evil hill that I never do and always forget isn't just three steep peaks but has a nasty little fourth kick to get to the top. I listened to tough girl songs and I counted my blessings-all that stuff that sounds cheesy when you are in a mood but somehow manages to work anyway. There are times when I'm almost annoyed that I'm nearly 35 years old* and I'm still spending time and energy trying not to think about a boy. And then I think of all the things I don't have to worry about right now and I'm humbled as usual.

I'm also giving myself a few minutes to remember how swept off my feet I felt last year because that feels fair. It's one of those stories that I will love to tell once the sting is all out.

The Counting Crows album August and Everything After is one of my go to albums when I'm feeling a little melancholy and I found this beautiful version of two of my favorite tracks. I might be watching this in the dark. It's cool though, "''round here we always stand up straight."
*eff.

Quick Release

2011-08-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Internet-

I changed my own bike tire tonight all by myself. Well, all by myself with YouTube. But still-I DID IT.

So old dogs, new tricks and whatnot.

Pretty sure it's because I spent the weekend watching guys do this

k8

Ride

2011-08-26T23:32:00.001-07:00

I'll be in Breckenridge this weekend watching a couple of Schlecks and a Hincapie and a Leipheimer ride up some hills.

Pwnd

2011-08-25T21:39:00.000-07:00

I was in a meeting today when someone (who I cannot stress enough is NOT a member of my organization) went out of his way to treat me like I was an idiot. Completely misconstrued something I said and made me look stupid in front of a room full of people. Fortunately I had a conference call scheduled and had to leave the meeting right after his comments so I had to shake it off by the time I got back to my desk. My boss came by later to see if I was OK and to remind me that I'm not by a long shot the first person to be treated that way by this guy.

This afternoon I had a session of a leadership class I am taking at work. It's based on the Dale Carnegie book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and at first I was a little skeptical. But I don't really believe in turning down development opportunities even if they sounds just this side of cheesy. It turns out the class has got me looking at leadership in a completely new way. Nearly every session stresses the importance of showing appreciation, being far more lavish with praise than with criticism and developing a genuine interest in the people around you. The whole course seems to be built around the revolutionary idea that if you are nice to people and you treat them well, you will get better results out of them. It's been a terrific class and I'm grateful to work in a place where they are teaching us that just plain being good will make you a more effective leader.

So tonight as I have been getting ready for bed I've been thinking more about my interaction with the meanie. I don't want to give him more head space than he deserves but the whole thing really got me thinking about what kind it actually means to be successful. If you have a cool job and you are good at it but it's a known fact that you are arrogant and treat people badly then I tend to think you've failed on a pretty fundamental level. Tonight I'm resolving more than ever that really the only measuring stick I want to use is how I make other people feel.

Growing

2011-08-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

This is my grandmother. It's her birthday today-a birthday that puts her a little further into her 80's. Let's hear it for living clean ladies and gentlemen because I would cut a tiger to look this good at eightysomething.

Summer Essay

2011-08-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

This has been a pretty chill summer. I did my crazy globe-trotting and island hopping earlier in the year so it's been nice to do low-key things for the last few months and just enjoy the warmth and slower summertime pace. I've made some new friends, gotten to ride my bike quite a bit and taken time to some new parts of Colorado.

And then my cousin decided to get married and most of the non-SLC Cliffords peer pressured each other into taking a few days and going home. Now listen, my family is not perfect. We get in stupid fights and we hurt each other's feelings and we definitely talk too loud and too much. But if eternity is a little bit like our Sunday afternoon at Liberty Park, sign. me. up. I'll do forever with this crew.

FATT

2011-08-15T22:37:00.000-07:00

Remember several months ago when my friends and I saw Fitz and the Tantrums twice in two days because their shows are THAT amazing?

Well in case you didn't believe me, watch them get 10,000 people on the ground at Lollapalooza two weeks ago.

I haven't been able to stop watching this clip, that explosion at 4:17 makes me grin like a damn cheshire cat.
I.Love.Music.

Guided

2011-08-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

One of my all time favorite teenage memories was a river trip we took with my church group when I was almost sixteen. In a rather stunning display of all kinds of rule-breaking, we went as a coed group and rafted and camped for three days in Southern Utah. Now, we were Mormons and we were heavily chaperoned so I really don't think any funny business happened but there was something a little illicit about spending our days in swimsuits and sleeping in tents inches away from the handsome boys we'd grown up with.

Then of course, there were the river guides. I don't know if you have to pass some sort of pheromone test to be a guide but ours were completely irresistible to nearly every female on the trip. From about fifth grade on I had a hard time getting boys my own age to pay any attention to me but because I was smart and talkative, older gentlemen usually got a good kick out of me (this is still true by the way, grey hairs tend to think I'm the greatest). I loved sitting up front on the raft and and hearing them talk about college and the terribly adult things they were doing when they weren't running the river. We were an underage church group so I'm sure they were far better behaved than they may have been had we been drunk sorority girls but there is a kind of innocent flirting a college boy can do with a high school girl that gives both of them a nice little ego boost without crossing any creepy lines. And especially for a sort of serious teenage girl who worried constantly that she might never, ever go on a date, it was awfully nice to get some extra attention from the ridiculously good looking "men" leading the trip. There was one in particular who I thought was probably my dream boy and although I have forgotten his name or any other details about him, when I hear the Shawn Colvin song he recommended I check out I can still get an image of his impressed face when I told him I did, in fact, know who she was.

Yesterday we went to a little town about 90 miles from the Springs to do some white water rafting on the Arkansas River, a thing I haven't done since that trip. I was with two couples so I suppose you can guess who ended up sitting with the guide? It turned out he was my age and we had quite a bit in common, including having lived on the same street in HB at different times so we had a fun conversation when he wasn't making us work. I kept wondering exactly what that teenager me would think-"34 and still flirting with river guides? Get a grip older me!" or "34 and cute enough river guides still want to flirt with you? Good job older me!" So I decided that if I remembered the summer of 92 correctly, she'd probably go with the latter.

I guess no matter what we do, our younger selves are knocking around in there somewhere. It was fun to spend the day with mine.

Fox in Sox

2011-08-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

We had a company party at the Sky Sox game last night. Today the guy who took all of the photos said to me, "there is a HILARIOUS photo of you in the shared files," which is precisely what every lady wants to hear. I always want to look HILARIOUS in an easily distributable JPEG.

Turns out it is sort of hilarious. Close your mouth Cliff!

Maybe I'll use it for my match.com profile. (I don't really have a match.com profile)(anymore)

Likes

2011-08-09T16:28:00.000-07:00

I wish this song was longer than 43 seconds. But those 43 seconds are pretty rad.

Beth/Rest

2011-08-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I answered the phone at work and my boss told me she was quitting. I had no idea how to react-we had just signed a major deal with a big celebrity and things felt like they were finally going to take off. The person I admired most at the company leaving seemed like a sign that maybe I was wrong. The HR Director told me to take the afternoon off and I went straight to Crystal Cove to run on the beach and try to figure out what the hell to do with my life. I decided that no matter what happened with the big celebrity contract, for me personally it was time to get out of the comfortable bubble I was in and look for new ways to grow.

It was only a few months later that I was packing up my life once again and moving across the country for a job opportunity. A new opportunity that turned out to be both a blessing and a curse. I do not regret anything about that move-I made incredible friends, learned things about myself that were disappointing and things about myself that were awesome, and had experiences that have increased my capacity for empathy. It was a good move. However, deep in my heart, I know that it was a move I talked myself into because I was a little too chicken to figure out how to grow where I was. A new job, a different city, a new ward-it was a wonderful external way to force myself to change. The last fifteen years of my life have been all about clean slates.

Cut to late summer 2011 and staring down the two year anniversary of moving to Colorado Springs. I have zero reason to be restless, I have a great job, good friends, I'm close enough to Utah that I can drive there or get a cheap plane ticket, the weather is lovely, I've picked up some new hobbies I am loving and I have an apartment that makes me happy every single time I come home. Life is good.

But.

It's easy to get complacent when things are going well. And it's very, very easy when you are single and making a nice living to just be having fun all the time and totally forget to stretch. A couple of months ago an old friend from college asked if he could set me up and while we were talking about it he said, "you have a great life but it's time to quit goofing around and get serious." Let me be clear, I in no way think being 34 and single is an indication that I have been "goofing around". I don't think married people are all responsible and single people are all flakes. (And to be fair, I don't think that's how he meant it either.) But what he said hit a nerve on some other fronts.

Instead of daydreaming about what else might be out there and imagining how I would reinvent myself when I got there, I've decided to make some changes I've been thinking about but not DOING much about for awhile now. This weekend I went on a blind date. I got up early on a Saturday to go for a bike ride and we did some evil hills. I took every box and drawer and pile of stuff I said I would go through "after the Olympics" and sorted and organized and trashed things like an episode of Hoarders. I've committed to some lofty goals at work. I keep thinking about the scripture about needing to be humble lest you GET humbled.

Hard things here I come.

Willingly.

And for your Monday morning listening pleasure-here's a live version of Bon Iver's Blood Bank from Boston recorded Friday night. I heard them play this many years ago, also in Boston, and it was one of my very favorite music moments. A beautiful song that is simply outstanding live.

FHE

2011-08-01T22:57:00.000-07:00

After work. Ten minutes from the office.

I may never leave Colorado.

Cool

2011-07-31T16:31:00.000-07:00

When I was a freshman in college, my friend Brandon came over one night and when he went through all my CD's he told me my New Edition Greatest Hits disc was the ONLY one worth listening to but also cool enough that we could still be friends.

I had to come to the office today to finish up my orders for next summer. And iTunes decided to give me this ditty as a gift

Just for the record, I can still sing every single lyric on that entire album. Yep.

Win Win

2011-07-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

I joined a kickball team this summer. Some friends at work sent me an invitation and it seemed so fun I broke my own rule of never signing up for a sport that involves other people. I am just not an athlete so I have tried to stick to thinks like running and biking and even climbing where my inability to catch or serve or hit a ball will make the people at my job hate me.

I was actually pretty stressed out the first night as I realized even kickball requires at least a little coordination and I really do hate to lose at things. I had these terrible flashbacks to being in a hyper competitive congregation as a kid and being the weak link on every softball/volleyball/basketball team the Mormons make their young suffer through regardless of talent level. Fortunately it's really just a nice excuse to run around a little, do some trash talking, high five a bunch and then go sit at Tony's and drink beer (or Diet Coke) on a hot summer night. And tonight I even scored a run and performed decently at third base.

The theme of this year seems to be wildly awesome things strung between millions of tiny simple pleasures. Like Tim photo bombing my double rainbow photo. Endlessly entertaining tonight.

Peace

2011-07-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

I was getting ready to leave the office tonight when I saw a tweet from a friend with the news that Jeret "Speedy" Peterson had died. Jeret was a freestyle skier and medalist on the US Olympic Team in Vancouver.

I got to met Speedy at an event just prior to Vancouver. I was tasked with making sure he and one of his teammates got in the car that would take them to the airport. We sat on a bench at 30 Rockefeller Center and chatted a bit while we waited. He was cute and funny and charming-just exactly what you imagine when you think of meeting an Olympic skier. When the freestyle team came through team processing a few months later they were lively and fun and his silver medal moment was one of my favorites from the Games.

So the contrast of this young, vibrant guy I have in my head and reading that he died of a self-inflicted gunshot is breaking my heart tonight.

I was already thinking this after reading about Amy Winehouse and her fairly tragic death this weekend as well but gosh, this kind of thing just makes me want to be kinder and more patient with people. We have no idea what kind of demons the people around us might be battling. This article written during the 2010 Games talks about the particular difficulties Jeret went through and the enormous efforts he made to try to deal with them.

I have a lot of Olympic related people and organizations in my social networks so I've been reading all kinds of sweet messages from his friends and teammates. They reminded me of this Jackson Browne song that I've loved since I was about 16. It's sad but it's also tender and hopeful.

I sincerely hope Jeret is finally getting to feel the peace he couldn't seem to find in this life. And that maybe heaven has hills.

Pup

2011-07-24T21:01:00.000-07:00

Can we all agree that I look good with a dog?

And can we also all agree that all photos should be taken in the witching hour of perfect, golden sunlight?

Falling

2011-07-23T21:30:00.001-07:00

Back before everyone had an iPod and a million ways to get music online, some friends and I started a little CD trading club. We all picked some kind of theme and then sent out mixes to the other fifteen people in the group. We lived all over the country so getting the mail for those few weeks was such a treat. Some discs got more play than others but every single one ended up yielding at least one or two gems that are still in rotation even nine years later. That club was what finally unlocked Radiohead for me, helped me see the beauty of electronica, introduced me to Kings of Convenience and Beth Orton and Damien Jurado. We got a Johnny Cash primer and a CD full of songs my friend Mandy was reclaiming from past relationships.

We only did two rounds but I still have all the CD's and the artwork that people put put a lot of effort into. One of my very favorites came from my friend Jed, who I adore for both his flawless musical taste and relentlessly upbeat attitude. It was titled "Late Night Summer Listening in the Dark." It seemed hyper-specific but I am have come to realize that late night summer in the dark activities always require a soundtrack. And typically, you are either doing something super awesome (like eating ice cream in the park and talking until the wee hours) or something super introspective (like staring at the ceiling with your headphones on trying to figure out what to do with your life). I've had a nice amount of the former this particular summer but tonight it's definitely the latter and since this new computer has yet to get it's own LNSLITD playlist, I decided to put a few songs together and share them with you. I hope your late night listening is as satisfying as mine.

I've become straight up obsessed with Grace Potter and the Nocturnals since that Red Rocks show. Their music runs from big rockin' tracks to slow and sexy ones that are perfect for, well, nocturnals like me. I adore this one. The line "lately I feel like I'm fooling myself, either that or I'm fooling everyone else," shot me right through the heart the first time I heard it. Yes to that.

Late night summer activities usually make me feel like I'm 16. And they probably wouldn't love to hear this but Third Eye Blind does a great job of evoking teenage feelings. This is a pretty great make-out song and one thing you should definitely do at about midnight in July is make out.

When I was a sophomore in college I went down to school about a week early for some student government responsibilities. My roommate and I spent the evenings listening to the Barenaked Ladies while we painted our entire apartment. Then we would sit out on our deck and talk and people watch. I started that year with a job I loved, great roommates and a cute football playing boyfriend and every time I hear this song I think of sharing the last dying embers of our summer talking about how amazing the fall would be....

James Blake is a recent discovery. I had him mixed up with the guy who wrote that terrible "You're Beautiful" song and when his name kept showing up on blogs I trusted I was so confused. I finally clicked play late one night on this track and was chastised. This song is full and beautiful and best enjoyed over crickets.

I don't think I could get through a playlist without a Ryan Adams song. I volunteered at a music festival today and was talking to this guy about artists we liked. I said Ryan Adams and he laughed and said, "yeah, my ex really loved him. That guy totally gets girls." Yes he does. This particular one is about a girl with brown eyes that are "pretty as hell" and I think it's one of his most heartbreaking.

I don't even remember where I heard this the first time but it stopped me dead. I was shocked when I discovered it was Keith Richards. It's such a sweet song and I love the melody-it's a got a real Motown feel to it. I have been putting this on late night mixes for years and I get so excited every single time I hear it.

Oh Florence and the Machine...you are so tied to a boy who broke my heart but so good I can't give you up even when it still stings a bit to listen. This is from a B-side of "Lungs" and it has some pretty terrific lyrics. I particularly love the lines "Falling's not the problem, when I'm falling I'm at peace, it's only when I hit the ground it causes all the grief."

Oh Nada Surf. I'm sorry I wrote you off as a lame novelty band after that "Popular"song. Turns out you guys are awesome. I fell in love with this song one late night in Boston watching them play it. In the dark.

Josh Ritter sang this one Wednesday night and maybe just maybe this is when I started to cry.

It was hard to pick a Broken Social Scene song since You Forgot It In People is such a dear little album to me. There was a summer many years ago where my friend Keith and I spent an inordinate amount of late night time together. It was perplexing to nearly everyone (including me initially) that we weren't dating, it just wasn't ever that kind of relationship. But we adored each other and I probably learned more about guys and relationships from him than I ever did from boys I sparked with. He's a daddy now but this album will always remind me of him and all the crazy fun we had together.

So there we go, ten tracks for summer nights. Late ones. Dark ones. Awesome ones.

Light For My Lantern

2011-07-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

These two weeks are probably going to be my two least favorite weeks of the next 18 months. I have to order every single scrap of apparel we will use at the Games next summer by the end of the month. That's every hat and scarf and sock for everyone from the basketball team to the volunteers. It's killing me.

So when my gracious friend Heather called with a +1 to the Josh Ritter/Blind Pilot show in Boulder last night, it seemed like a great way to blow off a little mid-week steam.

The show was in a beautiful old barn built in the early 1900's. You can hear pretty clearly outside so there were all kinds of people spread out on blankets, the night was warm and perfect and both bands seemed a bit awed by the surroundings.

The place felt just a bit magical and since Heather is friends with both band managers and Josh Ritter himself, things got even more unreal when I found myself sipping a ginger ale on the tour bus and discussing the finer point of puppeteering with the drummer at 11:30. On a Wednesday night. In Boulder.

The bus call was midnight to head to Tulsa so after big hugs from Josh we giggled our way back to the car feeling like a couple of teenagers. Running on four hours of sleep all day hasn't been my favorite but this summer and I are having so much fun together sometimes I do irresponsible things.

If you don't love these two artists you need to correct that. See below.

The Kids Are Alright

2011-07-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

I got a chance to teach the teenage girls at church today and between that experience and being with the five year olds a few months ago, I'm pretty convinced that the key to getting young folks on your side is sparkly jewelry.

Earlier this week a woman from my congregation called to see if I would fill in for her with the 16-17 year old girls she teaches. I was thrilled. I really miss teaching at church-it's a calling I used to get a lot when I was in singles wards and it's always been something that helped keep important stuff rattling around in my brain for longer than just three hours on Sunday. And I like teenagers.

I should clarify-I like the idea of teenagers. Outside of my nephews and the odd outing with a married friend, my life rarely brings me in contact with anyone younger than about 23. So in theory I feel like I would get along with teens but then last night at about 11:30 as I was finishing up my lesson I was suddenly terrified. What if they just sit there and stare at me with the "I'm too cool for this" expressions that half the girls I grew going to church with were super good at? What if they played with their phones while I was trying to say something meaningful (which I am so guilty of doing in our big meetings)? But most terrifying to me-what if a single 34 year old woman is the personification of everything a nice teenage mormon girl is afraid of? Are they going to write me off as a sad spinster? I so rarely get stressed out these days about what other people will think of my life but suddenly the thought of standing up in front of a bunch of high school kids made me feel exactly like an insecure freshman.

So I did what any rational adult would do and I ran over to the grocery store and bought chocolate. And then this morning I made sure to wear something extra sassy and a pair of red high heels for good measure.

It turns out I only had three girls in my class and two of then were visitors. It also turns out that it's not just a theory, I really do like teenagers. The three of them were so darling and paid attention and were willing to participate. We had a nice lesson and then visited a little bit afterwards about their lives and they asked me questions about my job and very adorably mentioned their aunts and uncles who were older and not married and were really cool. It was such a sweet thing for them to pick up on. And they LOVED my earrings. Just like those little five year olds couldn't get enough of my ring a few months ago.

All afternoon I have been thinking about those girls and how being a parent of teenagers much be so challenging. I don't think any of the girls in my class were probably in line for Homecoming Queen. They were fairly shy and quiet and just a touch awkward. And I can imagine that you want to say all the thing to your daughter who doesn't get asked to the dance that adults said to me about college being better and teenage boys being sort of dumb and that it's better to be a good adult than a popular teenager. All of those things turned out to be 100% true and all of those things sounded 100% stupid and unhelpful when I was 16. But I'm awfully glad that there were plenty of people in my life at the time who said it anyway. I felt an enormous sense of responsibility today to use my forty-five minutes to be one of those voices for these girls.

I'll be stocking up on candy and jewelry for my next substitute experience.

That Old Moon

2011-07-16T22:04:00.000-07:00

The moon is full tonight, we hiked a 14er today and then hung out in Breckenridge, I get to teach teenage girls at church tomorrow and this song is stuck on repeat.

Pretty solid Saturday night.

Crazytown

2011-07-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

Can we talk about how this is my new favorite piece of clothing ever?? It is this ridiculous floor length dress with bat wing sleeves and was the only article of clothing I could tolerate when I fried myself at the pool last weekend.

I bought it because it looked JUST like something a crazy 70 year old rich lady would wear while drinking mimosas by the swimming pool and sometimes, don't we all want to be that lady?

Also the dress is completely unthreatened if I want to wear big sparkly earrings with it.

I might be wearing it right now.

Fooling Myself

2011-07-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

If you looked up the word "spoiled" in the dictionary I'm pretty sure there would be a photo of me for the week of July 4, 2011. Allow me to elaborate.

In my quest to have a very Colorado summer, I have been nearly desperate to get up to Morrison and see a show at the famous Red Rocks Park. So my friend Amanda and I made 4th of July plans earlier than I have ever made holiday plans in my entire life and bought tickets to see Toad the Wet Sprocket and Blues Traveler. Then two weeks before the 4th, Amanda got a rad job and moved to Indianapolis. Leaving me with two tickets and a bunch of friends who had already had things going on. So I threw it out on the internet and crossed my fingers that someone really fun had nothing to do on the best day of summer. I toyed with the idea of going up alone-I've been to shows by myself and it can actually be really fun-but somehow going to an iconic venue for the first time on the 4th of July solo just felt like a bummer.

I lucked out big time and my friend Ashley thought she was moving a week earlier and found herself with nothing to do so she took the ticket and we decided to celebrate her last week in Colorado with a bang. (Note-either I am driving people out of Colorado Springs or I need to make friends with fewer flight risks.)

I'll just gush for a moment about how spectacular Red Rocks-it's hard not to speak in hyperbole about it. You drive up this windy road and park and then you walk up about a billion stairs and then suddenly you realize you are seeing a concert quite literally IN a mountain. As in, there are rocks all around you and the band is performing to a backdrop of red rock.

Here we are at the top of the venue-see how it looks like you can see forever? That's because you can see forever.

We were having a hard time sitting still and then this happened

Those first 10 seconds made the hair on my arms stand up. I was right back to about 19 when our family friend's asked me to dog-sit for a week and I would spend every evening with the patio doors open blasting "Fear" and feeling like I was finally an adult. Which seems hilarious now because I was 19 and barely an adult but this album forever has the feeling of the first tastes of the world absolutely feeling like your oyster.

So this week was made, I didn't really need anything else to happen for it to be another pretty great summer week.

But then I happen to be down chatting with some guys in the office and they happened to mention that they might have this extra ticket to see the Avett Brothers and suddenly they are thrilled to get a cheerful designated driver and I'm beside myself to be hitting yet another show at Red Rocks.

They had a friend in town from Florida who had the ticket hookup and the whole evening turned out to be just kind of perfect. Or as Mark put it on the way home, "this was an error free evening, we didn't make a single mistake." The guys were the kind of smart-aleck gentle teasers that remind me of my brothers and because they were all on loan from wives, I got the play the snarky kid sister role that is really one of my best.

The tickets turned out to be VIP, it rained just enough to feel like an adventure but then stopped before it got cold or annoying, the guys managed to get set lists and photos with the opening band and the Avett Brothers did a John Denver cover which made me cry and miss my dad. Guys with kids don't get to a lot of rock shows so it was awfully fun to be with people that were just as outwardly giddy about being there as I always feel at a good concert.

The Avett Brothers melted our faces off as I knew they would but the real revelation of the evening for me was finally understanding all the fuss about Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. They are from Vermont so they played in New England quite a bit but I had never paid much attention. The five of them strutted on stage at precisely 7:30 and proceeded to bring the house down. Grace Potter herself is tall and beautiful with long blonde hair and legs that I didn't think existed outside a Victoria's Secret catalogue. And then she grabs a guitar and this unreal voice takes over and I instantly regretted never learning to play an instrument. Did I mention she rocks three inch heels through the whole set? And that she also plays the keyboard? I was transfixed. If I were a tall, blonde girl who could screech like that and play like that, these are the songs I would want to write and this is the kind of show I would want to put on.

This video pretty much sums it up-be sure to check out around 5:50 when the whole band gets on the drums together. Sick.

I don't even know how the rest of the summer expects to compete. I'm happy to let it try!

Game Changer

2011-07-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today the IOC announced that Pyeongchang, South Korea will be hosting the Winter Olympics in 2018. I distinctly remember sitting on my mom's bed folding laundry in the summer of 1995 when the IOC announced that Salt Lake would get the 2002 Games and thinking, "that is so cool, too bad I will likely be married with a kid by the time they get here."

I realize this sounds sort of dramatic but I've been in this fog all day thinking about how I had no idea how sitting there that morning separating whites and darks how much that announcement would end up affecting my life. I'll be 40 by the time these Korean Games roll around. Will I go? Will I be bringing kidlets and a nanny? Will something be different in seven years because this thing is happening in Asia and not Europe? Do I even want to go?

Did my whole life change direction today while I ate a turkey sandwich for dinner?

This is how exhausting it is to live in my brain my friends.

He Takes a Whiskey Drink

2011-07-05T21:53:00.000-07:00

I was planning to write a real post tonight but then the internet decided to circulate a video of They Might Be Giants covering the 90's hit "Tubthumping" and well, I've felt compelled to share it on every available web avenue. If you don't think I'm incredibly jealous of the AV Club staffers that got to be part of the chorus that day then you clearly don't know me at all. I promise this is worth 4 minutes and 54 seconds of your day.

They Might Be Giants covers Chumbawamba

Soul Sister

2011-07-03T23:08:00.000-07:00

I should be in bed but holiday weekends bring the night owl out something fierce. I slipped down a rabbit hole of music blog hopping a few hours ago and now it's midnight and I'm alone in my peaceful little apartment enjoying the fruits of my downloading labors.

My dear friend Heather moved to Oregon this weekend. She's off to pursue a graduate degree in writing which makes me incredibly excited for her and maybe a little bit wistful as well. I have a lot to say about dreams and the pursuit thereof that I will save for another time and just say how proud I am of her for doing something so brave and new. She's been a well-loved teacher of English for many a Colorado Springs teen and I have admired the whole process of watching her chase a new dream.

She had a going away slash moving party on Wednesday that included a real movie moment when the sprinklers came on during our lawn pizza feast and we all spilled wet and laughing into her empty apartment to sit on the wood floor and discuss whether or not this was the perfect excuse to play spin the bottle. We didn't but we did listen to music and talk and it was a lovely way to send her on her way.

But then the next night she wasn't gone yet and even though I had already spent a very full weekday evening playing kickball and chatting through a couple rounds of drinks at Tony's, she and my other Heather lured me out of the house and over to a really tiny club to hear some band they promised was worth reapplying makeup and leaving the house at almost 10 on a Thursday to catch.

There couldn't have been more than about 50 people there and it was nearly 11 before Seryn hit the stage so I was 100% unprepared for what we saw. There was a ukelele and a violin and multiple drums and a piano-esque thing and way more guitars than people. We sat in our seats for maybe five minutes before Heather just exploded onto the floor and that's where we stayed and danced and swayed while this band played their guts out for a tiny little audience made up mostly of people who didn't stop talking to each other. I am just terrible at writing about music but I'm pretty good at including a link you will want to click if you like things that make you want to hold hands with a bunch of people you care about and prompt you to tweet really cheesy things like, "the world is full of so many beautiful things there is no sense wasting time worrying about things that aren't." I honestly believe that art has power-music, writing, film, paintings-and that night was one of those little magical summer nights that made me glad I chose people over a good night's sleep. I simply can't imagine this band won't blow up here pretty quick and you won't be able to say I didn't warn you. Click it!

Paste at SXSW: [Video] Seryn :: Featured Videos

Note

2011-07-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

Dear one year from now self,

You are probably stressed out right now and wondering when the next normal meal and full night's sleep are going to happen but please, PLEASE, do not be a jackass and tell a perfectly polite and capable volunteer to "chill out" when all he did was ask where he was supposed to park the car. Because maybe that guy ran a business longer than you have been alive and you couldn't do your big splashy event if he wasn't DONATING his time to help out.

Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.

-you currently volunteer self

Texas Forever

2011-06-27T19:35:00.000-07:00

Christopher and I were exchanging shirts at the finish line on Saturday and when I looked over at him I almost fell over-Coach Taylor anyone??

I

Michicant

2011-06-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

For almost as many years as this blog has been alive, I'm made a June trek to Utah to do the Wasatch Back Relay with my family, my dear friend Corey and an assortment of other friends that changes slightly every year.

The race has grown exponentially every year and what felt sort of small and unique in 2007 is now a giant event full of noise and garbage and jerks who drive too fast up a dirt road THAT PEOPLE ARE RUNNING ON thank you very much. But every year I come home with a camera full of hysterical moments, a catch phrase or two I spend the week trying not to overuse on my coworkers, a sense of accomplishment and excitement about the next year. It's a little bittersweet this time because the race is the weekend before I have to start processing athletes for London and I have a feeling that starting two and a half months of a Gamestime schedule already tired is not my very best idea. My family is getting marrieder and parentier and I usually leave Salt Lake wondering when our gravy train of easy togetherness is going to end. It was actually sort of awful to watch Christopher and Tasha load up their little ones and drive to St. George on Sunday night. I don't begrudge any of my siblings the adventure time they need, time I have clearly taken over the last ten years, but they are spreading out all over the place and the odds of getting them all in one dose are diminishing. I was glad to spend a few extra days there before heading to the event in Eugene to see people and places that are dear to me.

This year there was one moment that stood out. I felt exceptionally healthy on all my legs this year-the advantage of coming down from the extreme altitude of Colorado to the more moderate Utah. Even so, the last leg is always sketchy. We'd slept only a few hours on wrestling mats in a high school gym and I had eaten a power bar, a couple of shot blocks and a Red Bull for breakfast. I was standing over near the start chute, waiting for my cute sister-in-law Kristen to come up over the ridge at the end of her particularly long and uphill climb. Suddenly I heard my brother's voice through the mega-phone we had brought along (note to anyone running this race-MEGAPHONES ARE SO AWESOME) saying, "hey everyone, my wife Kristen is just about to come in. She got her thyroid taken out three weeks ago and she was really worried about being able to do this race. Can you all help me welcome her in?" She came up over the hill and everyone started cheering like crazy. She looked a little confused at all the people yelling her name and I was trying to fight back tears as I took the slap bracelet from her and headed off on my run. Right as I put my headphones on, "Seasons of Love" from Rent came on and I rounded a corner and had a dazzling view of my four mile descent into Heber. The whole sequence was so overwhelming I started to cry. From my little brother's sweet gesture (we sure have some good husbands in my family) to Kristen running with us because her thyroid cancer was 100% treatable, to the heart-stopping beauty of where I was running-I just felt this overwhelming gratitude for the many, many blessings that I enjoy. There are things I'm struggling with and things I wish were different, just like everyone else. But gratitude diminishes selfishness and encourages reaching out and I want more of that in my life.

I had tears in my eyes most of the way down the hill. The van stopped about two miles later and they all did the little dance we'd made up in unison and I was sort of glad they were across the street and couldn't tell how totally cheesy emotional the whole thing made me.

There were hot showers and comfy beds later that day and I was grateful for those as well, but that moment is still one that is making my heart feel warm even a week after.

Turn Down the Lights

2011-06-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

Finally home. June has been a terrific and productive month but also a physically and emotionally exhausting one. I"m happy to be back in my little apartment, sleeping in my own little bed, without any travel on the immediate horizon.

I have some posts I'm eager to write this weekend, but tonight I am digesting the new Bon Iver album while I sort of unpack. My early verdict is that it's quite wonderful. I also found this while I was reading some reviews and I might listen to it to death. It's a medley by Justin Vernon of two of my favorite Bonnie Raitt songs. Perfection for this dark, quiet Saturday night.

Gone Fishin'

2011-06-21T10:23:00.001-07:00

Another Ragnar on the books. Great weekend, still a few friends in SLC to see this afternoon and tonight and then I head to Eugene, OR for a Track and Field event. And hopefully some blogging, my brain and heart are full these days.

Cute family eh?

Called Out

2011-06-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

I was at happy hour tonight, talking to my friend Amanda, when the Chief of Communications for our company came over and said he was going to embarrass me a little. I informed him that was nearly impossible but go for it. He proceeds to explain that he was reading a Twitter conversation between the aforementioned Amanda and me last night and noticed she posted a link to my blog. He puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "I'm sorry he's married."

Mission accomplished!!! I think I turned eight shades of red. It did not help when his second in command piped up with, "oh yeah I read that one too."

It's a good thing I grew up in a family with three brothers whose mission in life in to tease, so good-natured ribbing is like electrolytes for me. And I really feel like my insightful posts about the length of my hair and two hour bike rides at lunch will really lend some weight to my credibility the next time I meet with them.

The internet-it's no joke kids.

Neither are The Black Keys. I can't stop listening to this album tonight while I get ready to pack for a hundred days tomorrow.

Merci

2011-06-12T21:41:00.000-07:00

Well thank you very much internet for all your super kind words about that last post. I got all kinds of nice texts and emails which confirms my theory that really, the point of all this www to connect us in our regular lives.

Last week was super busy, I was in New York meeting with pretty much all the sponsors who give items to the athletes so that was exciting and productive. And now this week I have 2.5 days in the office before I take off to run the Wasatch Back for the fifth year, hang out with some friends and the fly to Eugene for the US Track and Field Nationals. I'm actually already tired thinking about it. But summer is off to a really good start and I'm excited to spend some warm days in Utah. I love and miss that place quite a bit.

I've been listening to quiet music tonight while I catch up on a few things. This new Bon Iver song is lovely and I'll be listening to it with my ridiculously huge headphones tonight to fall asleep.

Proof

2011-06-06T21:49:00.001-07:00

Alright friends, I don't write about dudes on this blog very much. I think in five years I've only posted one photo of someone I was seeing and as I was taking it down I vowed I wouldn't do it again. I spend too much time here to have to go back and edit out things I don't want to have to see. However, I am a single lady and darn it if single people don't spend an inordinate amount of time thinking and talking and worrying and trying not to think and talk and worry about relationships. I can only imagine that married people find themselves with a lot of free time not having to do all the thinking and talking and worrying. So I'm blogging about a boy tonight, sorta, but don't get excited because this is not a love story.

I got an email I was dreading today. The one that said, "I'm married." I read it as I was leaving work and I thought, "ok, good, there it is. Done." I packed up my stuff and I went to the car and started driving to the Incline. And when I got in my car I just lost it. Big heaving sobs that I couldn't control. I was so disappointed in myself. I knew this was coming, I've had loads of time to get used to it. I worked like crazy the last year to get to a point where I could hear his name and feel so over it I was practically under it. You know, when you don't even have to sing along to Adele songs and pretend you are fine. Really and truly over it. So these tears? What business did they have sneaking up on me like this? I'm better than this. I texted my mother who said the right thing that was the wrong thing for gaining any sort of control over my emotions. I drove to the Incline. I turned on my iPod. Weird stuff that should have made me feel better made me feel worse. I spent the first 20 minutes trying to stay ahed of the kids behind me so they wouldn't wonder why that lady was crying on the trail. I was pulling out all the stops-remember this jerky thing he did and remember how he said this and remember how you are better than this?

And then in the middle of berating myself for all these nonsense tears something clicked and I was suddenly incredibly grateful for the depth of sadness I was feeling.

In a world full of love songs and romantic comedies and vampire novels and being raised in a culture where people feel the need to remind you that you ought to be married by now, you simply cannot reach the age of 34 still single and not be just a bit cynical about the whole thing. Because all you know is that sooner or later "you are so awesome!" fades into "you are so awesome, but". When well over half the people you know were married before they could legally rent a car, you have got to turn off the piece of yourself that would let your self worth get wrapped up in your relationship status. It does take some work and it's work I'll gladly do because no one wants to be the bitter man hater who can't appreciate how rich and satisfying her life is. I am genuinely happy for all the wonderful things that happen to the people I love. But it does come at a cost, and that is that after awhile, I simply have to put MY happiness eggs in other baskets. I can't want the fairy tale anymore. A very sweet boy once whispered to me, "you are so guarded," and when he was explaining to me not too much longer after that all the reasons this was not going to work, I couldn't help but say, "this is why I am guarded. Because I see this moment from that one." And again, I work my tail off to stay open and vulnerable and to not let the next guy take the heat from the last one. To hit the gym after a heartbreak instead of the freezer section. To meet new girlfriends and to send baby presents. But the walls go up a little higher, I feel like they have to. And I have to set other goals, ones I can actually control.

So. When someone I tried really hard to shut out, someone I wouldn't even speak to for an entire year and who I thought I had cleared out completely can blindside me and make me sob like I haven't in ages, it is in every way a huge relief that I have not managed to beat my heart into submission. It's still going to take charge and make me feel something that I couldn't control. Because guys, even at 34 and with more than a few scars, I still want the fairy tale. I've had too many tastes of it to think I'm dumb for believing it can happen. It's a fairy tale anchored in the reality that you marry a human and humans are messy and complicated. But I know the opposite of what I felt today exists and I appreciated the reminder that I'll keep putting myself through THIS for ten or twenty more years if I have to. And in the meantime, I will get on planes and I will make new friends and I will dance until the wee hours and I will flirt shamelessly with strangers and I will drag myself on blind dates. And I will not lecture myself or be disappointed when I have the audacity to be hurt.

I have always loved this old Steve Earle song and I listened to it about a dozen times in a row tonight. One fearless heart please.

Glee

2011-06-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

I think if you read my blog for about three consecutive posts, you realize that music is one of my favorite things. I've been lucky since I moved to Colorado to find some similarly minded friends who are willing to do things like go to last minute shows in Boulder on a Thursday night, or meet up in Denver mid-week to see someone great. My dear friend Heather who writes the super fabulous Fuel Friends blog has given me opportunities to sit in tiny spaces and and let excellent artists fill up my whole soul. It's been a solid almost 2 years of high quality musical experiences.

So I hope you will see the gravity of my claim that I may have had the best music weekend in a long, long time the last few days.

Last summer I was on a plane to New York, catching up on KCRW Song of the Day podcasts when a song by Fitz and the Tantrums exploded into my brain. I wanted to plug my iPod into the overhead speakers so the whole plane could hear what I was experiencing. At the time, they only had an EP out which I downloaded and memorized immediately.

So when my new friend Amanda told me last week that they were playing in Denver, we got tickets and I proceeded to act like Christmas was coming. The album is so high energy and the clips of shows I had seen on YouTube made me think we were in for a treat. We later found out that there were coming to Colorado Springs the next night but we figured the Denver show would be bigger anyway and it's always fun to go out up there.

We hit the Bluebird early on Friday night and carved out a little spot right up front. And from the MOMENT they hit the stage until the last note of the encore, they did not stop moving and dancing and whipping a very eclectic crowd into a complete frenzy. Michael Fitzpatrick might be one of the sexiest guys alive and he prances and struts and dances like a complete diva. And then Noelle Skaggs, who they call a backup singer but feels more like a second lead singer is a firecracker onstage. She flat out demands that you move. As in, she'll point and call you out if you don't. And then they have this rhythm section that is just ridiculous.

Amanda and I were having a hard time wiping the grins off our faces at the end when we managed to score a set list and a drumstick. We had been planning to get tickets to another show up in Denver Saturday night but she suggested we hit the FATT show again in the Springs. We drove home and got on the computer and bought tickets that night.

Our friend Devyn joined us last night and the three of us planted ourselves up front again. It was a much smaller venue and I wasn't really sure if this crowd could match the energy of a theater three times the size. I shouldn't have worried, again, they step out on stage and it's like they are throwing speed out into the audience or something. People were losing their minds. Three cute girls on the front row dancing their faces off never fails to draw attention and each of us got our little moment of teasing from the stage which is always a fun bonus.

This band doesn't just come out and play their songs, they create an experience. I have been to a million shows where a band comes out, plays their record, shuffles off, plays and encore and we go home. And because live is live I go, and I enjoy sharing something I love with a room full of people-I'm cool with that arrangement. But I really, really appreciated going to a SHOW. The energy was high, the music is tight, the band is clearly very passionate about what they are doing and they were so sincerely appreciative of the opportunity to perform. If I had my way in life, I would always be dancing. Always. I just can't hear a beat and not dance so when they ordered us to lose our minds during "Moneygrabber", I really did think my little heart was going to burst right open from sheer joy.

The whole band also comes out after the show to sign stuff and take photos so we hung around to get our show posters signed. With six band members it took awhile and with Devyn and I pausing for dance breaks every few minutes we ended up being some of the last people in the venue. We got to chat with all of them for awhile (and maybe swoon just a little bit, that Fitz is one handsome devil) and they were just as nice and sincere as they seemed onstage. The keyboardist was a bit taken with my friend Amanda and since they were leaving at 3 for Aspen and, we took him over to a nearby bar and had a couple of drinks (Diet Coke for me guys!). It was just one of those grateful to be alive kind of nights.

And here is one of my favorite Fitz and the Tantrums songs, playing on a web series called "Live from Daryl's House" which just went on my list of reasons I'm thankful for the internet.

Walk the Plank

2011-06-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

Our trip to Aspen was really fun and involved good food and lots of time in the hot tub. And a gassy dog but that's another story. It also involved giving that weird Australian photo craze a try. Here are our attempts at planking. I think Amanda wins, really glad she didn't get run over.

(sidenote-HOW AWESOME IS ASPEN??? I am never leaving Colorado)

Tweet Tweet

2011-06-02T16:10:00.001-07:00

In case you are still not sold on Twitter, this is one reason it is awesome.I sent a tweet from the Yeasayer show last night and they responded!

@Yeasayer replied to you:
@replikate Judd, Emilio, AMH, Ally or Molly???
Jun 02, 2:46 AM via TweetDeck
In reply to…
replikate Bass player looks like he straight fell out of Breakfast Club and it's pretty hot...@yeasayer
Jun 01, 11:45 PM via Mobile Web

I just really like the idea that you can talk to anyone you want on Twitter. It's making the world infinitely smaller. Another highlight of the evening? Turned out the kid dancing behind us was a fella I had talked to for a few hours after the David Bazan house show a few months ago. We had an oddly intense conversation about life and religion that night and it was super fun to run into him again.

YAY SUMMER YAY!

SYTYCD

2011-05-31T22:30:00.001-07:00

Sometimes if I have to leave the office in the middle of the day, the only parking option when I get back is the roof. And pretty much every time I get to my car after work, it's so empty and awesome up there that it just feels like someone should be dancing.

Well tonight, after I finished the Jack Quinn 5K and finally got my t-shirt, that person was me. I just couldn't hold it back anymore. I put my purse in the car, cranked up my headphones and I danced my face off right up until I realized that for sure there are five or six buildings that could definitely see me. But for a good ten minutes, I'm pretty sure Cat Deeley would have been really proud of me.

(You get it right? This thing is BEGGING for a performance.)

Motto

2011-05-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

So I joined the rest of the internet pretty things junkies and starting a Pinterest account. It's basically internet bulletin boards you can fill with awesome things you find on the www. For someone who loved the web and sharing as much as I do, it's pretty dreamy.

Yesterday I was looking at things my friends had posted and found this

Sorry for the swear but this basically sums up my attitude for 2011. Don't say no when you can yes, try things you aren't sure about, meet more people, get on more planes, see things, learn stuff, relax harder.

To that end, this weekend is packed with hikes and rides and a wedding and what promises to be an insane 48 hours in Aspen with two girls, two boys and a dog. I hope every single one of you is doing something epic this weekend.

Here'sa Memorial Day mix my Twitter buddy from The Knocks posted today. 40 minutes of dance music!

Pig

2011-05-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

All day I have been thinking about that children's book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad No Good Day. When your morning begins with an RV nearly running you off an overpass, you should just turn around and go back to bed, nothing good is coming of this day. It's been one of those days where pretty much everything just felt like "seriously?". And honestly, I am THIRTY FOUR YEARS OLD, how is it possible that I can still wake up with a giant zit that wasn't even on my radar last night. I want to go back in time and punch every single adult who ever told me rough skin was a teenage thing. To be fair, I also just kind of want to punch everyone today.

They are not my beans to spill but someone I love is going up against something scary tomorrow, maybe I just needed to squeeze out all of the bad karma I could today.

And with that, I'm taking a couple of Tylenol PMs, and listening to this until I pass out.

Jealous Lovers

2011-05-21T02:27:00.000-07:00

In honor of The Rapture today, this is my favorite of all their tunes.

(Heh heh.)

All the Ladies

2011-05-19T18:12:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned a few times in the last few posts, we went to see Bridesmaids on Saturday. I enjoyed it on several levels, the first being that it's crazy funny. I have had all sorts of thoughts about it the last few days that may or may not lead to a coherent blog post but here we go.

First of all, it makes me nuts to hear people call it "The Hangover" for women. Plenty of women enjoyed The Hangover AND Bridesmaids is a straight up funny movie whether or not you happen to have breasts. Even after devoting five years of my professional life to a women's footwear brand, I get really eye-rolly when I hear the words "for women" attached to something. When ESPN decided to launch ESPNW, you know, sports info "for women" my first thought was "will the Red Sox scores be cuter over there?" I'm a female but if I want to know how Rickie Fowler is holding up at the Crowne Plaza Invitational this weekend, I'm pretty sure my little girl brain can figure out how to read the leaderboard on "regular" ESPN. It's insulting and a little bit demeaning that the only way to describe something with women in it is to do it context of something male dominated. I'm sure the entertainment industry is a lot like the sports industry where I have enjoyed a career surrounded by strong, smart women and yet somehow it manages to feel like 1955 when wonder of wonder, some ladies get together and make a funny movie and they have no idea how on earth to spin it.

I read Tina Fey's "Bossypants" in one sitting last month. I consistently laugh my head off at Mindy Kaling from the Office's tweets. I watched the entire first season of Parks and Recreation today while I was home sick and found Amy Poehler and Rashida Jones to be the highlights of a pretty delightful show. And you guys know how I feel about Connie Britton's Tami Taylor character on Friday Night Lights. What thrills me to my toes about these women and these projects is that they aren't just good "for a girl". These are women who are standing toe to toe with a very male dominated industry and instead of using sexuality or crying "sexism!", they are just rocking at what they do and letting their work do the talking. One of the reasons I have such a gigantic girl crush on Tina Fey is that she strikes me as the kind of woman who would look at some jerk saying "you are just a girl" and say "suck it d-bag!". It's 2011 and even in the last year I've had men I work with call me sweetie and pat me on the head. I thank my lucky stars every single night for the opportunities I have and how wide open the world is to me compared to what it was for women just a generation before, but it's still a place where you are damned if you do damned if you don't no matter what you choose. Stay at home moms swipe at working moms but often feel restless and like they've lost a part of themselves, working moms feel enormous guilt and get their digs in at those SAHMs when they can. Ambitious single women get accused of choosing a career over a family but when husbands die or get sick or walk away, plenty of women who didn't get an education are forced into the self-improvement Mr. Right was supposed to make irrelevant. So i love seeing these funny and talented women who aren't apologizing for being women nor are they trying to make some statement for ALL women. They are just using their talents and being awesome, giving all the rest of us a big fat thumbs up to do the same.

My final two cents is that I loved this movie for being more about female friendships than it was about dudes saving the day. Hollywood gives us a lot of movies like "Bride Wars" where two women who are supposedly childhood best friends become enemies because they both want their weddings in the same venue. I read one review of that particular film that said the writers of that script either didn't actually KNOW any women or hated the ones they DID know. Female friendships are complicated for sure and girls can be bitchy and backstabbing and competitive but as I get older I see less and less Housewives of New Jersey behavior and far more taking care of each other. I've watched nearly every girl I've ever been close to get married in the last fifteen years and even though for the most part they've married great men, the need for female friendships never goes away. I've been a discreet ear during rough spots and a landing pad for weekends away. Even the healthiest marriages aren't perfect and loyal female friends fill an important role. So I appreciated that at the core of this film was a solid and realistic friendship.

Maybe that's a lot to take away from a silly movie. I've run across some fun old girlfriend photos while loading my computer. I miss these gals.

Blag

2011-05-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have lots of reasons for enjoying blogging. One of my top five is getting texts like this one from thousands miles away:

I love when you're blogging regularly. It's the perfect replacement for my morning apple fritter.

That's me, blogging for a thinner America.

Tradition

2011-05-18T22:00:00.000-07:00

It's sort of funny how really little things in our lives can bring us an enormous amount of satisfaction if we let them.

When I bought my first laptop probably eight or nine years ago, one of my very favorite things became to make CD's. Not just for other people but for road trips and holidays and different moods. I have playlists still hanging around with titles like "Summer Jam Cam" that I did for a friend and "Late Night Summer Listening in the Dark" that was clearly meant for a very specific moment.

Well I got a beautiful MacBook Air before I moved to Boston and the only thing those sexy little things are missing is a disk drive. So my CD making days kind of died. I would still use my old one occasionally for a "congrats on your baby!" mix here and there but my days of "saturday in July" or "Welcome to my brain" musical intros for boys I was falling for pretty much dried up.

So Saturday I was running around getting ready to go to the movies with the cute girls I had talked into getting dressed up and I kept skipping around looking for super peppy songs in my iTunes. And then I realized! New baby iMac can burn CD's!!! So I did a little happy dance and picked out 18 uppers and burned five copies to give to the ladies. It was really fun when later that night both Heather and Amanda were tweeting about how much they liked were enjoying their soundtracks.

Then last night, a friend sent out a great My Morning Jacket song I hadn't heard and it made me want to put together a playlist. I mentioned to him that I had been inspired and his reply of "I wouldn't say no to a copy" has got me sitting here tonight fiddling with the order and making a few substitutions before I send it off.

I know I could just zip the files and email it to him but there is still something so fun about getting a CD in the mail and listening to it in the order someone carefully thought out. My sister still does fall mixes and Coop does a Valentine's Day mix and they consistently rank as some of my very favorite compilations.

It's pretty simple but such a pleasure that I'm delighted to be back at it. And in celebration, I'll gladly send a copy of "Bridesmaid Day" and "Haunted" to the two people who first request them : )

EDIT: If you want a CD, I'm happy to send more than two. Tell me which playlist.

Bells

2011-05-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

I was all set to write tonight and then two crazy days of bad sleep and site visit meetings in Houston have combined to turn my brain to utter mush.

But here's a little gem of a song I had totally forgotten about until I was working on a playlist tonight. Someone i once loved is getting married soon and I gave in to a bit of nostalgia thanks to this thing. I'll say this though, it's sure nice to reach a point where you truly do just wish the best for someone who broke you a little.

Maid of Honor

2011-05-14T22:56:00.000-07:00

I like days that involve costume changes. We got some girlies together to go see Bridesmaids so duh, perfect opportunity to get dressed up in silly dresses.

And an obligatory DC run afterwards

Then we ate Mexican food and raced over to catch Gregory Alan Isakov and the Haunted Wind Chimes. And now at midnight I am starting to pack for a quick trip to Houston tomorrow.

Busy bee.

Copycats

2011-05-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

I love it when the internet gives me something like this first thing on a freezing cold MAY morning.

Sometimes

2011-05-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you are a grown up with a good job and a cute apartment and a very nice life and your sister-in-law posts something cute on your Facebook profile and you feel exactly like a nine year old at a sleep-over who wants to go home even though the party is totally fun.

Missing people is really the worst.

Pro-V

2011-05-10T22:13:00.000-07:00

I hope you will all indulge me in what is probably the shallowest thing I will ever post on this blog. I was reading some old posts from the early days of this thing and I think perhaps I am guilty of being boring lately. So I'm hoping to freshen up my writing a little bit, even if that means some nights I just really want to talk about my hair.

That's right. Hair.

I'm kind of a big proponent of being comfortable in your own skin-identifying the parts of yourself that are awesome and getting over the things that you can't change. I am also a big fan of taking good care of your body and believe that when you feel strong and healthy, you worry less about whether you look like Jillian Michaels. I made peace with my small breasts and curvy midsection a long time ago and although I am always trying to do better in the wellness area, I don't kill myself to achieve an impossible dream. That said, I seriously hate my hair.

I have long been trapped in family of good hair. My dad is sixty and still has his, my grandfather grew a lovely silver ponytail halfway down his back in his seventies, my mother has thick red hair that no box or stylist was ever able to help me copy. My brothers grew long, curly hair in high school and my two sisters always look like they stepped off a hair show runway. I even got a bunch of in-laws with lovely hair. I basically hate all of them.

I had long hair that I used to put in hot rollers EVERY SINGLE DAY of high school and it was always shiny and bouncy. And then the week before graduation I cut it all off thinking it would look cuter in my cap (it didn't) and for some reason, it would never. grow. again.

So for about 17 years now, I have lusted after long, shiny, healthy hair. I get good haircuts, I buy expensive products, I pick up every single magazine that promises better tresses. I watch Gossip Girl and get distracted by how wonderful all their hair looks. And then I suck it up and tell myself not everyone has big brown eyes with long ass lashes and shut up right now and count your blessings. But I'm a girl, and sometimes in my darkest "seriously, I'M still single" moments I wonder if it's because my hair is too short.

Well boys and girls, I'm here to tell you that sometimes you learn a life lesson through your hair trials. A few months ago I went to bed with wet hair because nephs were here and I didn't want to wake them with the hair dryer. Yes, every single day for most of my adult life, I blow dry my hair straight with a round brush and then get it even straighter with a flat iron. Nevermind the fact that puberty gave me naturally curly hair-it's more like naturally 80's permy, so I go straight. I got up the next morning and it was exactly the kinked mess I was expecting. I told Tasha I would have to wash it again and she looked at me like I had three heads. "No you don't, you curl it like that silly." So I did a trick Natalie taught me when she visited last summer and readers-MY HAIR HELD IT'S CURL FOR TWO DAYS. I tried it for a week. Wash, go to bed wet, curl in the morning. One whole week of good hair days.

I tried it for two weeks. I tried it for a month. Good hair days. Hair growing. Shiny hair. Happy hair. Hair with body. I went to get it cut and my stylist said, "wow, I can't believe how bouncy this is." I told her my story and she said, "you've seriously been blowing naturally curly hair straight every single day? You shouldn't do that." Turns out, my hair wants to do one thing-curl, and it wants to be left alone for the most part. If I let it go it's own way and try not to wreck it, it's paying me back by being the happy, healthy mane I've sort of been dreaming about.

Well you were warned, super shallow. But here's what I've been thinking about with all the spare time I have now that I don't blow dry my hair anymore-maybe sometimes we get really obsessed with something we want and the answer is A) under your nose and B) contingent on looking at the problem in a different way. Looking back, I kind of did the same thing everyday and expected magically better hair. Turns out I was probably the one keeping it down with all the heat and harsh brushing. I wasn't kidding-life lessons through hair. It can happen.

i haven't been taking many photos lately but you can sort of tell here.

I promise to come up with something terribly insightful tomorrow ; )

Found

2011-05-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

I'm loading old photos I kept on discs once my laptop got full into my new baby. It's so much fun since the majority of these are about five years old. I found this one of my sister Emily and I that I just love. We're in HB, we're singing, I'm positive the windows are down in my little Jetta and I'm certain we're on PCH.

I'm really glad I have memories that included all of the above.

Baby

2011-05-08T21:53:00.000-07:00

I bought a new computer this weekend (!!!!) and am finally joining 2011 and getting internet at my house this week. Which means you can expect some more compelling content coming your way soon. Life has been busy and my heart has been busy doing a little healing and it has conspired to give me a little writers block. But the sun appears to be here to stay, there are some super fun things on the docket for May and June and almost nothing makes me as happy as staying up late, writing and listening to music. I haven't done much of that lately but i am RIGHT NOW and gosh, I sure love it.

I also love it when my friend Heather gets good musicians that she knows to come play in her clubhouse. Joe Pug was the guest of honor last night and for the 30 or so of us lucky enough to be there, it was a feast. I can pretty much tell you that when an upright base and a harmonica get involved, I'm paying attention. It was such a treat to have Dainon here too, we've been friends for a long time and traded an astonishing amount of music over the years but we've never been to a show together. He was teasing me after one of the songs about it being the track "you will post on your blog and get all effusive about." It's good to have someone around to give me a hard time when my brothers are all so far away. And then it's maybe a little bit of awesome when you hang around to help Heather put the chairs away and clean up the beer bottles and you end up in the kitchen eating pizza with the band.

And when there's too much to get rid of
And you get rid of me
Speak plainly to me, Diana
There's nothing you must be

And lastly, I love getting to know new people. There has been an influx of new hires at work and I'm suddenly finding myself with a group of young, single, fun folks who like to get out. So between happy hour that stretched to midnight, a faster-than-i-can-really-go-but-I-can't-look-like-a-pansy Incline trip and an afternoon of movies and playoff games today, it feels a little bit like college around these parts.

Summer, you have my attention.

Blue Eyes

2011-05-08T14:53:00.000-07:00

My pal Dainon was in town this weekend for music all across the front range.

And if I don't have kids by the time I'm 40 I might tap his DNA.

Tour de Springs

2011-05-05T13:49:00.000-07:00

While I understand that adult brains probably romanticize a lot of our childhood memories, I have some pretty terrific fuzzy feelings about the years my family spent in our house on Pheasant Way. It was pretty much everything a kid could want in a house-a swimming pool, good climbing trees, a TIRE SWING, a garden, not one but two wooded areas perfect for fort building, a little stream in the backyard and a big, safe neighborhood we were allowed to run around in as much we wanted. And it was one of those great old neighborhoods with reasonably sized houses that didn't all look the same, shortcuts from one street to another, plenty of places to hide if the boys decided to chase us and a creepy dirt road that we were sure led to a crazy old farmer who hated kids (that rumor was never confirmed nor denied). I remember long, glorious summers playing outside as long as we possibly could and exploring every inch of that area. And of course, the key to summer freedom as a tween is-a bike! We. Loved. Our. Bikes. We liked to wash them, "work" on them (which consisted of turning them upside down and putting a little WD40 on the chain under Dad's supervision), do tricks in the long driveway. But mostly, we loved to ride them wherever the heck we wanted to go. A bike was a ticket to independence, a kind of "be home before dark" luxurious freedom I don't know if kids really get anymore.

And then high school came and it was more about cars than bikes and I have no idea what happened to my old banana seat cruiser that I loved so much.

I bought another bike when I moved to Huntington Beach and got that same feeling I had as a kid everytime we hopped on them to go down to the pier for ice cream or taco tuesday.

So I always knew I liked bikes. I bought a real live road bike when I lived in Boston but winters and traffic and frankly, being too miserable, kind of kept me from really riding much. My bike fanatic friend Matt took me out the weekend before I moved on a gorgeous ride that made me a little sad I hadn't gone more. He was pretty sure I'd find a person or two to ride with in Colorado.

The last year I've been lucky enough to find more than one or two people to ride with but my very favorite riding partner has been my coworker Todd. He was a National Team Freestyle Skier for Canada and then when he retired from competing, he took up cycling. He studied Kinesiology in college, coached for a long time, and is a certified trainer. And for whatever reason, he's decided that I'm a cause worth taking up. He started hassling me to come out on lunch rides with him when he heard I had a bike and after the first one, I was pretty well hooked. We get out at least once a week and now the that the weather is cooperating a little more, we're trying to step that up signifigantly.

After all of these years of running and spending time in the gym and always feeling like I want to be healthy but I'm just not an athlete, it has been SO FUN to find a sport that is more fun than work. Don't get me wrong, this town is nothing but hills and they are hard and everytime Todd yells, "one minute at full sprint, GO," I kind of want to punch him. But then we're flying downhill and there are three or four of outside on a perfect day when most people are eating at their desks and I feel exactly like I did when I was 11.

The bike is totally a ticket to freedom.

We're walking, we're walking

2011-05-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

Pandora must be reading my subconscious today.

I have a hard time getting over people. I think it's because I just really like people in general and I hate it when I lose one.

So this song sort of startled me today. I like the idea of having an, "alright, this is last call, all feeling gotta hit the road," moment.

This is the last song that I write while still in love with you
This is the last song that I write while you're even on my mind
'cause it's time to leave those feelings behind

Did you hear that heart? All clear please.

Stuff

2011-05-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

Well this is romantic.

Also, it's snowing again today so I'm just giving in and listening to depresso music. I had a dream about someone last night and it was one of those where you are glad it wasn't real when you wake up but also kind of sad it wasn't real when you wake up.

I hope the treadmill is excited to deal with that this evening.